5:34 am

The moment L.Joe’s eyes snapped open, he quickly sat up and violently shakes the younger boy beside him to wake him up.

“Ya, Ricky-goon. Get up, quick!” He ushers for the younger to move before jumping out of their bed. He quickly made his way to wash up and does his morning routine. The excited smile never left L.Joe’s lips as he thinks about the preparation he’ll be doing for the day.

It’s Niel’s birthday today and he would make it special for the boy. He wants it to be memorable. He wanted to make sure Niel will enjoy and have fun since birthdays only come once in a year. And besides, Niel isn’t just an ordinary friend… He’s someone much special that’s why he wanted things to be perfect for him.

L.Joe smiled at his own reflection in the mirror before getting out from the bathroom looking fresh than ever. He draped his towel on his damp hair to dry it up.

He frowns at the sight of Ricky still passed out on their bed. Really. That boy sometimes is so hard to wake up. Harder than their leader if to compare.

“Lazy bum.” L.Joe murmured then moved towards Ricky’s side. What should he do for the younger to get up? L.Joe slightly tilted his head to think. He reached down to pull Ricky’s strong legs and off the bed. “Yah wake up!” Ricky landed in a soft ‘thud’ but still remained unconscious. He just went to lie on his side and hugs his plushie closer to him, not even waking up after being hauled off from the bed and falling onto the ground.

L.Joe furiously ruffles his hair and breathes out, hands on either side of his hips. What the hell? Fine then. If Ricky doesn’t want to get up yet, he’ll do the preparations with Chunji or CAP first.

L.Joe went to Chunji and CAP’s room and saw CAP still sleeping on their bed. It didn’t surprised him for they all know how CAP loves sleeping the most in this world. L.Joe thought it wouldn’t be best if he force CAP to prepare Niel’s birthday with him. He scratched CAP’s name in his mind, leaving only Chunji to help him prepare the things they’ll need for the day since he knows he can’t ask help from Changjo for he has a problem of his own. He wouldn’t want to trouble the maknae even more.

He looked around the room but Chunji is out of sight. He slightly panicked. Where could he be?? He needed him now.

“Where is he?” He quickly fetched for his phone when he received a message.

‘Hey, L.pabo! Awake yet? You should be, cause I’ve been what— doing the preparations for half an hour now by myself. So get ready! This is your idea so chop chop!’ – Chan Hee

Wow. He got up so early. He was about to put his phone back in his pockets when Chunji sent him another message.

‘Oh, and I went to the ahjummas we know to make a cake and buy icecream for our Daniellie~ your groceries are already in the kitchen. Time to cook Niel’s birthday foods and stuff for later! I’ll be back quick. Chow~’ – Chan Hee

A contented smile appeared on L.Joe’s thin lips. He feels more relax now knowing Chunji is preparing for Niel’s birthday too. He pushed his phone back in his pockets and exited CAP’s room, closing the door gently behind him.

L.Joe silently made his way next towards Niel and Changjo’s room to take  a peek at the birthday boy. He wanted to make sure he’s still fast asleep before doing the preparations. He doesn’t want Niel to know any of these since he wants to surprise the boy having his birthday today.

He silently pushed the door open and saw two figures on the bed, tangled in each other’s arms and legs. Changjo has his arms securely wrapped around his hyung in a tight embrace, like he wouldn’t let anyone take Niel away from him. While Niel on the other hand, has his head resting on Changjo’s chest comfortably, arms folded around the younger’s lean stomach.

Are they always like this?

It was kind of funny for L.Joe, how painful it feels at the lovely sight in front of him. They look beautiful together yet L.Joe feels the opposite way.

He felt his heart drop at the sight. Why. Why does it hurt so much? Specially knowing that he couldn’t do anything but watch. He doesn’t have the rights in the first place. The rights to feel the pain he’s having now just watching them. Niel doesn’t belong to him. Yet he knows Niel doesn’t belong to anyone. But why. The thought of Changjo being with Niel hurts his heart.

Should he do something to stop those two, if possible, that they fall for each other because of his stupid idea of the pretend?

He unconsciously placed his right hand on his chest to feel his heart beating wildly against his chest. The sight is too painful to watch. L.Joe lowered his eyes on the ground. He suddenly felt down. He then remembered what CAP had gambled with them back at the gym. Looking at them now, the possibility of them getting together is rising.

