{{Tiffany}}

x - - - 

Subject: How are you?

Good morning! Remember our date tonight? Do you have time today?
I missed you so much... I wish we could just cuddle all night, kekeke. 
Love you lots, 
-Nicky

The incandescent light stung my eyes, I had to squint to make out the fuzzy letters. From Nichkhun. I locked my phone and sighed audibly. I'm cheating on Nichkhun and Taeyeon is cheating on Leeteuk. Technically we have boyfriends, so we're dating, which means we love them and would remain faithful. But this is not the case. I love Nichkhun but I also love Taeyeon. We can't do this. It wasn't something in my control. The second we lock eyes, we know. We know that we must not speak of this. We know this must remain between the two of us. I found the strength to manage a simple reply. 

Subject: RE: How are you?

Yup, it's cold so I'll wear lots of layers today. Not today, we've got promos. But our date is still on!
I was happy I met you yesterday.
Talk to you later,
~Tiff. 

Lying is a forte. We have learned how to lie at a young age, and this bad habit sticks to us, and as we grow older, this becomes easier. As long as your lie is legitimate and you appear honest, people will believe you. I have nothing to do today, in fact, our promotions are not until next week. We are practically free this week and 'dorm-confined'. I should have told Nichkhun the truth, but something inside told me not to. I'm a bad person, aren't I? 

If the heart-breaker is the one who takes you for granted and doesn't return your feelings, then surely, I am a monster. I'm with Nichkhun, yet I also am with Taeyeon. If Taeyeon were to speak of Leeteuk lovingly, I would become envious. This doesn't make sense to me at all. Treat others the way you wish to be treated, was a rule. I can speak of Nichkhun. I can meet him. Yet I don't allow her to do the same. 

She is my Taeyeon. Just like pink is my colour. She can only belong to me. 

This is wrong. Taeyeon is not an object. She is a person I care deeply for. This is another contradiction. I care deeply for her, yet I can't do so much as wish for her happiness- the way she has done with me. If she were to let go of me completely, I don't think I would be able to live. I have depended on her for so long. I have yearned for her gaze, her touch, her smile and the way she calls my name. I like her attention. But is this really love? I barely can comprehend myself… 

I am full of lies. 

I decided to stop thinking such heavy thoughts early in the morning. Instead, I let out another quiet sigh and smiled a little. Taeyeon was still in bed. I peered over toward her bed-side table. I could only smile to the sight of half-folded stars. It was an old tradition of ours, one I remembered but never really had time to sit down and do. They were all pink too, which only made me love her more. I know deep down that only Taeyeon can make me feel this way. I leaned across her sleeping figure and gave her a light kiss on her cheek. Her lips curved slightly, signalling she was already awake. Another kiss for Taeyeon. 

The childish leader smiled wider once she earned another kiss. She turned toward me. Our legs brushed and the next second her arms were around me. I could feel her hands sliding down to the region again. "We mustn't…" I murmur as forcefully as possible, holding down her cool hands with my warm ones. Her eyes told me what she wanted to say. But I want you. She gave me her heart-melting puppy-eyes but I stood my ground. Taeyeon frowned but laid another kiss. "Kissing is fine, isn't it?" she whispered with a smile, I just nodded and ran my fingers through her soft hair. 

"What are you doing today?" I asked curiously as I saw she already had an outfit picked out.

"I'm meeting with Leetuek." 

My heart sunk a little. 

"Oh," I said with a weak smile. "Have fun."

The kid could sense my unease, so she added cheekily, "It's nothing compared to what happened yesterday." 

"I wasn't thinking in that way!" I mutter as I turn away from her, pulling half the blanket away in the process. I hear her yelp and grab onto the very ends, tugging the quilt back in her direction. Unfortunately for her, she was at a disadvantage. The girl grunted after a few minutes of pulling with no success. She then commented coolly. 

"But seriously, you did it with Nichkhun too didn't you?"

"What makes you think that!?" I tug at the blankets harder. 

"You seemed to be the type.' Taeyeon adds nonchalantly. 

"You are my first!" 

Ah damn. I feel my cheeks heating up and I hear Taeyeon cheer happily as she easily managed to regain half of her lost blanket. She laughed and pinched my burning cheeks. "Aish, you're really cute." I ignored her comment and pulled away from her body. I heard her whine in complaint. 

"Yeppeuni," "You're my pretty Tiffany," "Don't be mad." 

