After about a month back at the circus I was starting to feel myself again. I still didn't let anyone touch me but Minho was working his way toward being able to have a good physical relationship. He could still only hold my hand at the moment and maybe touch my arm but that was the most that had happened. I was back to work doing stunts on Maggie some getting more extreme. For instance I would have her gallop around the circus tent while I held onto her with the strength of my legs keeping my attached to the tack while I stretch upside down to grab items from the ground and juggle them at the same time. The crowd loved it. 

 

Minho made me still work with Oska hoping I would be able to touch him again. Well I did once but when another tiger growled I pulled away shaken by the thought of it killing me. Minho didn't push any farther knowing I was going through a lot. 

 

 

Sometimes I get these weird feelings in my head. It's kind of hurts but at the same time feels like its almost non existent. It happens frequently and for a few minutes at the most. During that time I might stare off into the distance or forget what I am saying. Sometimes I speak gibberish and don't know why.  I don't know if this has to do with the whole shock therapy and everything but it worries me. I'm afraid to tell anyone. If they find out they might make me go back to the hospital. I don't want to go back there. It didn't feel safe.