“Is someone bullying you?”
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Trust.
Junhong looked away from the TV towards the man sitting on the other end of the couch, typing away at his computer as he tried to finish a project that was due in the morning. He looked at Yongguk's face, contorted in concentration. He noticed himself staring a little longer than necessary before he looked away.
He'd been coming to the man's apartment instead of the playground ever since that night. They didn't really do or say much. Yongguk would fix them both something to eat and they would sit down in the living room and watch the program of his choice. Sometimes the man would tell him about his day and problems at work.
Junhong had learned Bang Yongguk's family owned one of Korea's largest luxury hotel chains and was the manager of one in Gangnam. The man had invited him to come to the hotel but he'd promptly declined, knowing very well he'd stand out like a sore thumb in a place like that.
He was beginning to feel more comfortable in the older man's apartment but he was still aware that he didn't belong in such a nice place and he was certain it would always feel like this. He glanced over at Yongguk. There was something about the look of concentration on his face that made it hard for him to look away. He wondered if it was strange to find another man so attractive.
He'd never felt attracted to anyone before. Sure, there were occasional celebrities he'd admire but the attraction to this man was far different and it scared him.
“Done.” Yongguk let out a sigh of relief as he sat his laptop on the coffee table in front of them.
He tensed up as the man moved closer towards him on the couch. He stared closely at Junhong, who pretended to be focused on the TV.
“How did you get that black eye?” He asked. He had wanted to ask the younger boy since the moment he saw it but he knew better than to rush things. So, he waited until he was certain Junhong was comfortable.
“A fight at school.” He replied.
“Is someone bullying you?” Yongguk could feel the anger building up inside him. The younger boy shook his head. “Junhong.” His tone was forceful. “Don't lie. Who is bullying you?”
He sighed before finally looking at the man. “No one.” He repeated and quickly continued before the man could say anything else. “I get them before they can get me.” He shifted uncomfortably, eyes downcast and his hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
Yongguk looked at him in shock before his face went blank. “So, you started the fight.” It wasn't a question. He stared thoughtfully at the younger. He wondered how Junhong was even capable of hitting someone; he looked so harmless and fragile. He thought over the younger boy's words, thinking that Junhong must have gone through something terrible to even think like that. “What about me?”
The younger looked at him in question.
“Are you going to get me before I can hurt you?”
He didn't reply and Yongguk wasn't sure if he was surprised or not. When he thought about it, he really didn't know much about the younger boy to begin with. He wondered if he should feel afraid of him or not. He wondered if he could ever ask Junhong questions about his past. He desperately wanted the younger boy to open up to him.
Junhong looked at him as he tried to figure out what the older man was thinking. He opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't get his voice to work. He stared forward; looking at the TV without really looking at it. “Have you ever had someone beat you or starve you before?” He asked, his voice void of any emotion.
Yongguk shook his head slowly.
“Have you ever had someone tell you everyday that you're worthless and useless?”
“No.” He breathed.
The younger looked at him, a hint of bitterness on his face. “Welcome to my life.” His face went blank again. “I was nine when they started to make fun of me in school.” His whole aura suddenly changed, he could tell Junhong was seething underneath his blank expression. It was almost frightening.
“I had to put them in their place. I wasn't going to let them win.” His hands curled into fists. “I just needed one place, just one where I couldn't be tormented-”
“Junhong.” Yongguk put his hand on the boy's shoulder, wanting him to calm down and relax.
He violently shrugged the man's hand off and quickly moved away, turning to face him, his face twisted in anger. “Don't touch me.” He hissed. He stared at the man, almost blinded by his anger. Yongguk was frozen, unsure of what to do or say; scared to set the younger boy off any further.
Junhong closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. When he opened his eyes again, he was calm and blank again. It was like nothing had ever happened.
“I. . . need to go-” He said before hurrying towards the front door.
The man was frozen until he heard his front door slamming. He hurried to get up, knowing that if he let the younger boy get away now, he probably was never going to see him again. He didn't even bother with his shoes as he quickly grabbed his keys to the apartment and ran out the door and towards the staircase. He could hear Junhong running down them.
He called out the younger boy's name as he rushed down them, eventually catching up around the second floor. “Wait-” He forced out as he tried to catch his breath.
