Rain Sound
Guilty Pleasure
“Hey Yong. It’s me. I’m just calling to see what you’re up to. I thought maybe we could go out tonight, but you know what? I’m tired. It’s only ten, but I think I’m going to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow before the class, okay? Love you” sighed, Yoona flopped herself down on the bed. She had just listened to the answering machine, a message Seohyun had left. Her voice had sounded lonely and sad and very far away. Somehow to hear Seohyun’s voice made her worry and being uneasy. She wanna feel happy with Seohyun presence like she used to, but she didn’t, she couldn’t and she can’t find a single reason why she should. honestly she hated the fact Seohyun has returned. Everything now would go back to the way it was before she left. As always, it would be Seohyun and Yoona, Yoona and Seohyun, with Yoona playing the smaller, darker, mousier, less witty best friend of the perfect girl, Seo Joohyun. She had forgotten how perfect and snowy white Seohyun’s skin were. How pretty her hair was. How long and thin her legs were.
Actually, she hadn’t really spoken to Seohyun in over a year. At first, when Seohyun had gone to boarding school after sophomore year, Yoona had really missed her. But it soon became apparent how much easier it was to shine without Seohyun around. Suddenly Yoona was the prettiest, the smartest, the hippest, most happening girl in the room. She became the one everyone looked to. So Yoona stopped missing Seohyun so much. She’d felt a little guilty for not staying in touch, but even that had worn off when shed received Seohyun’s flip and impersonal e-mails describing all the fun she was having at boarding school. And back to reality, Seohyun is back. Didn’t know whether she should be happy or not. Either way, Seohyun would take back what had belonged to her since the beginning, being the full-on r magnet girl. The question was, what is she doing back here? why did she have to come back when everything feels so much easy for her?
The truth is Seohyun’s ready to face her sin. That summer when she find out that she had lost her first to her best friend who is none other than her best best friend's boyfriend she couldn’t do anything but pretend nothing happened between her and Kyuhyun, although she was felt so filthy, so mischievous and it was a life-changing experience, but she knows all were wrong, they had done something wrong.
“I’m sorry, Yong. I really am” Kyuhyun began apologized to Yoona for the incident that night. Yoona nodded and began to cry.
“I think the only real reason I did it . . .” he said, grasping for the right words “Is because I love you, it was you I wanted all along” Yoona put her arms around Kyuhyun’s neck and let him hold her.
“But only if you promise to not did it again and willing to wait” she sniffled. Kyuhyun pushed her away and looked down into her eyes
“I promise, I won’t do it again” It was strange words. Was he promise not to forcing her to sleep with him? Or was he promise not to have with her bestfriend behind her? That was the only unanswered question and neither he knew what the other meant by it
“So everything is okay now?” he said, Yoona nodded as a yes. And then they kissed, a sad, soft kiss. It felt okay, standing there, holding her. It felt like everything is going to be okay. For now, and maybe forever.
Once, all back to normal; Yoona is going back together with Kyuhyun and Seohyun can get along with her beloved friends again. Desperately Seohyun tried to act like everything is okay, but of course she couldn’t. You think you can come back and act all cool after everything she have done? The problem with hiding your sins is they always come back. Everytime she saw Yoona's and Kyuhyun’s face at the same time, her dirty little secret would flashed back in front of her eyes and it always strike her like a thunder. It’s haunted her. She was afraid she won’t have her old lives and lost her wonderful time with her bestfriends and her bestfriends themselves if they know her unpardonable sin, everything will totally-completely change. She can’t bear the burden which is why Seohyun left town to distance herself from her mistake and avoid a scandal which, in the snobbish world of high society, is social suicide. Boarding school was the perfect choice to run away, a perfect place where strict rules are places which was definitely not Seohyun’s thing. A week later, Seohyun went away to boarding school at NYC, while Yoona and Kyuhyun stayed behind in Seoul. And yeah, she’s right, they’re completely far away from each other. In the first months Seohyun and Yoona and Sooyung and sometime Donghae still get in touch during weekend through messages or mails or video calls when Kyuhyun since the first day she moved was never ever contacted her, probably because of his guilt, he just said a simple ‘goodbye’ on her departure day. but after the following months they completely lose contact. The last news Seohyun had received was a postcard this past summer: Seohyun: had a party at Eunhyuk’s suite last Friday night. Seoul rocks!! Miss you!!! Love, Yoona, was all it said. Seohyun had tucked the postcard into her old shoebox with all the other mementos from their friendship. A friendship which she’d thought of as over until now.
