❣ 6 ❣

May 2^nd, 2021

            It wasn’t until this time when Mikyung realized she liked Joonmyun. And it was when she thought it was too late.

            Joonmyun had made another friend in his grade, and it was a girl. She was tall, had dyed, red hair, and always wore fake eyelashes. But you could tell that behind the makeup and falsity, she was still beautiful, and Mikyung could feel a strange pang of jealousy in her chest when Joonmyun introduced her.

            Kang Eunsong was her name, and her kindness was so believable that Mikyung couldn’t bring herself to even fake a smile, for pure envy out of the innocence of Eunsong’s nature.

            She was happy, of course, for her best friend to have made another friend, one who was popular nonetheless. The bullying could potentially stop for him, and she almost smiled. Almost.

            But her depression had been taking its toll on her, and though she tried hard for Joonmyun, it was already hard to surface her emotions. It was like they were all locked inside of her body, and she rarely unlock herself for a mere second.

            “Suho, where are you? I’m at the coffee shop right now,” she muttered, her phone held loosely by her ear.

            “Eunsong wanted me to go watch a movie with her. I’m so sorry, I forgot to tell you, Mikyung! Do you wanna come watch? You’ll probably only be a few minutes late.”

            “No, it’s okay. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

            “Wait, wasn’t I going to walk you?”

            She hung up before she answered and slipped the phone into her school bag.

            Yes, she had only realized after Joonmyun seemed entranced by the girl. Her heart and head would hurt from jealousy, and her realization led to another, which was that she had fallen for her best friend. But she wasn’t brave enough. And she promised herself she would never tell him, lest it ruin their friendship.

            And it was on this day, though, that she decided she had been too passive in trying to be rid of her own depression. Joonmyun had been doing all the work when the only person who could help her was herself. She became determined to become someone Joonmyun would be proud to have by his side. Maybe she would never be his girlfriend, but she would try to become someone he could be happy to be friends with.

May 13^th, 2021

            On this day, Eunsong asked Joonmyun to take her on a date rather bluntly and suddenly. He was stunned, having never imagined this. Eunsong was on the more popular side of the cliques, while he had been bullied almost his entire life.

            But when he said yes, he felt something odd in his own heart instead of joy, and wondered whether it was the wrong decision to make. Despite this thought, he shook it off before going to tell Mikyung.

            When Mikyung nearly smiled, his own lips turned up. For the past few years, he’d been trying to bring Mikyung out of her depression. Was it finally working?

            Yet, she left abruptly after he related the news, claiming that she was too tired to go hang out with him after school. He couldn’t even walk her home. Now that he thought of it, he hadn’t even walked her to or from school for quite a few days already. Did he make her upset? Was something wrong?

            And so he decided to cancel his first date, feeling no guilt in the action, no regret.

            Joonmyun tried to take into account everything that happened the past few days, and he noticed that every time he was talking about Eunsong, Mikyung would try to end the conversation quickly, before leaving right after. Was she afraid that he wouldn’t spend time with her anymore? Did she not like Eunsong?

            He dug through his backpack before finding his phone and dialing Mikyung’s number.

            “Suho?”

            “Mikyung, meet me at the coffee shop later?”

            “I… I can’t. I have to go home to do somet—“

            “We haven’t hung out for a few days already. Just today. Come on, Mikyung. We’re best friends. We’re supposed to spend a ton of time together,” he teased, trying to make the mood lighter.

            There was a pause before Mikyung muttered a quick okay and hung up.

            When she got to the coffee shop, Joonmyun was already waiting there with a cup of green tea sitting for her.

            Mikyung waved before pulling herself into the seat opposite him. She set her ever-present guitar case down by her chair. “What was it that you wanted to do?”

            “Just hang out,” he replied simply, smiling. Inside, he was, of course, hurting. He didn’t think that Mikyung would be jealous, or insecure about him making a new friend. He didn’t take into consideration how she would react. But her being… well, Mikyung, she, of course, wouldn’t tell him, fearing that she’d be too troublesome.

            No, he was the insensitive one. Mikyung was just barely recovering from her depression. He needed to be a better best friend. And letting go of Eunsong for a while didn’t bother him. Now, at least, he knew what that bad feeling he had earlier was about.

            “Alright then…”Mikyung shifted uncomfortably in her seat for a little while.

            “Oh, I was writing a song in my math class today,” said Joonmyun, searching his pockets.

            “Math? Tsk. No wonder you didn’t get into that high school,” teased Mikyung, a ghost of a smile pulling the corners of her lips up. “Music class is for composing.”

            In all honesty, Joonmyun truly hadn’t made it into the private high school they had been hoping for. It was probably not his grades, but perhaps his interview with the school. After all, he was never all that social, and it showed in the reports his teachers gave. His lack of confidence in himself showed during the interview, and though he was amazing academically, the lack of personality in the boy was just something bland to the administration.

