“Haven’t seen you around in a while Onew,” exclaimed Joon when he caught sight of the brown haired man. He noticed the slump Onew’s shoulders and the circles underneath Onew’s eyes. He looked beyond stressed.

Onew chuckled without humour, clicking his briefcase shut. “I was suspended for two weeks, that’s why.”

“,” said Joon. “Got any time to hang out? That chicken place I was telling you about has finally opened. Wanna go grab a drink and some food there?”

“Anything but going home,” said Onew, shrugging his jacket on. “Let’s go.”

“So how’re things?” asked Joon carefully as he drank his beer, watching Onew bite into a crispy drumstick.

“Terrible. Actually terrible,” sighed Onew, running his hand through his hair. “I’m in serious trouble at work, which I don’t really want to talk about. And me and my wife are having a horrendous argument at the moment. It’s really bad. Like divorce bad. I wouldn’t even call it an argument right now though, we hardly speak to each other.”

“What about?” asked Joon.

“Hyung, you’re going to judge me so hard,” said Onew, rubbing his face in his hands.

“No judgement,” said Joon, spreading his arms wide. “I’m not exactly the most saintliest out there either. Waitress, can you get us some soju please? Thank you.”

“You know what? it,” said Onew. “Everyone knows already, whatever. it. My wife knows I’ve been having an affair.”

“Oh Onew,” said Joon sadly as Onew slumped in his seat. “I understand more than you would know. I know what you’re going through.”

“How?” asked Onew bitterly. “You don’t know anything.”

“Because my wife and I don’t even sleep in the same room anymore. I slapped her with divorce papers but had to retract them when my lover told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. And I’m going to need a lot more alcohol if we’re going to be talking about this. Where is that waitress?”

“Hyung,” Onew tried. “Stop, please.”

Joon was nibbling at a wing slowly, tears dripping down his cheeks and hiccups racking his body as Onew tried to clean his face with a napkin. They seemed to be having a good time until Joon had burst into tears on the third soju bottle. It was a tragic sight for Onew, who felt pity well inside him as he mopped up saucy dribble from Joon’s chin. At least he hadn’t sunken to this.

“I hate him,” cried Joon, adamant at chewing his chicken.

“Who?” asked Onew,

“Him,” sobbed Joon. “My ex. The one I was going to get a divorce for. I hate him so much. I hate his guts. I had done everything. I had moved my money to my friends and family’s accounts, done all the work to make sure my lovely wife wouldn’t get half, and that I would have enough to buy us an apartment later or something. And then we had a fight because I wouldn’t buy him an air conditioning machine and he told me he didn’t love me anymore the next day, that money hungry dickhead!” cried Joon. “I should’ve just bought him that goddamn air conditioning machine. He’s ruined my marriage, he’s ruined my life!”

Onew digested how Joon’s lover had been a man but didn’t give any reaction. Maybe Joon did understand more than any other person could of his situation.

“You know what he is?” rambled Joon, waving his chicken in his hand.  “He’s the devil. He’s ing evil. He’s like molten chocolate, like hot burning sweetness that invades your soul and you can’t get out of his trap, not that you want to.”

Onew thought that was a very beautiful thought coming from someone so drunk.

“And now, my wife still thinks I’m with him, even though I tell her again and again I’m not. She’ll never believe me. We won’t get divorced because she’s so traditional.”

“Did you ever talk to your ex?” asked Onew, curious about the situation. “Hyung, please, stop crying.”

“On our fight, I did something I regret so much,” hiccupped Joon. “I was hurting him. To be fair, he hit me too. I would never hit a girl, but I guess that doesn’t count when you’re both guys, right?”

“I guess,” echoed Onew, drinking his beer and selecting a wing. This place really did do good chicken.

“And the thing is, I could see him everyday. For 8 hours, 5 days a week, I sit at my desk, knowing that if I walk around, I could find him, I could see him. And you know what ? I hate him. My mind tells me I hate him, but my heart tells me that I’m still a little bit in love with him and I hate him!”

“He works with us?” asked Onew, suddenly interested. “Who?”

Joon sniffed. “I guess I can tell you since I heard from my PA he doesn’t work here anymore,” Joon whispered. “He was your pretty little PA. Little Lee Taemin.”

Onew felt like his head was going to explode. He felt frozen, and all he could do was stare at Joon. Stare at drunk mess Lee Joon who had started crying again, fresh tears running down his face.

“I still remember him so clearly, and my heart hurts so much,” whispered Joon, clumsily wiping his cheeks with his fist. “I wish I could march right up to him and curse him out, do something destructive to him or even just plain run him over in my car,” hiccupped Joon.

 “But then I remember how small and warm he felt in my arms, how ing bony he was. He used to get depressed so easily. I remember how it feels to have hot liquid soaking into my shoulder, sticking to neck, how he used to cry. I remember how he always smelt like vanilla and pears, the feel of his silky hair against my nose as I tried to make him feel better. I remember how he used to grip my shirt so tight and I would think, he needs me so much. When I’m holding him it feels like I’m holding the entire world. And he would look at me with those eyes sparkling with tears and tell me how he loved me so much, to never leave him. That’s why I thought he wanted me to have a divorce. He didn’t want me to leave him,” Joon sobbed.

Onew felt sick to his stomach.

