“What are you doing Friday night?” asked Onew, leaning over my desk.

“I don’t know, what are you doing Friday night?” I asked coyly back. “I’ll be next to you.”

“Don’t say that too soon Taeminnie,” sighed Onew. “Don’t freak out, but Taeyeon asked you to have dinner at our house. Don’t even try saying no, because we both know you’re not doing anything else.”

I felt like my heart start skittering. Taeyeon? Wanted? To? See? Me?

“Why?” I croaked out. “Why did she invite me?”

“Taeyeon is convinced that she needs to repay you for all the time I’ve spent at your house, and in her words, “being such a nuisance. What sort of person likes it when their boss stays over? That’s worse nightmare material. We need to thank him,” he said, putting on a girl’s voice.

“What? I don’t want to go. It’s going to be weird and awkward. I really don’t think this is a good idea,” I said.

It was a terrible idea. No way was I going to put myself through this torture, what was Onew thinking? His wife? I wasn’t going to pretend and have a moral high ground and say some bull about being unable to face the repercussions of my relationship, but rather that I just didn’t want to. I didn’t want to sit there and pretend to be polite and make small talk to a woman I didn’t care about, and automatically disliked. No way!

“Please Taeminnie,” pleaded Onew. “I’m not going to force you to come, but it’ll be fine. I want you to meet my baby.”

I looked at Onew and my resolve crumbled. He looked sad, like this meant a lot to him or something.

“It’s going to be weird though,” I whined. “Me, your current lover, meeting your wife and kid? It’s going to be awkward. What am I going to talk about? And I don’t want to hear anything about you and Taeyeon.”

“I promise it won’t be,” Onew said. “Please Taeminnie. I really want you to meet Taelin.”

And that was how I found myself standing outside Onew’s apartment door clutching a candle. I had dressed casually, in my black skinny jeans and a blue button up shirt.

I pressed the button for the intercom.

“Um, hi,” I said, waving into the monitor as it flickered to life showing Onew smiling and carrying a little girl.

Oh my god. I didn’t do well with children. Why did I agree to this.

“Hey! Just a second,” said Onew before the door unlocked. “Honey, Taeminnie’s here!”

Honey.

My stomach was twisting in hot coils of jealousy.

No!

I was the only honey Onew had! I WAS BETTER THAN TAEYEON. WHY IS HE CALLING HER HONEY? I AM BETTER HOW DARE HE-

“Taemin!” said the beautiful lady who opened the door. She was really short with long light brown hair and a nice smile and big eyes and a small nose and a nice voice and skinny and- “Come in, come in!”

.

“I got this for you noona,” I said as I bowed, sticking out the bag with the candle in it.

“Omo, you got me a gift?” Taeyeon fussed, lightly taking the bag off me. “You shouldn’t have, Taeminnie! I should be giving you presents for putting up with my loser husband.”

Speaking of loser husband, I glanced at Onew who was smiling shyly at me, gently bouncing a little girl who was dressed in pink with two little pig tails. She was on her finger.

“Onew sunbae,” I said, bowing to him as well, using the formality to piss him off.

“Good to see you Taemin,” he said evenly.

“Waah, it smells so good!” exclaimed Taeyeon who had popped off the lid to my candle and was sniffing it. “This smells amazing. I can’t wait to burn it!”

She smiled warmly at me, and oh my god, her eye smile was killer. I didn’t know what to do, so I just gave a wary smile and thanked her.

“Come on. Sit down,” she said, latching onto my arm and I stiffened up at the unexpected skinship. I glanced back at Onew again who gave me an encouraging smile.

She led me into the living room, and it was so beautiful and homely. There was so much space, filled with poppy colours and little green pot plants in some spaces. Soft toys were propped up all over the place, and a colourful tent was set up in the corner, which I guess was for their toddler.

Taeyeon started pouring tea out as I sat on the couch.

Her nails had a cat face on each one.

God she was so perfect, I wanted to kill her.

“How old are you?” she asked as she handed me a cup. “You look so young and so handsome. I’m so jealous that my husband gets to spend all day looking at your gorgeous face.”

“I’m 20,” I said.

“20? I thought you were 19,” said Onew, the little girl staring at me with wide eyes.

“Um, no,” I said. “I turned 20 a few months ago.”