“You followed me.” Junhong's voice was full of surprise as he turned around and met eyes with the man.
And suddenly the boy was crying.
He wasn't scary to Yongguk anymore. He was just a kid suffering and dying on the inside.
“Come here.” The man said gently as he pulled him into his embrace. “It's okay.”
Junhong didn't understand why it was so easy to trust this man. He never had anyone follow him and try and get him to come back. No one had ever held him after something like that. Either they hated him or feared him.
“Come on.” Yongguk gently guided him back up the steps.
It was silent the rest of the way up, both lost in their own thoughts. The older man was just trying to figure out what exactly just happened. He had never meant to trigger Junhong, he had only been worried. He swallowed thickly, deciding maybe it would be better not to ask questions about his past anymore. If the younger boy wanted to tell him, then he would.
He opened his front door, allowing Junhong in first. He watched as the boy hesitantly kicked off his shoes. The younger boy's face was red from embarrassment and a mixture of other emotions Yongguk couldn't quite place.
“I'm sorry.” Junhong felt awkward saying those words. He never apologized for anything. He was never angry for exploding on someone. But, with this man, he was. He didn't want the older man to think badly of him. He bit his lower lip, wanting to just die right then and there.
The man stared at him thoughtfully before shaking his head. He wasn't going to lie, that side of Junhong scared him; how he had changed so suddenly frightened him more than he was willing to admit.
But, he didn't hate the younger boy. He didn't know what he'd gone through. He thought back over Junhong's words, wondering why anyone would ever hit or starve him. He wondered if the younger boy lived with a relative or a foster home. He wanted to ask but he reminded himself that if Junhong wanted to tell him something- he would.
“Come on.” Yongguk gently turned him around and guided him towards the living room, motioning for him to sit down. He swallowed as he tried to gather his thoughts before looking at the younger boy. “Did. . . you get any punishment?” He asked after a moment or so.
“I'm suspended.” The younger replied. “My foster mother told me I might be put in juvenile hall for a while.”
It was an understatement to say Yongguk was surprised at how easily the younger said it; like it was nothing at all. It was like he didn't even care but then again, he thought maybe Junhong didn't care. He wondered if this wasn't the younger boy's first time.
“Are you scared?” He asked, trying to subtly hint that he wanted to know if this would be his first visit to juvenile hall.
Junhong shook his head, eyes downcast. “I'm not scared.” He sighed softly before looking up. “Could it really be worse than where I'm at right now?”
Yongguk decided that meant this was his first time. He stared at him for a moment before sitting down beside the boy. “You know, you're almost like a little brother I want to protect.”
And for some reason, those words didn't settle very well with Junhong. He thought it was strange; he'd always wanted a family. He wasn't sure why the man's words made him so upset. He didn't know why it made him feel so confused and most of all, frustrated.
He wondered if he should feel happy. Yongguk thought of him as a brother; someone he wanted to protect. He wanted to feel happy that someone cared but his heart ached painfully and he didn't even understand why. He wanted to throw things and scream but he didn't understand why. He thought maybe he hated Yongguk for making him feel this way but he knew deep down inside, that wasn't the case at all. He shook his head, as if to shake the thoughts away. “I think I better go back.” He said quietly.
“I'll drive you home.” Yongguk's tone of voice told him there was no room for argument and he was suddenly feeling too tired to fight it.
He felt embarrassed as he told the man his address, hating the thought of him seeing his poor neighborhood and foster home. He wondered what the man thought of him now. He swallowed thickly, his hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt as they drove in silence.
“Is this the right place?” Yongguk asked after a while, glancing over at him.
The younger nodded, looking even more embarrassed than before. He wanted to tell him that this didn't matter. He didn't think Junhong was worth any less but he was finding trouble in speaking suddenly. He had a feeling he wouldn't see the younger boy for a while.
The younger boy started to get out but was stopped by his voice.
“I'll see you again, right?” He asked gently.
Junhong looked at him and nodded. His heart was beating a little faster at the fact he still wanted to see him, even after what happened. He felt the man's warm hand touching his own cold hand.
“See you soon.”
He wondered if Yongguk knew how much those words meant to him.
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