“I don’t think Taemin had a very good background,” said Joon, downing another shot of soju. “He never told me the details, but I figured out he didn’t have a father, always sent money back to his mother. Also his writing and reading weren’t that great. He was so innocent and helpless. Or at least, I thought he was,” he scoffed. “I always think he’s so evil, but then I look at those puddly brown eyes and how he bites his lips at every opportunity. He’s like a mouse. How the did a little mouse destroy someone like me?” he cried.

Onew closed his eyes. He didn’t know what to think, what to do.

“I have imsomnia,” said Joon. “I’ve always had it. I’ve had a lot of time to think. Why, how did this happen?  And I think it’s because Taemin, he finds those who have a weakness and becomes the weakness itself. But then I feel like Taemin isn’t sneaky enough to do that. I think. I don’t know. I close my every night and all I see is him. I can remember how he looks lying next to me, his face inches away from mine. He can fall asleep so easily, you know.  I remember the feel of his soft skin against my hand when I used to rub his back while he slept. I remember his eyelashes fluttering against my breath, because nothing would wake him. And I remember looking at him and thinking that I wanted to memorise every pore of his skin, because I was so in love. I remember thinking I wanted to give him everything I could, everything that I had, and that he deserved much more.

“But I guess, I’m not the only man who thought that.”

“What do you mean by that?” asked Onew, his mouth feeling like cotton.

Joon looked like he wanted to fall asleep, resting his face against his hand and mumbling. “He lives on the second to top floor, with a really amazing view. He has all these things, like clothes and and a good TV and just a lot of expensive things. I know because I gave him some of it. But others, he wouldn’t be able to afford on a PA salary at all. He shouldn’t even be able to afford rent there. He broke up with me because I wouldn’t buy him an air conditioner, see what I’m getting at? I bet he’s had lots of guys, giving him all this . I mean, it’s pretty obvious since Taemin seemed very experienced in bed. Loved the .”

Onew choked.

“I’m sorry, you probably didn’t want to hear that about your PA,” said Joon listlessly. “And I remember… I had a PA once, she left before you came into the company. She once told me about Taemin, said he was notorious at a gay bar for hooking up with guys who were taken. I didn’t think much of it, but it used to be pretty funny how Taemin tried to get my attention at first. He used to flaunt himself in front of me at work, even dying his hair orange because he thought I wasn’t looking. He told me he thought I was straight,” chuckled Joon. “And then I caught him crying one day because of a sore tooth and boom,” said Joon. “Forgot all about what Hayoung told me. Then one night we went for lunch and on the way back he told me he wished I could kiss him and that it was a whispered wish so… never mind, I’m rambling.”

Onew couldn’t be bothered telling Joon that he had been rambling for nearly an hour now but that whispered wish part took him back. To the night of the staff party. Stars twinkling in the night sky. Taemin swaying with a big smile on his face, wrapping his arms around Onew. Onew’s own swaying. Taemin’s whispered wish in his ear, soft wet kisses leading from his ear, across his cheek, Onew feeling like he was hallucinating. The kiss. Taemin’s “I don’t want your family. I just want you.”

Onew felt so stupid for pitying Joon. Joon wasn’t the pathetic one here. Onew was. Onew didn’t want to believe any of what Joon was saying. But at the same time, it felt like his soul knew it was true. He felt like he was in some sort of nightmare.

“I don’t know whether I regret doing that with Taemin or not,” mused Joon. His handsome face was defeated. “He’s a user and a manipulator. He’s a homewrecker.”

“I don’t know,” I said aloud as I watched the TV with Key, his favourite idol singing his first solo debut song. “It’s alright I guess.”

“Alright?” squawked Key, turning up the sound. He had brought over japchae and sweet and sour pork that he had made, and it was much better than takeout. I chewed another piece down. Key and I had made up, or more like pretended like our disagreement had never happened.

“Just look at his abs. I mean, I think he’s shorter than me, which is gross, but look at his abs. 10/10 would bang,” said Key, winding his noodles with chopsticks he borrowed from me.

“I wouldn’t,” I said, shaking my head.  “I still like the other SHINee guy who did Danger.”

“Eww he’s too skinny,” said Key. “And his hair was disgusting! A middle parting Taemin, a middle parting!”

“He is like, the love of my life,” I said, my chopstick as my doorbell chimed.

Key sighed as I looked at the intercom window and saw Onew’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe you Taemin,” he said, muttering his eyes and gathering his food to leave. “You don’t need to be a side hoe for anyone.”

“Shut up,” I said. “Hi Jinki hyung,” I said into the reciever and unlocking the door.

“How do you even sleep at night?” asked Key.

“Very well and with a man by my side, unlike you,” I shot back.

“Yeah, someone’s baby Daddy, what a catch,” retorted Key. “See you later.”

Key and Onew walked past each other on the door, both not acknowledging each other’s existence.

“Jinki hyung!” I said, bouncing my way over to him.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as he pushed me away by my shoulders before I could hug him. I felt a sour churning in my gut, like something really bad had happened, judging by the stone faced look he was giving me.

“Why don’t you tell me?” he asked softly, staring me down.

“What?” I asked, confused. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I went out with Joon hyung from accounts tonight,” he said, studying my face when I knew I went pale. “And he told me some interesting things about you. What do you think he told me?”

“Oh my god,” I breathed as my brain started buzzing, not knowing what to say and my knees felt weak. “Oh my god.”