Estranged (adj.)

-    Sometimes, love can alienate us.

I grew up thinking I could fix anything. I was under the impression that every problem, no matter how absurd or reasonable must contain in them a semblance of logical mechanism that can help us solve them. There are no real problems in the world, I told myself. And for a good while I convinced myself that this was the case. I tried living my life knowing that when things go bad, it can get better.

I wanted to believe that still.

It has been a long day, my parents had left and Victoria came back to stay with me. I still refused to see Minho. Jinki dropped by, carrying a message from Minho. I opened the note, and it read:

        I know you’re grieving. Maybe I’m not the one you need right now, and I respect. Know that I am here when you need a shoulder to cry on. I miss you.

        I wish I could hug you right now and kiss away the pain you’re feeling.

         Be strong, my Taemin. People don’t really die because they always live in our memories.

         I love you.

I folded the note neatly and tucked it under my pillow. The doctor said I can go back home tomorrow. I looked forward to sleeping in the comfort of my room. I slept that night, not thinking about anything. My head was a quiet space.

***

Finally, I was in my own room. After I was released from the hospital, I was immediately ushered home to rest more. However, unlike the day before, I was restless and edgy. I slept only for a few minutes and when I woke up, I texted Minho right away, asking him to come over.

Once he arrived, he went running to me. I was still in bed, reading a book when he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me carefully. I didn’t respond to his kiss or hug, and he realized that. His happy and excited face contorted into a teetered and uneasy expression.

“Tae, what’s wrong?” he asked me as he sat down beside me. I rested my head on his shoulder and did not say anything for a few minutes. You can say that I was trying to gather my courage, or searching for the right words to say. But the truth was, I just wanted to linger on the warmth that Minho exudes. It was numinous, staying like that with him, even only for a few minutes. I needed that feeling of being close to Minho because the simple truth is I love him.

“I love you,” I softly told him.

He drew me in closer and felt his heart rate speed up. “I love you too, Taemin. So, so much,” he responded. “This is the first time you told me you love me,” he added.

It was the first time… it may also be the last.

“How is Kibum?”

“Unsurprisingly demanding. He’s doing so much better. Although he has to wear a cast for a few weeks.”

“Do you trust me, Minho?” I segued.

“Of course. Isn’t that a package deal? You cannot love someone you do not trust.”

“I have to tell you something… and when I do I don’t want you to ask any questions until I am done. Do you understand?”

Minho nodded hesitantly. “What is about Tae? You sound ominous.”

“It’s about Kai… my son.” I saw his jaw drop open. It was time to tell him the truth.

And the truth I did tell. I told him everything, every detail I can remember. Every point of view I could muster, every reason I can imagine, and every feeling I’ve felt. I spared him nothing, wanting him to know as much as I did. Minho trusted me, and in return I must trust him that whatever is going to transpire is done with my trust in him completely intact.

He still had that look of disbelief even after I was done telling him the whole story. I saw him struggle into finding the right words to say in response. I could not blame him though, the premise of the story does sound absurd.

“So you mean to say that he’s gone for good?” he asked, still with a smidgen of incredulity in his voice.  I nodded tentatively.

“And he came back from the future because you’re heartbroken… over me?” he asked again, but this time there was a certain amount of smugness that radiated from him.

In re