“I have something for you.”
Home
Trust.
Junhong breathed in deeply and pulled his knees to his chest as he watched the TV in front of him. He watched the older man from the corner of his eye as he typed away on his laptop. He closed his eyes and relaxed. He was supposed to be discharged today. He never thought he'd say this but he really didn't want to leave.
He had grown fond of being with the older man almost constantly. He would only be gone for a few hours during the day before coming back to the hospital. Junhong knew it was selfish and almost cruel to make the man sleep in that uncomfortable chair. He hated to admit how much it meant to him – that Yongguk actually cared enough to be so uncomfortable. He didn't want to go back to his foster home. He just wanted to stay with Yongguk. He held his knees tighter as the sadness overwhelmed him.
Yongguk looked up from his computer hearing a loud sigh. He watched the boy for a moment before speaking. “Are you okay?” He asked and pushed the roll away table to the side. Junhong lifted his head just long enough to nod. The man knew better than to believe that. He stood up from his chair and walked towards the bed before sitting down on the edge of the boy's bed. “What's wrong?” He asked gently.
Junhong wanted to tell him. He really did. He thought of his words carefully before speaking. “I like being with you.” The words felt awkward and he could feel himself heating up as Yongguk stared at him with an unreadable expression. He wondered if he should have phrased it differently or better yet – not say anything at all.
“We'll still see each other.” He smiled warmly.
“It's not the same.” The younger said quietly. “I don't want to go back to that place.”
Yongguk nodded slowly. He didn't want Junhong back in that foster home either but there wasn't anything he could do. He couldn't report the foster father because he didn't know what would happen to the boy and he would never, ever forgive himself if Junhong ended up in a worse situation because of him.
“I have something for you.” Yongguk reached into his pocket and pulled out something. His fingers curled over it so the boy couldn't see. He smiled at the interested expression on Junhong's face. He uncurled his fingers and the younger looked at him in confusion. “This is yours.”
Junhong took the key from his palm before looking back at Yongguk. “What is this for?”
“It's a key to my apartment.”
The younger boy's eyes went wide and he looked back down to the key in his hand before shaking his head. “I can't accept this-”
Yongguk chuckled softly. The man had been thinking about what he should do for a long time. He had decided he would make Junhong a copy of his key to the apartment. “I want you to have that.”
“But. . . if something happens or goes missing you'll blame me.” He bit his lower lip.
“No, I won't.” He shook his head. “I'd blame Himchan.” Junhong's lips turned upwards ever so slightly for just a split second and he continued. “All jokes aside, nothing will happen. I wouldn't blame you even if something did. I trust you.”
Those words made the butterflies go crazy in Junhong's stomach. He bit his lower lip to keep from smiling. “But. . . why?” He trailed off for a moment. “Why are you giving me a key?”
“If something happens, I want you to be able to get out of there.” Yongguk replied. “I want you to come straight to my apartment where it's safe. Even if I'm there or not, you're always welcome.”
He held the key tightly in his hand before hiding his face between his knees so the man couldn't see his face. “Thank you.” His voice was strained and Yongguk knew he was trying not to cry.
The man gently put his hand on his shoulder and Junhong started crying.
It wasn't from sadness but happiness. He had somewhere safe to go to when he was in danger; some place where no one would hurt him or judge him. He'd never had that before. The closest thing he ever had was the little park but this was different. This was a home where he was welcomed and treated like a human being. The park couldn't even compare to this.
Junhong's heart felt like it was going to burst from happiness.
- - - - - - -
Junhong ignored the stares his classmates were giving him as he stepped into the classroom. He could hear them whispering and mocking him but he decided not to pay them any attention though he couldn't help but wonder what kind of rumors were being spread about him.
He walked to his desk in the back of the classroom and got settled. He looked up hearing an excited 'hey' and watched as Jongup ran towards him.
“I thought you had ditched me!” Jongup said, grinning from ear to ear.
“I was sick.” He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.
“Sick?” The older teen repeated and sat down at his own desk before turning to face him.
“Yeah, I had the flu.”
Jongup nodded his head and things were silent between the two of them but it was comfortable. Junhong felt happy to have someone he could call a friend at school. It was good to have someone who didn't mock him or judge him.
The boy watched as Jongup looked forward before narrowing his eyes. He followed his friend's gaze and raised an eyebrow when he realized one of his classmates was sporting a black eye. He hesitantly leaned over. “What happened?”
The older shook his head. “Nothing. Just a little fight.”
“With who?” Jongup smiled sheepishly at him and the younger couldn't help the look of surprise that appeared on his face.
“He was spreading things around the school so. . .” The older teen trailed off.
“About me?” Junhong's voice was quiet and Jongup nodded.
Jongup had defended him. He quietly thanked his friend before the bell rung and they stood up to greet their teacher. The rest of the day was slow and the boy was having a hard time keeping up and understanding anything. He kept watching his friend from the corner his eyes and wondering why Jongup was so nice to him. He didn't understand it but it felt nice. It made him really happy someone would defend him at school and Junhong knew very well he would do the same for the older teen.
