❣ 12 ❣

July 23^rd, 2027

            Joonmyun sighed as he walked towards her house, a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He had left her alone, as she seemingly wanted, for several years already, each day waking up to the utter confusion of why she stopped… being his best friend.

            He could never figure out what he did wrong, could never find out why. And at first, he was depressed, then furious, then emotionless. And now, he was just tired. For the past few years, of course, he had made new friends; he even had a girlfriend for a couple months. But none of them could compare to Mikyung.

            Every time Joonmyun spent time with his other friends, he always felt as if something was missing, that a part of him was empty. It was the hole that Mikyung had left, tearing into him.

            Now, even as he thought of her briefly, a tear would fall from his eyes. A few months after she first started ignoring him, he fell into a depression he never knew could exist within him. And he didn’t think he could come out of it. His parents desperately tried to convince him that it was just a stage that Mikyung was going through, but no matter how much he tried to lie to himself, he couldn’t help but miss Mikyung more than he thought was possible. Yet, eventually, over time, the depression lifted off his shoulders, only to leave behind the unsettling confusion.

            Joonmyun stood in front of her house now, flowers in his right hand, and heart unconfident. He was almost one hundred percent sure that she wouldn’t accept him with open arms. And that just tore the hole in his heart even wider.

            He reached forward, ringing the doorbell before waiting. And waiting. He looked up at her bedroom window, wondering if she would be home.

            And in an instant, he slapped his own forehead. He should have remembered: every year, Mikyung would go on a vacation with her father someone, traveling to far and interesting places.

            Just as he turned around, the door opened, allowing Mr. Jung to step out. The smile that had been on his face slowly turned to a sympathetic frown.

            “Joonmyun…”

            “Hello, Mr. Jung,” he said, bowing respectfully.

            “I’m afraid I can’t give you the news you want,” Mr. Jung said quietly, putting a hand on Joonmyun’s shoulder. “Mikyung…”

            “No, it’s fine,” Joonmyun side, struggling to smile. “But… will you please give her these flowers for me? You don’t even need to tell her it was from me… Please, Mr. Jung.”

            He glanced at the pale roses and nodded. “Alright, Joonmyun. I’m really sorry I can’t do more for you. Thank you for coming after so long, though.” Mr. Jung walked forward to hug Joonmyun quickly. “I can’t tell you why she doesn’t want to see you, but all I can tell you, Joonmyun… is to let her go and move on.”

            “Why?” he asked, pulling away. “Why is it that she doesn’t want to see me, or talk to me? Did I do something? Did I hurt her?” All of the anger from before started to bubble up, clouding over his mind.

            “No! No, Joonmyun, you have to know that none of this is your fault,” said Mr. Jung quickly. “She wasn’t hurt because of you, and you did nothing… Mikyung made this decision based on her own judgment of the situation.”

            “And what situation was that?”

            “It’s a long story, Joonmyun. And I can’t stay out for long. Mikyung is waiting for me in the living room.”

            “Then tell me some other time. Mr. Jung, I can’t move on, at least not without knowing why she chose to do this. She was my best friend for over ten years!”

            Mr. Jung’s eyebrows furrowed and a quiet sigh left his mouth. “Alright. I’ll tell you some other time.”

            “Thank you.” Joonmyun’s fists, which had unknowingly clenched, relaxed.

            Mr. Jung patted him on the shoulder once more before they said their goodbyes, and Joonmyun left with an even more confused mind, and a heavy heart.

            When Mikyung’s father walked back in and towards her, she looked up with an empty expression.

            “Who was it?”

            “Just someone to deliver these for you,” he said, handing the pale, pink roses to her.

            She took them gently from his hands and looked at the flowers. “Joonmyun brought them, didn’t he?”

            Mr. Jung was stunned, eyes widening. “N-No… What would make you think that?”

            “Dad,” she started, looking up. “Only Joonmyun knows what my favorite flowers are.” Mikyung looked back down at the flowers and pulled out the small envelope tucked inside, looking at the small, store crest on the front of it. “And this is the closest flower shop to his house.”

            “Mikyung…”

            “Will you throw this away for me, dad?” she muttered, handing him the card.

            “Maybe… maybe you should read it.”

            “I can’t... please.” She looked away from him and stared at the flowers, strangely cheerful in the sullen atmosphere.

            Mr. Jung nodded, walking to the kitchen. But just as his hand was over the trashcan, he quickly pulled back.

            It was too heavy to just be a card, too heavy to just carry a piece of stiff paper.

            Flipping the envelope open, Mr. Jung pulled out five sheets of folded paper. Unfolding only one of them, he smiled. They were lyrics and notes for a song, perhaps something Joonmyun had written for Mikyung. And Mr. Jung assumed all five were the rest of the songs that Joonmyun might’ve written before sighing.

            Tucking them into his pocket, Mr. Jung walked back into the living room to find the roses in a vase of water and Mikyung gone, perhaps having gone up to her room.

            His lips seemed to freeze themselves into a frown. What he had originally imagined would grow into a relationship that would brighten up the two of their lives ended up turning them both into depressed, young adults.

            He pulled out the sheets of paper in his pocket, wondering when to give them to his daughter. But he pocketed them again, knowing there was a good chance that Mikyung would tear them all up.

            Walking up the stairs, he quickly knocked on her door. “Mikyung, can I come in?”

            The door quickly swung open, and Mikyung walked back towards her windowsill before her dad could even blink, peaking out between the closed curtains.

            “He just left,” she whispered, pulling her knees up to her chest.

            “Did you see him?”

