❣ 5 ❣

November 12^th, 2021

            “Suho! Guess what?”

            The sixteen-year-old turned around, only to be slammed into by a petite fifteen-year-old and a giant case she was holding, nearly tumbling down. Considering he had grown much taller and was about six inches taller than her, it was surprising to see him stumble.

            “Mikyung!” He quickly steadied himself and the cup of coffee he was holding and about to serve to a customer. “I’m working right now. My shift will be over in a few minutes though.”

            She nodded before proceeding to the kitchen, where she greeted the chefs who’d she known now for five years.

            “What’s that you’ve got there?” asked Daeho, setting down a cake pan.

            Mikyung pulled the case onto her lap and quickly opened it, revealing a guitar. “My mom finally agreed to letting me learn how to play.”

            Daeho nodded and smiled. “I’m sure you’ll love the guitar. And Joonmyun’s been interested in music too, lately. Though, I think you already know.”

            She smiled back and nodded.

            “What does she already know?” asked Joonmyun, taking off his apron as he walked in. He rolled up the sleeves of his white button down shirt and sat down on a stool. “You have a guitar?”

            Mikyung nodded. “My mom got me one as an early Christmas present!”

            Joonmyun smiled and pat her head. “If you can play it, maybe you can write a song for her Christmas present.”

            “Maybe.”

            “Alright, you two. Go on out for your break, Joonmyun. But don’t be late again!” said Heeyoung, waving at them from drawing a design in a cappuccino.

            “Come on, let’s go to the back of the café. It’s closed right now,” said Joonmyun, pulling Mikyung with him.

            “I would’ve thought that today the shop would be filled. It’s so cold outside,” said Mikyung, quickly grabbing her guitar as she was led out.

            Joonmyun shrugged before pointing to their usual table. “I’ll grab something for you to drink.” He disappeared back into the kitchen before coming back out with a cup of hot green tea for her. “I still don’t understand why you like this so much.”

            “It tastes good.”

            “It tastes bitter.” Joonmyun sat down on the opposite side of the table, facing her. He had his own cup of hot coffee. “Have you learned how to play anything?”

            “If I did, I would’ve come to get you as soon as I did. I just got this an hour ago,” said Mikyung, opening the case and showing off the smooth surface of the guitar.

            Joonmyun gave her a small smile.

            But Mikyung frowned as soon as she saw the bluish spots on his arms. “What happened? You didn’t have those yesterday…”

            “They followed me home after I dropped you off back home,” he muttered.

            “Why’ve they gone to stalking you?”

            “One of them thought I was flirting with his girlfriend.”

            “Were you?”

            “We were partners for a science lab.”

            “He has a brain the size of an ant.”

            Joonmyun sighed at her insult, ruffling her hair. “It doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done.” He reached forward and gently pulled her arm towards him, lifting her sleeve up to her elbow. Light scars could be seen striping her pale skin. “You haven’t, have you?”

            Mikyung shook her head and pulled on a pained smile. “Two months. I’m good, aren’t I, Suho?”

            He nodded and smiled back at her. Ever since he found out about her cutting, he tried to get her to stop. As a good friend, he should’ve told her parents. But he was selfish, and couldn’t bring himself to seemingly betray his best friend.

            Three years after he found out, and here they are trying to get her over the urge to strike again and again at her skin.

            Mikyung sighed quietly and looked out the window at the light snow covering the city. She tried to seem happy around Joonmyun. She really did. But sometimes, it seemed that she couldn’t, and her smile would slip and crash. She came running to the coffee shop, happy to show Joonmyun her guitar. But every time their eyes met, she could see the worry in her eyes, and even though she knew it wasn’t his fault, she was reminded of her cutting.

            Joonmyun was rubbing slow circles on the back of her hand, eyes traveling down her arm, to their hands, and up his own arm. Both of them were bruised and scarred, physically and emotionally. And rarely did he ever see a genuine smile on Mikyung’s face, though he strived to make her feel happy and safe. Sometimes (almost always), it never went the way he wanted it to, and he would end up beaten down whenever Mikyung was buried under words as sharp as swords.

            No, he didn’t regard himself as Mikyung’s guardian angel. He was far from it. But she insisted that he was, and that should he stop, she wouldn’t survive, literally.

            Daeho walked out of the kitchen and turned the corner before walking back into the kitchen after seeing Joonmyun and Mikyung. He could take off his powdered apron and switch it for a waiter’s apron for an hour or so. Joonmyun’s smile was rare nowadays, but Daeho knew that Mikyung could easily conjure one up on Joonmyun’s lips. Much easier than he or Heeyoung could, anyway.

            “Are you sure you want to have calluses on your fingers?” asked Joonmyun, pulling up her thin fingers, placing his palm against hers. His fingers were quite a bit longer, though she had long fingers for the size of her hand.

            “I don’t mind. I love music far more than I treasure the smooth skin on the tips of my fingers,” she replied, her smile easing out of tight lips.