He tightly clutched on the door knob as he desperately tries to push the thoughts about them ending up together. He has things to do first rather than be down and such. So what if Changjo has already fallen for Niel? But what about Niel?

“I thought we’re going to prepare things today…” L.Joe spun around when he heard someone speak behind him in a lazy tone. Ricky yawns as he scratches his sleepy eyes.

“Why are we standing here?” Ricky asked again, eyes barely open. L.Joe let out a sigh before closing the door behind him, not even daring to look back at the couple on the bed.

“Let’s prepare the things we’ll be needing later for Niel’s party after school.” L.Joe says, eyes still glued to the ground. “And… make sure Niel doesn’t know anything about this.” And with that said, L.Joe made his way past Ricky.

Ricky pouts as he slowly blinks his eyes, desperately trying to fight his sleepiness away.

“He sounds so gloomy.” Ricky yawns but shrugs the thought away.

--

The time they spent in school seemed to pass by so quickly as the two member of the gang were heading back home now.

“Where’s L.Joe hyung and the others? They suddenly disappeared after gym class…” Niel asked the younger beside him, clueless as ever. Ricky shrugged and kept his mouth shut. He fidgeted and fumbles on his fingers as he walk side by side with Niel.

“Well… Iknownothing.”

“What?” Niel gawked at Ricky’s reply, pocketing both his hands in his pockets.

“They’re preparing for your bir— no. I forgot… I KNOW NOTHING SO DON’T ASK MEH.”

“YAH. RICKY. YOU’RE HIDING SOMETHING.”

“AH! STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS AND LET’S JUST SILENTLY WALK HOME.”

“… silently?” Niel narrowed his eyes at Ricky and stopped walking. “WHO ARE YOU. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY RICKY??” To Niel, there’s never a time Ricky would choose to be silent and quiet, so what’s the occasion for him to be that way? The Ricky he is with now is surely not the Ricky he knows.

Ricky stopped walking too and made a small tantrum, mad at the fact that Niel wouldn’t drop their conversation down.

“JUST DON’T ASK ME QUESTIONS ANYMORE, PLEASE?”

But even to how many times Ricky tries his best not to spill anything, Niel didn’t give up on sending him unlimited questions he has in his head.

“Seriously, what’s going on???” For the hundredth time that day, Niel asked again. Ricky plugged a finger on each of his ears in hopes for him to not hear the older beside him so he wouldn’t accidentally tell or spill L.Joe’s surprise birthday party for him, because that, he knows, if he spill anything, he’ll be a dead meat.

When they reach the door of their dorm, Ricky became uneasy.

“Are they done yet??” He thought as he bit his fingers in concern. He still didn’t receive any cue from his hyungs if he should already let Niel in for the surprise party they’ve arranged for the boy.

“Oi. Are you coming in or not?” Niel made a move to hold the knob, but Ricky rushed on his side and took both Niel’s hand, preventing him from opening the door to reveal whatever it is inside.

“No! Not yet!” Ricky exclaims with wide eyes. Niel raised one eyebrow at Ricky. Something really is going on. He turned his body to fully face the younger boy beside him.

“Tell me. What’s happening?” Niel demanded, serious now. Something’s off and he wants to know why Ricky’s acting this way. He can’t help but get worried.

 “Now that we’re home, should we announced that we’re here first??” Ricky laughs awkwardly, scratching the back of his ear.

“Heo. Why??”

“Ehh, just yell— WE’RE HOME!!!!”

Chunji and L.Joe snapped their head towards the entrance door when they heard Ricky yelling outside. Chunji quickly faced L.Joe and gave him a look.

“. They’re here.” Chunji hurriedly took the cake and hid behind the kitchen door while L.Joe on the other hand, straightened up and made a quick scan around their small dorm to check if everything is ready.

“Yo, Byung. Confetti’s all ready.” CAP told L.Joe as he holds the tube of confetti on his hand, gently waving it in the air. L.Joe nodded at him and points at the door.

“They’re here. Just stick to the plan and don’t reveal anything until I give my cue.”

“Got it.” CAP saluted and went to open the door for the two other boys.

“Hey—“ CAP dropped his tone when he saw Niel choking Ricky to almost seems like it will lead the younger to death. What the hell are they doing? But even though they’re killing each other in front of the oldest and the leader… it was kind of weird how cute they looked.

