~JaeJoong~

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I drove away from the parking lot, looking at the rearview mirror only to see Hana still standing by the doorway and looking after my car. I didn't want to leavve and no matter how much I tried to slow everything down, drivin slowly, walking slowly, I knew the time was against me. By the time I had left the porch I saw the sun rising above the horizon and not only was I able to see Yunho walking towards the cabin, I even saw the longing in Hana's eyes that would keep her occupied until she will be able to see me again.

And no matter how much I knew that she wanted to see me during the days, the invisibility just wouldn't let me see her, I sighed heavily as I was on the road, knowing that anyone who would pass me by right now would not see a driver in the driver's seat. But I could care less. My feelings, the mix of frustration and longing was getting harder day by day to handle and I did want to show her. I wanted to be truthful. I wanted to give her an explanation to why we couldn't see each other in daylight but I always came down to the conclusion of her being scared and afraid.

After all, this wasn't a normal thing. I knew that deep within myself. When I was younger I didn't even know that this sort of thing could exist but now when it did, it feels like the real world was nothing compared to my own. 

That was why I ran away from home, not knowing wher my family was at the moment and certainly no matter how much I cared for them and knowing how much pain I've caused them when disappearing without a notice, I couldn't even imagine the scars that I had created that was so deep that it was impossible to take care of now. 

For years I had longed to have someone to love me again, to take care of.. Just knowing that they would accept me for who I am. Maybe I had met that someone and someone who would be able to be a part of my family again. That could be my family. Maybe Hana was that one person cause these overwhelming feelings was more than I could have asked for.. And I knew I was falling deeply. But the fear of the day when she would started question me was getting closer and I had to figure out a way to make her understand... 

But was she ready for that? It took me years to accept that the world is not as it is suppose to be. There were more than that. Things we couldn't explain..

Letting her being a part of this would shatter her picture of the real world. Is she ready for that?

I shook my head in disbelief as I tried to regain myself. This was only the beginning of our relationship. I didn't need to go there yet right? .. I mean it's still a long way to go and we barely started..

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~Hana~

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It had been a sleepless night. Half conscious, half sleeping without even being able to rest fully due to thoughts that was taking over and my thinking was giving me no other choice but to try to think it all through. 

Not only was my feelings and frustration over JaeJoong and Yunho shattering me, the weird wall that was invisible to me but somehow there between me and JaeJoong was making me feel a bit... at edge. As if there was something that were waiting to be known but what it was I couldn't really put my finger on it. 

I rolled to the other side of the bed as I closed my eyes giving out a heavy sigh in frustration. I was overwhelmed by the feelings JaeJoong were giving me. Not only was it because he could make me tremble, long for him, make me feel special and having butterflie sroaming around in my stomach. He made me feel as if we were special. The bond, Us . 

A smile appeared on my lips and I couldn't but help to just open my eyes just to see the weak sunlight trying to come through the curtains of mine.

"Hana sweetheart?"

Mom's soothing voice was heard and I looked at the doorway to see both of my parents standing there. 

They both entered as they saw me awake and a worried facial expression was plastered on their face. Did something happen?

"Are you alright?" Mom asked

I nodded as mom's hands started to pat my cheek and then fix my messed up hair. I sat up slowly, giving her access to brush it and just leeting myself being taken care of

"I'm fine... What's wrong?" I asked

"Nothing.. It's 2 in ther afternoon and you're still in bed and you look very exhausted" Dad said

"I didn't sleep that well.." I mumbled

"We can tell. Yunho stopped by earlier and there is fruit and tea that he brought for you. He seemed to be concerned about you as well and he also mentioned you being out during nighttime?" Dad asked

I sighed

I looked at my parents knowing where this conversation would go. Not that I minded cause my parents are understandable. I'm a trustworthy and reliable person and I don't lie. Telling the truth is much easier than lying cause it takes so much more strength.

"Yes it's true. But don't worry. It's not like I'm smoking or drinking. I've been strolling around in the woods, especially the lake and since I don't have a car I can't take myself downtown either. Don't worry I'm fine and I won't do anything that would worry you"

Mom and dad nodded

"We know that but just be careful. You never know what can lure out there in the woods.." Dad said

"I will" I nodded

"We came here since we have decided to go Hiking with Mr Parks family today who arrived this morning downtown. We were thinking of asking you to come along but it seems like that would be a bad idea since you look worn out and exhausted because of the lack of sleep. How about you rest today? We'll be back in the morning and there are already food waiting for you in the fridge in case you get hungry.." Mom said

"Sounds good. Thansk mom"

"Take care of yourself okay?" Dad said

Hugs were exchanged and as soon as my parents left I fell back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. As I listened to my parents talking and finishing packing I started to wake up more and wondering what I should do for the rest of the day as I waited for sunset to see JaeJoong again.

When the front door were closed and locked I decided to get up, calmness taking over and somewhat relief since I would be having the house to myself today. I decided to take a shower and after taking a long one, I dressed myself I went to the kitchen, passing by the livingroom where dad had prepared the open fire. 

As mom said, tea and a fruitbasket was on the kitchen table waiting for me. I sighed as I looked at it, not knowing what I should do with it. Putting it aside I decide to take a cup of coffee and just sit in the livingroom and let the hours wander away as I would kill the time with a few movies. 

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I couldn't concentrate on it. No matter how dramatic and romantic and how deep the movie was, I just couldn't find the feelings to deepen myself and getting emotional about it. My thoughts kept drifting off to JaeJoong and the longing to see him was literally breaking me. I sounded desperate in a way. Was this normal? Is this how it feels when you're falling in love? Constantly wanting to see the person, anything, a phone call or a text message would be enough to make your day and the torture of waiting seem a  bit more less than earlier. 