            “Maybe you should pick up singing instead.”

            “My singing could never compare to yours. I gave up that competition a long time ago.”

            “Wear gloves while you practice?”

            “You seem to care more about my hands than I do.”

            “Maybe I do.”

            Mikyung laughed quietly. “I don’t doubt that at this point.”

December 24^th, 2021

            “Merry Christmas Eve,” said Joonmyun, politely bowing.

            “Welcome! Please come in, it’s freezing outside!” said Mrs. Jung, quickly ushering the Kims inside.

            “Thank you for inviting us over,” said Mr. Kim. “And Joonmyun should thank you even more. He was scrambling to buy Mikyung a present yesterday because he forgot. Your invitation reminded him.” He laughed and was soon joined by the other parents as Joonmyun blushed in embarrassment.

            “Oh, Mikyung’s in the kitchen with my husband finishing up the preparations. I could never cook for my life so my own family kicked me out of the kitchen.”

            Joonmyun set down a gift under the Christmas tree in the living room before walking into the kitchen.

            “Mikyung, could you get some of the big dishes?” asked Mr. Jung, preparing something in a pan over the stove.

            Joonmyun nearly laughed when he saw Mikyung reach up on her toes to grab a few plates from a shelf. She barely managed to catch the plates, just before they fell from her grasp. “You could’ve asked for help.”

            Mikyung spun around and smiled, setting down the plates and running towards Joonmyun before hugging him around the waist. “Merry Christmas!”

            “Christmas Eve,” reminded Joonmyun.

            Mikyung pulled away and rolled her eyes. “Always all about the details.”

            Joonmyun smiled before greeting Mr. Jung.

            “Nice to see you, Joonmyun! Why don’t you and Mikyung go to the living room or backyard to hang out for a bit? Dinner’s almost ready.”

            Mikyung nodded before taking off her apron and walking out of the kitchen with Joonmyun. He watched her sleeves slide up her arms carelessly and quickly reached to pull them down.

            “You should wear tighter sleeves so they don’t slip.”

            Her eyes flickered down to her arm before nodding.

            “Maybe you should tell your parents about it,” he whispered, following her to the couch in the living room.

            “No.” Mikyung’s answer was abrupt, and fear was laced into her tone.

            “You can’t hide forever.”

            “Not today, Suho.”

            The topic dropped icily, as Mikyung stared down at the ground as if it were the most interesting book in the world, and Joonmyun watched her, eyes filled with worry and regret for not being able to protect her better.

December 25^th, 2021

            “Not going to spend time with your parents?” asked Joonmyun as he opened the door to the coffee shop, letting a freezing Mikyung in.

            “They told me to come hang out with you. They probably thought I would be bored with them,” she muttered, pulling her scarf and coat off and setting them down on a table along with her guitar. “I learned a new song.”

            “Wanna play it for me? We can go upstairs. The heater isn’t on in here,” said Joonmyun, already helping her gather her things.

            Mikyung nodded before following.

            Their conversation from yesterday still hung heavily in her mind, but still, she was reluctant to tell her parents anything. She hoped today would be a day to forget all of her troubles for at least a few hours.

            “Mom, Mikyung’s here,” said Joonmyun as they walked up and into the kitchen.

            “Merry Christmas, Mikyung!” said Mrs. Kim, smiling warmly as she mixed batter in a bowl.

            “Merry Christmas.” Mikyung bowed politely and followed Joonmyun into the living room.

            He watched Mikyung carefully pull out the small guitar and pull it against her torso, letting it sit on her lap.

            Her fingers gently glided over the strings to find their place before settling.

            “How are your fingers?”

            “They don’t hurt as much anymore when I play,” Mikyung said quietly as she began to strum.

            It was a simple tune, easy enough for her to play after a month of learning. But it filled the living room, vibrating off the strings, and gently caressing the two of them in a feather-light hold.

            And when Mikyung finished playing, it was like they had just fallen out of a slow, sweet dream, and drifted back down to earth, entering back into reality.

            “You know,” started Mikyung as she leaned back against the sofa, fingers lazily brushing over the strings, “I grown to like the cold so much, Suho.”

            “Why is that?” he asked, sitting back as well and brushing her hair away from her eyes.

            “Because if you stand in it long enough, you start to feel numb.”

            “I don’t want you to feel numb,” he replied.

            “Why?”

            “Because I feel like I’ll lose you completely. And I’m trying to bring you back.”

            “Back from what?”

            “All of the emptiness you’ve fallen into.”

            Mikyung closed her eyes and tried to keep her tears back. “But it hurts a lot, Suho.”

            He didn’t have to ask what hurt. All he did was pull Mikyung into his arms as she quietly cried. Like every Christmas, every holiday, every day, they couldn’t let go of the pain they’d gone through. They could only try to comfort each other, try to keep hope within their broken souls.