“Ah hello ZiZi! How are you today?” a man with, this time, a Spongebob scrubs asked as he entered Tao’s room.

“See, hyung? He’s crazy,” Tao mumbled as he nudged Suho, who was standing next to his bed. Suho smiled to the said doctor after looking at the scrubs he was wearing.

“Hey! I heard that!” the doctor reached for his pocket and grabbed something red, then slapped it on Tao’s nose.

“HEY!” Tao yelped.

“Now you’re crazy, haha!” said the doctor, satisfied look on his face. The nurse who was following behind him chuckled at Tao. The boy tried to see what was on his nose. It was red and ball like, squishy, and it smelled like candy.

It was a clown nose.

“Hahaha!” Suho laughed at Tao, not forgetting to snap a picture to send to Luhan and Kyungsoo later.

Tao tried to grab the fake nose off but he failed to grab the red ball with his fingers. He was trying to scratch it off when the doctor spoke again.

“Ah, no, no, no. You have to clench it in your hands to take it off. That’s the only way,” he said.

“But I can’t!” Tao shrieked in disapproval. Suho chuckled beside him.

“Hyung, help me!” he begged, pouting.

“No, if you help him, I am not going to go through his therapy session,” the doctor raised his finger, moving it side to side.

Suho grinned, “Well, I guess you have to do it yourself, Tao,”

“Nooooo,” Tao threw his body back to his bed.

Suho, the doctor and the nurse laughed in unison.

“Hello, sir! It is nice to finally see you! ZiZi had told me so much about you!” the doctor said, extending his hand towards Suho.

“I did not,” Tao mumbled, his lower lip jutted out, clearly not happy with what is happening.

“Hello doc, I am Joonmyeon,” Suho shook the doctor’s hand.

“I am Dr. Cho Kyuhyun, but ZiZi here called me Hyunnie hyung,” Dr. Cho smiled proudly.

“I did not!” Tao said louder while the nurse behind Dr. Cho giggled.

“Now, now, ZiZi, don’t be mean,” Dr. Cho flicked Tao’s clown nose. Tao pouted even more.

Suho laughed again, “So how was his condition, doc?”

“Our ZiZi is recovering fast, his blood work improved this morning. I think this was related to the return of his appetite. Thanks to you, I suppose?” Dr. Cho winked.

“Ah, I didn’t—“

“My nose doesn’t lie, Mr. Myeonnie, sir. I can smell pizza even from miles away,” he said, then turned to Tao, “I always asked for extra cheese too,” he winked again.

Tao stuck his tongue at him.

“Well,” Suho scratched the back of his head, “Yeah, I brought him pizza and some other stuff his butler made him. He didn’t like the food here,”

“Oh, no worries. I hate them too. They’re weird shaped! That’s why I always have this,” Dr. Cho reached into his pockets again, then pulled out a bag of gummy worms. Tao’s eyes glinted in excitement, eyes locked in the colorful treats.

“Geez, how many random things did you put in there this time?” another doctor walks into Tao’s room.

“Just enough to make ZiZi happy!” Dr. Cho answered, while the other chuckled, “ZiZi, Myeonnie, this is Dr. Shim Changmin, he was the surgeon that helped you the first time you were admitted. I guess you remember him?”

“Oh yeah!” Suho smiled, shaking Dr. Shim’s hand as well.

“Hello, guys! How are you, ZiZi-ssi?” Dr. Shim said as he examined Tao’s IV bag.

“Why are you guys making nickname for me?” Tao asked, eyes still on the gummy worms bag, his lip.

“Ah, because we wanted to!” Dr. Cho caught Tao’s gaze and opened the gummy worms bag, only to eat one himself, “You want one?”

“Yes?” Tao nodded.

“Well, lets start your therapy, and maybe you can get one,” Dr. Cho teased.

The nurse pushed a wheelchair towards the side of the bed. Suho and Dr. Shim helped Tao moved to the wheelchair, holding his arms on both sides.

Once his touched the chair, Dr. Cho handed him one worm, which Tao accepted happily. He chewed the sweet and sour thing slowly, while his eyes turned into twin crescent.

“Ah, no wonder Kyu got his interest in him,” Dr. Shim said as his co-worker, the nurse and Tao proceed to the therapy room ahead of him and Suho.

“Huh?” Suho turned his head at him.

Dr. Shim smiled, “Dr. Cho was an Oncologist, he was not supposed to be on ZiZi’s case. But he had always had a soft spot for cuteness, which obviously, lies a lot in Zi. He liked to work for pediatrics ward too sometimes, because that’s where all the cuteness happens.”

“He’s an Oncologist?”

