{{Taeyeon}}

x - - -

No. This can't be happening. 

The car was completely silent and I heard Nichkhun's voice through the receiver. "Is this about her?" his voice was soft, rife with ache. I held my breath and waited for her answer. My body was stiff and still, anticipating the words that could escape those lips of hers. Tiffany paused and replied without hesitation, "Yes."  no reply. Something inside of me ached. Uncertainty was present in his response. "I understand." Tiffany let out a held breath when he hung up.

"Why?" 

The girl beside me jolted lightly as I rose from my light slumber. The shock in her eyes temporarily vanished when she murmured softly. "I thought you were asleep." I must had stared at her with a pained expression as she leaned toward me and gave me a light kiss. I pulled away, resisting her alluring touch, for I wanted to know the truth, and if she were to kiss me again, I would forget. She frowned to my actions but began softly. "Because…" her glimmering fluid eyes met mine under the moonlight. I'm wavering again.

"Because I did so?"  The words were cruel, and I didn't intend for them to come out that way. 

Tiffany was calm as she replied softly. "It concerns Victoria..." she said with a light frown. 

She read my face and added quietly, "It's okay."

"Tiffany."

"Yes?" 

I took in a breath."I'm happy." I buried my face in her neck and shut my eyes.  "That you're mine now, right?"

She giggled and pinched my cheeks teasingly. "Jeez!" 

Weird. How Tiffany makes me feel so feminine. That I display such a side to her. Her intense gaze made me jittery. The girl shut her eyes and pointed to her lips. I could only stare. After a few seconds of nothing, she murmured softly. 

"Seal it with a kiss." 

So I did. 

As the rain fell once again, I felt as though the two of us were together, in a delicate glass house. Tiffany's voice was constant in my ear, her arms were wrapped around my shoulders and her nails dug into my top. I still don't remember how many times the rule was broken that night. 

x- - - 

Her arms were around me. The first time she had hugged me so tightly. I stared at her in contempt until she lifted her head and I saw the tears in her eyes. My heart softened. Miyoung drew me close, her touch dangerously crossing the 'mere' friendship line, the door closed gently and she pressed me against it. Her usual floral shampoo and body butter wafted in the air, and I felt her warm tears wet my new shirt. I remained still for a few seconds before I attempted to reach toward the tissue box for a tissue to wipe away her tears. She resisted my abrupt movement and kept me pinned. I tried again. 

Her usual shrill voice softened to a firm but pleading whisper. 

"Stay."

Something got caught.  Aren't you the one who left me? I wanted to question, but I kept the remark to myself. Her hands had scrunched up my shirt, and I knew she could see from my expression that I wanted answers. Her grip was still tight as she murmured.  "TaeTae's mine." I watched her wordlessly, unsure of what to say, what to do or even- what to feel. 

"I'm not your property." blunt words, ordered in such a way in which its intent was to hurt her. She nodded in understanding and spoke so quietly I had to strain my ears to hear. "I want to be number one." her eyes shifted to capture mine, her tone wavered like an orphaned child and the light in her eyes danced. "Promise?" 

Broken Korean, heavy accent- yet I understood. Her glimmering eyes searched mine for answers, for signs of hesitation or worry as she held out her hand. I took in a breath and searched in her eyes. Whatever I was searching for that minute, I found it.  I looked inside myself and murmured, "I promise you."

A dishonest promise that would be if it were someone else. I wonder if she knew that when I locked pinkies with her, I meant it, not because I wanted to temporarily soothe her- but because I knew, I knew this girl would always be my top priority- that even if we were to never meagain, she will always be present in my reality, in my time. No matter how I try to escape, run away or hide, she will find me and shine light... And somehow, like a miracle, the miracle she is, things will always turn out okay. That is what Tiffany, Miyoung, has proved to me.

She kept me close to her the entire night and eventually bugged me into sleeping in her bed. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy such closeness to the person I love the most. We held hands and she whispered her secrets, the whole night the two of us spoke about little things that mattered, and though the next day we both looked like ressurected zombies, Miyoung still smiled happily. 

After the draining classes I made way to the rooftop again. Miyoung's scent still present on my clothes and in my hair. The sky was cloudy today, the sun ocasionally slipping out from their embrace. She wasn't here again. I wasn't in the dark today, however, I knew why she wasn't here. She was with him and I can't do anything about it. I've lost Miyoung over to a guy she barely knows. I didn't like what Miyoung was doing to me -- or rather, bringing out in me. There is a darker side of myself, not evil, but not pleasant either. These heavy emotions are constantly present, this feeling I have of her is an obsession. She would grow to hate me and she would leave. Then my life would return to that boring schedule, but I could at least promise myself that I won't be hurt. 

I was tempted to go to the practice rooms and make an effort to socialize with those poisonous trainees, and on my way down the stairs, I bumped into Miyoung.  We both fell backwards. She rubbed her head and pouted, shoving me lightly. Aren't you with him? 

"TaeTae's more important." Miyoung said with one of her special eyesmiles. 

I didn't like the way she could read my mind easily. I in a breath and muttered. "You can go with him, you know." I passed her by the stairs and made my way down. I heard her hastily coming after me.  

"But I want to be with you." 

Frustration was evident in my eyes as I spun around to meet her. The younger girl flinched lightly but still smiled her unsure smile, and all the annoyance was washed away into the sea. Miyoung effect. Impossible to remain angry or annoyed. I stopped and bit my lip, fighting my pride as I managed to utter a response.  "Fine."

