Your POV

I put my hand on my head.

As I look out and sigh when I see that he’s gone for the day.

I stand by the door as I recall the memories of Yongguk and me.

I place my hand on my stomach feeling the deep emptiness inside of it. The same feeling I’ve had for the last year of my life.

“I was such an idiot how could I not know that I was pregnant? Now I have to face Yongguk every day and lie to his face. I have to see his face and see a possible face for what could have been our child. The worst part is they told me the gender of my baby. I was far enough that they could tell me that it was highly likely that I was going to have a boy.”

I put my hand on my stomach realize that it’s been a year since my miscarriage and break up with Yongguk.

I place my hand to my head when a wave of dizziness comes over me.

I steady myself on the wall and try to make it to my phone but I fall down to my knees. I try to pull myself up but I’m not successful. I fall all the way onto the floor and I let myself drift off into blackness its not like I have anything to fight for.

Flashback

It’s morning and Yongguk had stayed in the dorms with Himchan again. I hardly have seen him in the last month and I’ve been busy with school.

I’ve been stressing since last week or at least more stress has been placed on my shoulders since last week.

I pull myself up and look around my room only to sigh until I get stomach cramps. I hold my stomach as I moan out in pain feeling a deep pain radiating in my lower abdomen up.

I go to call Yongguk and when his phone is answered, I hear some girl on the other end hitting on him. I stare at my phone and after a while and he didn’t say anything so I hang up.

After I hang up I pull myself up and glad that I wore a plain padded tank-top and sweats so I don’t’ have to change.

I exit my room and look around for my shoes, but I can't find any.

“Oh well I guess I can just wear flip-flops.”

I slip the flip-flops on and exit the apartment.

I go to the elevator to only see that it’s having maintenance done on it.

“Oh well I can just take the stairs,” I mumble to myself.

I enter the stairs and slowly make my way down the stairs its when I’m to the last flight of stairs that I fall down them.

When I sit up I hold my stomach and curl up because of the pain.

I look around me to see my bag and drag myself to it to call my mom.

I cried as I told her what happened and she rushed to find me right away and she also called the manager of my building.

When I was carted off the hospital I found out that, it was cramps due to stressing my body out for the last week and falling down the stairs didn’t help that it caused me to lose my baby that I had been carrying for a little over 3 months.

“What do you mean I think I would have known if I was pregnant?” I said flabbergasted.

He shakes his head, “If you’re busy then it would make perfect sense that it could slip your mind sometimes it’s until people get morning sickness that they notice.”

“Is there someone you would like to contact to bring you home since your mother left?”

I nodded my head and called Yongguk only to get his voicemail, “Yongguk sweetie can you please pick me up at the hospital. I’m so scared. I have something that I need to tell you so when you get this call me back if you’re on your way.”

There was no answer so I had to call my mother and ask her to pick me up.

When I told her the news she looked down upset on the outside for me.

She dropped me off at home, “Do you want me to come inside with you?”

I shake my head, “No, I’ll be fine mom.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod my head and give her a kiss as I exit the car.

When I reached my apartment, I see that I had knocked over a few things on my way out this morning.

I sigh and pick everything up and when I’m done cleaning up my mess I sit down on the couch curled up in one of Yong Guk's shirts and a pair of shorts. In front of me is a tub of ice cream and a stack of bad comedies. I made sure that all of them had nothing to deal with relationships or pregnancy.

When Yongguk came home it was late at night and I was on the last movie in the stack.

I turn the movie off and looked at him, “Where were you this morning? I called you to pick me up at the hospital but you never came my mother had to pick me up.”

“I didn’t get any voicemail or whatever so what the heck are you talking about?” he asks in a tired tone as his muscles remain tense.

“Oh so you didn’t maybe you should stop flirting with that from this morning and answer your phone calls.”

“I wasn’t flirting with anyone and I was in practice the entire day. How am I supposed to answer all your calls?”

“You make it sound like I call you all the time. I only call you when its an emergency or to cancel plans.”

After this spot, I lose track of what we’re yelling at each other after a while instead of saying anything else I storm off to our room and throw his clothes in a suitcase.

“Get the hell out of my apartment,” I scream at him.