“Was I working with you yet?” Onew asked.

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve gotten you something.”

“Pabo!” scolded Taeyeon, lightly slapping Onew’s arm. “You’re so oblivious, honey. You should’ve gotten Taeminnie something! I’m sorry Taeminnie,” said Taeyeon. “Please excuse his terrible behaviour.”

“It’s okay,” I warbled, hating how comfortable she was touching him… and how Onew let her.

“Try the snacks. They’re really yummy,” encouraged Taeyeon, lifting the little girl into her arms.

The baby watched with wide eyes as I put a chip into my mouth, before she started whining and reaching out a pudgy arm to the chips too.

“No Taelin,” said Taeyeon. “Those aren’t for you.”

“Taeminnie, meet Taelinnie,” said Onew, gesturing at the baby. “This is my daughter. She’s 18 months old.”

I stared at the baby who stared back. I couldn’t really tell who she looked like- she had chubby cheeks, soy sauce brown hair and big eyes but and nose just looked like a baby mouth and nose.

“She’s cute,” I said, since she was.

The baby cracked a smile at me and babbled before reaching her arms out at me.

Wait.

At me?

“Aw, she likes you!” said Taeyeon. “Maybe it's because your names are similar? You wanna try hold Taelin?”

“I’ve never really held a kid before,” I said, watching in apprehension as Taelin struggled in Taeyeon’s arms, trying to get to… to me?

“I think she senses a handsome oppa,” said Taeyeon. “Don’t worry, she’s 18 months. You can’t hurt her, she’ll just wriggle away if she doesn’t like it.”

I tried not to grimace as Taelin climbed into my lap, babbling and making squeaking noises. She peered up at me, resting her fists on my chest.

“Um… hello,” I said. I put my arms around her tummy in case she fell over. She was small, heavy and warm. She was really cute.

Taelin let out a little giggle before hugging me and I let out a laugh at the unexpected gesture. She was really strong!

“Wow, she really likes you!” exclaimed Onew. “She’s not normally this good with strangers!”

“Her hair is cute,” I said, because it was. I twirled a pig tail in my finger, surprised at how silky soft her hair was. It was unreal.

“She’s chasing men already,” joked Taeyeon. “She has excellent taste.”

Just then, something beeped and Taeyeon stood up.

“I’m just going to check up on the food,” said Taeyeon. “Keep playing.”

“She really does like you Taemin,” said Onew, shuffling to sit next to me. “I’ve never seen her like this.”

Taelin was now sitting on my lap, chewing an apple slice that I had given her from the table. Her fingers were so tiny, I did not know how they managed to hold on to it.

I looked at Onew, shooting him a look of unhappiness.

I still wasn’t happy at this situation. I didn’t want to see this side of him, the one where he wasn’t completely mine. I had wanted to be ignorant of what it looked like. Where he had to pretend that he didn’t like me more than professionally. It .

I just wanted it to be normal, just me and him. Why had I agreed to come? My heart had felt like it was slowly being consumed in scalding hatred from the moment I walked in. In here I wasn’t Onew’s best. I wasn’t even Onew’s second best. In his home, in front of his daughter, I was his nothing.

I was nothing.

“Honey, can you come here a moment?” called Taeyeon from the kitchen. “Oh my god, do you think I’ve cooked this wrong? Honey, please come!”

Onew stood up and gently tapped me on the nose.

“Coming!” he called back, striding away.

Leaving me.

Alone.

With his baby.

Oh ing hell.

Taelin looked just as disturbed, making a little whining and grumbling noises and looking around.

“Shhh,” I said, not knowing where my urge to comfort her came from. “Umma and Appa are just in the kitchen.”

Taelin continued to make little grumbling noises, starting to squirm.

“Shhh,” I continued, holding her close to my chest and standing up, patting her on the back like I had seen mothers do. “I’m here.”

I was surprised when Taelin snuggled into me. This small, helpless and cute creature was snuggling into me. She just...liked me.

I wondered what it would be like if Taelin was my daughter. If I had starting dating and having with a girl (as horrible as that sounded), and I had a kid who loved me purely and unconditionally.

