“Can I see your notes?” asked Onew, coming over to my desk. He leaned over the top and stared at me, waiting.

“Excuse me?” I froze, halting my typing.

“Your notes. For P&G Crest. You always seem to be writing something down, and I want to see if I’ve missed anything, compare notes.”

A week had passed since Onew had told me I was beautiful in the lift, and he had acted like it had never happened. I was aching for him to do something again. I didn’t know whether to make the first move or not. He still smiled kindly at me when we went to meetings with the client, and when he took the elevator back to our floor, he would just make jokes. He swerved at every chance of electricity. No touching. I was tearing my hair out.

“Okay. Let me type them up and I’ll send them to you,” I replied smoothly.

“How long will that take?” he asked.

Was he testing me?

“About…maybe half an hour or an hour,” I said, unwilling to take my notes out in front of him.

“Don’t be silly,” he insisted. “Just give them to me. I don’t care what state they’re in, I promise.”

“My handwriting is very messy,” I blustered, starting to get nervous. “You won’t be able to read it.”

“Pssh, I don’t care if your handwriting is messy. Mine is a nightmare at the best. And it will be a good challenge, maybe! I’ve always liked puzzles. It doesn’t matter.”

“It’s full of spelling mistakes.”

“That doesn’t matter, I’m sure I can decipher it and get the meaning.”

“I really don’t want you to read them.”

“Why?” asked Onew. “Did you write rude things about me or the client? Are you trying to hide something?”

“No!” I burst out. “I would never write rude things about the client or you, hyung! I would never!”

“Relax, relax, I was just teasing,” laughed Onew. “I know you wouldn’t. So why can’t you show me your notes?”

I stayed silent, thinking about what I could do to worm out of this situation.

“Taemin, your notes would be the closest thing to minutes in that meeting, and I really would like them, and have a right to have them. Unless you want Jung CEO involved, please give them to me.”

“Why can’t you wait for me to type it out?” I whined desperately, a lump in my throat and eels twisting in my stomach. He really couldn’t find out, he really couldn’t find out! “I’ll give it to you, just please let me type it out!”

“Taemin, you did write something rude about the client or something, haven’t you? I’m disappointed in you, Taemin. You know that’s unprofessional, what if they saw what you were writing?”

“I didn’t!” I denied loudly, my voice rising in a quaver. “I would never!”

“Then give your notes to me. The more you withhold them, the more curious I am about what’s in them and makes me want to get to the bottom of it. Taemin.”

I stared at my screen and the boring background of the company logo.

“Now, Taemin.”

I pulled out my second desk drawer as quickly as I could, grabbing my folder of notes and shoving them into his hands, unable to look at his face before running out of my chair.

I ran to the end of the floor where there was a window, sliding down the wall and putting my head in my hands.

Way to act like a drama queen, Taemin!! Way to throw everything you worked for here away. If Onew didn’t have a problem with how I acted then, he’ll definitely have a problem now when he sees my notes.

He’s going to see, he’s going to see how I can’t write very well.

 My writing looks like a 5 year olds, tall wobbly characters that took me ages to shape and remember. 

He’ll see how I crossed out even the most simple characters again and again before I got the right one, and where sometimes I just wrote a character that I knew was totally wrong but I had no idea how to write the right one.

 He’ll see how sometimes I drew pictures of the thing they were talking about since I didn’t know the character for it.

He’ll see my frustration in the scribbles, my stupidity in the characters I didn’t know. No one but Key knew how dumb I was.

My mouth contorted into a frown, my eyes filling behind my hands. I was humiliated. He was going to see one of my deepest, darkest secrets, the one that I couldn’t write well. That I was really, really, dumb as a door knob like how the teachers use to call me in class, how the kids use to tease me at lunch. It was happening again, all because I got too big for myself and wanted to be a PA to an executive! I should’ve just known my place! I was already so lucky to score this job when I knew nothing! What was I thinking-

“Taemin?”

I froze, my heart stopping. I pulled my legs closer to my body, curling my arms around myself and lowering my head into my knees, anything to block him and his judgement out.

“Taemin…” once again, his soothing voice like a balm to a wounded ego, a cup of tea that warmed your insides, like a blanket draped over your shoulders. His voice sounded like the comfort I desperately wanted from him, but thinking about why he was so comforting in the first place forced my head to stay where it was and for me to curl up tighter.

