[Myungsoo POV]

It’s been three weeks. Three weeks since she’s gone. I stare at room 21 that now empty. I miss her. I miss her long and wavy red hair, her mischievous behavior, her little fingers that dancing on the piano keys and also her foolish wide smile. I miss those things. I’m wondering, she must be so happy right now. She must be busy with college application. Maybe she’s confused about what major that she should choose. I know she wants to go to movie school, but she’s good at everything. I’m sure she will be doing well in any major. She’s a genius after all.

These three weeks is hard for me. I’m trying to hold on but I got scared. I scared for no reason. So far, she’s still keeps her promises. She sends me letters every week. She calls me every Monday and she sent me gifts. Like last week, she sends me a koala dolls and Stephen Chbosky book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I like the book but I don’t get it …why she sends me the koala? Later she writes it in the letter that I look like koala. Do I? Seriously? Is there any koala as good-looking as me?

I know I should do well, since she’s been keeping her promises. But I don’t know…. It’s not easy for me. Lately, I got the nightmare again.. I remember the nightmare is about I’m drowning. I feel like I’m underwater and it’s so hard to breathe. I woke up with a massive pain in my head. It’s so scary. I become too scared to sleep, so I end up stay awake all night. I’m lack of sleep and today…I’m so tired.

“Go get some rest and relax your self.” That’s what Dr.Lee said at the end of my session today. I just nodded before finally leaving the classroom. I sigh as I walk through the corridor. I don’t wanna sleep. I don’t wanna get nightmare. The weather is no help. It’s been raining and full of lightning since morning. It’s cold. I got shocked by the thunder sound. It was so loud as if it’s near here. Then I hear some crowded voice outside. I run to the window to see what’s happening.

People mumbling some words. ‘It by the thunder’ they said. I wonder what they mean. Then after as I saw what happen, I freeze. The cherry blossom tree is fall to the ground. It down by the storm. The strong branch is broken. I'm shocked. I can believe what I see. That cherry blossom tree is gone. It is my favorite place. It was where Hara and I used to talk. That’s the place where I always feel calm. And now it’s gone. Why do all good things has to be gone?

[No One POV]

It was 4 AM. Myungsoo wakes up from his sleep with tearful eyes. He got that same nightmare again. He’s heavily breathing as he gets up from bed to turn on the lights. As the lights turns on, he sits in his bed, gripping his chest. It’s painful. He’s trying to calm himself down. ‘Kim Myungsoo, get hold of yourself. You can’t have a panic attack now.’ He manages to breathe properly. But suddenly the thing that scares him appears again. The voice that creep out on his head. It’s crawling out making his head feels like it’s going to explode. Myungsoo runs out of the room to the corridor. He looks for somebody that can help him. But it’s 4 in the morning, and he can’t find anyone. He’s alone. Why does he has to be alone? Last time he got this nightmare Hara was there. She found him, she helped him, give him a glass of water and being there for him until he calmed down. But Hara is not here right now.

“Myungsoo-ya…” that voice echoes again as Myungsoo reach the end of the corridor.

“No, please…go away…please stop it!” He’s muttering as he trying hard to breathe. But it keeps coming…and Myungsoo doesn’t know what to do. He arrives at the kitchen to take some water, but his eyes got fixed at a fork that left on the table. Looks like the guard forget to place it in the locked wardrobe. Myungsoo take the fork with his trembling hand. Tears keep falling from his eyes.

“Do it…” He hears a whisper, and then he places the sharp part of the fork to his wrist. He closes his eyes and about to give up before suddenly he remembers the sunrise, rooftop and Hara’s face. The happiest moment in his life. The fork’s falling from his hand as Myungsoo fall on the floor. He’s crying as he trying hard to picture all those good memories. It was hard, but he has to hold on. He promised it.

But he doesn’t know how long he can hold it on.  It happens again the next day. It was a rainy afternoon when he hears the same voice that drawn him to the dark. Myungsoo run off the room towards the park. To his favorite spot where he always feel calm. Under the cherry blossom tree. But, wait? It’s gone. The tree is gone. It just leaves a burn mark in the ground. Myungsoo feels helpless. He doesn’t know what to do. As his head becomes so heavy and he can take it anymore. He still manages to drag himself to the administration office. There’s a phone in there. Maybe he can talk to Hara. He’s lucky because the nurse was out for lunch so he can sneak out and use the phone without permission. He dials the number that Hara left in her last letter. He wants to talk to her so bad. She’s the only one who understands his pain. But his call connected to the mailbox.

“It’s the freaky Shin Hara, I’m not be able to pick up your call right now. So, leave a message.”

“Hara-ya? Where are you?! Why don’t you pick up my call?” Myungsoo scream. He’s sobbing as his trembling hands gripping his chest.

“I’m scared. It’s happening again. Hara-ya, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t hold it on. It’s getting to hard to handle for me. That voice, its come again. Hara-ya, this is my fault, right? Because I’m the one who kills Hyunsoo. And that cherry blossom tree…it’s gone. Now, I have no place to belong. I’m alone. And you’re not here. You’re not even picking up your phone! Why? Why this is happening to me?” Myungsoo cry so hard as he hang up the phone. He crumbled up to the floor and hugging his knees while hiding his face. While heavily breathing he try to stands up. There’s something that caught his eyes. Those bottles of medicine in the wardrobe. Suddenly Myungsoo stop crying. He walks to the wardrobe and take a bottle of Dextromethorphan. He’s walking out of the room before the nurse back. The bottle is in his pocket.

Myungsoo going upstairs. Beside the hall there’s a big bathroom. It has a big bathtub. Not many people usually use this bathroom, because all the dorm and office is in downstairs. Myungsoo sit in the bathtub as the water start flowing and flooding. Now his clothes are wet. Myungsoo open the bottle and swallow the whole pills. He feels numb right now. The water start to become higher and Myungsoo close his eyes as he lay down under the water, letting himself drowning. There’s a cold and sleepy sensation creep out in Myungsoo’s whole body. He remembers this feeling. The feeling when the car that he droves run out of the bridge and he falls to the river. He was drowned that night. He was screaming Hyunsoo’s name, but he’s nowhere to be found. Hyunsoo left. Everyone left. It is scary. Feeling of being underwater. As a dizzy effect begins to happen, Myungsoo whispering, “I’m sorry, Hara-ya…”

PS: 3 or 4 chapters left! Anyway...thank you for the view and comments!