It felt really good to have a friend. When he thought about Yongguk, he didn't necessarily think of the older man as a friend. It just didn't seem like the right word to call the man. Jongup was a friend; that word suited him perfectly but not Yongguk. He didn't know what exactly to call the man.
He thought maybe a father figure or brother but neither of those words seemed right either. He decided not to think about it as he packed up his things.
“Hey, want to go out and grab something to eat with me?” Jongup's voice broke him out of his thoughts.
The younger looked at him in surprise. He silently debated on it, feeling nervous simply because he'd never had friends to go out with before. After a moment or so he finally nodded his head and a smile lit up on his new friend's face and he couldn't help but smile back.
And for the first time in his life, Junhong left school with a smile on his face and a friend by his side.
- - - - - - -
Yongguk yawned loudly, gripping the steering wheel tightly. He had a busy day at work with a few guests trying to cause trouble. Because of this, he was glad it was Junhong's day off. He sighed softly and wondered how the boy was doing. He hadn't allowed Junhong to come into work since he wanted the younger to focus on catching up with school and resting.
It had been a couple of days since Junhong was released from the hospital. He hadn't seen the younger since he'd dropped him off but he had called a few times throughout the last couple of days to check in on Junhong and his foster mother had told him the younger was doing fine.
He happened to glance over at the playground and frowned deeply when he saw a familiar figure on one of the swings. Yongguk pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex before hurrying out of his car and across the street. “Just what are you doing?” He scolded the younger. “You just got out of the hospital!”
Junhong looked at him in amusement and the man couldn't help but smile before he continued to scold the boy. Yongguk held out his hand for the younger to take. “Come on, let's go inside.” But instead of taking his hand, Junhong shot up from the swing and ran past him.
The man turned around to look at the younger, raising an eyebrow when he noticed the small smile on his face. He chuckled and realized the boy was being playful. “Am I going to have to force you to go inside?” He asked before running after Junhong.
Junhong laughed softly before running away from him. He finally allowed himself to be captured and gasped softly when the man wrapped his arms around his body and held him firmly against his body from behind.
It was intimate, so intimate and the boy could feel himself heating up. He wanted to pull away but in the same way, he never wanted to move. He wanted to stay like this. The warmth and closeness was so foreign but so good. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax against the man. Yongguk rested his chin in the crook of Junhong's neck as he gently swayed their bodies, holding the boy tightly.
His heart was racing and his stomach was doing flips; he felt almost sick. He recognized this feeling – he'd felt it before but he didn't understand it. He felt himself being turned and the man smiled at him. They held eye contact for a moment before the man raised a hand to gently brush his hair behind his ear.
Junhong silently wondered how red his face was. It was cold, really cold outside but he felt like he was burning up. He had never wanted someone to hold him before. Never. But, Junhong desperately wanted to be held again.
“You're so red.” Yongguk murmured. “Are you feeling okay?”
He wanted to shake his head and say 'no' but instead he nodded his head. “I'm okay.” Truthfully, he didn't know if he was or not. Junhong felt sick but he knew it was something else; something he had never felt before.
Part of him wanted to know what this feeling was but the other part was scared. So, so scared. He didn't want to feel like this because people always left. They always did. No matter who it was, they always left him behind.
But would Yongguk?
The thought made his heart ache painfully. He had gotten too attached, too close and Junhong knew he would never be the same again. He needed Yongguk. He absolutely needed him. “Please don't ever leave me.” He whispered. His voice sounded so foreign to himself and he could tell it was the same for Yongguk.
The man quickly recovered from his shock and shook his head. “Why would I?” He said softly, examining the younger closely. “Never.” The man looked hesitant for a moment before continuing and ruffling Junhong's hair. “You're my little brother.”
The boy visibly cringed and Yongguk chuckled, figuring he had annoyed the younger by ruffling his hair. Junhong kept repeating the words 'little brother' and he knew he should be happy but he wanted to scream. He just wanted to shout and scream. This wasn't fair. Why did he feel like this? He didn't want to feel like this. Junhong wanted to hate the older for making him feel like this but he knew that was impossible.
Junhong backed away and looked towards the ground. “I'm going to go now.”
“Are you okay?” He asked softly and reached out to touch the younger on the shoulder. “I'll drive you home-” Junhong violently jerked his shoulder free and when he finally looked up, he couldn't help but notice the hurt expression on Yongguk's face. He couldn't bring himself to say sorry because, at least at that moment, he didn't care.
Because at that moment, he understood his feelings. He loved Yongguk. He really, really loved him.
Junhong muttered a quick goodbye before hurrying away and leaving the man stunned.
It was only when he was in his small room at his foster home and curled up on his bed that he allowed himself to cry. He cried and cried until he couldn't anymore.
Out of all the people in the world, he'd fallen in love with Bang Yongguk. Yongguk would never love him – not like this. The man would never hurt like this and Junhong really didn't want him to hurt like this. He just wanted Yongguk to love him back. He closed his eyes, exhaustion taking over and told himself he wouldn't cry anymore.
He had someone who cared about him; someone who loved him even if it wasn't the way Junhong wanted him to. He told himself he would be happy because Yongguk cared for him and would always be there for him.
Junhong told himself it would be enough. It had to be.
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