Author's note: Hope everyone's enjoying the reading! I don't really know what to think! no one leaves comments! Hahah it makes me very nervous! Let me know your thoughts below (good or bad, I can take criticism). Anyways, as always, enjoy the chapter!

He’s gone… He’s gone… gone… GONE.

When he left… I-I don’t want to even talk about it.

My first day alone: It was painfully slow, each second a push pin driving deep into the surface of my skin. Blood; I’m bleeding Yongguk… I’m bleeding.

Jongup and Zelo were sweat.  They didn’t leave my side. I tried to stay strong in front of them, I stayed quiet to combat my pain, a single word would bring tears to my eyes, causing me to choke on my pain. The two tried to cheer me up by fronting that everything was normal, but it wasn’t. I felt eternal cold, I was freezing, anxiety intertwining. I needed him.

G-Gukkie…

My eyes burnt; singed by the flames of isolation.  Frigid tears fell from my boiling eyes that ran down my cheeks leaving trails of desperation in its wake. Duality; burning cold.

“Himchannie!” Zelo rushed over to my bed and wrapped his long arms around me, “it’s okay eomma, I’m here”

My tears got heavier. Zelo didn’t need to deal with me. All I needed was Yongguk.

I looked down as our tall maknae pushed my head to his chest. I heard the slight smacks of Zelo’s lips moving, but didn’t hear speech. I was assuming it was “silent” communication asking along the lines of “What should we do?” toward Jongup

Honestly, I felt guilt. They had to deal with me, because I was a codependent person now. I-

“Himchan, let’s go to the union and eat dinner. You’ll feel better”

I shook my head as tears continued to make moist trails down my skin.

“Y-Y-Y-Yon-Yongguk” my voice cracked.

“Himchannie!” Zelo held me tighter, “Shhhh…. Let’s go get some food” It was quite obvious he didn’t want me think of him, much less say his name.

“N-no”

The room got colder. The bright summer sun outside was a lie; it was winter, a cold harsh winter.

“Zelo, stay here while I get us some food” Jongup said while I felt Zelo nod.

Before I knew it, the door opened which was followed by a soft quiet sound indicating its close. Zelo and I sat in a comfortable silence, I was so lucky to have him as a dongsaeng. We sat for at least 30 minutes before Jongup came back, bringing with him the delightful smell of mandu. As much as the scent tickled my taste buds, it was almost nauseating. I knew I couldn’t eat. Jongup brought the Styrofoam box of mandu to Zelo and I.

“Eat” he ordered.

I sat up pretending I was going to eat, only to please my friends.

Zelo opened the box and gave me a pair of chopsticks as he dug in.

“Eat hgyunfg” he said his mouth full of mandu.

I shook my head, “I-I can’t”

“Hyung!” he whined after swallowing his last piece, “Please! You’re scaring me!”

I did feel bad, but there was nothing I could do. I literally could feel my stomach twisting in a knot, and I hadn’t even taken a bite.

“I’m sorry Zelo… I feel nauseous”

“HYUNG!” he was literally almost on a verge of tears, I could see the worry in his brows.

“Zelo stop, you aren’t helping” Jongup then faced me, “and Himchan you should really eat”

I didn’t say anything as I rolled sideways into bed. Yongguk… Yongguk… Yongguk

“Stop thinking about him Himchannie hyung” Zelo cuddled me from behind and whispered into my ear. I could hear him still chewing mandu.

I hummed in response.

“I miss him already Zelo… I’m so pathetic”

“No you aren’t hyung!”

Tears slowly began to pick up, once again burning my skin. I felt Zelo’s grasp tighten around my body, “Shhhh.. it’s okay! Eomma please stop crying”

I was exhausted… I felt like each tear I had cried was full of energy, in the end leaving me lifeless. Easily, I drifted off into a land of sleep, a land of Yongguk.

I woke up several hours later due to a dream of Yongguk. I cursed myself for being so attached. I felt Zelo’s arm still around my waist, hearing his soft sleeping murmurs; I didn’t want to wake him up. Tears started to wallow up as I bit my lip to fight their release. Why did I have to be so emotional? Why did I like Yongguk so much? Why did I love- no… love? No no no no… I pushed away the thought.