The harsh words were hurtful as Miyoung frowned in concern as she added softly, "I can go..."  before even waiting for my response she passed by. My heartbeat ran wild. The next second, my hand was wrapped around her wrist, tightly. The girl watched in disbelief as I struggled to say what I wanted to. "Don't..." my eyes dropped. Something told me that if I didn't say what was on my heart, we would drift apart. And that would be the most horrible thing this world could do to me. 

"I want you." I whispered, afraid that those nosy trainees would hear, afraid that Miyoung would leave me, afraid that Miyoung wouldn't love me the way she did before. It became difficult to breathe as I forced my gaze upon her beautiful face. 

"Tae..." she smiled gently, slowly closing the distance between us. It might be an American thing. 

"Yes?" my cheeks were hot, whether it be embarassment or because of her intimacy, I am still unsure. 

A phrase of English, that which I didn't entirely understand, but after watching countless American movies, I now reflect upon with a smile. The words she said with such emotion, honesty and determination I will never forget.  

"I love you."

x - - - 

If Tiffany were to get married to a man, how would I react? I have wondered about this. I always thought I would be angry, break off connections and try to separate the two. It's an immature, selfish and lowly thought- but one that has always hung over my head. But now, I like to think that I know. 

If she were to get married, to truly fall in love with someone else... I would be happy for her. Not the fake happy, but the real happy. 

I will attend her wedding, I will wish her all the happiness the universe can offer her, I will pray that he loves her all his life and that the two will always be together. I will make sure the girl is at her best on her wedding day. I will tell her I love her, the way I always do, and I can see her giving me one of her special smiles. Then I will shut my eyes and let fate take its toll. Loving someone is placing their priority over yours- right? 

If she will be happier with someone else, then let that be. I won't fight it. My weakness is Tiffany, and I will surrender for her. I won't make trouble and I will let her live her life. Even if she wishes to live a life separate rom mine, I will let her. "Attraction" such a thing is hard to grasp and predict. Why is that when I am surrounded by beautiful people, that my gaze never travels far? It's more than plain beauty or friendliness. It's something more, but something I am unable to put into words. 

Maybe one day she will stop loving me. Maybe her attention will redirect to her family. One day everything we had will begin to fade. One day she won't be able to remember me anymore. One day my importance will diminish. And finally, with the addition of time, I will gradually disappear. My traces will be gone. The world won't remember or mourn, even Miyoung, my lovely Tiffany will not grieve. One day our paths will deter away from one another, and she would walk the other way without glancing back. That is the Tiffany I know. And the Tiffany I have become infatuated with. 

Though now... I'm slowly coming to terms with it. If she's happy, I can stand through anything. Even if I have to lie to myself and run away. If she sends me off with a beautiful smile, I can do anything. 

I know I will love her.  Always.  This feeling, I like. 

I won't let anything destroy this. Not Tiffany, not Leeteuk, not SMent, not the world... Not even myself. 

This may be the resolution I found. 

This love of ours is on a time-bomb. Within a heartbeat, our dazzling careers will be over, our connections, our feelings the smiles we once had, will fade with the crowd, SONES too. Like an old poster with weak edges, it will be stored away, never to be looked at again.   Life goes on though. That frightens me. A life without Miyoung, SNSD and SONE. A dark voice whispers to me that I am nothing. 

Without them I am nothing. I am not worthy. Sometimes I wish the voices would stop, that I could just focus on the present moment before it slips away from my grasp again. I'm getting there, little by little. 

x - - - 

I watched the girl trace shapes on the fogged windows. 

"What are you thinking about right now?" she asked sleepily, covering with her hand as she yawned. 

I blinked and responded absentmindedly, "You." 

This answer amused her. Tiffany rose her brows and continued teasingly."What exactly about me?"

"How this happened, what the future will be like, and what my life may be without you."

I turned to her. Tiffany's expression was slightly darker. I opened my mouth to speak but she silenced me with a finger to my lips as she briefly closed her eyes.  "I want to be with you," there was something else in her tone, "for as long as possible." there was a calming, understanding light in her eyes.  

Her warm fingers brushed my cheeks. Tiffany's reassuring touch cleared my mind. I shut my eyes and felt her lips on mine, again. I've lost count of how many times we've done such an action. But everytime, it feels like my first. 

"Everything will work out Taeyeon,"  she spoke with such certainty, that I could not help but to feel doubtful of my own abilities. How can you promise me such a thing which you have no control over? I am only letting these hopes get dashed, aren't I? 

"How can you always remain so optimistic?" 

She shown me another eyesmile and leaned forward and. "Focus on the abundance and everything is full of life." 

The knowing and courage in her voice convinced me. A smile formed on my lips and she felt it too, when her lips captured mine in another breathtaking kiss. 

I'm infinitely glad that we could meet.  That I can be here with you. That you can be here with me.

I prayed that Tiffany could sense this too.  And something about the way she smiled lovingly afterwards told me she did.

She'd known everything from the start. 

x - - - 

A/N; Updating! Thank you 200+ subs ^~^ I've changed the layout. I know what you're thinking. "Seriously, AGAIN?" but yes, I did. The poster is also updated. I rushed the last bit LOL. Anyway! Enjoy Taeny ^^