Chapter 18: Of Familiar Strangers & Experiment Chapter 18 Theme Song: No Request for Encore by Broccoli,You Too       ♥♥♥       "Seungah noona. I want to change my partner to Seungah noona"   The room; my surrounding became noisy just after he said it once. He need not repeat it. I felt pretty sure that I didn't hear wrongly, because there's no way I could hear wrongly, it's not like my name is similar sounding to any other girl here. And they're all congratulating me. Is this really something to be congratulated over? This is really like a reminiscence of our truth room session a few days ago, all over again. People cheering on me to get hurt? How funny, that's how it rolls here. Nobody really knew me, nor do they know each other really well to read the real situations. Or maybe, they're just relieved that I wouldn't go after them or their favourite boy.    My members would know my feelings just by looking at my eyes. We would always search for each others' eyes even when we sing on stage, because we knew we had nobody but each other, so to each of us, our feelings are important to each other and not just to our ownselves. Many times, I didn't manage to find their eyes looking at me at the same moment to exchange strength through our eyes, but I would keep looking, until they noticed, until they return the warm reassuring gaze. Because we couldn't survive without that strength. I couldn't.   But here, nobody even bothered to look. Everyone was just busy taking care of their own hearts and issues to be bothered. Of course, why should they? They talk with you only with mouths, without even turning their head towards you. Well, to be fair, it's not like we were friends in the first place, and after we left, I'd never see them again, unless by chance encounter at hair salon or music shows or variety show filming. Of course they wouldn't know anything. We would just smile and greet each other brightly, saying "We meet again" or "It's been awhile." We were just familiar strangers to each other. A connection that is only built by cameras, scripts and directions from PD and scriptwriters. A connection, obviously fake, or even if it's real, short lived. But in my case here, there's no fake connection, neither a short lived one. In fact, there was none. When I came, I was alone, Being here, surrounded by them, I still feel alone.   "Seungah noona."   I felt like my ears could bleed or burnt just by hearing it, my name, spoken by him.    So, is this my fate now? He liked someone else and he had made it clearer than clear for so many times when we were alone without the others while they believed we're having the sweetest dates on Earth, well sweetest after Hyungsik and Miss Nam and after Minjun oppa and whoever his date is, that is. All these while I had put up with everything, and now I had no choice but to be with him again? Because he wanted it? Why? Because he's jealous that Jei is reunited with Minjun oppa so he needed a punching bag to let out his frustration and jealousy? He is sick. They love each other, why couldn't he just let her go to the person she wanted? Isn't it more fulfilling?    That's what I did. And I'm happy now to move on. If only he would let me.   Think, Oh Seungah, think. Isn't there any way out? I can't go through this again.       "I want to use my chance card too. Because if I don't use it now, I can't use it later, right?" I smiled calmly at PD oppa. Inside, God knew how nervous I felt, at the sudden discovery that I too, have a chance card, but is it possible to use a chance card, to overwrite another chance card? This is crazy, like in makjang dramas. Daebak.   Again, the room filled with murmurings and gasps, though Chulyong was of course yelling excitedly like the typical him. They'd have thought I wanted to be with him so it must shocked them greatly. Try being in my place, and see if they would still want to be with a person who treated you as if you're the most unwanted girl in the whole world. See if you'd still want him.   "I want to use my card, to cancel the change. I'll stick to my partner who picked my item. Sorry Jaebum, noona don't want this card to go to waste." I tried to not make things sounded too serious, though I'm sure my excuse came out silly and unbelievable, I just needed to smile and all will look better. Nobody said anything. I guess, this wasn't something that pleases anyone. Especially, looking at my partner, and Jaebum's partner, I'm sure this decision will cause some distress. Psh, it's not like they will lose their destiny just because of this date. Everyone knew they will end up together. She had been poured with nothing but pure lavish spread of luck since we began filming here, can't she have some share of my bad luck now? I doubt he will treat her like how he treated me anyway, because how could anyone be cruel to Miss Too-Pretty-and-Shining-Destiny Nam? I just hope Hyungsikkie won't be too angry at me, for separating them, I need to hold onto him just this once. Forgive this noona, Hyungsikkie.   "You can't do that. PDnim!" Writer Lee unnie, one of the writing team member for our program suddenly announced her disapproval. She didn't sound too happy.   "No, just let her." I caught PDnim sighing to himself before turning to Jaebum. "Because she had her own chance card, so she could use it to reject. So, do you want to change with any other girl here besides Seungah?"    This is his chance, if he so wanted to take Jei. He looked around towards other couples, but ended up shaking his head.   "It's alright." He smiled wryly at PDnim and. But why? Why didn't take the opportunity he had been wanting and he didn't took it. Is it my fault? As he turned away from PDnim, I swear I saw him looking at me for just a split second with still the remaining of that same smile he gave PDnim. Pitiful. The smile that made me feel guilty instead. But why do I have to be the one to feel bad? It's not fair. He's such an idiot.   "Noona, let's go."   "Huh? Oh. Yeah, let's." I nodded anxiously and smiled, hoping none of my disturbed feelings came out candidly.   We took off in our ride, silently. And only after awhile did I noticed, how silent we were and this could never mean good.   "Hey, Hyungsik, are you alright?"   "Huh? Yeah...just...surprising."   "Uhh, what is?"   "That noona rejected Jaebum, especially with the chance card. Like in movie!" I couldn't tell whether he's excited or just shocked, and even if he's excited, I couldn't really tell the reason. Not from his blank face.   "Uh, well...yeah. I just had to use it because it'd be expired after tonight." The reason was a lie of course, but if you can call it...white lie? I guess. And after thinking a little deeper about it, I added another explanation I felt should be delivered before