Chapter 8: Of Pride & Chance Chapter 8 Theme Song: I'll Hold It In by Rainbow     ♥♥♥     We arrived late after a long, tiring journey. My mood turned bad, maybe it's because I'm tired of all the energy consuming journey, so I made sure to talk as little as possible so that my temper would not come out. Maybe I just feel grumpy at the thought of another voting session for partner. The thing that always bothered me. Because I knew nobody is going to vote for me. I wouldn't mind if it's just me bearing the brunt and shame of not being able to win any guy's approval, but I'm imagining my members watching this on TV later on, full of hopes and pride to have me as a representative only to see me fail horribly. They were so happy when they heard about me being in this cool new idol dating show that Noeul, Hyunyoung and Jisook treat me out the night before filming start. Jaekyung was busy but she sent a text for me to 'do well'. That kind of message is very well understood between all of us. We don't get opportunities that often. Lately, it feels like the company is shoving us to the corner, to focus on KARA who's big in Japan, and also our juniors that are debuting, because we're not bringing big money in, not as much as they wanted.   Being the member that honestly, people often overlook, this is my chance, and of course my members were nervous and having high hopes on me to do well. Well, no use whining anymore. It's not like I have other choice than to go through it all right to the end. I'm starting to really believe I'm born to be a loser. Well, not entirely a loser, I still should be thankful I manage to debut, but still...   "But if you let your partner take lead a little more in your dates, let them do things for you and take care of you, I think they will be more likely to choose you."   I knew he just wanted to make me feel better, but for some reason...I wanted to try holding on to those words to keep trying, even for just once more before really leaving everything to fate. I want to try again, to make my members proud. They would not be happy to know I lost and got the last place, especially to 4minute, one of our major rivals, on and off stage. Well, not that I was ever included in any off-stage rivalry, but still Rainbow is a team. What hurts them, hurts me. I should at least give it another try to see if miracle could happen with a little effort. Besides, I guess now I can include myself in that personal rivalry.   Aish...why did I say those things...wanting to help that kid to win Miss Popular Nam. I should've work on getting him for myself, instead of helping him with Miss Nam, so even if I lost other guys, I'd win Miss Nam's boy. Isn't that a greater achievement? To change destiny? Nah...but he's a puppy. He will go back to his first owner eventually. I don't stand a chance. Because he's different than other guys. I knew even without the 'destiny' he would remain loyal to his first partner. Some girls are just born lucky. End of story.       When we reached destination, I immediately made my way to join the girls. Surprisingly, they didn't look too happy. Miss Nam's mind seems to be somewhere over the cloud, while Hyejeong was busy patting Jei's shoulder and...had Jei been crying? Her eyes are red.   "Hey, is everything alright?" As I seated myself right before her, I saw the tears b in her eyes, and her right hand, tightly holding a handful of tissue papers. Did something really bad happened? But everyone else looked just fine, although the air is tense alright with none of the crews joking around. They could hardly even be seen, as if busy with something. I tried my best to offer my most sympathetic smile to comfort Jei, not knowing what else to do. She only nodded, but answered nothing, and looked away instead. A crew then came calling for her and she left with them.   "What happened?" I asked Hyejeong, knowing she's the only source of information left now.   "You know the missions yesterday, right, unnie?"   "The kiss?" I guessed, not wanting to go the long route of getting to the point of the story.   "Unnie?! How did you know?!" and eyes went wide open. This kid, is it that hard after the hint she had given? The kiss is the only problematic mission. Oddly, the kiss was the first one that turned gray. It certainly wasn't the leftover mission, I took the last mission left, so I'm very certain. Question is, why was Jei crying? What happened? Is it because Minjun oppa kissed her? I thought she liked him too. After all, all girls would want to have such a romantic partner like him, but he only had eyes for her. He was the reason Miss Nam had a competition now for the Queen Bee position.   "Unnie, did you hear what I was saying?"   "Huh? What is it?"   "Jei, she kissed Jun.K oppa."   "What?! Really? Then...what happened? Why is she crying? What did he do?"   "I don't know." She smiled sheepishly. "But now everyone already know...and the PD was really mad. I heard JYP called and scolded the PD for I don't know...something to do with some agreement I guess...Even my agency called just now to check on my condition. Lucky nothing weird happened with me and Jaebum. Whew."   I had no idea things had gotten so serious. Now I wondered if my agency called while we're on the way back. So, a girl can't even get a kiss on her private date? So much for prioritizing our privacy so-called. But why on Earth did Jei chose kissing mission? Even if she did choose it, she should've modified it to like...flying kiss or something. But what did Minjun oppa do to cause this much of a commotion? I thought a romantic like him could've handled the situation smoothly.   "So, how about unnie and Hyungsik oppa? Anything interesting happened?"   I felt the right side of my body grilled, and glanced to meet with those lazer gaze from Miss Nam. What...is she jealous of me suddenly? Little Miss Perfect Nam, jealous of somebody else...and that person happened to be me, the infamous unannounced loser? You have no idea how much I'm basking in this victorious feeling, inside. How stupid was I to ask for a change? If we did change, this awesome moment wouldn't have existed for real right now.   "Nothing...just...the usual." I leaned my back against the chair, now realizing how tired I am.   "Girls, time to gather outside."   We went as ordered and sat at the chairs lined at the lawn outside the house we're staying in throughout the filming period. The boys and Jei were already there. Minjun oppa had dark circles under his eyes, and unsurprisingly, he looked serious unlike his usual joking self. Of course, something happened, though I don't know what, and why he looked so angry or disturbed by whatever that happened. Mir on the other hand, was being his usual self, happy and noisily chatting with Hyungsik - my partner. Mir was probably happier than usual, but he was sneezing, and so is Jaebum, they both looked like they caught a cold, and sickly. Let me guess, they both slept outside their tents. Wow...surprisingly for Mir. I'm not sure if they're being gentlemen or idiots. At least I took good care of Hyungsik, look at him, healthy just like any other day.   "So, before we move on to next partner choosing, we will watch the selfcam video clips of what you guys did during your dates yesterday...specifically, the missions. And we've decided to add a special reward. After watching the missions, girls vote for the guy that they felt was the best during the mission, and boys similarly vote for the girls. The girl and guy with highest votes will get a reward we will tell later."   I knew I would not get any votes...not even from my own partner, I'm just worried that other couples were far more romantic than us. I knew, between myself and Hyungsik, there's almost no romantic chemistry, which is the same case with me and the other guys, because as they said...I'm too much like a noona than a date, a woman. But if our date looked too obviously lacking behind than other couples, it would only make them look down even more on me, Miss Nam would laugh at me on the inside, for looking so out of place with her trophy boy who fits in so well next to her.   Please, God. This is the last piece of pride i'm left with.    The scenes of our private dates start appearing on the big screen. First up was Hyejeong, and Jaebum. Jaebum was so cute dancing for Hyejeong. They made such a beautiful young pair, it's good for him if she would make him that happy. I couldn't imagine him dancing with such bright expressions for me. Maybe he just felt forced to be matured when he's with me. He is, after all, just a kid. I can try to understand. Seeing him so happy like this...I should stop feeling bitter and find my own happiness too.   "He's adorable, isn't he, unnie?   "Hu...huh? Just so-so..