[Taeyeon POV]

It's hard when your 'friend' is as gorgeous as Tiffany. Obviously, the American girl had no weird intentions, she simply needed help. If I hadn't had strutted along, she would have calmly asked help from Sunny or Jessica. It was nothing weird. It was just that I was making it weird. I had to constantly remind myself that this was perfectly normal. We are all girls and it's quite normal for these things to happen- right? 

Liar.

It was difficult to not stare at her perfect body, long limbs and shapely, petite legs. Perhaps it was admiration, or the longing of something you could never have. My head was hung low, I could feel my cheeks burning. I sighed quietly and mentally kicked myself for being such a wolf. But again, I couldn't help but catch a glimpse of her milky skin. Her skin was soft and smooth, ridged with goose-bumps from the air-conditioned radio-station rooms.

"I love you Taeyeon." 

That's not funny Tiffany. My heart was caught in my throat, about to bound out. 

How do you expect me to react to you? Should I laugh like I did then and hide the happiness? 

Or should I pretend that I didn't hear the sincerity in your voice?

If you are playing jokes on me I wish you would stop. I wish you would not say that you love me. The more you say you love me, the more I would wish to be with you. The more you say that with your beautiful voice, the more I would long to be by your side. But we both know I can't do that. Because you don't know anything. Because to you, I was, am and always will be that cool-headed leader who had kept you under my wing. But that's not true. I am far less than that. If you knew the selfish, low thoughts I had going on inside my head, surely you would hate me. I would hate myself too. 

Please Tiffany... Just let me go. This would be the least painful way for both of us. For you to stop relying on me so much because when you do, I feel needed. I feel as though I play an irreplaceable role in your life- when in reality, I don't. I've been delusional this whole time and I'm sorry for dragging you into it. 

But I had promised you that I would never hurt you, and I will stay true to my promise. I won't hurt you. Even if this pain is agonizing for me. I would keep it in. And deceive you with a smile. Because you're innocent and gullible, you would fall for it. Then over time, everything would heal and we would be okay again. 

I in a breath of air and calmed my fleeting heart. 
"You shouldn't say that to everyone, Fany-ah. There's wolves out there."

"Nichkhun isn't a wolf Taeyeon." The American beauty spoke softly, her eyes almost softening to the mention of his name. My stomach flipped uneasily. Who am I kidding?

What an idiot you are. Tiffany. The wolf isn't Nichkhun, but the one that has followed you all the way here. The one who you have so carelessly confessed to numerous times. The one you call your playful 'wife'. The 'wife' who is hopelessly in love with you.

x---

Our conversation ended. So like nothing happened, the two of us left the small changing room and headed toward the packed van where all the members had already settled. The seat arrangements were similar, except Hyoyeon took a seat beside Jessica this time. I glanced around the empty seats. One beside Yuri, another beside Sunny. 

In every group, there were always people you got on with better. Sunny was probably my choice. Instinctively, I slipped into the spare seat beside the shorter girl. She smiled happily when I took the seat beside her, Tiffany looked slightly hurt but took the seat beside Yuri. Lively chatter burst from all the members as they spoke and laughed, still in high spirits. I had put my earphones in and was listening to one of our earliest songs, "Into The New World." I shut my eyes and was taken back to the world we were in just a couple of years ago.

x---

"They won't make it." 
"Seriously, 9 girls. That's way too many."

"Some of them aren't even pretty."

"Do they seriously think they can even stand on the same stage as the Wonder Girls?" 
"Hah. If they can't sing, can't dance or don't even look good- what's the point of even listening to them?" 

We had always been criticized ever since we debuted. I had thought about the criticism and hate we would receive, but never did I think people could be so harsh. Somewhere I know I still have fears. 

The terrible feeling still remains in me from the time we performed at the Dream Concert in 2008, where we eagerly took step onto stage but were only met with a sea of black. A black ocean for us. No cheers, no signs, just silence.

We were singing our hearts out. We were reaching out for them, we wanted to let them into our worlds, and take step into theirs. But they did not extend their hands. They refused to let us into their hearts, let alone, hear us sing. We were trying. Giving it our all. We had worked so hard to get here. We trained for hours, sang until our voices could not take it, danced till our legs felt like they were going to snap and constantly told ourselves that: "If we work hard, everything else will come." We repeatedly doubted our ability, reassured each other and sacrificed opportunities to stand on this stage. Yet, if this was what we got in return, why did we do all this?

Because we loved it.

Everything.

Singing is almost like a drug. You get addicted to the spotlight. The cheering. You have so much fun when looking back, everything is a blur. You can't remember anything but the sheer excitement, adrenaline, the chanting and flashing lights. When you stand on that stage and look out into the sea of people, so many different faces, so many different backgrounds and personalities can all gather here because of us- to think that such a way of communication is possible is just too amazing. Something I just had to seize.

I remember looking at my team-mates, my members, my sisters, my beloved. 

It hurt to hear Yoona's voice waver, to see Yuri's powerful moves weaken, to see Hyoyeon desperately trying to keep up with the beat, Sunny giving her all, Seohyun strengthening her voice, Sooyoung smiling effortlessly, to see Jessica cry but courageously sing her lines. But most of all, it hurt to see Tiffany push herself to her limits. 

