Tao didn’t exactly remember what happened. He was sure he finally returned to the Business Development floor where Siwon let him to enter his room and gave him a really thick material on Huang Industries history and company overview from the past five years. He was also introduced to a group of young lads that entered the company the same time as he did. He wasn’t really sure if Kris was still there when he returned but then again he can’t really tell. His mind went completely blank.

He had been sitting in front of the said material for a while now but he had not gone through a single page.

All those memories came back to him.

The first time they met.The willow tree. Caramel coffee. Books and exercises. French Vanilla coffee. Their café dates. Hazelnut coffee. Their other dates. All the cuddling and hugging. The stolen kisses and whispers.

God damn it. If only forgetting was that easy.

Tao took a deep breath before giving up. Thankfully it was almost 5 already. He walked towards the elevator, hoping that he would not see Kris again today. Once is enough of a shock. What in the world was he doing here anyway?

Tao pressed the elevator button and patiently waiting for it to come this time. His legs were already a bit sore from practically jumping through the flights of stairs earlier.

And my, working at the 54^th floor has its perks. The elevators take forever to come.

Tao sighs again, slumping a little. This is just too much for the first day of work. He really thought he had moved on from Kris, but from the way his body reacted to the sight of him really prove that he hasn’t. He was just escaping from him.

And apparently not far enough.

Of all places in the world, Kris just had to appear here, probably working for Huang Industries too, judging from his outfit earlier.

Of all times in his life, it just has to be now, when he was so very determined to work at his best and make his father proud.

Now how was he supposed to do that?

Tao groaned in frustration. He squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment when he opened them again abruptly as he felt a grip on his shoulder. He jolted as he turned.

“Tao, are you alright?” Luhan asked with a concerned voice.

“Gege,” Tao let out a long sigh, “I thought you were someone else,”

Luhan frowned for a while before his gaze turned to concern, “So you’ve seen him?”

Tao’s eyes widened in surprise, “So you know?? And you didn’t—”

“No! Don’t get the wrong idea! I just met him today!” Luhan defended, “I did heard that someone came in the same time I did but he wasn’t under Siwon so I kind of shrugged it off. I have no idea whatsoever that it was Kris,”

Tao pursed his lips before nodding, “It was. I think that Donghae is his supervisor. I was so surprised, ge,”

“I know you do. Why is he here anyway? I thought he was settled in England?” Luhan mumbled as the elevator dings and the twin doors finally open.

Tao shook his head, not answering.

Luhan sighed, “I’m sorry, Tao... Are you okay?”

“I don’t know really. Okay, I guess?”

“Do you know what you’re going to do next?”

Tao took a deep breath, “I seriously don’t know, Ge..”

The elevator finally dings and the twin doors opened. Both of them stepped in, and Luhan pressed the ground floor button. The doors were closing when suddenly a hand appeared between the doors, holding it in place.

“Wait!” a too familiar voice.

The doors opened again, revealing the last person Tao wanted to see that day.

“Oh, hello guys,” Kris said as he stepped inside the elevator then pressed the close button.

Of course, it’s just has to be him. Tao feels like reality s with him sometimes.

Luhan smiled in response, while Tao pretended not to hear anything. Kris moved closer to the back of the elevator, and Tao moved forward, making him stand in front of Kris. He could feel the taller bored into the back of his head, staring intensely.

Tao tried his best to ignore it, looking at the monitor that displayed the floor number with false interest.

50^th floor.

Dear heavens could this elevator move any faster?

“So how was your day, Kris? Did you meet everyone?” Luhan asked, trying to make a conversation that might end the awkward situation.

Kris turned to meet Luhan’s gaze, “I did, actually. Met Mr. Huang today. He was a good person,” Kris smiled.

“Good to hear. I met him last week for the first time in the office. He was indeed, very nice,” Luhan smiled back.

32^nd floor.

“What about you, Tao? Isn’t this your first day?” Kris asked.

Luhan could feel the youngest of the three tensed up. Tao clenched his grip around his laptop bag, trying to keep everything in.