They say the only way to conquer your fear is face what you fear the most. And risk the possibility of failure. But try to hide from your fear, and you risk it swallowing you whole
Then did she ever regret her choice? was her decision more clear-cut than the other one? The point is, she left for boarding school hoped after she’s back things will go back like it used to be, back to normal, really normal. But looks like all was wrong, the fact that she’s being the lonely girl now she knew things will never be the same.
They once were a good friends, and she want everything back to it old selves, she swear to god to fix everything and the only way is to dealing her own stuff. She can’t run away forever after all.
.
.
.
“Come on Seo you’re making me late” Sooyoung shouted urgently
“what took you so long?” she asked stomping her foot annoyingly
“the make-up do takes a long time you know” Seohyun said as she half-ran down the stairs
“then try to wake up earlier”
“I tried” she answered simply “mom, I’m going to school”
“Not without your umbrella” her mom went over her handing her an umbrella “it’s raining outside” she added, removing a stray strand of hair from Seohyun’s beige knitting coat
“okay, thank you mom. Now we really have to go” Seohyun said before kissing her mom on both cheeks. and walked away to Sooyoung's car
“ugh funny how it’s raining this early. it’s summer, isn’t it? Weird. Looks like the devil is beating his wife today” Sooyoung sputtering
“Why didn’t Yoona come with us? Does she with Kyuhyun?” Seohyun asked
“she will never ever go to school with Kyuhyun, you know he is the king of ‘late’ and she hate it” Sooyoung chuckled “it's Tuesday, remember? it's the Daughter and Father's time, in Yoona's case. she going to meet us at school”
“she’s still a daddy’s girl … all still the same” she said most like a whisper in the last sentence. a smile curved in her lips. She saw the grey clouds above, staring straight ahead through the rain-spattered windshield. Crystal drops of water, falling from the sky. As the rain falls, ever so lightly, cleansing the air, Seohyun breathe in deeply and sigh refreshed. pater pater on the windshield. splash slash on the street, like a beautiful melody in her ears. She loves it
“here we are” Sooyoung said as she unbuckled her seat belt “O ... there is she” Sooyoung added when she saw Yoona is standing under a shade tree with her floral yellow dress holding an umbrella, probably is waiting for her friends
Glowing eerily white in the light of summer sun –it’s raining, but the sun can still be seen behind the ash cloud. Seohyun stepped out of the car and waved to Yoona with a smile supermodels spend years perfecting. Well, Seohyun smiled that way without even trying. And Yoona saw Seohyun, her best friend, the girl she would always love and hate. The girl she could never measure up to and had tried so hard to replace. The girl she’d wanted everyone to forget but she herself can’t forget.
Seohyun is so beautiful today, Yoona herself admit it. Seohyun had her hair curled and tied up in a messy bun so into fashion with her denim fitted with beige knitting coat. Skinny jeans and white flat shoes looks so fit and perfect on her. Yet again, she demonstrated her mature and sophistication but she keeps it purely casual chic.