I remember my stomach twisting and turning endlessly, I was nervous, scared and hurt at the same time. I was the leader. I had to do something. But I didn't know what. In between singing and dancing, I had caught a glance from Tiffany. As much as I wanted her to comfort me, assure me that everything would be okay... All she did, was smile. Not just any smile though.

A strong, beautiful smile that reminded me that I was not alone.

That smile alone told me that we could do this. I came to realize all members were trying, not as the separate 9 trainees they banded together, but as So Nyuh Shi Dae, as the one we have become. We have the privilege of standing on a stage numerous trainees could have never dreamed of standing on. So we had to treasure every second of it.

Like a disease, I smiled back. Tiffany and I sang louder. We were both imagining where we would be in 5 years. When the song proceeded closer to finish, we wanted to prove to them what we could do.

 "We'll show you just how far 9 girls can go." 

I knew what they were thinking. And they knew what I was thinking.

I pictured So Nyuh Shi Dae in 5 years. 

A glorious stage, much better than this one. We would sing, run and laugh, and have the time of our lives. Our fans would be happy, our concert will help them clear their minds, ease their hearts and give them joy. Then, even if we wished to have a black ocean- there would be none. We will see nothing but pink. A bright, breath-taking ocean of neon pink lights, signs, chants, and cries. Balloons would be rising to the open-stadium, into the darkened sky. Highlighting the night sky with beautiful, bright balloons that drifted to the clouds and higher into the sky until they eventually vanished from our sight. 

With this image in mind, we performed and we sang like there was no one watching us. Like the children we were lip-synching to our favorite songs whilst watching ourselves in the mirror. As quickly as it started, it ended.

Though backstage, it was far less fashionable. Jessica broke down into tears, Yoona couldn't hold in her crying and even Hyoyeon- our cheerful princess had no jokes to offer. With cameras pointed to our faces, we silently made a vow. To give it our all. No half-heartedness would be tolerated. Because this wasn't just my dream, it's our dream. 

"I was so sure you were going to cry then," I had said to Tiffany in our dorm. The Mushroom had already changed into a loose-fitting top and comfortable shorts, as she lay on the bed flicking through a small Korean notebook. She glanced up to me and gave me another one of those gleaming eye-smiles. 

"Well, I sing too! It would be terrible if we all just started bawling on stage." She pointed out, rather matter of factly. 

"Well yeah. They would probably give us a nickname. Crying Generation. Or something like that."

"My nickname would be 'sobbing gem Tiffany'." 

"Sobbing princess Hyoyeon." 

"God of crying, Sooyoung." 

We both grinned at each other and broke down into laughter. Somehow, even during that heavy night, we managed to squeeze in a bit of laughter. 

x---

My reminisce was broken by Tiffany's gentle touch, she tapped be on the shoulder lightly easily catching my attention. The pretty girl smiled and reached out for one of my earphones. As much as I wanted to pull away, I kept still. A bright smile lit her face when she heard the song. 

"We thought we were so cool then," she commented with a light-hearted giggle. "Aish, this brings back memories..."

"You sound old." 

She gives me a hurt look. "Yah, you're the oldest here. Ahjumma." 

I unconsciously smiled to her retort. I stared at her face, so close to mine.

We were so close, yet she felt so distant. 

I stared. I had the glory, the chance of watching this beautiful American girl blossom. 

"What are we going to eat?" Sooyoung's loud voice hit us. The Shikshin had finished two packets of chips, one apple and a yogurt. Hyoyeon craned her neck from the back row, "Who hasn't chosen what to eat yet?"

"I chose last time," Sunny murmured, yawning and rubbing her eyes. Jessica was still asleep so she had no input. After a round of arguing who's turn it was, all eyes landed on me. 

"Pork belly." The long-legged Sooyoung hissed. 

"Don't listen to her." Hyoyeon signaled. 
"Unnie please don't fight..." Seohyun gestured.
"We ate Pork Belly last time." Yoona complained silently.

"Taeyeon just decide." This time it was Tiffany, who whispered softly. 
"asfaiojogihds923821-493)@*$@#$-" Yuri mouthed...? 

So in the end, our manager just drove us to the nearest restaurant. Yuri, got a smack on the head for not signaling her sentence properly, but she was probably trolling. Jessica was sleeping soundly on Hyoyeon, not disturbed by our pandemonium. 

The members were still noisily speaking, laughing and joking. This was the lively atmosphere of So Nyuh Shi Dae. 

Again, I found myself looking at Tiffany whose eyes became crescent moons when she listened to Sooyoung tell another dumb story. From the corner of her eye she must have caught me, but she played it cool with a content smile, happy that she got my attention.

I sighed inwardly.

Sorry Tiffany. I remember thinking to myself.  I'm the idiot here.

x---

A/N: Another update. I know how much some of you dislike colors do I'll stick with black and white. I'm going back to re-edit everything (spell-check too). If you notice a mistake feel free to correct me in the comments. And comments are always nice c;  Thank you for reading!