July 2005

It’s over now.

I walked out of the terminal slowly. I rode the bus to Haeundae-gu and looked out the window. The ride felt like it was endless and forever as I stared at the trees and sea passing by. Sulli did not answer me, and it will stay like that forever. The girl that I thought would be my only one left me.

March 29, 2006

I woke up, still remembering what happened eight months before. It’s still vivid and crisp on my mind. There’s a reason why I remember it the clearest today, compared to the other days. It’s Sulli’s birthday.

I got off my bed and grabbed a key hidden below my bed. It’s a small, flat, bronze key. With the key on my hand, I unlocked the drawer under the lamp table. I pulled it and got hold of the black notebook I bought months ago. I opened it and flipped through the pages. I’ve written various songs about her already since the day she left Busan.

Though the feeling I had was bitterness and sadness towards her, my songs begged to differ. Every time I write a song, it’s always inspired by the blissful moments I had with her. One of the verses in one of my songs is:

I was walking under the sun,

And I was stunned.

Under the sun, I saw you.

Your dazzling eyes, I fell for it.

I miss her. Every single day.

I smiled as I read what I’ve written. So, this is how people write when they’re inspired? I thought. I closed the notebook, placed it in the drawer and locked the drawer. I grabbed a tape and taped the key under the drawer. Afterwards, I took a bath, wore a simple outfit and walked out of my room.

“Oh, Minho,” umma said as she was preparing the breakfast in the kitchen.

“Good morning, umma,” I said as I smiled.

“Good morning, Minho! It’s Sulli’s birthday today,” she said as she squinted her eyes and smiled at me.

“I know,” I replied as I chuckled.

“She might call her parents later. You might want to stay on their house the whole day,” she joked.

“I will,” I said.

“How about your school?” she asked me in shock.

“Uhh…” I chuckled and rubbed my nape. “Can I ditch it for once?”

Umma sighed and thought of it for a while. “Geurae. Just for this day, okay?” I nodded.

After what happened on July, Sulli’s parents became more considerate on me. They promised that when Sulli calls, they will text me right away. However, the timing in the past few months was not right. I always have classes when she calls. Though today is Wednesday, I decided not to attend the classes. I’m certain that she will call them.

I proceeded to Sulli’s family’s house. I just seated at their sofa, watching TV for two hours, patiently waiting for Sulli’s call. I was browsing through the channels, and I stopped into one channel and dropped the remote.

“Mrs. Choi. Mrs. Choi!” I said in a high volume. She walked quickly towards the sofa while she was wiping the water from her hands with a white towel. “Mrs. Choi! I think Sulli will be seen on the TV today.”

“Really?” she said enthusiastically. I nodded excitingly. Our eyes were stuck on the TV, as the show features what’s inside the building of SM Entertainment and their trainees.

They showed the dance studio where the trainees are dancing. The camera panned to right. I tried finding Sulli, but she’s not there. The next shot was in the control room of a recording studio. There’s a girl singing in the live room, wearing big black headphones. Her face’s covered by the microphone filter. There was another angle of the same scene, and the face was shown. The camera zoomed towards the girl’s features as she sang with a cute and angelic voice. Long, black and wavy hair, thick lips and dazzling eyes.

“Omo! It’s my Sulli!” Sulli’s umma exclaimed in joy as she clasped her hands.

My heart throbbed faster when I saw her. My facial muscles moved involuntarily as I grinned. “It’s Sulli,” I mumbled. I moved my glasses slightly and took a closer look at the TV. She was laughing and enjoying what she’s doing as her vocal teacher coaches her. That short scene of her face made me a happier teenage boy.

“Recently, SM Entertainment released a statement that they’ll debut a next BoA soon,” the narrator of the show said. “Who is it and when will it be? Let’s wait for it.” The show ended as the credits rolled.

“Minho! It’s Sulli on the TV!” Sulli’s umma said in excitement as her eyes watered. She hugged me tightly and I returned the hug afterwards. We were both ecstatic on what we saw.

Thirty minutes later, me and Sulli’s umma, together with my umma, had lunch together. After eating our lunch, the phone at the living area rang. We all stopped cleaning the table. I placed the dishes quickly at the sink and ran towards the sofa.

Sulli’s umma answered the call and activated the loudspeaker mode. She shushed us and said, “Yeoboseyo?”

“Umma!” she exclaimed in a joyous manner as she prolonged the last syllable.

“Sulli! Happy birthday!” Sulli’s umma said. “We miss you!”

“I miss you, too,” she said. “I hope I could all meet you soon!” It made my heart throb. She said ‘all,’ and it includes me, I think.

“How’s it going? We just saw you on TV!” Sulli’s umma said in excitement. Her eyes seemed watery again.

“Ah,” she said as she laughed. “Am I beautiful?”

“Ne, Sulli!” Sulli’s umma said while laughing. She looked at me and said, “By the way, someone wants to talk to you.”

“Who is it, umma?” she said excitingly. Sulli’s umma lifted the telephone handset and deactivated the loudspeaker mode. She gave it to me and I got a hold of it. I slowly and nervously placed it on my ear. “Yeoboseyo?” she uttered.

“Hi, Sulli! Happy birthday!” I said in a low voice and seemingly nervous manner.

“Ah…” she said. I heard nothing after but her breath.

“Sulli, are you still there?” I said.

“Minho,” she muttered. “Thank you. I need to go now. Bye!” she said rapidly as the sound of the phone slamming the switch hook and the continuous beep followed afterwards. I was shocked on what she did.

I slowly moved the headset away from me and gave it to Sulli’s umma.

“What happened?” Sulli’s umma asked in concern.

“She… hung up,” I said.

July 2013

“Wow. Jung Krystal sure is lucky!” the reporter remarked. I smiled and thought to myself, she doesn’t deserve me. “The people noticed, though, how the theme of your songs is all the same.”

I nodded.

“They were all about a person getting his or her heart broken by someone. Is this somehow related to what happened to you before?” she asked me.

“No,” I said as I chuckled. Lie. “Not at all.” Lie. “They all just pop out of my mind.” Lie.

“Okay. We’ve received rumors that you don’t want to write a song for any SM Entertainment artist? Is that true?”

“I’d rather not comment about it,” I said professionally and showed a smile.

She asked me a few questions more and it ended afterwards. Krystal, who was on the other table, met me and we both walked home.

“You said to me before that you don’t want to work with SM Entertainment. Why? I mean, you have greater opportunities there!” she asked me while we were walking in the sidewalk as she locked her right arm on my left arm.

“Hm,” I said as I looked up. “Because I just don’t want to.” I grinned at her.

“What kind of an answer is that?” she said. “There must be a greater reason! Is it because of Sulli?”

I shook my head. Lie.