~Hana~

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I waved at JaeJoong as he waved back at me, watching me being taken away with Yunho beside me. He was quiet nevertheless but there was something with his eyes that made him look a bit.. sad or disappointed

 

"Was that.."

 

"He's just a friend"

 

"I know but.."

 

"A friend" I mumbled and ended the discussion, avoiding Yunho's as I walked faster

 

Yunho speeded up and we walked side by side in silence towards the house. I think I flinched as the wind passed by and Yunho was quick with taking off his jacket and wrapped it around me before I could even say anything

 

"We should hurry, You might get a cold" He whispered worriedly

 

I didn't say anything and nodded in reply as we hurried back to the cabin where mom and dad was. The entire cabin was dark and I soon realized that they had already gone to bed. Yunho opened the door and I stepped inside my bedroom, Yunho following behind and I took off the jaccket and handed it back to him and then the blankets.

 

"I'll make you some tea. You should take a shower"

 

"I'm all right.. I just need a really long warm bath so I don't think tea is necessary"

 

"Are you sure? I can make you soup if you want"

 

I smiled at Yunho who was worriedly looking at me

 

"We just swam a bit. It's not like I'm going to die out of sickness and if I hurry and get into the bathtub soon, I won't catch a cold. I can take care of myself and I really appreciate that you walked me home and took care of me but I can take it from here" I said smilingly

 

Yunho frowned and then let out a sigh, a smile plastered on his face

 

"You know how to get in touch with me if there's anything that you need... Okay?"

 

I nodded

 

"Thanks"

 

"Always Hana" Yunho said

 

I was suddenly embraced by Yunho's arms and he let go of me before I even had time to hug him back

 

"I'll come by tomorrow"

 

Yunho disappeared with a smile and I let out a sigh and sat down on the bed and stared at the blankets. 

 

I suddenly got an idea and hurriedly went into the bathroom and the hot water, to extreme and then threw off the clothes and jumped in

 

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~JaeJoong~

 

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I looked at the fireplace that I had lightened just by the lake and I was warmer now, wearing loose black pants, a white tanktop with a sweater over. I had done this so many times already that I was used to it and my body got used to it as well so all I was hoping for at the moment was that she wouldn't fall sick or something

 

I looked at the lake in front of me, the water being so silently still as if it was resting and the moon reflecting itself on the surface of the water

 

Yunho. A childhood friend huh?

 

There was more than childhood friend-bonding right there. I had seen those kind of eyes before. The way he looked at her, the way he cared and the confused yet frustrating expression that he wasn't able to show clearly since he didn't want to upset Hana I think. She didn't know

 

I lied down on the blanket and looked up at the sky that several stars were appearing and making the sky look terribly beautiful. 

 

I wasn't really sure why I was doing this. Why I was spending time with her? Loneliness was something that I was born with, embraced with everyday and now when there was finally someone who was willing to spend their time with me, Why do I feel so weird and so wrong about this?

 

Hana wasn't wrong. She was an incredible person. Even though the small amount of time that we had spent together would never be enough for me to know her that well, something inside of me keeps telling me that there is something about her that could make this thing inside of me at ease. 

 

I raised my right hand and put it right over the chest where the heart was. Thump...thump.. thump

 

I must be the person that was wrong at this. Taking her out and risking her health like that. I must be really selfish ..

 

"JAE!"

 

The voice caught my attention in an blink of an eye and I got up on my feet so fast that I didn't see her coming and before i knew it she was right in my arms and was hugging me

 

I looked down on Hana who soon enough let go of me and her rosy cheeks made her face glow as her eyes were sparkling. Happiness

 

"Uhm... Hi" I stuttered surprised

 

"You're okay? You're not cold are you?" She asked and looked at me

 

I laughed

 

"I'm completely fine.. Why aren't you home resting?" I asked confused

 

"It felt so wrong to leave you out here earlier when we were having so much fun and I was kind of hoping that you would be here so I ran with everything that I had and I guess I must be very lucky since you're still here" 

 

I chuckled lightly and so did she. I moved the hairstrands away from her eyes and smiled even more

 

"I'm glad you came back"

 

We sat down by the fire on the blanket and she tucked herself in with the warm clothes that she wearing at the moment. She looked.. cozy

 

"I'm sorry about Yunho earlier.. he's very protective of me"

 

"He's a friend isn't he?" I asked while staring into the fire

 

She nodded

 

"He's.. like an older Oppa. A very protective one. He's very sweet and kind to me and I know that he always thinks of me first before thinking about himself. He's very caring" She said

 

"I understand" I said

 

"Yes.."

 

"So you grew up with him?" I asked

 

She nodded

 

"I've known him since I was 8 and then when I was 15 he moved away and he just came back and well.. here he is. I grew up and so did he. I guess he hasn't gotten used to the fact that I'm not a little girl anymore and that I don't constantly need to be protected"

 

"Hehe I'm sure you can but... Guys feel more at ease when they are able to protect the ones they care about. it's a way of making sure that no harm will be done and that nothing will happen to you" I said and looked at her

 

"I'm very fond of him too. He has always been there for me"

 

I nodded in reply and looked at the fire

 

"Don't you have any friends around here?"

 

I swallowed hard

 

"I do but they moved away and hasn't been able to visit me for a very... very long.. time" I said

 

"Are you close with them?"

 

I shrugged

 

"I used to. Not anymore"

 

"You.. fought with each other?" She asked sadly, as if she was concerned

 

I got happy of the thought that she might care about me

 

"We.. just.. grew apart" I said and looked at her

 

She looked into my eyes for some time before nodding

 

"And your parents are in Seoul? Don't you have any siblings?" She asked

 

I felt so empty inside of my chest that it felt like I wasn't able to feel anything anymore. There was like a heavy stone, one big heavy stone filling up the spaces but in the deepest corners, not even the stone could fill up those spot

 

"I'm all alone" I whispered

 

Nothing was said for a several minutes and we just sat there in front of the fire. She cuddled herself, dragging her legs towards her body and rested on her knees

 

"What do you do about emptiness?" She whispered

 

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I thought about it. I'm empty. I can't really recall how long emptiness has been with me but it was there. Constantly

 

"You can't do anything about it. Emptiness can be filled with either love, happiness or pain. But no matter how you look at it, emptiness is a part of our lives and by pretending and ignoring it makes the emptiness grow stronger. Let it be there, let it stay there but don't let it take over. Cause if it extends to the amount that you cannot even save yourself out of it, then you're pretty lost and that means losing faith in the world, in trust, hope and love. It's.. sad" I whispered

 

"But it's painful" She whispered

 

"Embrace it and you have to teach yourself to live with it. It's the only way cause... without emptiness, how are we suppose to fill it once we find happiness? It's an endless circle" I whispered

 

She sighed

 

"I wish it wasn't so painful" She mumbled

 

"How ... why.. do you feel empty?" I asked 

 

"I don't know. For the past year it just grew into this... depression and this sadness and I feel so lost. As if I'm at a dead end with no return of going back and no paths to go forward. I just.. don't know what I want and why I feel this way and.."

 

"You're confused. All people have a period in life where we face a dead end. I'm sure new paths will open up for your soon and it won't do you any good to just sit here and worry about it. Live life, do the things that makes you happy, think of things that makes you happy. And while you're living, I'm sure a path will open up when you least expect it. Don't forget to live Hana. That's rule number 1" I said

 

She turned her head and met my eyes in the dark with the fire being the only light and smiled at me

 

"Thanks" She whispered

 

I smiled back at her and I felt my arms taking her into my embrace and I her hair as she leaned onto my shoulder

 

"You're welcome"