“I’m here,” I said again, rocking her back and forth. I imagined, what if somehow me and Onew managed to adopt? Or even simpler, if Taeyeon just died so Onew and Taelin would move in with me? Or I moved in here, and replaced all those stupid portraits of Onew and Taeyeon at their wedding with ME and Onew. And Onew and Taelin.

Would be mine entirely.

“My baby,” I whispered, making sure no one could hear but her and me.

“Appa,” she said out of the blue, shocking me. “Umma. UUUUmmmMAA!” she whined loudly.

“Yes, yes Umma can hear you, be good for Taemin oppa, okay?” called Taeyeon from the kitchen, breaking me out of my fantasy.

“You made this?” I asked. “Wow. It looks so good, noona. I hope you didn’t cook this all for me.”

“Thank you,” said Taeyeon. “I don’t know how well it will taste though. And of course I cooked it all for you! You’re so skinny, you need to eat more.”

Taeyeon had cooked soondubu, spicy seafood tofu soup as well as a multitude of side dishes. There was a plate of japchae noodles, seaweed rolls, egg omelettes, stirfried vegetables and a ridiculous amount of different pickled vegetables and kimchi. Even a plate of fried chicken! I bet all this was homemade. Curse her for being so amazing.

“Be careful and don’t touch the pot Taeminnie,” said Taeyeon as I cracked an egg into the soondubu. “It’s still boiling hot.”

“Ow!” said Onew, who had touched the sides of his pot.

“Jinki,” Taeyeon admonished. “Of course you would. I am surprised though- I thought you would go for the fried chicken.”

How did she do this? How did she, in a single sentence, sum up everything that I thought had been special to me and Onew, and make me feel inferior?

And how was she so nice? My brain whirred with inane thoughts that centred around the word hate as she rolled up my rice with seaweed for me.

“Thank you noona,” I said, eating it with some kimchi.

“Oh my god, this kimchi is delicious,” I said, surprised. It was so spicy and fresh.

“I just fermented a batch two days ago,” said Taeyeon who was trying to get Taelin to eat a spoonful of watery rice porridge. “The kimchi on the left side is new, but the one of the right is from my batch that I made several months ago, it’s really good.”

Key often gave me food, like pasta, or some Western food. He seemed to only want to cook Western food. Joon used to make me bibimbap, and I had learnt how to make one kind of pasta and I was good at only kimchi fried rice. I bought my kimchi from the supermarket, and cooked ready made things which only required some light pan-frying. The fanciest thing I could “cook” was sangyeopsal, and that was literally me buying pieces of pork belly from the butcher and pan frying it.

This was the closest thing I probably had to a proper homecooked meal in months. And it was amazing. Amazing.

I just wanted to keep eating. The soup was tasty, with lots of seafood in it. The fried chicken was so crispy, the japchae miles better than the ones I ordered from takeout.

Onew had this waiting for him every day after work.

He had a beautiful wife, and a beautiful child.

I could never, ever give him this, and I could never fault him for not wanting to leave this. , even I didn’t want to leave this! The quarter of me that didn’t irrationally hate Taeyeon wanted her to adopt me.

Taeyeon seemed to notice my slight change in expression.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like something?” she asked in concern.

“No it’s perfect,” I said. “I just… I haven’t had something so good in a while.  My umma makes really nice food. But I haven’t been able to see her in a while.”

“Really?” asked Taeyeon, putting radish kimchi on my rice for me.

“Taemin is from Gangwon,” Onew said. “He lives here in Seoul alone.”

“You? All alone? My baby!” exclaimed Taeyeon, looking concerned. “Then you need to come over here all the time, you hear? Jinki, why did it take you so long to invite him over? He works so hard for you, the least we can do is feed him properly.”

“I’ve been meaning to say sorry and to thank you, Taemin,” continued Taeyeon. “It’s been hard for Jinki but it must’ve been harder for you. You’ve had to work overtime and have him stay at your apartment. Frankly, I am ashamed this is all I can do to repay you. Thank you for looking after my husband, and I’m so sorry we’ve had to inconvenience you.”

I shook my head. “No Taeyeon noona, it wasn’t a bother.”

Jinki wasn’t a bother at all.

Taeyeon smiled. “Such good manners. Now, give me the dirt on Jinki. Has he done anything embarrassing at work yet? Is he a mean boss?”