“Yo break it up you two. We wouldn’t want a dead person today.”

Niel let go of Ricky’s neck and made a huff before moving past CAP and into the living room. He looked around when he felt something’s really off. Why does he feel something’s going to happen? He felt nervous all of a sudden. He turned to face Ricky and CAP still standing at the door only to see them both smiling at him.

“Uhm, guys. Don’t you think it’s weird today—“

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Niel quickly ducked when confetti’s came flying across the room from the tube CAP was holding. He shrieked in surprise at the sound the confetti made when it was twisted open. What the hell?!? He placed his arms securely on his head as his eyes rounded at his team mates now surrounding him. For a moment there, he thought they were being attacked.

“Happy Birthday, Fishy!” Chunji appeared from the kitchen with a birthday cake safely in his arms. L.Joe then soon followed after him with a warm smile visible on his thin lips as they start to sing him a birthday song, clapping his hands as their beat.

“Happy Birthday, Niel-goon.” He greeted. Niel’s surprised expression was soon replaced with a bright smile. He never expected they’ll even bother doing this for him. He felt really happy.

“Happy birthday, hyung!” Ricky then clings to Niel’s sides, trapping him in his chubby and strong arms. Niel laughs and widely spreads his arms and welcomed Ricky in his own hug.

“Happy birthday, Niel.” CAP greeted with a short nod, a small smile can be clearly seen on his lips.

“Thank you, guys.” Niel looked around them, touched and joyous.

“So ja! Let’s get this party started!” Chunji announced with a wide, toothy grin, passing L.Joe the cake so he can move around freely.

--

After they’ve all settled down and has eaten, chatting as they do so, they’ve all decided to play some games as tradition. Doing what they usually play, the kai bai bo to which who loses will receive a beating or a strong whip on his arms and other games, but soon, they all ended up playing ‘spin the bottle’.

After minutes of still playing the game, half of the gang is almost drunk as ever, minus Ricky since he’s still a minor. Chunji didn’t let him have a drink.

Chunji spun the bottle as it slowly stops and pointed at Niel.

“Alright Niel, Truth or dare?” Chunji straightened up as they all sat on the ground, in a big circle.

Niel debated for awhile before making up his mind. His cheeks red from the few shots he has taken when he took dare from the past few turns.

“Dare.” He answered again, bravely this time. Chunji smirked at this as he looks at Niel with an evil smile, he’s been dying for Niel to pick dare again since he has something in his mind that he wanted Niel to do.

“Alright, fishy. Kiss the person you like best in our group.” Chunji challenged, eyes twinkling.

L.Joe watched Niel expectantly while CAP was already passed out on his spot on the floor, snoring his way to dreamland. Ricky snorted and crawls his way next to his favorite hyung, hugging him close to him. It seems like he knows the answer.

“That would be me right??” He asked with a wide grin, he sounded so sure but a frown made its way on his lips when Niel laughs and shakes his head at him.

Ricky pouted and straightens up sadly, letting go of Niel as if the older suddenly burns him. He already have an idea who would the person Niel likes best and he can’t help but cross his arms at the idea.

“Aww.. I always knew it was Changjo.”

Niel blinked at this. He wasn’t even expecting Ricky to suddenly bring up their maknae’s name. Where is he anyway? He’s been gone for the whole day now. Where could he be? He should be doing something really important to miss his birthday. Niel tried to understand even though it saddens him and deep inside, it upsets him without the maknae’s presence. It was a special day for Niel… and yet he’s somewhere else.

“Changjo… but why him?” He asked after a moment, laughing as he do so. He couldn’t get the words out properly and his mind is functioning so slow to the fact that he doesn’t have much control on his body anymore. The alcohol is slowly making its way on taking him over.

“So it’s not Changjo?” Chunji asked carefully, studying Niel’s expressions.

“No. I mean. I like you all…” Niel seemed lost, chuckling as he felt high.

“Fishy, I said the person you like best.” Chunji crossed his arms, getting impatient. L.Joe could only lower his head. Why would he expect Niel to like him best? He sighs heavily as he placed both his palms on the floor behind him. He doesn’t want to see Niel kiss someone in front of him. But what if they were right? That it’s Changjo he likes best? It’s bugging him again.