I resisted the urge to shuffle away as I felt him sit next to me and sigh.

“Taemin-“

“I’m sorry, I don’t normally act like this, please just leave me alone and I’ll get back to my job I promise. Just leave me alone to collect myself. Please leave me alone.”

I really wanted him to leave if all he was going to do was pretend to be nice and understanding and ask me questions about why I was so dumb as if he was concerned and not because he wanted to know secrets and was nosy. He wasn’t going to trick me like that.

“Taemin, I’m so sorry,” he said softly, draping an arm around me and pulling me in. I was startled when he guided my head into his chest, holding me next to his heart. I was grateful for that position so I wouldn’t need to see his face, but could hear his heartbeat and smell his cologne.

“Go-go away,” I stumbled over my words, biting my lip and squeezing my eyes shut. “Please, leave me alone.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, ignoring what I was mumbling. I felt him curl into me as well, his warmth surrounding me. “I’m so sorry Taemin, my darling.”

I would have been so happy to have heard that in any other situation but this. That he was feeling sorry for me because I was so stupid stupid stupid. I normally didn’t cry easily, so I tried my hardest to force the tears away. I would not cry at work. I would not cry on Onew hyung. I would not cry.

I sniffed up all the wetness that was gathering behind my nose, my breath hitching in my throat and my chest jumping. I kept swallowing the more I knew I wasn’t fooling him and that I knew I was on the verge of tears.

Feather light of my hair told me he was my hair, and I felt him hold me closer to him. I didn’t object,  burying my face in him to block off the world.

“I didn’t mean to humiliate you.”

Humiliate? That was the word. My sniffing increased as he put a label on my shame.

 He had humiliated me.

 I felt so stupid and worthless.

“I’m so sorry my darling. I shouldn’t have handled it like that. You should have just told me. I wouldn’t have done anything,” he soothed, his fingers carding through my hair and rubbing the back of my neck with his thumb.

“T-t-t-told you w-what? T-t-that I c-can’t write p-properly b-because I-I’m so dumb?” I choked out.

“No, you’re not dumb,” he lightly scolded. “Don’t you dare say that about yourself, I never want you to describe yourself like that. You should have told me that you had a learning disability-“

“What?” I interrupted. “I’m not disabled! There’s nothing wrong with me! I’m NOT disabled!” I started dry sobbing and Onew held me tighter, rocking me slightly in his arms.

“I’m sorry Taemin, I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry. I got myself confused with something else. You’re right, there’s nothing wrong with you, don’t cry…”

“I’m so dumb,” I whimpered, clutching onto his shirt. “I can’t write Onew hyung, I don’t know how.”

“Did no one teach you?” he asked gently.  “And don’t be silly. You’re not dumb. And you can so write. Those pages were filled with words, and I could read it all. And you even drew pictures, and I could see you were trying to spell some of the words out. You were trying so hard Taemin, and you definitely wrote.”

“They did teach me,” I whispered. “But I never understood it, I never got it. I tried to, but I couldn’t. I don’t remember much words. I try but I c-c-can’t..”

“It’s okay,” he shushed me. “This is all my fault. I’m so sorry for making you feel this way. I’m so sorry.”

He just rocked me silently for a while, humming a song quietly as I hiccupped. I closed my eyes to listen to his heartbeat that was pumping steadily against my cheek, his arms making me feel secure and safe.

I wonder if his baby felt like this when she was in her father’s arms.

 I wonder if I would have felt like this if my father had ever done this for me.

I lifted my head to rest on his shoulder, my neck cramping up and he let me, raising his hand to continue gently smooth my hair out.

In a burst of courage I opened my arms out and hugged him, climbing onto his lap on the process. I wanted all of his attention on me, I wanted him to cry on him.

I heard him “awww,” and ignored how inappropriate this was for the workplace but I didn’t care. I snuggled into him, savouring the moment as he tucked my hair back into the right shape.

I felt him stiffen and check his watch.

“Taeminnie,” he said gently. “This is all my fault. What do you want me to do to make it better?”

“Nothing,” I hiccupped. “It’s not your fault.”

“It is so! Slap me. Here, slap me!”

He grabbed my hand and pushed it against his cheek, trying to get me to hit him. Normally I would have laughed but I still sniffled, looking down into his chest.

I heard him sigh. “I really have ed things up again, haven’t I? I’ll buy you anything, do anything for you to forget this and forgive me.”

