“I just needed to get away.”
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Loneliness.
Yongguk sat down on the side of the bed in his hotel room. He hadn't heard anything from Junhong and he wasn't sure why he was surprised. He stared at his cell phone and sighed softly. He had a million things he needed to focus on and think about but the only thing on his mind was Choi Junhong.
He never imagined he would feel so affected by this. All he wanted to do was see the boy. He had heard from Daehyun but it wasn't enough. He wanted to hear Junhong's voice; to hear the boy himself say he was okay. He stood up and made himself a glass of wine.
He sat down on the couch before taking a sip of his wine. He felt empty and it scared him. He hadn't felt this empty since his wife passed away. Yongguk tried to tell himself he was feeling like this because the boy was like a brother or even a son to him but it wasn't right and he knew it. He closed his eyes, covering his face with his hand. He silently debated on calling for someone who could distract him for the night but his thoughts were cut off when he heard his cell phone ringing. Yongguk quickly placed his glass on the coffee table before hurrying over towards the bed.
“Hello?” He answered without looking at the caller ID.
“Hey, Yongguk.”
“Daehyun.” He murmured softly; the disappointment was obvious in his voice.
His employee chuckled. “Don't sound so excited.”
The man smiled. “How is Junhong?”
Daehyun went on to tell him he was doing fine. Quiet as ever but doing fine. It always gave him a sense of relief but he still wanted to hear the boy say it himself. He figured that wouldn't happen. They briefly talked about the hotel before saying their goodbyes.
The man breathed in deeply and finally made up his mind to call someone for the night.
- - - - - - - -
Junhong stared up at the ceiling. He inwardly cringed at the sound of something breaking and his foster mother shouting. He hoped they would stop fighting soon. He covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes. He wanted to run away and never come back to this place again.
He jumped at the sound of his foster mother screaming. He wanted to go down and check if she was okay but he was scared. He'd been hit by the man more times than he could count. He curled up his hands into fists praying the man would just go away again. His foster father normally wasn't around but when he was- he made things absolutely miserable for everyone.
His heart sped up when he heard foot steps coming towards his door. He held his breath when they stopped in front of his door. They walked away and Junhong felt like he could breathe again. The house became eerily silent and the boy got out of the bed. He opened his door and peeked out. A soft gasp passed his lips when he met eyes with his foster sister as she walked up the steps.
He could hear his foster mother crying. The older girl shook her head and Junhong knew that meant he should go back into his room. He gently shut the door, twisting the lock even though he knew it didn't work. It still gave him some sort of comfort.
Junhong found himself tossing and turning for hours and hours before he finally gave up on sleeping. He went back to blankly staring at the ceiling. It wasn't long until he was thinking about Yongguk. His heart ached painfully at just the thought of him. He'd been trying not to think about it but it seemed like no matter what he did the older man would always be in the back of his mind.
He wondered if the man missed him or not. The voice inside his head told him the man was probably happy to get away from him. He tried to ignore it and think of something else but it was hopeless. He missed Yongguk more than he wanted to admit.
It hurt knowing that even if he ran from this place Yongguk wouldn't be there for him. He swallowed thickly; wondering if he could really trust the older anymore. How often would he leave him behind? Junhong tried to remind himself it wasn't his fault for having to leave but it was difficult.
He closed his eyes and tried to remember all the details about the older man. The first thing that came to mind was his voice. Junhong didn't know why his voice made his heart beat faster and his face turn red. He held back a shiver when he thought about how his name sounded when Yongguk said it.
He felt himself relaxing as he pictured himself talking with the man. It was so soothing just thinking about him. From his deep voice to his warm eyes and even his plump lips. Junhong knew he'd find his thoughts weird when he woke up in the morning but right now it just felt so right as he drifted off to sleep.
He woke up sometime that night from a dream that left him panting and disgusted with himself.
- - - - - - - -
The days seemed to pass by even slower than before and Junhong felt like a heavy weight was on his shoulders. The pressure seemed to get worse and worse. He was finding it difficult to get out of bed and just go to school. He didn't even want to go to work anymore. It was too tiring. He watched as his teacher wrote on the chalkboard. Nothing made sense and he just wanted to scream and give up. Himchan's words repeated round and round in his head and he forced himself to calm down. He felt like it was only a matter of time until he lost it.
Jongup gently tapped him on the shoulder. “Here.”
The younger blankly stared at the test before sighing and taking it. He placed it on his desk and stared down at it. He didn't understand anything. The numbers seemed to twist into different shapes and the words were like a foreign language. He frowned deeply and decided to just wing it.