“sorry to have kept you waiting” Seohyun said in apologetically tone
“it’s ok. what took you so long by the way?” Yoona asked her as casual as she could
“ask this miss make-up enthusiast” Sooyoung quickly replied sarcastically
“excuse me?” Seohyun piped up
“okay stop it, both of you have never changed” Yoona chuckled “we should go now, class is about to start in 15 minutes” she added
“let’s go” Sooyoung sneaked between the two girls, she clasped Seohyun and Yoona's shoulder the way she always do when the three of them did their after-school activity; walked down the city of Seoul doing nothing but wandered around aimlessly. While the others girls holding their umbrella tightly to prevent Sooyoung from the rain
All around them, girls and boys were flying past, a blur of start-of-the-day energy, rushing to their classes. Out of habit, those who know Yoona, Seohyun and Sooyoung since high school paused for half a second to say hello to them, because ever since they could remember, to be seen talking to the three of them was to be seen. Especially with the return of the high school queen Seohyun, they’re get the attention
“Hey Seohyun” Nicole Jung yelled before diving up the stairs for Glee Club in the music department
“Look who’s back, later ok” Choi Minho said, as he slid his backpack, heading for soccer practice
“Its so good to have you back, Seohyun” Soyu said softly, blushing because she was wearing her hot pants, which always embarrassed her but she couldn’t refuse to not wear that in this hot summer heat which strangely is raining, Summer may not yet fully come
Automatically Yoona was like shrank away and be forgotten, and ever since for ever she hates this kind of situation
“we should go now Sooyoung-ah, or we'll be late” Yoona said urgently and pulled Sooyoung’s arm leaving Seohyun who was still chatting happily with Key, their high school friend
“Seohyun-ah, see ya” Sooyoung bid goodbye and later rushing to their classroom
Realized it was too late for the class she trotted upstairs heading to her class. The hallway was empty. Everyone is already in their classrooms. but she disn't went to her classroom, she stopped at the balcony on the 3rd floor instead. She saw the pitter patter falling from the sky. she smell the rain before she hear it; wet grass, damp leaves, tranquilly pattering against the soft grass and the rain sound like lots of soft beats all in a peaceful way
She close her eyes, stretched out her hands in the rain drops and feel the rain beats against her palms, in rhythm with her heart It is a constant reminder that she is alone. unaware her tears flow, quietly at first, then uncontrolled, she allow her true feelings to show.
For her, rain can stir up a lot of different emotions. a feeling of calm and peacefulness to wash over you; bring about a ton of thoughts about the past, present and future. she love listening to the rain softly hit the windows or the roof as she go to sleep. It almost creates a feeling of comfort and being safe and that in itself will tend to lull her to sleep.
One of her fondest memories of rain as a kid was when she, Yoona, Kyuhyun, Sooyoung and Donghae visited Donghae’s lakehouse, the Gulf and the roof was made of tin and it rained quite often and the sound of the rain rhythmically hitting that tin roof. That was their favorite place to congregate, doing nothing but fooling around and the rain sound would gently rock them to sleep in front of a fireplace and that's a memory that is stirred up every time she hear the rain sound. It's weird seeing the reality that the night that she tried desperately to forget also happened in the summer rain. She had with someone she’s not supposed to and this kind of summer rain accompanied their guilty pleasure.
Unawareness, someone is watching her quietly behind the glass door. He smiled faintly at her unchanging habit
“so looks like you're still in love with rain sounds” out off the blue, the boy showed himself through the glass door. Seohyun craned her necks backward to see who’s the owner of the voice, which like she doesn’t have to. Well, just to make sure
“Oh… what are you doing here, Kyuhyun?” Seohyun saw Kyuhyun beaming sweetly down at her
“I could ask you the same thing. You're supposed to be in class”
“I could ask you the same thing too” Seohyun grinned
“well…” He scratched his hair “I can’t find any reason other than I was overslept” he smile shyly
“I’m in the same class with you less than a week but I already know why Mrs. Han really want you so bad”
“why?”
“because you're late yesterday, and the other yesterdays, isn't it obvious?”
“uh-uh… go on” Kyuhyun , daring her to go on. Well Kyuhyun know her so well, this is another Seohyun’s habit; play a role as a mother scolding her troubled kids. Well, in this case Donghae is the one who always being scolded by her, she can nag all day long
“tss… and your reason for being late is?”
“wow you sounds like Mrs. Han now” Kyuhyun said jokingly. And Seohyun just gave him a tell-me-now look
“Okay, I have a lot of reasons to answer. Last week Eunhyuk took me to his suite, partying all night long so I was really too late to go. And my reason for being late yesterday is, well other than I woke up too late I had a flat tire too so I have to took a public transportation to come here. And the reason why I'm too late today is because I couldn’t sleep last night. enough?”