She sang softly in my ear. I couldn't help but to smile to her quick kisses. 

"Someone's in a good mood from all the lovin'," Hyoyeon's voice drifted into the room. The blonde had her head wedged between the door and a dorky grin plastered on her face. 

"Go away." Taeyeon snapped, irritated. Hyoyeon just smiled cheekily and shut the door, leaving us to ourselves again. The short girl pulled over a comfortable woollen sweater and jeans before turning to face me."Do you have a scarf I can borrow?" I gave her a disapproving look, knowing that she had already borrowed many of my scarves before. She just frowned and said as if reading my mind, "I lent mine to those other dorks." 

I sighed inwardly and crawled toward my wardrobe. Sure enough, a scarf. I picked a nice pastel colour to match the sweater she was wearing and loosely wrapped it around her neck. I stood back and admired her casual but lovely attire. I could tell that she was a bit embarrassed from my intense stare, I could only chuckle to myself. 

"Smells like you." Taeyeon added with a little smile. 

"Are you leaving now?"

She nodded and quickly put her necessities  in her bag. "Yup. There's stuff I need to settle." Just as she was about to slip on her shoes and sprint out our room, she stopped by the door and said rather incoherently, "I love you." it took my brain more than five seconds to understand the phrase. I would have thought she had left already if she didn't stand still, waiting for my response. 

"I love you too." I managed to say with a gentle smile. I waited for the girl to push the door open and go out, but she remained still. Suddenly, the dorm fell noiseless. I blinked in confusion and waited. I could tell that she wanted to say something, so I waited. After a few heartbeats of hush the girl spoke, barely audibly: "Not in that way. Not in the way I should." 

Her voice cracked a little. "I love you, more than any one else." she took in a quavering breath, "I don't know the words for it," her hand reached for her neck, the way she does when she was feeling nervous. "I will wait," she added, "I will wait for you." 

Something inside me melted. "Tae…" 

Don't do anything you will regret…

The pools of emotions that swirled in her eyes were overwhelming. No one. I have never felt this way for anyone. The sheer desire to remain close, to be there for her, for her to be here for me. This girl was openly confessing. A girl I love more than any language can describe. No phrase came to mind, as I tried to find the right words the girl murmured quietly, "It's okay." My heart dropped a thousand meters. Taeyeon's eyes met mine again and I felt electricity rippling through my body. She bit her lip and gave me a heart-breaking smile. Before I could correct myself or say anything else, the beautiful girl was out the door. 

Good job Tiff. 

I found myself saying sarcastically.

In the end, you didn't say anything on your mind. 

I wanted to tell her.

That those words made me infinitely happy. 

x - - - 

"Goodnight." he said with a smile, we hugged gently and he dipped his head in goodbye. His figure soon became distant down the hall. We were the most popular pairing in the whole dorm and the whole agency. He turned around again and grinned, he waved once more before he left the girl's dorm. I waited for a few moments before I scanned the long halls. The forgotten clock that hung on the wall told me it was unsafe to hang around in the hallways. It was ten minutes past lights out. The dorm manager (or as trainees called her, the 'dm') was extremely strict, she would often patrol random minutes after lights out just to attempt to catch rebellious trainees. I decided it would be safer to be in our room than wandering down the hall. As I returned to the shared room, I noticed Taeyeon had already crawled into her bed with her bed-side lamp out. Just knowing that she was here calmed me infinitely.

I crawled into my own bed and shut my eyes, waiting for sleep to embrace me. 

"Wake up, Tiff." Taeyeon's soothing voice woken me. My eyes opened to see our room feebly lit up with candles. I rose slowly and blinked in confusion.  "What's happening?" 

The girl responded, "Shh… Lights out, remember?"

"Won't they catch us?" I whispered, eyes barely adjusting to the dim candle flames. 

"It's okay, I blocked the cracks of the door with the rugs." Taeyeon said with a satisfied grin. I tilted my head and crossed my legs, waiting for what she wanted to say. The girl fidgeted awkwardly as she began in a hushed tone. "I wanted to give you something but… I never really did." her hands reached for something under her bed as she flashed me the gift.  "Happy birthday."

A jar of stars. 

In the midst of everything, I had forgotten my own birthday. It wasn't that much of a big deal anymore, but Taeyeon remembered, and for some reason, that made me really happy. 