I take off the ring he gave me and chuck it at his chest, “Get the hell out of my apartment and my life. I want you out. I want you out this moment. I can’t stand the sight of you.”

All the anger seemed to wash away and all I could see was confusion and sadness in his eyes, “Jin Kyoung, I know that I’ve been busy lately but did something happen today?”

“I was in the ing hospital Yongguk! What do you think that nothing big happened if I had to call you? I was crying my eyes out. I was scared out of my mind that I wanted to die. Did you show or even call me? No, instead you were busy with practice to even check during a break time to see who called you and why.”

“I didn’t see anything that said that you called me.”

I laugh at him well I’m dragging the suitcase to the door and open it to throw it out into the hallway.

“I don’t care. Yongguk this is the last straw canceling dates and everything do you even know what today is?”

He shrugs his shoulder, “I don’t know.”

“You gotta be kidding me. You forgot our anniversary. I forgave you cancelling 20 dates and my birthday, but Yongguk I can't take this any more. Get out of my apartment this second.”

I walk back to our room and pick up a big teddy bear that I’ve cherished since he won it for me on our first date and throw it at him.

“Get the hell out.”

Slowly he left the apartment and I slammed the door in his face.

I slide down it and started crying.

Why did I say all of that to him?

I want him to walk back in take me in his arms, but instead after what seems to be eternity I hear his footsteps retreat.

End of Flashback

In the distance of black I hear my sister knocking on my door, but how can that be it’s only me here where could she be.

I hear her pounding on my door but soon it ends and I think that it’s nothing.

Then I hear the door open as Mina gasps, “Himchan, get here right now. I need your help.”

She’s talking on the phone with someone then ends the call to call someone again to go into complete break down mode, much like I did when I had learned I lost my baby that I didn’t even know about or how I acted when Yongguk acted like he didn’t get my voicemail leading to our break-up.

I see a flash of white and I’m standing in a pure white room where I can’t tell where the walls are. I look around to see a body of a girl in a white dress stained in red and blood pooling around her legs.

I feel my body being pulled towards the girl when all I want to do is run away.

I want to get away from here.

The feeling of pain in my head and my chest is increasing.

When I’m close enough to the girl I come face to face with what looks like me lying on a white tiled floor with blood around my legs. Sitting between them is the placenta that would be my baby.

I walk over to the baby and I’m tempted to pick him up, but instead slowly the placenta starts aging quickly to show me what would have been a small one-year-old boy.

I look over to see the baby stand up on it’s own two feet and walk over to me.

I back away until I hit an unexpected wall.

I fall down on my knees and start crying with my head between my legs not wanting to look up, look up to see that they baby is close to me. I keep my hands on the back of my head wanting to pull all my hair out from fright of seeing this.

“Mommy,” I hear a small child voice say quietly.

I look up and I see the baby age back to the placenta form, but it’s still moving towards me causing me to scream and bolt up.

I feel arms wrap around me and a calming deep voice, “Shhh… It was just a nightmare. It’s alright.”

I nod my head into his chest, “But it was so real. It was so real and it scared me so much. It happened all over again I had to relive it and see how it affected me. I’m so scared Yongguk.”

I feel him nod before he sets his chin on the top of my head, “It’s alright I’m right by your side. I won’t let it come back again. I’ll stay right here.”

I nod my head as he helps me lay back down and tucks me into the sheets. I look around the room to see that it looks like he was sleeping in the chair beside me. The windows are covered so I can’t see if it’s daytime or not.

“It’s about noon, but it looks like you’re still tired so you should get some rest.”

I nod my head but I scoot over and make room for Yongguk.

“Can you hold me?” I ask in a meek voice.

He smiles sadly at me, nods his head slowly crawling into bed with me, and pulls me into his arms.

“Now, sleep. You need it.”

As I fall back asleep I mumble, “You need it more than I do.”

“You’re right,” I hear him answer me as he sets his head on the top of mine, “How are you always correct? That’s 1 of the things I love and hate about you, Jin Kyoung. I’m sorry for not believing in you.”

sorry the nightmare was a bit much but i kept it short mostly because my sister is pregnant and I feel weird writing about losing a baby since she's not that far along.