“Yes. And I know very well that you’re joining us soon, and that you’re interested in Oncology?”

Suho nodded, “Very much, Sir,” he said when they passed by the nurses’ station for the floor. Dr. Cho greeted the nurses in front of them, earning a loud coo as they saw who was with him. Apparently Tao was quite popular between the nurses too.

“You will learn a lot from him. He had a lot of different, rare cases.,” Dr. Shim smiled supportively.

“I hope he’d be my mentor,” Suho smiled back.

“Oh, knowing that kid, he definitely would,” Dr. Shim laughed.

Their movement halted when Tao yelped, “Gimme more!”

In front of them, Tao was trying to snatch the gummy worms bag from Dr. Cho’s grip.

“Nu-uh, you have to go on the therapy first,” Dr. Cho waved the plastic bag in a teasing manner, out of Tao’s reach.

“And, I suppose he got his antics from peds ward?” Suho asked the man in front of him.

“No, its had always been there. Believe me, we’re friends since forever,” Dr. Shim answered, tilted his head at the commotion in front of him, “Even though I didn’t even know why I would befriend that,”

“Stingy doctor!” Tao tucked his tongue out.

“I am the most awesome doctor here. I’m like, power rangers in the middle of apple fields,” Dr. Cho shoved the candy bag back into his pocket.

“What does that even mean?” Tao gaped in confusion. This doctor is absolutely crazy.

“You know what I mean. Hey, Taeminnie! This is ZiZi! Zi, this is Taeminnie, your Physiotherapist,” Dr. Cho waved to the hospital staff who looked really young when they have arrived at therapy ward.

“Hello, ZiZi-ssi! How are you?” Taemin greeted him, bending his back so he could reach Tao’s height on the wheelchair.

“Why does everyone call me ZiZi!?” Tao demanded, still pouting.

“Well, he’s a little grumpy this morning,” Dr. Cho said, then whispered, “His nose swelled up, that’s why.”

Tao scrunched his nose in disapproval, his clown nose moved up and down with the movement.

“Well, I can see that,” Taemin chuckled.

“All right, I will be going then, I have patients to check up on. You too, come with me,” Dr. Shim said as he pulled the back of Dr. Cho’s scrubs, “Don’t worry, ZiZi, I liked your nose,” Dr. Shim added with a wink.

Suho grinned, “I liked it too, ZiZi,” he chuckled.

“Hyung! Don’t start calling me ZiZi too!”

Dr. Shim laughed as he started to walk towards the corridor connecting the therapy ward to the post op rooms, dragging Dr. Cho with him.

“Bye, ZiZi! I will see you after your therapy, okay!!” Dr. Cho waved at him, before disappearing at the corner.

“Well, let’s start then?” Taemin pushed Tao’s wheelchair towards the therapy room.

“Okay, now take the wooden cube and put it on the top of this one,” Taemin instructed.

Tao grabbed the cube with his right hand, then lifted it up. The wooden thing was shaking in his loose grip before falling to the carpeted floor.

“It’s okay, its okay,” Taemin took the cube from the floor and put it back on the table, “Do you want to try it again?”

Tao sighed, “Could we continue tomorrow?” he asked Suho.

Suho turned his head to face Taemin for approval, who nodded.

“Sure,” Taemin smiled, “Dr. Cho had scheduled you for a couple sessions, I would be helping you in all of them, okay?”

Tao nodded gratefully, “Thank you,”

“Don’t worry, okay, Zi? You made a good progress today,” Taemin patted Tao’s shoulder before he pushed his wheelchair towards the front of the ward.

“It’s okay, Taemin-ssi, I would take Tao back to his room,” Suho smiled, “Thank you for helping him today,”

“You’re welcome,” Taemin flashed a smile before patting Tao’s head, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Tao smiled back, “Okay,”

Suho and Tao took their time walking back to Tao’s room. Suho turned and made his way towards the elevator.

“Where are we going, hyung?” Tao asked, looking at the young man behind him.

“Well, today’s a beautiful day, you went on your first therapy session, your appetite is back, I guess we should celebrate,” Suho grinned.

“Don’t be mysterious, hyung,” Tao furrowed his eyebrows.

“You’ll see,” Suho replied as the elevator opened on the ground floor. Suho led them towards the back of the hospital, where there was a small garden. It was sunny, and the weather was warm. It was a nice change compared to the air-conditioned rooms he had been cramped in for the week. Tao smiled as he raised both his hands, trying to soak as much sunlight into his skin as he could.

“Woah, this feels good!” Tao beamed.

Suho chuckled, “There’s more,” he made a turn behind a tree, where a man with grey hair in dark blazer and perfectly polished shoes was waiting. Beside him were a small blue cooler box and a checkered cloth.