He knew he had already failed.
It didn't take long until he'd answered all the questions with the hopes of getting just one right. He stared out the window. Junhong looked over in surprise when he noticed his paper being taken away. Jongup held up a finger to his lips and traded papers with him.
The boy furrowed his brows in confusion as he watched Jongup erase his name on the test and write his own. He quickly glanced up at their teacher who currently had her attention towards something on her desk. “What-”
The older boy stood up and went towards the front of the classroom before the younger could finish his sentence. Junhong's mouth nearly dropped open when Jongup handed in the test. He looked at the paper on his own desk. It didn't have a name written on it. He could barely make sense of the situation. Was Jongup helping him. . . cheat?
The writing on the paper was sloppy and the boy knew he'd done it on purpose. His classmate sat back down in his desk and leaned over ever so slightly so he could whisper. “Put your name on it.”
He felt hesitant as he jotted down his name; taking note at how sloppily his classmate had written. He couldn't help but wonder how Jongup knew he was having trouble but he decided at that moment it didn't matter. He stood up and walked towards the front of the classroom. His free hand curled into a tight fist when he heard his classmates snickering and he realized maybe it wasn't much of a secret he was failing at school. He gave the paper to his teacher before turning around and sitting down at his desk.
Everyone finished their tests and the bell rang. The teacher left the room and Junhong immediately turned to face his classmate. He opened his mouth to speak but he didn't know what to say or ask. Jongup stood up from his desk.
“Do you want to go down to the vending machines with me?” He asked.
The younger hesitantly nodded. They walked together in silence; ignoring everyone as they pointed and stared, some even making rude remarks about them. Junhong felt bad for his classmate. They wouldn't be treating him like this if not for him and he was well aware of that fact.
Neither said a word to each other until after Jongup had gotten something out of the vending machine and they were sitting on the little drop off that lead to the shoe lockers.
“Want some?” Jongup held up the bottle of apple juice.
The boy shook his head. He looked forward. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” His classmate shrugged. “Everyone is such a here.” He sighed.
“They're only like that because you're nice to me.” Junhong said after a moment of silence.
“Screw them then.” He said and put the bottle to his lips.
And that was the start of their friendship.
- - - - - - - -
Daehyun walked towards the desk, playfully smiling at the guests he passed. He watched in silence as Junhong stared at his text books before clearing his throat to get the younger boy's attention. He smiled when the boy looked up. “How are you?”
His eyes were downcast as he spoke. “I'm fine.” He said softly.
The man rested his elbow on the counter of the check-in desk. “I'm about to call Yongguk. He really wants to speak with you.”
Junhong bit his lower lip; his heart beat racing. He wanted to talk to Yongguk, he really did but he didn't like talking on the phone. He could feel his throat tighten painfully as he watched Daehyun enter in some buttons and place the phone against his ear.
After what felt like forever, Daehyun furrowed his brows and sat the phone down. “He didn't pick up. He must be busy right now.”
The boy didn't know why he was suddenly feeling so disappointed. He didn't want to talk on the phone to begin with. He tried to ignore it as he pretended to be focused on his text books. Daehyun sighed softly before reaching over the desk and ruffling his hair, chuckling when the boy shook his hair back into place. “He really wants to talk with you. We'll call him again in a little bit, alright?”
Junhong didn't say anything. He refused to look up until he was certain the man was gone. He looked around the quiet lobby, losing track of time as he people watched. His attention went towards the entrance, hearing loud clicks against the floor. A shiver went down his spine when he met eyes with that woman Yongguk had warned him about.
He swallowed thickly as she got closer.
“Hi, sweetheart.” The pet name made Junhong's skin crawl. “I'm here to check in.”
The boy could feel her eyes on him as he typed in the computer before standing up to get her folder with the hotel's information and the keys ready. He tried to ignore it as he slowly turned around and walked back towards her. “You're in room 338.” He muttered as he handed her the package.
Instead of grabbing the folder, she grabbed his wrist.
Junhong's body tensed and his eyes darkened. “Do not touch me.” He hissed. There was no hint of shyness or naivety anymore and the woman let out a soft gasp, her grip on his wrist loosening a bit. He jerked his arm free and right when he was about to swing his arm and punch her, Daehyun came running over.
“Mrs. Han - why don't I show you to your room?” He glanced at the boy before turning his focus on the woman.