Tao knew that both Kris and Luhan were staring at him, waiting for him to answer the question. But there’s Tao did not know how he would respond to Kris. Every answer would be just wrong and would lead to another question and he didn’t want to talk to him right now.

“I think it has been exciting for him. He has been looking forward for today,” Luhan finally answered for him.

‘Geez, Ge. Pretentious much?’ Tao thought.

Kris smiled again, eyes staring to the back of Tao’s head for the second time, “He must be,”

26^th floor.

“Are we going to be able to work together anytime soon?” Luhan asked again, changing their topic to work.

“I think so. You’re on that future development project, right? Donghae said he’s pulling Sungmin for another project, and handing it to me,” Kris’ voice was heard.

“Oh, nice! Do you have the project portfolio already?” Luhan asked, this time actually interested.

17^th floor. Please. A little more.

“I did, actually. He sent it to my email just before I left my desk. Got a lot to catch up,” Kris said.

“I think it’ll be great to have you in the team,” Luhan replied.

‘What? Great?’ Tao cringed at the thought. His heart was beating hard inside his chest.

“Thank you, I hope I could help,”

8^th floor.

Tao fidgets inside. Please go faster. He just wants to go home.

When the elevator finally dings, Tao mumbled, “Gege,”

“Hmm?” both Kris and Luhan responded at the same time. Kris glanced at Luhan who was looking at him with raised eyebrows as if asking ‘really?’. Kris opened his mouth to say something, but the movement in front of them distracted him.

Tao turned with tired expression, “Luhan gege, I’ll go now okay. I need to catch up with something,” then he dashed out of the elevator, then disappeared into the crowds of employees.

Kris heaved a long sigh and Luhan couldn’t miss it.

“What’s with you?” he asked.

Kris shook his head, “nothing,”

“You should try to stop lying sometime, Kris. Have a good evening,” Luhan smiled then followed Tao’s steps out of the elevator, leaving Kris and his thoughts alone.

Two weeks. It has been two weeks already and Tao started to get settled at work. He thanked heavens that at least currently Kris and him are working on different projects so they don’t really have to interact and Tao can avoid the older as much as he could.

For the past two weeks, he noticed that Kris had been trying hard to talk to him, though. Their offices are on the opposite ends of the floor; Kris’ was just a couple offices away from Luhan’s, but at the same side with the floor pantry. Being a now a tea addict, Tao kept on going back and forth there especially in the mornings. Still a coffee junkie, same goes for Kris. So there go awkward moments, every morning.

“Good morning, Zitao,” Hyoyeon, the woman Tao bumped into on his first day, greeted him with a wide smile.

“Good Morning, Hyoyeon-ssi,” Tao greeted back, smiling from his teacup.

“You can call me noona, Tao. Formality is just for when our bosses are around, remember? And my brother is not counted. Neither does Donghae oppa,” Hyoyeon smiled softly as she stirred her hot chocolate.

Tao glanced at her pink cup before answering, “Alright, noona,” he smiled cheekily.

“Aigoo, so cute! Tao, you are so different on and off meetings! I like you on both events, though!” Hyoyeon commented, making the younger looked down shyly, “We should hang out more, Tao!”

“Sure, noona,” Tao grinned, “You like hot chocolate? My friend owns a café, he makes a really good chocolate drink, and desserts!”

“We definitely should go! Just tell me when you want to go, okay!” Hyoyeon beamed, taking a sip of her drink.

Tao smiled and turned to one of the cabinets, taking a packet of sugar, “Sure, noona! I was thinking to go after work tomorrow. Kyungsoo hyung called me and said—“

His sentence was stopped as he turned to meet not Hyoyeon’s soft gaze, but Kris’ intense brown orbs.

He had almost dropped his teacup.

“Hello, Tao,” Kris said softly, looking ever so slightly nervous, or more like clueless.

Tao nodded stiffly.

“Erm.. Hyoyeon-ssi just left..”

‘Heavens. Way to go, Kris, just point the obvious,’

Tao just blinked.

“I was going to make coffee,” Kris took a step forward.