            So, Mikyung didn’t apply the year after, and they both went to the high school associated with their middle school.

            Joonmyun rolled his eyes at the joke. “Here. Maybe you can make some easy guitar chords out of these.” He pulled a sheet of paper out of his sweater pocket and handed it to Mikyung.

            She unfolded the lined paper, and her eyes met with a series of scrawled out notes. “You should take a handwriting class.”

            Joonmyun laughed.

            Mikyung took her backpack off her shoulders and rummaged through it for a pencil, pulling a pink one out before lightly penciling in some chords. “Did you write lyrics?”

            “Well, it’s just my first song, and I didn’t really have time…”

            “You’re not great at lying. If you can compose this much of a song in math class, you can write the lyrics in science.”

            He sighed and pulled another sheet of paper out of his pocket. Mikyung would eventually become his downfall, he thought. She knew him too well. But he wasn’t sure whether he’d be all that mad about it or not.

            Mikyung quickly flipped open the paper, her eyes scanning over the words. “I swear, if I wasn’t your best friend, I would never be able to read anything you write,” she muttered.

            “Maybe that’s why I write so messily.”

            “So that nobody can read anything?”

            “So that you’re the only one who can read it.”

            Mikyung blushed, subtly hiding her face behind the papers.

            Joonmyun thought nothing of it and simply kept his expression neutral as she continued to review the papers.

            After a few minutes, she looked up and nodded. “Let’s try this out.”

            “But not down here,” said Joonmyun suddenly.

            “Why?”

            “Because…” His eyes flickered over to the customers of the coffee shop, eyeing them warily.

            “Alright. Let’s go upstairs.”

            Joonmyun nodded in agreement, shuffling the papers together before quickly heading up the stairs, leaving Mikyung to trail behind him.

            Both headed to his room, as Joonmyun was even nervous when Mikyung mentioned his parents being the audience to his first song. He rejected the idea immediately.

            “Do you want to start from the beginning?” Mikyung asked as she sat herself down, cross-legged on the carpet, with Joonmyun hovering over her to see the papers settled in front of her.

            “Sure.”

            Mikyung warmed up her fingers a bit before gradually beginning the simplified chords uneasily at first. The rhythm was kind of off, and occasionally, she would hit the wrong note, but it was as if Joonmyun was deaf to them, for he immediately knew when to jump in with the lyrics.

            “Being born in the same country

            Talking in the same language

            We’re so lucky, it’s such a relief

            Nothing is for certain in this world

            On a day that I wore nice clothes

            I met you, I was lucky

            It’s because I did good in the past

            I can call your name and I can hold your hand

            Is the falling sunlight only shining on me?

            Can I be this happy?

            You call my name and you lean on my shoulder

            Is the sky’s sunlight only shining on you?

            Can you be that dazzling?

            So lucky…”

            Joonmyun stopped, and Mikyung slowly stopped strumming the strings of her guitar.

            “I wasn’t really sure where to go next… That’s all I have for the lyrics,” said Joonmyun scratching his head sheepishly.

            Mikyung glanced back at the sheets. “It’s great. The lyrics… they’re beautiful.”

            “You inspired me to write this, you know.”

            Her eyes widened in surprise. “R-Really?”

            He nodded. “I wanted to write a song about us… And that I’m grateful you’re my friend. I’ve been working on it for a couple weeks or so, but even if it’s not finished, I wanted to show it to you.”

            “It’s amazing, Suho,” she said. “What’re you gonna call it?”

            “I was thinking… Lucky, maybe,” Joonmyun replied.

            Mikyung nodded, and the corners of her lips twitched up. “It suits the song perfectly.”

            “And… I was really lucky to have made a friend like you, Mikyung,” he said, almost whispering.

            Mikyung shook her head. “It’s the other way around… I’ve only been a burden for you, but you keep sticking around.” She kept brushing her fingers over the strings of the guitar, avoiding his eye contact, head hung down. “I’m really glad that I met you, Suho. You’re really… the guardian angel I’m lucky to have by my side.”

            He could see a teardrop fall onto her guitar and he sighed, smiling as he patted her head. “You cry so much, Mikyung.”

            “Shut up.”

            Joonmyun chuckled. “Don’t feel like you’re a burden to me, because you’re not. Without you, I’d be so much worse. I wouldn’t be who I am. Remember the birthday cake you had with the angel on it?”

            Mikyung nodded, one of her hands coming up to furiously rub away her tears.

            “That angel wasn’t supposed to be me. It was supposed to be you,” he said quietly, waiting for her tears to subside. “I wanted to tell you that you were my guardian angel. I didn’t think I’d end up being ‘Suho’ after you left that day.”

            He watched her walls break down, and despite her tears flowing slowly, he saw a sense of happiness he hadn’t seen in her for ages. Perhaps, just for that day, he felt that he had finally fulfilled his role as her guardian. He lived up to his nickname for once.

            And they were both reminded of how lucky and grateful they were to have each other.