The boy's arms fell to his sides and Daehyun grabbed the folder off the counter before basically pushing the woman away. He let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding once she was gone. He had a feeling this wasn't going to be the end of it. Junhong could feel his hands shaking and he decided he couldn't handle sitting there any longer. He knew he wasn't supposed to just leave the desk but he didn't care. He needed to get away from there for a moment and calm himself down.
- - - - - - - -
Daehyun looked at his expensive watch on his wrist before sighing loudly. His break was almost over; not that it had been much of a break. He shook the thoughts away. He didn't mind watching after Junhong or doing a little extra work. He frowned deeply when he thought about what happened earlier with Mrs. Han.
He was certain he'd seen Junhong raise his fist to punch her. Daehyun knew very well she must of provoked him but who else would believe the boy? He was just glad he'd gotten there in time to stop the boy from hitting her. He didn't want to see Junhong in trouble.
He pulled out his cell phone and put in Yongguk's number.
“Hello?” Yongguk answered after a few rings.
“Hey.” Daehyun said quietly as he sat down on the couch in the employee's room.
“How is Junhong?” His boss immediately asked.
There was a long pause. “Mrs. Han did something. She must have provoked him because when I walked out from the restaurant I saw him about to punch her.”
“Put Junhong on the phone, please.”
“Sure.” Daehyun stood up. “Just one moment.” He left the employee's room and went towards the staircase, figuring it would be faster than taking the elevator. He walked towards the check-in desk and frowned deeply before looking around the lobby but Junhong was no where to be seen. He swallowed thickly and put the phone against his ear again. “He. . . he's not at the check-in desk.” His pulse sped up when he noticed the boy's stuff was still on the desk and floor.
“Where is he?!” Yongguk sounded panicked.
“I'll call you back.” He hung up the phone.
Daehyun suddenly felt helpless. He didn't know what to do. Junhong could be anywhere in the hotel. He could have left the hotel. He didn't know. He tried to get himself together, deciding going to the security office would be the best thing to do.
After reviewing some of the footage, he was relieved to find Junhong was still in the hotel. The problem now was – where in the hotel was he? They had checked all the floors but the boy hadn't appeared on any of the security cameras.
He ignored his phone vibrating in his pocket as he tried to think. He gasped when he finally realized where Junhong had gone.
The rooftop.
And sure enough, he found the younger leaning against the railing as he stared forward. He felt relief wash over him as he walked closer. “Kid.” He panted. Junhong looked at him in surprise. Daehyun quickly calmed himself down as he answered his phone. “I found him.”
Junhong furrowed his brows. They were worried about him?
“Yongguk wants to speak with you.” Daehyun held out the phone. “I'll go back inside so you can talk in private.” The boy hesitantly took the phone into his hands. He felt awkward holding such an expensive phone. “I'll just be right behind that door.” The man said before walking away.
Junhong waited until the door fully shut before putting the phone against his ear. “Hello?” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“Junhong.” Yongguk's voice made his body heat up as it brought back memories of that dream he'd tried so hard to forget. “How are you?”
“I'm. . . I'm okay.” He replied softly.
“Did something happen?”
“That woman.” Junhong swallowed thickly. “She grabbed my wrist. I hate being touched.”
“I see.” Yongguk said before trailing off for what felt like an eternity. “Were you going to hit her?” The boy didn't reply and he knew exactly what that meant. He didn't blame the younger for wanting to hit her but he knew very well it would only mean bad news for Junhong. Mrs. Han would not be charged for anything she'd done wrong simply because of her money. But, she could destroy Junhong. “Where are you?” He asked.
“I'm on the roof.” He awkwardly replied.
“You scared me.” The man suddenly sounded so exhausted. “You need to tell someone before doing something like this, okay?”
“I”m sorry.” He whispered. “I just needed to get away.”
“Well, do you feel any better?”
“. . . No.”
“Scream.” Yongguk said softly. “Just scream. Let it all out; right there. Don't feel embarrassed. I've done it before. It helps.”
He opened his mouth but no sound came out. “I can't do it.” He said after a moment.
“Yes, you can.”
Junhong dropped the phone down to his side and closed his eyes. His voice sounded so foreign to him as he screamed but it felt good. He screamed and screamed until his throat hurt. But, it felt so good. He dropped down onto his knees and slowly placed the phone against his ear again.
“Better?”
And Junhong was laughing. It wasn't a happy laugh; it was almost as if he was laughing at himself, his life – everything. He knew he sounded hysterical and he knew he'd feel embarrassed about this later but at that moment, he just didn't care.
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