“Sure, I am done,” Tao stepped away from the cabinet where the refreshments are, walking towards the door.

He had almost passed Kris when he heard the elder, “Your father hired me,”

Tao turned, looking at Kris, not making any comment.  

“I was hoping to meet you, and I did,” he continued, smiling softly.

The sentence made Tao glared, straight into Kris’ eyes.

“I was waiting for the opportunity to meet you,” Kris continued, taking a step towards Tao, “That’s the only reason I have been working my off in England,”

Tao raised one eyebrow.

There was silence between them for a moment. Tao refused to respond, and Kris waiting for a response.

Kris took a deep breath, “I miss you, Taozi,”

Tao’s eyes widened, not believing a single word.

‘Miss me?? Then you should just return here and meet me, and say something! Why would you wait for all this time to actually get hired by my father and purposefully see me like this? Better yet, you shouldn’t leave me in the first place!!’ Tao screamed inside. His grip on the cup started to shake.

“You lost the right to call me that a while ago, sir,” he managed to say, although his voice sounded shaky in his own ears.

“Tao, I’m—“

“I forgot my spoon!” Hyoyeon appeared again suddenly, grabbling her forgotten spoon on the counter, grinning happily. She hopped into the pantry and beamed towards Tao and Kris, looking very oblivious to the obvious tension. Tao has never been happier having a colleage who has the worst timing, disappearing and appearing suddenly.

Tao used the opportunity to escape the pantry, walking out with Hyoyeon who started rambling about their plan to go to Kyungsoo’s café.

Little did he know, a certain someone whom he left in the pantry stared at his figure longingly.

Suho entered his shared apartment.

It was a long day for him at the hospital; he just assisted two cardiac surgeries. He wanted nothing more than sleeping in his warm bed before he go back to the hospital tomorrow morning and do rounds.

As he yawned tiredly, he noticed a pair of black, perfectly polished shoes by the front door.

He smiled.

“Tao?” he called as he took off his own shoes, “You still awake?”

“Here, hyung.” Tao replied, his voice faint as it was coming from all the way across the room.

It was one of those days when Tao liked to go out on the balcony, where he had set up some outdoor seats, gazing at the stars.

It was one of those days when the sky was clear; the full moon graced the night and not a single cloud can be seen. Tao liked watching the stars. Although it made me feel really small, it also made him feel like whatever problem he has would pass soon; it was only a mere dust in the universe, and there will be a time when it would not matter anymore. Tao would give anything for it to come right now, because ever since Kris returned, that familiar ache in his heart did too.

Suho followed Tao’s voice to the balcony, and finally found the younger sipping away strawberry milk, looking at the sky. Tao might look like an adult now, heck, he was an adult. But his love for strawberry, no one could take it away.

Suho chuckled as he sat next to Tao.

“Hello, hyung.”

“Hi! How was your day?” Suho asked.

Tao smirked, not answering.

“Not so good?”

Still no answer.

“Can I have some?” he asked again, trying to change the topic to avoid Tao being uneasy.

“No!” Tao moved his cup away from Suho’s reach.

“Stingy kid,” Suho huffed.

Tao giggled, shifting his eyes back to the sky.

Suho smiled, moving his eyes to the sky too.

It was again, the comfortable silence.

With Tao, he didn’t need many words. Their silence comforts each other; their presence soothes each other, just like many nights they spent together in silence, sitting or reading. But it was not entirely one of those nights.

“I feel like the people who told me they loved me, they left. It’s not their fault, though. Really... I can understand that things change. People change. Thus your feelings change too…” Tao broke the mantra.

Suho frowned as he felt the younger shifted his sitting a little.

“But I cant help but felt lied to...”

Suho glanced at Tao, eyes curious.

“If you really felt that way about me, then they should have fight for me. Fight harder,” Tao continued, his expression unreadable.

Suho remained silent.

Tao was still staring at the dark sky in front of him, towering the busy city lights below.