I was staring at the jars, mesmerised by the large array of colours. Taeyeon spoke again, this time, rather cheesily:

"If stars can fulfil wishes then, I hope these will help you fulfil yours." 

She passed the delicate jar toward me, as I reached out to take it from her, our fingers brushed and I felt flames ignite at our fingertips. My lips were open and I stared wordlessly, still not able to comprehend what she has just given me. Hope. The kid frowned a little as she watched my unchanging expression. "I wanted to make 500, but my fingers started cramping."

Her comment bought a smile to my face. That made her smile too. 

"That's not it either." 

Surprise number two came when she bought out a baked cake. In the subdued haze, I could make out the detailed features. I only smiled wider when I saw it was almost all pink. Perfectly feminine. Just for me. 

"Yoona, Yuri and Sunny helped me make this." Taeyeon added happily,  "They can't come because their dorms are too far." 

"It's not much but…" she scratched her neck sheepishly, our eyes met and she murmured shyly; "Happy birthday."

As the emotions rushed to my heart, the words escaped my lips.  "I love you."

For some reason I can't explain, when those words escaped my mouth, my heart pounded harder. This feeling I did not feel with him- but I felt with Taeyeon. 

Taeyeon now, was used to hearing such words, so she smiled and responded,  "I love you too, Miyoung." 

x - - -

The three of us lounged on the couch. The rest of the dorm had yet to return so this room which we once thought was tiny now, is undoubtedly huge. It was rare for the nine of us to come together completely now, especially with everyone's varying schedules. Seohyun lives with her parents, as does Jessica, they visit often though. When the nine of us do come together in the dorms, this huge dormitory seems nothing more than a small, comfortable bedroom. 

Taeyeon had the remote control in one hand as she sipped her red tea wordlessly. Hyoyeon was lying on her back with her legs up, browsing through some UFO messages from fans and smiling dumbly. My attention drifted from the flashing screen to Taeyeon. She came back very early, considering she said she had something to do. In order to save expenses, we don't use the heater until it becomes freezing- or when there are less than six people in the dorms. In winter, we just wrap ourselves in thick blankets and dress like eskimos. 

Hyoyeon shrieked loudly, causing me to scream too. Instinctively I leapt up off the couch and darted a few meters away, afraid Hyoyeon was part of Yuri's prank to scare me with spiders or some other unattractive-looking bug. I observed my surroundings for a few more heartbeats before sighing annoyedly. 

"What's wrong?" I snap, obviously irritated from her sudden outburst. The blonde girl flashed me the bright screen of her phone. 

"Leetuek is crying! Look what Eunhyuk sent me!"  

Sure enough, Leetuek was crying in the picture- and not in a very good mood either. What happened between him and Taeyeon?

"What happened?" I looked towards Taeyeon, who was still focused on the flickering images on the television screen and appeared to be the least bothered by Hyoyeon's shriek. She remained silent until Hyoyeon prodded her further. 

"Did you guys fight? Did he neglect you? Are you guys in trouble with the big boss?" The blonde girl kept spilling out possible scenarios.

I waited anxiously for her answer. The kid leader in a deep breath and responded calmly.

"We broke up." 

I couldn't smile. I felt her gaze meet mine. What are you trying to prove? I was angry at myself. I didn't want to admit the feeling. I was happy. I was glad she broke up with him. This disgusted me to no end. 

Hyoyeon's jaw dropped ten meters. "What?! Why?" She clambered toward the kid leader, "Is he actually a ert?" 

Taeyeon ignored Hyoyeon's question and instead, got up abruptly. 

"Let's go."  I felt her stare on me. The leader gently grasped me by the wrist and started dragging me out the door. I turned and waited for Hyoyeon's aid, but the blonde girl seemed to know that the leader needed some time away from everything. The dancing machine just flashed me a thumbs up and a "go for it" look. The door shut loudly. 

For once, the weather forecast was accurate. It was raining. Taeyeon took in a deep breath of the scent and led me toward her car. I felt the cold rain drops brush my skin, I could only shiver. Taeyeon's troubled expression troubled me too. I bit my lip and looked at the grey sky. The sun was already out of sight, and soon, it would be the time I promised Nichkhun. Taeyeon sensed my unease and a small smile flickered onto her lips. She gestured for me to get in, so I obeyed. She shut my door and sat in the driver's seat shortly afterwards. 

