I'm spinning, flying, soaring. This should feel fun right? Like flying, isn't it? I can see the stars, flipping and rolling above me. It's surreal, how gorgeous they look. But, wait. This isn't right, I'm tumbling now, towards the ground. Or am I still going up? I can't think, I can't breathe, what is this?

No.

It's startling how quickly the ground has come, slamming my body hard, against leather that was comfortable just a few moments ago. I can feel my chest compress, and pressure too great. It hurts so much. I can't hear anything. Blood is rushing to my head. I hear the sounds of metal crushing.

No, please. Not again.

I can see now. Clearly, I see her. Ji Eun. She's half inside and out the car. She isn't moving. "Wake up! Ji Eun, wake up! Get, up!" I call hoarsely. She doesn't respond, at first, but we all join in, calling for her as best we can. She opens her eyes slowly. I drag myself towards a window, trying to get out, to find help, but the movement causes my body to flare up in pain. I can't breathe!

Not again. Please, I've had enough.

"Unnie!" Sun Hwa calls, to Ji Eun. She wakes up, still hanging inside and out, and sees the glass we've been fearing. She cries seeing it, knowing she can't move.

"Ji Eun, don't cry! Get a hold of yourself, I'll get you out of there." Hyo Sung says, her voice firm. I'm glad she is being strong, because I cannot. Unnie has always been so strong, when I couldn't and vice versa. I wished I could be strong, but the pain doesn't permit it. I watch as my unnie lifts her leg, holding Ji Eun so that the glass doesn't harm her. But Hyo Sung is surely hurt and will need help soon.

"Sun Hwa, can you get out?" I ask. Sun Hwa looks away from them and looks at me. She nods.

"Y-yes."

"Go get help." I tell her calmly. Unnie cannot be the only strong one. We all have to be strong. But I can't be sure how long I can stay up. The pain. I can see my vision getting blurry.

Please. Please. I just want it to stop.

"Okay." she pulls herself out safely, thank goodness and I see her lean against the car, stumbling. I can hear her call out for help. She coughs, and screams louder. I glance at the window next to me. The window still has glass. Help won't be coming soon. It will take time. Time meant death now, didn't it? How much time left then, until...?

I kick the glass, feeling it break. I never knew I was so strong. My injuries are numb now. Maybe this is what heaven will feel like? No. Heaven will have to wait. I kick agin, feeling some glass scrape my leg. I cry out. Hyo Sung looks at me. "Hana, what are you doing?"

"We have to get out. I can crawl out.."

"Your leg is bleeding!" she says, noticing it before I do.

"It's okay, unnie. You just take care of Jie Eun." We both looked at her. She seemed to be in shock. I crawled through the window and gripped Sun Hwa's arm. "Unnie!" she cried.

"The driver. Where is he?" I ask.

"He crawled out. But he passed out. Unnie, we need help." Sun Hwa said. I nodded.

"Help! We've been in a wreck!" I regretted the scream instantly. My ribs were on fire, my lungs, oh God, why can't I breathe?

God, please. Stop. I can't do it anymore. I just want it to end.

I leaned against the car, falling down, not caring about the way my chest was folded up. It seemed like hours when help finally came. I saw the ambulance, flashes, pictures, but I didn't care. I could finally rest. But breathing still hurt. I coudn't get much in.

"Unnie!"

"No! Stop!" she yelled thrashing and sitting up, as if she were electrocuted. She panted heavily, taking in deep lungfuls of air. She laid her hand on her chest, feeling her heart beating furiously under her fingertips. She pulled her legs to her chest and laid her head on her kness, crying. That was the sixth nightmare this month. She thought she was fine. But she wasn't. She told her members and her donsaengs, and her friends, and family. She. Was. Fine. But she wasn't. She didn't want to feel that weak again. She got up, and put on long sweatpants, and a loose hoodie. She needed to let off steam, to forget. She went to the small gym they had in the building and attacked the punching bag.

She used every single bit about fighting she knew and used it full force, but nothing worked. She didn't notice at first, but tears were falling. How could her eyes betray her? These eyes that reflected a fierce and unbending spirit? These eyes that caught on more about the world than people knew. These eyes that let her see everything for what it was. And now they were betraying her, after everything. It was like losing a close friend.

"Don't you dare cry! Don't you dare for one second do this to yourself, Jung Hana! You are, Jung Hana. Zinger. You don't do this. You're strong. You've faced worse. You can survive this. Don't let it control you." she chanted to herself, punching the bag harder, kicking it harder. She wasn't practicing or exercising. It was pure frustration, pouring out of her body. She felt words travel in her brain, trying to express themselves, but none came out. They simply swirled in her brain.

"Noona. Noona?" She turned around quickly, leg flying out instinctively. It was just Young Jae. She sighed and bowed, apologizing profusely.

"Oh, Young Jae-ah! What are you doing? You're not wearing work out clothes." She pointed this out, making Young Jae blush. He was in ratty pants and a large t-shirt.

"I know. I just, woke up to use the restroom, down here, so I wouldn't wake anybody and..I heard crying." he said. She blanched. Had she been that loud?

"Did you? Well, noona had to get some frustration out, but she's fine now." Hana replied wiping her tears. Young Jae stood in front of her awkwardly, before straightening his back and standing tall.

"Hana-ah." She looked to him quickly. Her eyes shocked, but not threatening. Young Jae hardly ever called her anything but noona. All of the members excluding Young Guk treated her well and kindly, but with respect. Plus she'd never heard him sound cross like that while talking to her.

"Yes?"

"You shouldn't hold it in like that. You shouldn't keep it to yourself." he stated simply walking to her and wrapping her in his arms.

"Young Jae-ah. Really--"

"Don't say you're okay noona. Because you're not. I know, because all of us weren't. We all worried and cried and prayed for you to be okay, and we're still healing, just like you. So don't say that you're okay." he said. Pulling her in even tighter. She had no idea that her dongsaengs had cared to this extent. She hugged back and cried silently.

"Thank, you Young Jae-ah. Thank you." she said simply. Holding on tightly to him. He her back, crying silently with her. She would heal, in the future. She was Amazinger after all.