I sipped at my after dessert coffee. Taelin had started crying because she wanted Onew to put her to sleep, not Taeyeon, so Onew had reassuring pat Taeyeon, letting his hand run down her back before hoisting up the toddler and doing baby talk.

“You got some on your mouth Taeminnie,” said Taeyeon, reaching over and brushing foam off my upper lip.

Who told her she could be so affectionate?!?

I was not happy when they bade me farewell, Onew offering to drive me home but me refusing, saying that I already had a ride, something only me and Onew knew was a lie. I hugged Taeyeon back and promised I would visit again, and bowed to Onew.

As I looked out at the bright lights of the streets from the bus, I kept clenching my fists, wanting to scream out my frustration and hatred.

I did so when I finally managed to get home.

“I HATE YOU!” I screamed at my empty apartment. “I HATE YOU, I HATE EVERYTHING, I HATE THIS, GRAAAAAAHHHH!” I yelled, angrily shucking off my shoes and throwing my coat across the room. I stuffed the leftovers Taeyeon had given me into the fridge, angry at even my gratitude for giving me good food.

I stomped on the spot in frustration, screaming the whole time.

I was FURIOUS. I was SO ANGRY. I had HATED THAT.

I hated them all. I hated that Taeyeon, for being better than me, for being amazing and perfect, for having Onew, even Taelin all to herself. I hated Onew, for having something I thought he didn’t have- I hate how he had shown me that what he had with me was something he had at home, and better. And I hated myself because my brain was making me feel this way.

I was supposed to be above this, to be unaffected.

But I wanted to strangle everyone, including myself.

I grabbed my phone, opening Kakaotalk to record a message for Onew.

“How could you do this to me?” I cried into my phone. “I can’t believe you! I cannot believe you made me do this, made me see that! You are a terrible person, pleading to me like I was being selfish for not wanting to come, when you never thought of what I might feel at all!” I screamed into the voice message. “You think I like seeing you pretend that you don’t know me? You think I like calling you Onew sunbae and not being able to say anything I want to at all? You never thought about what I would feel! I told you and told you, I only want you. Not your family. What is so hard to understand about that?!”

“Never, ever do this to me again,” I growled. “Have a great weekend. Don’t talk to me.” I tossed my phone onto the couch, not intending to check it for the rest of the night.

Joon would never have done this to me, I thought as I brushed my teeth angrily. Joon was prepared to give up everything to me. I should have stayed with him.

I stared at my reflection. I wasn’t ugly. I was skinny and cute, him. Why wasn’t I enough for Onew? Why did he need Taeyeon too?

I let out an angry breath as I lay in bed, and I knew my face was still settled in a frown.

It wasn’t fair. Why did everyone I liked, never only liked me? Why was I always the one without the choice, why was I always the less attractive option?

Whenever I thought about Onew trailing his hand down Taeyeon’s back, I saw red, and kept wriggling around in bed.

Sure, I had been jealous before. Joon had a pretty ring. When I saw the pictures Soonkyu had of her dinner last night. Of people’s pet dogs.

I had been envious before, when I walk down the street and see a cute couple, and wonder fleetingly what it would be like if he was mine.

But never to this degree. Never to this burning rage, where I wanted to scream and break everything in my apartment. Never to the degree where I wished I could throw rock after rock at Onew for looking at anything but me, for not paying attention to someone that wasn’t ME.

I realised something though. I didn’t want to anyone else to get his warm caresses, his sweet smiles, his infectious laughs. I wanted to keep them locked up in a jar for only my eyes and ears.

It wasn’t fair. I wanted him I wanted him I wanted him he was mine he was mine he was mine I liked him so much he was with me so why he wasn’t mine??????

But… that meant… that I didn’t want to share him with anything else. If I could somehow ask Onew to divorce Taeyeon, I would.

And that thought sickened me more, because all my life I had been entirely someone else's. I had never, ever in my life, wanted someone to be entirely mine.

A/N 

announcement: this fanfic will not include murder or kidnapping, no matter what Taemin is thinking!

Taemin is furious with jealousy. And tbh I understand- I would be too. I get jealous over a cat thats not even mine paying attention to anyone thats not me, I know I get very jealous in relationships when ~competition~ is found haha.

I'm very curious though- what do you think is going to happen in this story?