“I don’t get why someone would leave the people they love,” Tao said, “Why would they do that? Even though they changed, there’s one point in their life where they really love them, right? So when you pass it then what it’s gone? Was it a lie since the start? Then why are there a lot of people who remained in love after 50 years of relationship? And those mothers who still visit her son in jail despite what he had committed? A lot has happened to them and many even unforgivable but they didn’t change as much. What was it, that they do and I didn’t?”

“Was I— I don’t get it. I feel so empty… I have been thinking, over, and over again, and I still couldn’t understand it. Something must be wrong with me then? It seemed like the harder I try, the more I get left behind…”

“Your parents still come back, though,” Suho finally responded, carefully selecting his words.

“They come back, yeah. But they were never there before, and even now they are here, its… its something I have never used to, and it scared me… What if they leave again?” Tao replied.

He took a deep breath before continuing, “And I have a reason to be. They always have the option not to go and leave me, hyung. They do have the choice. But they never chose me,”

Suho got the message. This isn’t just about Tao’s parents.

He went silent again before adding, “Kris had the option not to leave me but he did,”

Suho turned to Tao. He had heard from Luhan that Kris was now working for Huang Industries too. He hasn’t told him any detail but he told Suho that the three of them are working on the same department. Suho pursed his lips, examining Tao’s expression.

Tao’s eyes were dry, even though for some reason Suho felt like he should be crying now. Those eyes were no longer hollow, but they were tired. There was no spark.

Suho smiled as he turned his eyes back to the sky, taking his time before he responded.

“I never told you this. But when I was younger, I used to be like you. I lived alone since I was 12, Tao. My parents passed away and I had to live with an uncle. Uncle Kang. Remember I mentioned him to you once that time?”

Tao nodded.

“He has his own family. I was never seen. They were happy and I am happy for them. It wasn’t their fault. I was the stranger, intruding their little happy family,”

Tao blinked at the sky.

“I was surrounded by people but I can’t deny that I felt lonely. It was suffocating. So I hurt myself too,”

Tao turned to Suho. He didn't know any of that.

The elder smiled again.

“I made tiny, soft, delicate cuts all over me. So careful when I did so that they don’t leave any marks. They would only last a day or two, and I made them on hidden parts of my body,”

“I was like you, I was numb. So I did it,”

Tao blinked at the elder as he continued.

“After sometime, I stopped. What I did was… How do I say this. It did make me feel better, but it was temporary. At the end of the day, it didn’t help me at all. I spend a lot of time to think, and I came to realize that all things that happened to me must have happened for a reason,”

“Actually, I stopped when I met you guys, and befriend with everyone. It was not long after that I found my passion in medicine. It was not long after that I met you,”

Suho glanced at Tao who was staring back at him blankly, and he smiled again.

“Tao, if I didn’t stop back then I might end up taking my life away. And I won’t be able to be there to help you. My death would cause yours. I would take away your life too,”

Tao gaped.

Suho chuckled.

“I guess that’s one of the purpose that I am still here right now. All of those things happened to me for a specific reason. If I hadn’t learned, I wouldn’t meet you,”

Suho ruffled Tao’s hair, then threw his arm around the surprised boy.

“Well, lets just put it this way. Everything happened for a reason Tao. Kris left you, you live here, and you two met again, all of that. They have their purpose. And they’ll come to you. Believe me,”

“Give yourself a chance to find it,”

Tao shifted his gaze back to the sky, dropping his head on Suho’s shoulder. He looked surprised, definitely, but also curious. What was there for him then? What’s the purpose of all this?

Silence enveloped them again.

Both of them stared at the traffic beneath them, thousands of people heading home after another hectic day.

They have homes they could go back to. What about him? The realization made Tao squirmed.

As if reading his mind, the grip on Tao’s shoulder tightened.

Reassuring.

Right, he’s not alone.

He too, had his home.

“Hyung?” Tao called.

“Hmm?” Suho glanced at the ruffles of now red hair next to his cheek.

“Thank you.”

Suho smiled, knowing that he wasn’t just thanking him for the talk, but for everything Suho had helped him with. He didn’t respond but patted Tao’s head.

Suho shifted his gaze back to the sky.

They spent that night in silence, side by side.