“Mr. Lee!!” Tao screamed in excitement, jumped from his wheelchair.

“Tao, don’t!” Suho yelled just as Tao lost his balance; he wasn’t allowed to put weight on the wounds on his foot yet because they were still healing and that was why he would be needing the walking therapies.

“Its okay,” Mr. Lee caught Tao in a tight hug, “Hello, Young Master Tao. How are you?”

“Good,” Tao mumbled into Mr. Lee’s shoulder.

Mr. Lee chuckled as he pat the back of Tao’s head, “I am glad,”

“How are you, Mr. Lee?” he asked as he pulled away from the warm hug.

“I am good too, young master,” he answered, staring at the red clown nose that stuck on Tao’s face.

“Ah, I liked your nose, young master,”

“Don’t, Mr. Lee, it’s stupid. My doctor put this on my nose,”

Mr. Lee chuckled.

Tao shifted his gaze to the ground beneath him, before looking back up at his butler. Mr. Lee caught the worried look on Tao’s face then continued, “The other maids were good too. We took care of everything, the house was good as new,”

Tao smiled. Suho helped him to sit back on the wheelchair, then pushed it towards the bench nearby.

“How was everything?” Mr. Lee glanced at Tao’s bandages.

“He’s healing fast,” Suho answered as he watched Tao tugged Mr. Lee’s blazer continuously; “If only he would stop being so hyper. We started the therapy for his hands today. Maybe we’ll start the walking therapy soon too. As for now, he’s attached to the wheelchair. But really, he’s improving,” Suho smiled proudly.

“That’s nice to hear,” Mr. Lee replied with a huge smile, then turned towards Tao, “Yes, young master?”

Tao stopped tugging on Mr. Lee’s blazer then pointed at the blue container, “What’s that?”

Mr. Lee grinned, “This was something the maids and I prepared for you, young master,”

Mr. Lee opened the container, then pulled out a lunch box.

“Is that..”

“Yep,” Mr. Lee opened the lid, revealing scoops of strawberry ice cream, glazed with strawberry jam, slices of banana, and chocolate shavings.

“MR. LEEEE!” Tao shrieked happily.

Mr. Lee dipped a spoon into the ice cream, then handed the spoon to Tao, who tried to hold it with his left hand. It was trembling, still, but just before his hand gave up, he managed to catch the icy treat in his mouth.

He hummed in happiness as the treat melted on his tongue, sweet and delicious as always.

“Here, let me help you,” Suho said, grabbling the spoon then dipped it in the lunchbox, feeding Tao a spoonful of strawberry ice cream before having one spoonful for himself.

“This is good, Mr. Lee. As always,” he praised the old man.

“Thank you, Mr. Suho,” he showed his white teeth.

The three of them continued to chat for the rest of the evening, even when the lunchbox has long gone dry as Tao made Suho spoon all the melted ice cream clean for him.

“Well, I guess it’s time to go home,” Mr. Lee raised from his seat, “Do you want me to take you to your room, young master Tao?”

“Ehm.. No, Mr. Lee.. I am good.. But.. Erm.. Did.. Did..”

But Mr. Lee knew the boy real good.

“No, Young Master, I didn’t tell your parents anything yet. Do you want me, though?” he took Tao’s hand in his.

“Erm..” Tao looked a little unsure, “But, did they call?”

Mr. Lee’s smile fell.

That’s good enough of an answer for Tao.

“Okay, it’s alright. I get it. Maybe they’ll call me later,” Tao tried to assure himself.

Suho put both his hands on Tao’s shoulders, supporting him.

“I would tell you when they do, young master,”

Tao made a weak smile, “I know you would, Mr. Lee. Thank you for visiting me,”

“My pleasure, young master. I shall come back tomorrow. Do you want to eat anything in particular?”

Tao pursed his lips before answering, “I want noodles, Mr. Lee..”

“All right, I would bring some for your lunch tomorrow, okay?”

Tao nodded as they started to walk back into the hospital building. They continued to chat until they have to separate at the hospital hall.

“Thank you again, Mr. Lee..” Tao said, a smile graced his face.

“You’re most welcome,” Mr. Lee responded with a smile too before excusing himself.

Suho pushed Tao’s wheelchair towards the elevator, not missing the sigh that left the younger’s lips.

“What is it Tao? Are you still hungry?” Suho asked as they enter the elevator.

Tao nodded absentmindedly.

“I think they should’ve delivered your dinner to your room by now,” Suho pressed the number of Tao’s floor.

Tao hummed in response.