I let out a sigh and walked back to the kitchen and started doing the dishes as I wondered what he was doing at the moment. I had managed to not look at the clock and from what I could tell, it was starting to get darker by the minute. As I was about to peek outside to see if the sun was gone yet, a knock was heard by the front door and I stiffened. 

Who would be knocking now ? Yunho?

Slowly I approached the front door as I heard the knocking continued. 

I opened the door slowly only to be met with a pair of smiling eyes, a guy casually leaning against the wall by the door as he looked at me

My breathing had stopped and I started to wonder if I was hallucinating that he was there or if he actually was there.

The answer to my question were soon answered as he stopped forward and gave me a kiss on my forehead

"The sun set early today so I decided to come here and pick you up since that has been on my to-do list for a long time. Now with that done I was wondering if you want to stay by the doorway or if you wanna invite me inside?" He chuckled

I chuckled as well as I stepped aside and let him in. The scent he left when he passed me filled my nose and as I closed the door and locked it. I spun around and looked at him before me, as he was looking around, making him somewhat comfortable with the cabin of mine

"You seem to be lost in thought today... You're okay?"

He stepped forward and took me into his arms, his protective arms around me as I felt myself sinking in, adjusting my body to his embrace and hugging him back closely.

"I'm fine" I whispered

"You're sure?" He asked and brushed his lips over my hair as he hugged me closer

I nodded

He then let go of me and smiled before leaving a kiss on the tip of my nose

"So my plan today was to take you out, ice cream and a car ride around the area but seems like the cabin sounds appealing, with the fire place, the piano and dinner inside. What do you think?" He asked

I nodded

"Being indoors for once would be nice"I smiled

"Okay I'll prepare the dinner and you go and just do whatever you were doing and be back soon okay?" He said

"Mom have some food stocked away in the fridge. We just need to warm it.." I said

"Sounds good. I'll prepare that"

He gave me quick kiss on my cheek before heading towards the kitchen as I remained on the same spot, trying to get back to the reality and not the dream that I was now in. After a few minutes I left the hallway to the livingroom and went to my bedroom as I changed into a long tee and a cardigan with black leggings. I put my hair up in a ponytail and went back to the kitchen to see that the table was already served and JaeJoong was finishing up with warming the food.

"I sense you staring at me from the back so come out and have dinner with me instead. It's more fair if you let me look at you too" He laughed

I started to laugh as well as he said that and as he put the lasagna on the table it looked somewhat different from mom's usual lasagna.

"It looks different" I said

"I added a few things and made a small salad. Not too bad right?" He asked

I shook my head

We sat down and I took the first bite of the lasagna and was surprised by the interesting taste in my mouth.

"I can cook" He smiled approvingly making me laugh as I rolled my eyes

When we had finished the dinner we went to the livingroom and sat down by the fire place as we leaned onto the couch with a blanket and I leaned onto him as I wished that this would never end

"You're sure nothing is wrong? ou're more quiet today than usual" He asked and looked down on me as I stared into the fire

"Yunho... that's all" I whispered

"Oh.. did he talk to you?" 

"Not really.. I just went inside and ignored him a little saying that I was tired and wanted to rest. But I don't think he's gonna let this go so I need to be prepared"

"You don't have to be prepared for anything Hana. Just tell him what you feel and if he doesn't accept then it is out of your reach" JaeJoong said

I sat up and sighed

"I'm not even sure if he likes me in that way. That's why I need to talk to him first"

"If it makes you feel better then do it" He whispered

His voice trailed off and his eyes stared into the fire. A feeling of loneliness embraced the both of us and I sensed that it wasn't my loneliness that I was sensing. Was it his?

"Seems like you have lots of things to think about too.." I whispered

He chuckled

"We always think. No matter how much we want to shut down the voice inside of us we won't be able to cause this is how it works and how horrible wouldn't it be if that voice actually disappeared?" He said and then turned to me

I nodded in agreement

"Where is your family JaeJoong?" I asked suddenly as I had scanned the pictures of my own above the fireplace. It had then hit me that I knew nothing about his family and seems like he was strict to keep it as a secret and the last time I had asked him he said it was complicated but exactly how complicated could it be?

"It's complicated Hana"

"I know that and we have loads of time so you can start from the beginning. I'm not pushing you but I just feel that... I need thise closeness. To know you. I barely know anything" I whispered

JaeJoong scratched the back of his head and straightened himself. A deep breath was inhaled as he looked at me

"I don't have a family. I used to but.. not anymore"

I choked halfways as he said that. His eyes drifted away from me and looked into the fireplace.

"My brother was older than me by 2 years and he was an excellent athlete and a very good guy. A hot tempered at times and very impulsive but he saw life as a very exciting one. My mom was a housewife. She cooked my favorite meals when I was sick and she was a loving and very caring mother. Understandable and now when I think about it, I don't think I ever... got scolded at even if I did make a mistake. My father was a strict businessman. A very highly positioned manager with an amazing working ability. But he was different when he was home. He was a loving father, at home. He played with me and my brother, helped us with the homeworks and tried his best to cook for us even though he sometimes failed.." His laugh died by the end of the sentence and he quieten

"They're gone?" I whispered, afraid of hearing the answer but by judging on the past tense he was using, they must be dead..

The pain and the loss of a family that you hold close was reflecting in his eyes, his entire facial expression was devastated and it was as if he was reliving the painful memories.

"They're not in my life anymore" He whispered

I wanted to ask him further about what had happened or how they had passed away but it didn't seem right, mostly because it felt like he didn't want to go on any further

I couldn't help but just shift my position to hug him, somehow comforting him and hoping that it would soothe some of the pain that was heavy on his shoulders and chest.

Soon I felt his arms wrapped around me and a sigh was heard. Maybe it was helping in a way ..