Niel was silent for a while until he made a move, Ricky and Chunji’s eyes carefully following his movements. He sat next to L.Joe; the brightest in the group and he scooted closer, leaning in to kiss L.Joe’s cheeks, finishing Chunji’s dare. But there’s always an unexpected things that happens.

L.Joe felt someone moving next to him and by instinct, he faced the person, making him kiss the boy on his lips when it was supposed to be only on his cheek. And because of his small action, their lips touched.

A gasp made its way on Ricky’s mouth and he looks away from the contact. He’s still a bit sensitive in things as those. Niel pulled away from the touch and stares at L.Joe’s surprised eyes, dazed at the soft thing he felt on his lips a moment ago.

L.Joe had his eyes wide opened. He was beyond surprised. What did just happened? L.Joe was flabbergasted but he couldn’t stop feel heat rushing on his cheeks.

He wasn’t expecting something like this. It didn’t even occur in his mind that Niel would even choose him. He snapped from his thoughts when he heard Niel suddenly chuckling for no reason.

Niel looked away and scratches his cheeks shyly, an obvious red tint on his cheeks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to~” He felt tipsy because of the alcohol but even though he’s under the spell of being drunk, he’s still a bit shy when it comes in giving contact with the others. Specially with his one certain hyung. Niel doesn’t look like he knows what he has done. Did he know he just kissed L.Joe on his lips? No one could really read Niel’s mind.

 L.Joe raised his chin and watches Niel in a daze. They kissed. But even though he already knows this isn’t the first time they had done this, he still get these weird feelings inside. Even though their kisses were only accidents, L.Joe felt something he couldn’t even explain. Joyful? Glad? Happy? Words can’t even describe what he feels for the other.

L.Joe thought about the dare Chunji have given Niel. Does this mean, he’s the person Niel likes best? L.Joe felt hopeful yet he tries hard not to expect highly of things around him. He wouldn’t want to disappoint his self and have a broken heart in the future. He wouldn’t get it in his mind and besides… Niel is drunk… which makes the situation a whole lot of a mess.

At the sight of the two, somehow, Chunji expected this would happen.

“Ohhohohoho.” Chunji snapped a picture of the scene. “Changbear would love to see this.” He exclaims as he checked the picture on his phone. He would want to know how the maknae would react to this since he’s eager to win the bet he had with the oldest.

Niel narrowed his eyes at Chunji, pitifully trying to snatch the phone away.

“You wouldn’t daaaare!”

But Chunji only hid the phone away from the birthday boy.

After playing for an hour, Chunji and Ricky followed CAP soon into dreamland, knocking out unconscious on the floor with Ricky on the sofa.

The three boys are finally asleep, while Niel is at the foyer outside, sitting down on the three step stair, looking up at the dark sky; a hobby he has whenever he wants to think things. He felt light. Is this because of the alcohol? He chuckles to his self as he looks at the stars twinkling above him.

“Wow… so pretty.” He hangs his mouth open as he watch the sky.

L.Joe saw Niel outside like he’s waiting for someone to come. Is he waiting for Changjo? L.Joe could only sigh at the thought. Maknae’s gone for the whole day now and he even missed Niel’s party. Maybe Niel’s a bit upset at his absence. L.Joe couldn’t help but feel the same way thinking Niel is longing for someone else, he felt sadden.

“Watching the stars again?” L.Joe greeted as he made his way next to Niel. He doesn’t seem drunk himself. Actually, he still looks normal despite the numbers of soju bottles he has taken in his body. He turned his head and lays his eyes on the boy beside him. Niel’s bright smile glowing at their dark surrounding. L.Joe smiled to himself, this is one of the many reasons why he liked Niel. He has this ability to lighten up the dark place with just his smile.

Niel let out an airy chuckle and turns his head to look at L.Joe, smile not leaving his plump lips.

“Nah, I’d like watching you instead.” Niel grins like a wolf before looking back up at the dark sky, slightly swaying a bit. He felt the world spin around him making him to hold down on his own thighs for support.

L.Joe felt his heart freeze at Niel’s simple statement. He looks down to hide the smile growing on his lips. He tried his best not to let his self get affected too much by Niel’s words. He’s being careful. But he knows to himself, to whatever Niel does, it will always have an effect on him.

“How’s your day?” L.Joe asked instead as he watches Niel admire the dark sky above them, looking as high as the mountains.