“I forgive you.”

He hugged me when I said that, and helped me up from his lap. I frowned when I realised he wanted to get rid of me.

“I really have to run Taeminnie, but I owe you another one again. I never want to hurt you, and I keep doing it.”

“Where are you going?” I asked.

He cupped his face in my hands, making me look at him.

“It’s my wife’s birthday today and we’re going out to dinner. If it wasn’t for that, I promise I would have stayed a little longer, bought you dinner, made sure you were all right. I’m so sorry that I can’t look after you. Are you nearly okay now?”

I frowned deeply. He was running back to his wife? His wife??

“Hey, hey, no tears..” Onew cooed, using his thumbs to swipe underneath my eyes. “Lee Taemin is strong, and Lee Taemin won’t cry at work, right? Lee Taemin is going to go home and eat dinner, and have a great night even though his stupid Onew hyung ruined his day for him. Okay?”

I nodded, and he gave me a final hug, and a soft kiss in my hair.

He gave me a kiss…

“My good man,” he said. “My good boy. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

It was sweltering in my apartment as I chopped carrots.

“Joon hyung, can you buy me an air conditioner for the apartment?”

I was in a bad mood from what had happened with Onew.

“I don’t know baby. I can get you another fan and an air purifier, but not hard out air con,” he said as he sat in front of the fan, his fringe flying in the air.

 And for some reason, that really irritated me. Here I was, chopping ing carrots and slaving away at a meal, while he sat in front of MY fan doing nothing and soaking up all the wind? Did he use me as an escape from his wife, was this a place where he could park his lazy and do nothing?

“But hyung, a fan or an air purifier won’t work. I want an air con. I want a thermostat thingy where I can adjust the temperature.”

“But baby, those are so expensive,” he groaned, using a sheet of paper to fan himself in addition to the fan. “They cost like, 6 million won for a simple system.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing to you hyung. You just don’t want me to have one.”

“Don’t be like that jagi,” Joon said. “Of course I want you to have one. It’s just 6 million won is a lot of money to go missing. Mi young’s going to be suspicious, since I’ve bought so much other stuff for you already.”

“I bet Mi young’s got an air conditioner,” I said snarkily, now washing rice.

“Oh Taemin, don’t.”

“It’s just obvious who is more important to you, that’s all. I don’t even know why I bother.”

“Taemin, I love you, I really do. I want to get a divorce but I want to make sure all of my things don’t go to her when I do. I’m still moving stuff around.”

“Is this how you treat someone you love?” I said shrilly, washing the rice furiously. “Don’t you care about me? Letting me die in this heat? I can’t sleep at night because it’s too hot, and then I’m too tired to work properly. Then when I want to rest I have to come back to this hole and repeat the whole thing again! While this someone you don’t love lives it up in her nice cold gigantic house and doesn’t have to lift a finger to have money fly in to rest underneath her hand!”

“Taemin, this isn’t you, did someone happen at work-“

“Shut up Joon! I’m sick of it! You give me nothing!! If you love me, you’d give me an air con! I WANT AN AIR CON! Isn’t that the least you can give me?” I screamed, slamming down the lid of the rice cooker.

There was a silence as we both digested what I had done. I never screamed. I never lost my temper or had a hissy fit. I wiped my sweaty fringe back, knowing I was red in the face, from the heat or my anger or how hard I washed the rice, I didn’t know.

“Okay baby, I’ll get you an air con,” said Joon quietly. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t deserve this and I really want you to be happy. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you, and how much you have to put up for me, and sometimes I forget. I’ll get you the best air conditioner I can find, please don’t be mad at me anymore.”

I sighed and kissed his cheek in apology. I wanted a ing air con.

A/N I envy all of you who are sweating right now, or in the northern hemisphere. I am soooo coooolllddd oh my god. I use my laptop as my heater. I hate the cold soo much. So that’s why, I am going on exchange to a college right next to Lake Ontario in New York, where it snows!!! :/

Yes! I got my U.S. visa to go on exchange in August for 6 months! (I’m from New Zealand). Aargh, I’m so scared! :/ it’s going to take me two days on a plane to get there waah :’(

I really like it when Onew grooms Taemin :) Like in those fancams where Onew just fixes Taemin’s clothes or his hair? I think it’s sweet :) 

more drama coming soon, I promise! ;)

Thanks for reading! And please, tell me what you think! :)