They continued to walk towards Tao’s room. Suho was correct, the dinner was already served on Tao’s bedside, and it was still warm. He helped Tao to climb his bed, then started to prepare Tao’s dinner, pushing the tray towards Tao.

Tao took the bread and took a bite.

“Do you need help with the soup?” Suho asked.

Tao shook his head.

Suho flicked Tao’s clown nose.

“Is it itchy?”

Tao shook his head again, putting the bread back down as he swallowed.

“Are you tired?”

Tao nodded.

“All right, lets just put this food aside, okay?”

Again, a nod.

Tao laid his back on the bed, then turned, facing the window.

Suho smiled as he pushed the tray back to Tao’s bedside, then gathered his stuff, starting to walk towards the door.

“Good night, Tao,” he said, as he turned off the lights.

Tao hummed again as tears started to build in his eyes.

So, his parents didn’t remember to call him. They promised to call everyday at first. Then every two days. Then every week. Well, more than a week passed now but they hadn’t call.

Had his parents really forgotten him too?

A muffled sob escaped his chapped lips.Was this how he’s going to end up? Alone?

Tao’s tears started to blur his vision, his body started to shake as more sobs escaped his lips.

See, maybe Huang Zitao was just destined to be alone. While he was busy thinking, a hand found its way between Tao’s locks. Familiar and warm, as always.

“It’s okay, Tao. It’s going to be okay,” he heard Suho’s voice from behind him.

“Hyung.. I thought you left,” Tao said shakily.

“I thought, maybe I should spend some more time before I go home,” Suho answered, smiling softly as he climbed onto the bed, hugging Tao from behind.

Tao didn’t turn away from the window, but Suho noticed a smile in his words when the younger said, “Thank you, hyung,”

Tao had never sleep more soundly since Kris left until that night.

“Tao! I heard you hate hospital’s food so I brought you kimchi spaghetti!” Kyungsoo appeared with Baekhyun the next day.

“The is that thing on your nose??” Baekhyun’s face contorted in distaste.

“My crazy doctor made me wear this” Tao scrunched his nose, “Is it okay if I eat that later, hyung? I just ate the noodles Mr. Lee brought me,”

“Sure!” Kyungsoo put the kimchi spaghetti on Tao’s desk, ignoring Baekyun’s rant about the clown nose.

“Woah I can smell it! Gimme, gimme!” Tao changed his mind, motioned for Kyungsoo to hand him the lunchbox.

“Can you eat it on your own?” Baekhyun asked, handing him a fork.

“Well, I have to practice sooner or later, hyung,” Tao responded, setting the fork between his bandages, “And I can squeeze the wooden toy today!”

“Good job, Tao!” Kyungsoo patted Tao’s back, then reached the paper bag again, pulling out another lunchbox filled with watermelons.

“Ah, thank you, hyung!” Tao smiled gratefully. He dipped the fork into the piles of pasta, eating the dish happily. He also munched on the watermelons, his eyes closing in delight.

“Ah, more food!” Dr. Cho appeared, wearing his dinosaur scrubs.

“Oh, hello, doctor!” Baekhyun greeted Dr. Cho.

“Well hello!” Dr. Cho greeted him back, “Did he eat much?”

“Yes, doc! Noodles, now pasta and watermelons!” Kyungsoo beamed happily.

“Great! What is that anyway?” Dr. Cho eyed the pasta suspiciously.

“Kimchi spaghetti! And it’s mine!” Tao replied, pulling the lunchbox towards his chest.

“Not much of a sharing person, ZiZi?” Dr. Cho winked.

“I am not ZiZi!” Tao sulked.

Dr. Cho laughed as he opened Tao’s charts, “Your blood work is even more improving, and Taemin told me your therapy went well. We will start your walking therapy tomorrow, okay? Does it still hurt?”

Tao shook his head, “A little, but I can manage,”

“Great. And this is your treat for being such a good patient today,” he shoved his hand into his pocket. Tao straightened his seating, hoping to get some more gummy worms. To his disappointment, Dr. Cho took out a piece of lego, then put it beside Kyungsoo’s lunchbox.

“What is that?” Tao asked.

“A lego piece,” Dr. Cho answered.

“What for?”

“Your reward!”

Tao raised an eyebrow, his lips jutted forward.

“Omooo, see? See!” Dr. Cho shrieked, pointing at Tao’s facial expression in delight, “I’ll see you tomorrow, ZiZi!” he bounced in excitement then jumped towards the door.

“What is that all about?” Baekhyun asked when Dr. Cho was out of sight.

“See? I told you he was crazy!” Tao said matter of factly before continuing to munch on the spaghetti, “Look under my pillow, he usually put the lego pieces there,”

Kyungsoo lifted Tao’s pillow, and he’s right, there were 7 other lego pieces, all in different colors and sizes. He chuckled.

