She patiently waited until the roar of the crowd that filled up Olympus Hall died down enough for her to speak. "I don't usually stop at this point but...Can I say something? Would that be okay?" BoA asked the audience of 4,000 people that were there simply for her. No one on her team knew what she was doing so the music behind her faded as she walked to the very edge of center. She was tempted to just sit on the edge, but she figured it was a security hazard. So she stood there, center stage, rocking on her heels, suddenly very shy.

But the crowd cheered with its usual enthusiasm. They never let her down. For a second there she smiled, a genuine smile, because her personal issues aside, those people, her fans, they made this whole ordeal worth it.

She looked around the crowd for a moment, taking in every possible detail she could. The look of awe across their faces, and the twinkle in their eyes as they screamed their hearts out for her; it was beautiful, inspiring and it kept her going.

"Tonight has been a really, really hard show for me." She admitted to them.

The crowd fell silent. They quickly realized that this was not exactly a good pause. She stopped because it was hard for her to go on.

"You could hear it in my voice, can't you?" She asked them half laughing at herself while trying to keep it together. She heard a few weak replies, a few head nods, but nothing concrete. "That's ‘cause I was crying backstage all day." She told them.

The gasped echoed throughout the venue. A chorus of "Awww!" and "We love you BoA!" erupted from all different directions, enveloping her and a cocoon of sympathy and warmth. Yes, they understood. And they were there for her.

"My manager asked me if I wanted to cancel the show tonight. I was running late and refused to do hair and makeup. And it was hard, so hard you wouldn't believe. But I knew, I knew I had to get up and get dressed and perform for you guys tonight. It just wasn't fair if I didn't. I can't blame you for this."

She took a moment to regain her thoughts. She knew she should be picky with her words, her media training had taught her that. But she couldn't really think at that point. So she just let it all out. "You guys have camped out, you have dressed up, you have tweeted, you have gone above and beyond and I just couldn't let that all go to waste." She praised her loyal fans.

"So you have to forgive me tonight, okay?" She begged them, looking around the arena. "I'm... I'm trying my best." She finished; choking up on the last part.

She was trying her best… at everything; at juggling her personal life and her career. A single tear trailed down her face. She has never let the camera see her cry these type of tears before. Yunho had taught her to be strong, how to lie, and how to wear a mask for the camera. But this time, this time it was too much and it hurt too damn deep and she'd been holding it in for days as it progressively got worse. She'd paint a smile on for the people, but she just couldn't do it anymore. Not after that last phone call…

The crowd cried too and the first few cords to the next broken hearted ballad began. Someone backstage realized what she needed, and quickly a stage member brought up a stool for her. Usually she stands and paces around a bit, but tonight she crumbled. She took her seat on the stool shakily, before bringing the microphone to .

She tried her best to sing the pain away. She poured every ounce of raw emotion into her lyrics, her voice cracking at some point but she didn't care. Her eyes gushed tears, running her makeup completely, but she didn't bother wiping it away.

There's a point in the song where it trails off and you think it's about to end, but then the guitar and drums in the background come back booming, and BoA finishes the song off with a high note that always leaves the audience breathless. But this time her voice cracked when it started to trail off and she couldn't physically finish the line. But when the music picked up again she brought the microphone to and screamed the lyrics out hard. Her vocal coach would have had a field day with her. "BoA! Do you know how bad that was for your vocal chords?!" But in that moment she couldn't care less. This was real, it was her. And sometimes she cried and sometimes she screamed. Tonight she was vulnerable to her whole audience and to the media. She'll deal with it tomorrow though. ‘Cause tonight was just too hard.

BoA thought she could do it. She thought she could have her career and her personal life at the same time. And she never thought she would have to choose. But she was wrong it seemed. She couldn't have it all.

After the song was over, after she soaked it all in, she waved to the crowd, told them how much she loved them, and she wished them a goodnight before disappearing off stage. She still had an encore to perform, but she had a quick break to breathe and straighten up a bit. But when she handed off her microphone to the stage guy and made it behind the double doors on her off stage left, the hallway was empty of its usual madness, which was strange.

But she knew why. The remaining pieces of her racing heart shattered when she spotted him leaning against the wall waiting for her. Her whole body instinctively froze; she was physically unable to move an inch. She wasn't sure what to do. Fight or flight? She wasn't sure if she should feel better or worse at that point.

His face didn't give anything away. He pushed himself off the wall and walked over to her. He placed a cold water bottle in her hands. He knew she needed it; she was still trying to catch her breath from her last song and the shock of seeing him there. Slowly she wrapped her fingers around the plastic bottle, but made no move to drink from it, or even tear her eyes away from his.

He reached out to brush a few remaining tears off her face, trying his best to get most of her ruined makeup off her cheeks. He didn't say a word though. It was hard to speak when a few feet away her audience was chanting her name. She still had to go back out there and he didn't want to say anything that could possibly affect her any worse. He just needed her to know that he was there. Physically and emotional there.

"You have to go back out there," he finally reminded her while trying to snap her out of her zombie-fid mode.

She slowly nodded, her dry lips. She opened the bottle, drowning half of it quickly in a few gulps. She stepped away from him cautiously; worried he'd disappear if she blinked. "Will you still be he-" she started, unsure of how exactly to ask.

He nodded, knowing exactly what she was going to ask. "Of course." He promised. He didn't fly out from Japan, just to see her for 30 seconds between songs.

She too nodded, painting a smile back onto her lips, masking her distraught face as much as possible before going back through the heavy double doors.

A flood of relief washed its way through her body, knowing that this man would be waiting for her once she was done.

He always waited for her.

Always.

--

Author’s Note:

So basically, Yunho and BoA have had their struggles with keeping up their relationship… which resulted in her breakdown on stage. Haha.

I hope you guys liked it.

:)