“Great.. Ah, best day ever.” Niel’s words came out in a slur. “Thank you, hyung.” He closed his eyes as a pout appears on his lips. He let his head fall on L.Joe’s shoulder beside him. He suddenly feel heavy and dizzy again.

L.Joe felt glad that Niel had a great time. He felt relieved that the boy liked the party he had arranged for him.

“I hate you, hyung.” Niel murmured after a long pause.

L.Joe raised both eyebrows and chuckles at Niel’s words. Why would he hate him now? L.Joe seems to find this amusing.

“Yah, what have I done for you to hate me?”

Niel’s pouty lips twitched at the older’s question.

“You…” He opened his eyes and looks up at the small boy beside him, gently lifting his head from L.Joe’s shoulder to stare deeply into his eyes.

“You’re sucha…bastard… Y’keep… front of me… my heart… hope…love…”

L.Joe blinked at Niel’s slung words. He couldn’t understand what Niel was saying.

“What?” But Niel didn’t reply, instead, he closed his eyes and placed his head back on his hyung’s shoulder once again. He’s tired and the older could clearly see this. L.Joe smiles and looks at Niel beside him.

He couldn’t help but chuckle and feel joyful having the younger beside him. Niel looks cute even when he’s drunk. Even though he wanted Niel to repeat his slung words and make it clearer for him to understand, he didn’t bother asking him again for he knows how the alcohol has already taken over the taller boy.

L.Joe raised his left hand and gently pokes Niel’s pink, soft cheeks. “You’re messed up…” He whispers as he let his eyes linger on the younger boy, a smile not leaving his lips.

--

After helping Niel to his room, he gently placed him on his bed. Niel quickly hugged the nearest pillow next to him and finds a more comfortable position on his bed. L.Joe has to admit, even though Niel’s quite thin, he can be so heavy for him. He sat on the edge of the bed next to Niel and watches him sleep.

L.Joe smiles as he takes Niel’s hand in his, rubbing his thumb gently over the back of Niel’s soft palms. A sleeping Niel is a lovely sight, like an angel resting on a cloud. L.Joe couldn’t help but chuckle again at his thoughts. Being alone with Niel right now is what he needed. He felt his heart jump with joy as he ignore the negative things tugging on the side of his heart. No. He wouldn’t let it ruin this moment, the only chance he has to have Niel alone.

“Dani-goon…” He calls softly as he smiles. That nickname. It was L.Joe who only calls him like that but strangely, Niel likes the name.

“I love you.” L.Joe admitted honestly. Oh how terribly he wanted to say those words to the other man and how desperate he wants for the other to return those words back to him. He’s been dying to say those three meaningful words but he couldn’t find the right time to say it to him. It’s not the only reason why he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud… for the biggest fear he have in his heart, is getting rejected.

L.Joe could only smile as he confess, eyes locked on their connected hands. He felt their hands fit together, like they’re made for each other. He moved his eyes to look back up at Niel’s beautiful features. He’d love to wake up seeing that beautiful face someday.

“Happy Birthday, my love.” He greeted once again as he leans down on Niel’s forehead to plant a soft kiss. Happy birthday, my love. I wouldn’t ask for more. Having you by my side is enough. Being friends than nothing at all. Seeing you happy and alive is enough for me to live. I will do anything to protect your fragile heart. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you. I love you, Niel. I will take care of you. I will love you even if your heart yearns for someone else. And even if it hurts… I will continue to cherish you in my heart.

L.Joe watched as Niel’s pouty lips slowly becomes a smile. He slightly pulled back, his own smile on his thin lips not leaving his face.

After a few minutes of watching Niel sleep, L.Joe decided to stand up and leave the room before Niel’s roommate comes in. Glancing at Niel one last time, he closed the door behind him. He could only hope Niel to have a good dream.

He smiled to the ground at the thought of Niel, he was about to turn into a corner and into his room when his eyes caught someone standing outside leaning on the wall, arms crossed.

“I’ll have fun, that’s for sure.” Changjo slowly raised his chin and purposely showed his father a mocking smile. “I’ll be having my friends with me… specially my girl.”

Mr. Choi’s gaze hardened on his son.

“Be sure that this girl you’re talking about is Haemi.”

Changjo tilted his head to the side and smirks.

“Sorry, dad. But she’s far from Haemi.”