“and why you can’t sleep?” for sure, curiosity is in her vocabulary
“You are Mrs. Han now. Seriously? Should I tell this too?” and as usual Seohyun just gave him her trendmark eerie-seductive look “I can't”
“Of course you can”
“No. No, this is the one thing I can't tell you. I have privacy too you know”
“wait, wait. Could it be? You and Yoona… last night” Seohyun teasing him
“NO!!... I mean, of course no. I can’t tell anyone about this one”
“I'm not anyone, I'm me. You can tell me anything?” and Kyuhyun’s heart sped up as Seohyun began talking like she used to. This is the first time since she’d been back could talk to him freely without one shred of guilt in her, no hiding things, just be themself. Seohyun’s heart is beating even faster than his. She felt comfortable and free, and she missed this kind of feeling.
And do you wanna know why did he couldn't sleep last night? so many thoughts going through his head last night, but the one that kept popping up again and again: Seohyun simply
“oh crap!” Kyuhyun exclaimed when he saw his watch “let’s go” Kyuhyun lead her way to the classroom. But she went into a different direction and turn left instead
“Ya! where are you going? this way” Kyuhyun asked
“Nah, I better go home. it’s a suicide if I come to class” Seohyun said. True, and how long have they were skipped class, an hour? two? Though it’s just 5 minutes, Mrs. Han is definitely going to kill them then what about an hour? tore their body apart is the right answer. But it was not a problem for Kyuhyun, a wicked witch is still scarier than Mrs. Han he thought, she's scolded him too often so he used to it
“yeah, I guess you’re right”
“Well then, see you tomorrow, try not to be late okay” and there she is, being the unrecognizable Seohyun once more, walked away saying a curt goodbye
“no!” Kyuhyun hold her off, holding her hand tightly.
“follow me” Kyuhyun lead their way and tug her along with him
“where are we going?”
“Eunhyuk’s suite” Kyuhyun repliy simply. no need to ask, she already knows what they will do now. It is their habit, if one of them skipped class then they will go to Eunhyuk's popular suite. She thought college would be different from high school but who would want that?
They both headed Kyuhyun car, it was still raining so they had to share the umbrella, it is awkward, but they had no choice.
“my goodness, look who's back together” A shrill voice stopped them from their tracks
“Jessica…” Kyuhyn looked at her in horror
“Look, I know things. I've been date so many guys enough. Lee Eunhyuk is my best friend. And you know, the third person is supposed to be a complete stranger! But a girlfriend’s best friend and a best friend’s boyfriend, it’s a total mess” she said ironically
“what are you talking about, Jessica?” Seohyun hasn’t get into the scene
“well, I just wanted to warn you so you could prepare for whatever happens. Just be careful dear, I do not want your friendship end up tragically” Jessica shows her pitiful expression, but she mean it. She may be a , but she is a nice girl actually
“well, see you in Eunhyuk’s suite” and she bid goodbye
They rode the rest of the way in silence. Enjoying the cool air from the open window on their sweat-dampened foreheads. The rain had let up, and Seohyun just closes her eyes in silence. The after-rain air was crisp and smelled of burnt sugar, she like it.
“Yoona doesn’t know, does she?” Seohyun asked Kyuhyun quietly
“know what?” Kuhyun thought, with a momentary case of amnesia. He shook his head “No” he said. If they both haven’t told her, she doesn’t know
“but Jessica knew, right?” Seohyun guessing which unfortunately was right
“yeah” he sighed. Kyuhyun had blurted the information out at a party only two nights before Seohyun’s comeback in a drunken fit of complete stupidity. They’d been doing shots, and Jessica had asked “So, Kyuhyun. What was your all time best ? That is, if you’ve done it all yet” at first, Jessica was just want to , but surprisingly he answered the question
“Well, I did it with Seohyun” Kyuhyun had bragged, like an idiot. Which was almost worse, the boys were there including Donghae, Eunhyuk and Changmin. Well, he could trust his secret tucked neatly with the boys. but Jessica, she wasn’t going to keep it a secret for long surely. At least he didn’t blurted the secret in front of Yoona’s face.
Seohyun took a deep breath and let her head fall back against the seat while Kyuhyun just focus on his driving, but fears is painted all over his face.
They say there are no accidents. Sometimes reality comes crashing into us. Other times it dawns on us slowly, despite our best efforts to ignore it.
And one false step could spell disaster. But no matter what, you still have to stay the course and forge your own path. Because there's no going back now. And it looks like this one's going to be the ride of our lives. and for what is going on between Kyuhyun and Seohyun for sure God has its own meaning.
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