            Mikyung nodded. “He walked around a bit before turning away.” She paused, eyes distant. “He looks different…”

            “How?” He sat down on her bed, watching for any tears to fall, or anger to ripple across her expression.

            “His hair is longer. He looks taller… He looks older,” she muttered.

            “It’s been a few years since you last saw him.”

            “I know.” Her fingers curled around the hem of her skirt. “Why can’t I forget him?”

            He didn’t know how to answer.

            “And why hasn’t he forgotten me?”

            He wasn’t going to answer.

            “Why… isn’t he going to continue on with his life?”

            If he answered, he would be meddling with the fate of the two. But he couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling he had that things would not go well.

            “Mikyung, let’s go out to lunch for your birthday. It’s been a while since we properly celebrated anything.”

            She shook her head. “I’m tired… and I have to do some summer work my professor asked me to do.” Standing up, Mikyung walked over to her desk, immediately pulling out files and books.

            Mr. Jung sighed before nodding and walking out. There was really nothing he could do to help the two of them fix their relationship.

August 4^th, 2027

            The sun was shining down, warming, and overheating everyone.

            Joonmyun sat in his car, the air conditioning turned up, cell phone nearly glued to his ear.

            “Wait… W-What?”

            “Mikyung… she never wanted to truly leave you or stop being your friend. She thought it would be the best for you if you were able to detach from your past, to forget about the bullying you two underwent, and to forget… that she was your friend. And Mikyung put a lot of thought into her actions before actually going through with them. She didn’t want to ruin your future, as she put it, and thought you would be better off without her.”

            He clenched his jaws and fists, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. “Why?”

            “It was all she could think of to prevent you from falling into depression. She was depressed at the time, Joonmyun. I believe she still is. Despite trying to forget about you, she still cares for you.  And thinking she can’t be your friend without jeopardizing a future she imagined as free from depression and bullying for you… Well, that only brings her further down. Joonmyun, I don’t know how you can save her, how you can help her… but I think… it would be better if you two were friends again.”

            “What are you trying to say, Mr. Jung? That I should force her to be my best friend again?”

            “No… No, I don’t believe that would help her. But maybe talk to her. I can hopefully convince her somehow to speak to you… Are you willing to have a conversation with her?”

            Joonmyun sighed, opening his eyes. “Alright.”

❣ ❣ ❣

            Mikyung sat next to her dad watching TV. Her legs were crossed as she leaned back, enjoying the lazy day. Her hair was pulled back in a lazy, low ponytail, while she was clad in sweats and a T-shirt, face make-up free.

            The doorbell suddenly rang, and Mr. Jung quickly got up to answer, leaving Mikyung to sit, staring out the window of their living room with the TV sounds as background noise.

            “Mikyung.”

            Her head snapped towards the entrance of the living room, and her eyes widened in surprise.

            Joonmyun walked in slowly, hands shoved into his pockets. He bit his lower lip as she just stared.

            “I’ll be in my study if you two need anything,” said Mr. Jung, heading off.

            “It’s been a while, hasn’t it,” started Joonmyun, walking closer to her.

            She took a few steps back slowly, as if she were in a dream and didn’t know what was going on.

            “Mikyung…”

            “No,” she croaked, tears already threatening to spill. “Stop. Please.”

            “Can we just talk, Mikyung?”

            She continued to walk backwards until her back hit the wall, and Joonmyun stood about two feet away from her.

            “What are you doing here?” Mikyung asked, a few tears slipping from her eyes. Her heart soared, content with being so close to him again. Yet they were so far from each other, and the high of her heart met with a decrescendo into ache.

            “To talk to you,” he muttered, standing still.

            “Why?”

            “Because… Because I want to know what happened a few years ago.”

            “There’s nothing to explain.”

            “Mikyung, please, we were—“

            “Stop!” She turned away from him, trying to stop her tears. “It doesn’t matter what we were!”

            “How could you say that?”

            “Because it doesn’t matter anymore! I have nothing to say to you!”

            Joonmyun bit his lip again. “Why did you close yourself off? We were best friends, Mikyung.”

            “Just… please leave.”

            “I can’t, Mikyung.”

            “Leave, Joonmyun!”

            He reached forward and pressed his hand to her shoulder, pulling her to face him. “Mikyung, don’t I at least deserve an explanation? You just left me without saying a word! How did you think that made me feel?!” His voice had risen without him knowing.

            “I thought it would be better for you!” She shoved his hand away, allowing her tears to free-fall.

            “Why couldn’t you talk to me about it first?!”

            “Because then you wouldn’t have agreed and you’d still be stuck with me in this misery! You wouldn’t be happy! You would pretend to be. But you would be just as depressed as I am.” Mikyung’s hands quickly covered her eyes, trying to stop the steady flow of tears.

            “I’m more depressed now than I was before, Mikyung,” he said, calming down. Pulling her hands from her face, he gently wiped away her tears, though they wouldn’t stop.

            “But you’ll get over it, Joonmyun. You’ll get over all of this and continue on with the rest of your life,” she muttered, stepping away. “Please, Joonmyun… you shouldn’t have come today. Please just leave.”

            Joonmyun sighed, releasing her hands. “Do you really want this? Do you never want to see me again?”

            Mikyung only nodded, knowing that if she dared open , she would say no.

            Joonmyun turned around and walked straight out the door. He didn’t turn back once, even as a single tear fell from his left eye. But just as he was about to close the door behind him, he muttered something that shattered Mikyung. And even if those words convinced her to reach forward and hug him and love him openly, she knew she couldn’t. Because she had just expressed what she wanted, and that was for him to disappear from her life.

            “I’m far worse without you, Mikyung. I’ll never truly achieve the happiness you want for me.”