“Do you remember?”
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Denial.
Yongguk groaned softly as he walked through his apartment and towards the kitchen. He tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his head as he fixed himself some water, regretting drinking so much the night before. He nearly dropped his glass of water when he heard someone's voice.
“When will you ever learn?”
He sighed and sat the glass down onto the kitchen counter. He wasn't in the mood for Himchan's scolding. It was the same every year. He'd drink and drink until he couldn't feel the pain anymore. He knew he'd regret it in the morning but it helped him get through the night. He sighed again before silently leaving the kitchen to grab a couple of pain pills from the medicine cabinet in his bathroom. He held back a groan, realizing he'd forgotten his water.
“Here.” Himchan held out the glass of water.
He smiled sheepishly at his friend and muttered a quiet thanks before taking his medicine. He tried to ignore the younger man watching him closely. He really wasn't in the mood to talk. All he wanted to do was go back to bed and just sleep forever but he needed to be at work in a few hours.
“Are you going to work today?” Himchan knew what his answer would be. He always did and the younger man would always try and make him stay. Yongguk needed to stay busy because when he wasn't busy he would think about it. Work distracted him and made time go by faster. “You really should stay home. You smell horrible and look horrible.”
“No-” Yongguk wanted to say more but a sudden wave of nausea overcame him. He covered his mouth and motioned for Himchan to go away with his free hand.
Himchan shook his head and sighed in disapproval. He grabbed a trash bag from the kitchen and headed towards the older man's bedroom, his eyes widening slightly at all the bottles and cans on the floor. He poked his head out from the bedroom and shouted. “I'm surprised you don't have alcohol poisoning!” He heard a groan from within the bathroom and decided he would scold the man when he was feeling better.
Yongguk came into the room a few minutes later and watched for a moment as Himchan continued to throw away the bottles and cans. “You don't have to do that.”
The younger man shrugged. “Go sit down. You look like you're going to pass out.”
Yongguk looked like he was going to try and argue for a second before finally nodding his head and leaving the room. He sat down on the couch in the living room before closing his eyes and thinking over everything that had happened yesterday. It really did feel good to tell someone about what happened.
But, Junhong wasn't just anyone. He knew, he just knew Junhong wouldn't judge him. He knew the boy would listen and wouldn't question him or even try to tell him it wasn't his fault. He didn't want someone to tell him it wasn't his fault – it was and he truly believed that.
There was also a new closeness he felt towards the boy. He had never spoken about what happened with anyone. He'd never openly told Himchan what happened between him and his wife but he knew Himchan had put the pieces together a long time ago. The younger man knew what was going on between him and his wife. Yongguk thought over the questions Junhong had asked him.
Do you think you will ever love again?
Yongguk touched the smooth gold band on his finger. He had told the boy he didn't think so but it was much more than that. He didn't deserve to love anyone again. He knew his wife was gone but he felt like he'd be betraying her. He made a vow to her; to love her and only her.
“When are you going to take that thing off?” Himchan asked as he sat down on the other end of the couch. Yongguk narrowed his eyes. “Anyway, how is Junhong doing?”
“He's doing okay.” The older looked at Himchan thoughtfully. Junhong was doing better in school, if only just a little bit. It was still something and Yongguk was proud of him. He knew Junhong was trying his best. “He's doing a little bit better in school. He got really sick recently and was in the hospital for a few days.”
“Is he doing better?” Himchan asked.
Yongguk hesitantly nodded his head. “From what he's told me. He's been acting a little strange but I don't know.” He trailed off for a moment. “None of your foster parents ever hit you, right?”
“No.” The younger man pursed his lips. “He's got a bad foster family, doesn't he?”
He nodded his head. “I just don't know what to do.” Yongguk ran a hand through his already messy hair. “I want him out of there. When I came back from my business trip, he was so beat up and he had gotten so sick. I just don't know what to do.” His heart ached at the thought of Junhong being abused and him doing nothing to protect the younger. “I want to report his family but what if he ended up somewhere worse?”
“I know.” Himchan nodded his head for a moment before his eyes went wide. “Why don't you talk to your parents about fostering?"
Yongguk looked at him in surprise before disappointment took over. “My parents will never go for it. Besides, that place isn't even what I'd call a home. He'd be alone most of the time and-”
“He'd be with you most of the time and wouldn't have to sneak out anymore. I assure you, Junhong would love that.” Yongguk raised an eyebrow at that but Himchan quickly continued. “Anyway, it's great publicity, though. I mean, the public loves to see things like this.” He paused for a moment. “It's worth a try, isn't it?”
He smiled weakly. “I'll try.”
“Don't mention this to him unless they have agreed.” The younger said after a moment of silence. “Don't do that to him. Make sure they have agreed and hell, wait until papers are signed because it would crush him.”
Yongguk nodded his head. “Himchan, you are brilliant.”
“I know.”
Yongguk rolled his eyes before suddenly realizing the time. “, , I should already be on my way to work-”
Himchan smiled at him all of a sudden before holding up something. The older furrowed his brows when he realized it was his cell phone. “I called and told them you wouldn't be coming in today.”
“You son of a .” He said without any real malice and Himchan laughed.
- - - - - - - -
Junhong's eyes widened ever so slightly as Himchan opened the front door. The older stepped aside and allowed him inside. He quickly kicked off his shoes, watching as the older man walked into the kitchen. He quietly followed and the man told him to take a seat at the table.
“Where is Yongguk?” He hesitantly asked.
“He's got a hangover from hell.” Himchan fixed the boy a cup of warm hot chocolate and sat it down in front of him before sitting down across from him.
