~Hana~

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His lips was soon pulled away from my own, my hands were shaking, my lips were trembling, my heart was racing and I was panting. The magical moment was swept away and when I opened my eyes I found JaeJoong looking at me, smiling softly, carefully, waiting for an reaction, an expression, probably anything. Me on the other hand was speechless

But somehow he managed to control the situation cause in the next second I found him moving my hair from my face, putting it behind my ear and my cheeks was hot once again. Warm because of his touch, the blood rushing because of him being so close

"I'm sorry if it.."

"It wasn't.. sudden" I whispered

He stopped and looked at me with curious eyes. Apparently that did just come out of my mouth

"It wasn't?" He asked

"I've been longing.. for that feeling. I never ... knew what kind of feeling it was.. until.. now" I whispered and looked at him seriously

His face changed, he was expressionless. Careful and looking at me

"It's a feeling that have been.. roaming around me, in my mind, in .. .here" I whispered and my hand searched for the place where the heart was beating

"And I believe.. "

I wasn't able to finish the sentence cause in the next second I found him close to me again, He didn't cause me but he was close and he was gazing, deeply into my eyes as our nosetips was briefly brushing each other

I forgot how to breathe, how to function. How to be normal. I was a complete mess with him so close and when he realized that I had stopped breathing he stepped away and I took the longest breath in my life which caused him to laugh

"Let's eat"

He stretched out his hand, waiting for me to grab it and with the butterflies in my stomach, I did. I sat down on the stone that was now covered with the blanket and I watched JaeJoong going back to the car, getting a basket and then he started to take everything out. 

"Water.. Tea.. Coffee?" He asked while concentrating

"Coffee"

"Sandwhich, salad och fruits?"

"Anything" I chuckled

Even JaeJoong smiled and when he was done preparing, he sat down right next to me with our little table that was actually the picnic basket and he handed me a sandwhich first and then the coffee

"If you're hungry, there's plenty to eat" 

I nodded

"You should stop worrying" I said

"I'm not worrying. Just being.. caring. Girls like that.. don't they?" He said

"We do.." I smiled

He nodded happily, after getting the confirmation that he was right on that spot. We ate while listening to the wind, the fire sparkling, and the scent of the coffee. It wasn't uncomfortable. It was as if.. we were enjoying the silence. And silence was hard to enjoy but apparently there wasn't a problem for us to do so

JaeJoong finished first and suddenly a napkin appeared in front of me and before I knew it he was wiping away the crunches left from the sandwhich at the corner of my mouth. When we finished and felt like we didn't want to eat anymore, we just sat there, breathing in sync, listening and just enjoying the beautiful view while... holding hands

"What will happen.. when I go back to Seoul?" I whispered

I felt JaeJoong's hand stiffen 

"You're going back?" He asked as he turned to me

"I won't stay here forever. It's more like a vacation with my parents" I said

"When.. are you.. heading back?" He asked carefully

"I'm not sure yet. My grandmother didn't say a specific date when I have to work at the café but.."

"Oh.. you work at your grandmother's café?" He smiled

I nodded

"I help her out sometimes. It's fun and I also get to spend some time with my grandmother" I shrugged

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not really enjoying it.. like fully ?" He chuckled

"I am.. but.. I don't want to be stuck there.. forever" I said

"Then what do you want to do?"

The question that I had asked myself so many times, for so long, there was suddenly an answer to it. An answer that I thought I'd never find. Where did the answer come from?

"I.. want to write" I heard myself say, shocked at the same time and stared at JaeJoong

"You sound shocked?" He laughed

"I am.. I thought.. I.. Just.." I stuttered and got up on my feet

"Hey hey.. You look devastated!" Jaejoong said and followed me

He forced me to turn around but he was met with my wet and happy tears

"I.. want to write JaeJoong!"

"You need to.. uhm.. explain cause I'm confused, worried and doesn't know if I should be happy or.." JaeJoong said awkwardly while smiling

"I found.. the answer to what I want to do. I've always liked writing but.. I stopped a few years back when I didn't get time. Now when I think about it, gives me such.. calmness and I love writing. I love how I can make a story so full of life, describing sceneries in hope of having the readers to get the picture in their head and... to describe feelings. How the characters are feeling and.."

JaeJoong's smile widened the more excited I started to get and when I started to laugh, not being able to end my sentence he lifted me up and we spun around happily, both laughing and screaming

"I'm happy for you" He smiled and put me down

"I think.. you're a big... reason for.. all of this" I said

"Am I?" He frowned happily

"I think so.. When I'm with you.. new feelings keeps coming my way and things I've never thought of keeps popping up inside my head and I get all excited and I live my days fully and.."

"We should celebrate!" He said excitedly

"Celebrate what? That I found a path that I want to try?"

"It's a big step for you. I can tell, You can tell. I'm sure anyone will be able to tell later"

I rolled my eyes

"No, I'm okay. No need for a big celebration"

"Of course we should celebrate"

"You just want another reason to see me?" I teased

JaeJoong scratched the back of his head, embarrassed at first but changed his expression

"Yes I am and I'm not gonna hide it" He said with courage. I couldn't help but smile

"Let's go for ice cream tomorrow downtown. I love the ice cream there and just wandering around and looking at the cute shops

"Oh.. during day?"

I noticed the sudden change of tone and the atmosphere when he said that

"Why? You.. can't?" I asked slowly

JaeJoong let out a heavy sigh and shook his head

"I can't.."

"Why not?" I asked

"I'm busy and.. I have things to do"

"Do you work?"

He shook his head

"Study?" 

He shook his head again

"Family?"

JaeJoong hesitated at first but then shook his head again

"What's wrong then?" I asked, not knowing if I should be worried or.. just.. feel rejected

"It's complicated Hana~" He said softly

"I can understand complicated things" I said slowly and carefully, not knowing if I have the right to say so

"I'm sure you can.." He laughed "But.. I can't tell you about it"

"it's that complicated?" I asked

"Beyond your imaginations"

It was as if this invisble.. lonely wall was wrapping itself around him and seem like he wasn't able to see it but I was. I quickly rushed and threw myself in his arms, looking around, hallucinating that the walls would disappear

"Hana?" He asked

"I'm sorry" I whispered

"For what?" He said and unwrapped my arms that was holding onto him tightly while hugging. I looked around worriedly just to make sure that those walls were gone. 

I am hallucinating and going crazy

"I just.. am. For whatever reason you have that you are not able to see me.. tomorrow"

"No ! No! Don't get me wrong. I can see you.. But the best time is.."

"Sunset" I finished and looked at him

"Sunset" he sighed heavily

I nodded 

"I understand"

"But I can take you somewhere and have ice cream anyways" He said and tried his best to make the atmosphere better

"we.. don't have to go for Ice cream JaeJoong" I said assuring him that it was okay

"I want to have ice cream too"

"In fact Jae, everything is okay. We can do anything. I'm just not sure if I will be able to survive those hours.." I whispered, hearing myself not saying the last words out loud

But seems like JaeJoong heard and a sudden kiss on my forehead was planted

"I feel the same"