"Where are we going?" I asked softly, afraid that the wrong choice of words would anger her. 

Her eyes were gentle and deep in thought as she responded simply: "A good place." 

She started the engine. It was too late for me to get out of the car now. Even if I had a date, Taeyeon would always come first. I forgot about Nichkhun. When Taeyeon is here, she is the only person I can see, the only person on this planet- the most important person in my life. I apologised softly. 

I'm sorry, Nichkhun. 

x - - -

"This rooftop will be closed off at the end of this month."  Taeyeon said with a disappointed sigh. I watched as she bit her lip and thought deeply. This rooftop was ours, our little hideout where we could be complete idiots without the rest of the world throwing us judgemental glares. Here, we spoke our minds, we sang our songs and we did what we wanted to without the fear of rejection. I have only come to realise how much I have fallen in love with that dusty place. 

"Yeah?" I murmured. "It's sad." 

"That you can't see me anymore?" Taeyeon suggested cheekily with a slightly teasing smile. 

"Not that." I grunted and lightly pushed her face away. The girl just smiled the way she does and responded quietly. 

"This place that belongs to us is being taken away." 

"Where will we find a place like this again?" I muttered. 

The kid seemed to have already thought about it as she said suddenly. "The ocean." she grinned knowingly, "We can go to the ocean." 

"How-"

"I know the bus route. If we go straight after school, we can stay there for a good while." 

She momentarily paused and added softly,  "But then you might not be able to spend… a lot of time with him."

I thought she was completely against me dating him. But she wasn't. She wasn't being considerate. She was being much more. She was full of love. I could see it in her eyes, the way she moves and the way she speaks… And though I wanted to be with him, a little voice inside my heart knew that this was what I wanted. 

"It's okay." I finally said after a prolonged hush, the girl blinked in disbelief and responded curtly. 

"No, you don't have to." she could see that her words were not convincing me. "Miyoung, you can do what you want." 

I in a breath. "I want to." 

As she was about to open to insist, the heart's words broke loose. 

"I want to spend time with you, TaeTae."

For the first time in months, Taeyeon smiled light-heartedly, one different from her usual polite smiles. This smile she had, this bubbly smile, was only for me. This quiet Taeyeon is only this dorky Taeyeon when I am by her side. 

"Lets eat!" she smiled happily and placed a slice of cake onto my paper plate. I watched the kid-leader work in the soft candle light. The gentle light only seemed to bring out her beauty. Her hair was uncombed, yet captivating, her small features always managed to mesmerise me. Her alluring voice led me into another world. This petite girl often tried to carry the world on her shoulders. I wanted to tell her that she didn't need to. She was concentrating hard as she poured the green tea into each of our teacups. As though on cue, our eyes met. She smiled again. I know that she would only go to such lengths for me. She wouldn't go through such trouble of smuggling snacks through our dm's strict system if it were for anyone. Taeyeon rarely breaks the curfew. Nor does she dare to get up after lights out. 

That makes me feel special and it also makes me forget all the doubt, for I want to believe. 

I want to believe that I am her only, just like she is my only.

"Say, how about we go tomorrow?" Taeyeon suggested brightly. 

"Where?"

The girl could only grin to my question and responded happily:

"A good place."

I just smiled, and she did the same. I told myself then to remember. To remember everything that was happening this second, Taeyeon's gentle gaze, her hesitant actions but most of all, her melting smile. The girl continued to talk about what we were going to do tomorrow, but soon I found myself in a daze. My eyes were on her perfect features and her velvety voice. Taeyeon blinked and glanced up toward me, as if sensing my thoughts were elsewhere. 

"You don't want to go to a good place?" she frowned and slowly distanced her face from mine. 

I shrugged and smiled to myself. Taeyeon pouted and shoved me playfully. I know she wanted to hear what I was thinking. There's no way I could tell her such a thing. The kid leader stuck her tongue out. "Too bad! You're coming!" she laughed like an ahjumma and began eating the cake. I did the same, except, my eyes were fixed on her.

Taeyeon, I am in a good place now, do you know why?

Because you're here with me.

I like to think that…

The world has become a better place because of your existence.

x - - - 

A/N: (Didn't proof read) 

Awfully late update, wanted to get it out asap. Life has been busy. Any scenarios you want to see? Comments are beautiful (and as constructive) as ever. Have a fantastic day/night~ We'll meet again, soon!