“You didn't have to make me one.” He said but wrapped his fingers around the warm mug.
“You looked cold.” The older smiled.
“Is he okay?” Junhong asked without taking his eyes off the warm liquid in the mug. He wanted to see Yongguk and make sure he was okay. It had taken him a long time to build up enough courage to come over. At first, he'd sat out on the swings. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting but the man never showed up. He had been nervous to come to the apartment but he was desperate to know if Yongguk was okay.
“He's alright.” Himchan nodded his head slowly. “He drank a lot last night so he's not feeling well is all.” He smiled when he noticed Junhong didn't look any less worried. “Yongguk told me you were in the hospital recently. How are you feeling?” The younger quietly murmured that he was okay and the older rested his cheek against his knuckles. “You look good.”
“Thank you.” His voice was just barely above a whisper and his cheeks a soft red before he raised the mug to his lips and took a careful sip.
Himchan looked away and did the same with his own mug. Things were quiet but he could tell Junhong wanted to say something. He needed to leave soon but he sat there for as long as he could, hoping the younger would finally say what was on his mind. He gave up after about ten minutes passed. “I better be going.” He sighed and pushed his chair before taking the mug over to the sink. Right as he reached out to turn on the tap, he heard a soft and hesitant 'Himchan?'
Himchan put the mug into the sink before turning around to fully face Junhong. “Hmm?”
His eyes were downcast as he spoke. “What you said before. . .” He took in a deep breath. “Do you remember?”
Himchan slowly nodded his head. “I do.”
“Is it really okay?”
There was a long pause before Himchan walked over. “It's okay.” He squatted down so he could look Junhong in the face. “I promise it's okay.”
Junhong forced himself to meet eyes with the older. “Thank you.”
Himchan smiled warmly at him and reached out to ruffle his hair. He then said a quick goodbye and headed towards the front door. Junhong held his breath until he heard the front door open and close. He stood up and carried his own mug to the sink, rinsing both of them out.
Junhong wondered if he should leave too. He felt awkward now that he was alone and like he shouldn't be in the older man's apartment. But, he desperately wanted to see with his own eyes that Yongguk was okay. After everything that had happened the other day, he couldn't help but worry.
And with that thought he headed to the living room.
- - - - - - - - -
Yongguk quietly walked through the apartment, looking around to see if Himchan had left already or not. He paused when he noticed the TV was still on but he didn't see anyone. Himchan never left things on. He walked in front of the couch and felt surprised when he saw Junhong asleep on the couch.
The man wondered if something had happened and that was why he was here. He bent down so he could take a closer look at Junhong's face but he didn't see any new bruises or cuts. Yongguk felt relieved but then he reminded himself they could be somewhere else on the boy's body. His heart ached at just the thought and he wondered how anyone could hurt Junhong.
He really hoped he could get Junhong out of there. He was determined. He let his attention go back to the boy's peaceful sleeping face. Yongguk didn't know why but he wanted to memorize this. He found himself staring at the boy's parted pout before he forced himself to stand up straight, deciding he still wasn't feeling well and needed a warm shower.
The heat from the shower managed to make him feel a little better but he still felt out of it. He told himself he wouldn't drink so much next year but he knew that was a lie.
His thoughts went back to Junhong lying on his couch without him really realizing it. Junhong was beautiful, so beautiful to him. He found himself thinking about how the younger boy's beautiful face would look contorted in pleasure and he nearly slipped when he realized exactly what he was thinking.
He felt horrified when he realized he was half hard. “No. No way.” He the cold water, gasping as it touched his skin. He quickly got out of the shower and changed into some clean clothing, all the while telling himself that he was still feeling sick from drinking so much; telling himself that was the only reason he would think of Junhong like that.
He forced himself to go back to the living room, only to find the boy had woken up. He told himself his thoughts were simply due to being so sick from drinking. He took in a deep breath to calm himself, gaining Junhong's attention.
Junhong looked over his shoulder. “You're awake.” He said quietly.
Yongguk forced a small smile and nodded. “I am.” He sat down in the recliner and looked towards the TV. He could feel the boy's eyes on him but he just couldn't get himself to meet eyes with the younger just yet.
“Are you okay?” Junhong finally asked.
The man nodded his head. “I am.” He trailed off for a moment before finally meeting eyes with the younger. “I didn't mean to make you worry or anything. I'm okay.”
Junhong shook his head. He looked at the time on the clock, noticing it was starting to get really late. He had school in the morning and normally he didn't mind staying out and ignoring his curfew but he had a test in the morning and for the first time, Junhong really wanted to try. He had studied from six in the morning until five in the afternoon.
But, something just seemed off. He wasn't sure if Yongguk was still just feeling unwell from his hangover or if something was wrong. He bit his lower lip, wondering if the man regretted telling him his secret.
“Hey.” Yongguk's voice broke him out of his thoughts. “Thank you again for listening to me. It means so much to me.”
Junhong shook his head again, a small smile on lips and he stared down at his hands. His stomach felt like it was doing flips. “I have a test in the morning and it's getting late. . .” He said awkwardly even though he didn't want to leave.
“I'll drive-”
“No, it's okay.” He quickly cut the older off. “Himchan told me you weren't feeling well, so it's okay. I kind of want to walk right now.”
“Are you sure?”
The boy nodded his head. He walked Junhong to the door, neither saying much as the younger pulled on his shoes. The boy turned around and waved before saying a soft 'goodbye' and leaving. Yongguk let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. He turned around and grabbed his cell phone, dialing a woman’s number.
“Hey.” Yongguk said almost as soon as the woman picked up. “Will you join me tonight?”
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