“He’s funny,” said Kyungsoo.

“No he was not,” Tao replied between his munches, his bright red clown nose moved in sync with lip movement.

Kyungsoo chuckled at the sight.

“He put this thing on my nose and then made me wear it until I can take it off myself!” Tao pointed his nose.

Baekhyun nodded in agreement, “Yes, he’s crazy”

“Finally someone who agrees!” Tao yelled, then laughed. He was about to take another mouthful of spaghetti when he dropped his fork.

Tao’s eyebrows furrowed. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun looked at each other before Baekhyun reached for the fork.

“Its okay, Tao. I will ask for a new fork, okay?” Kyungsoo patted Tao’s back.

“No, hyung. It’s okay, I’ll just finish the spaghetti later,”

“Are you sure?” asked Baekhyun.

Tao nodded, looking disappointed.

Kyungsoo helped Tao stacked the lunchbox again, then set it aside on Tao’s desk. Tao drank the water on the glass clean before he spoke, “Hyung, what if my hand wouldn’t function normally again?”

“If you really want it, Tao, you’ll be able to do it,” said Baekhyun assuringly.

“Well I really wanted to go to England with Kris, and I really wanted him to come back to me. We all saw how it went,” Tao scoffed.

Kyungsoo glanced at Baekhyun, who nodded.

“Tao, baby.. Do you think you know why you never passed the English exams?” Kyungsoo asked.

Tao stared at the big eyed boy for a while before shaking his head.

“Well, do you think it maybe because you wanted it for the wrong reason?” Baekhyun added.

“Was it wrong to want to go with him?” Tao demanded.

“No, that was not what I’m saying. Remember when Luhan asked you if you were sure that it was what you really wanted?” Baekhyun asked him again.

Tao nodded.

“Well, we think.. Maybe it was not exactly what you really wanted, for yourself, Tao,” Kyungsoo replied.

Tao tilted his head in confusion.

“Okay, let me just be blunt here. You see, when you really wanted something, truly, wanting it, its like the whole world would conspire to help you achieve it. Get what I mean?” Baekhyun asked, reaching for Tao’s hand.

“Not yet,” Tao pursed his lips.

“When you want something Tao, unconsciously and consciously, your mind and the universe would help you with everything related to it. In this case, when you insisted that this is what you want, your unconscious mind sort of like, rejecting it,” Kyungsoo added.

“What?” Tao raised an eyebrow.

“You were really sure that this is what you want, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was what Kris wanted. Maybe it was because you were excited to be with him. Maybe it’s because you were still on that stage of your relationship. Or maybe you just trying to convince yourself that you wanted it but actually you didn’t. Maybe you wanted to to it for Kris, and not for yourself,” Kyungsoo continued.

“And then, unconsciously, you didn’t pass the exams on purpose,” Baekhyun concluded.

“But— But I studied day and night!” Tao said in disbelief.

“Exactly. Come on Tao, you were one of the most brilliant kid I knew, beside Channie. Don’t you think if you really wanted it, considering all the time you have spent on studying English, working your off on piles of workbooks, you’d ace it?” Baekhyun sat beside Tao.

Tao remained silent. He blinked his eyes in disbelief.

“Do you really think that was what happened, hyung?” Tao finally managed to ask.

“Well, we have wrecked our heads trying to think what caused it. That was our deduction,” said Baekhyun.

Tao sighed, then laughed.

“I was tricked by my own mind!” he blurted out. He laughed for a full minute before tears came out from his eyes and turned his laughter into a cry.

“Pathetic,” he mumbled between his sobs.

Kyungsoo climbed Tao’s bed on the other side then hugged the sobbing boy, “No, you’re not… There was nothing wrong with wanting something, Tao. It’s humane. You wanted to be with him because you loved him. And there’s nothing wrong in that. But maybe, just maybe, deep inside you, there’s a little part that didn’t want to go. And the little part won. But it’s all right. Maybe the time wasn’t right. Maybe in the future. Maybe deep inside, you were not ready. Maybe you needed more time. That’s all,” Kyungsoo said softly, his hands tracing circles on Tao’s back.

Baekhyun nodded, squeezing Tao’s hand in his, “I told you, Tao. If you want it, you’d get it. Maybe it wasn’t the right time, but you would get it. Don’t punish yourself, okay,” Baekhyun smiled softly.

Tao sobbed for a moment, holding onto Baekhyun’s hand tightly before nodding in agreement. So that was what happened…

That moment, a small part of the lump that was formed in his heart vanished.