LOVE?

I didn’t love Yongguk did I? I’ve only known him for a month. I can’t love him, what is love?... Is this love? No it can’t be…. Right?

I bickered with myself for hours… LOVE… LOVE… LOVE

Before I knew it Jongup’s alarm went out for class. “” I heard him turn off his alarm and walk over to my bed.

“Yah… Zelo, Himchan wake up” he shook us gently.

Zelo let go of me leaving a cold draft that wrapped itself around me instead. I felt the maknae shift up and I heard the light kiss between the two boys. God they were cute.

“Hyungie wake up” Zelo shook me.

“I’m up Zelo”

“Mianhae” he pouted. He got out of bed leaving me still unmoved from my position.

“Come on let’s get ready! We have to go to class!” Zelo pestered.

“I’m not going” I sniffled, trying to cover up my tears that had once again started. I swear I was like a leaking sink faucet.

…

“WHAT?! Wae?” the two said in unison.

I couldn’t say anything; if I would have my tears would have exploded.

“I’m not going to class either then!” Zelo whined as the bed began to shift, and I felt Zelo’s arm wrap around me again, “It’s okay hyungie I’ll stay with you”. He cuddled in closer.

“Oh no you’re not. You’re going to class Zelo!” Jongup scolded, “get your out of bed and get dressed!”

“But I can’t leave Himchannie alone!”

“You’re not going to because he’s going to class too!”

I didn’t move, I didn’t care.

“Hyung… if you don’t get to class… I’m going to call Yongguk and tell h-”

“NO!” I started to cry. I knew he would only get worried, and only come home, “Jongup! Don’t!”

“Then get your to class!”

An hour later I found myself in class next to Jongup. My head was spinning and I couldn’t focus. One would say I was over dramatic, but I honestly couldn’t help it. My anxiety had gotten worse from the departure of Yongguk. I felt my stomach pulsing uncomfortably as I leaned over in pain. My world was losing vision.

“Himchan… psst… HIMCHAN” Jongup whispered trying to not get caught by the teacher.

I couldn’t even respond; my world was simply collapsing. Yongguk please… I need you. My neck stop supporting my head as my head hit the desk.

“Gu-gukkie…”

Jongup’s POV

Several gaps filled the room as a heavy hit echoed across the classroom, interrupting the current lecture of music theory. I looked to my right to see a lifeless Himchan slouched down across the desk. My heart began to race as I reached for his heart to check his pulse; still beating... he passed out.

“Teacher! H-Himchan-” a girl was about to say something but before there was time to cause a scene, I gently cradled the fragile boy, picking him up and headed towards the door.

“I’ll take him to the nurse!” I screamed. Of course it was a lie; I knew Himchan would panic even more if he woke up in the nurse’s office. The best thing was to take him back to the dorm and let him come back to his senses.

10 minutes had gone by, and I had successfully made my way back to the dorm and placed Himchan in his bed. My heart was still beating fast worried for him, but I knew I needed to call Yongguk… and I knew he would be pissed at himself for leaving. I knew he would let his anger out on me all because he couldn’t be here himself. I knew he never wanted to leave in the first place, he cared too much about Himchan, so most of all, I knew he would be worried about Himchan.

I reached for my phone to dial the number. I put the phone to my ear.

*ring ring… ring ring… ring-*

“Yoboseyo?” his voice sounding deeper on the phone.

“Y-yongguk… it’s Jongup. Everything is under control, but Himchan… Himchan… passed out in class”

“WHAT?! IS HE OKAY? WHAT THE JONGUP YOU SAID YOU’D TAKE CARE OF HIM FOR ME! GOD DAMNIT PLEASE TELL ME HE’S OKAY!?” I could hear the absolute panic in his voice, mixed with anger.

“Y-yongguk… c-calm down… he’s okay he just needs to wake up”

“WAKE UP!? I knew I shouldn’t have left… I’m coming home”

“No! It’s fine! Don’t-”

“Don’t tell me its in fine Jong… I need to be there with him. Zelo in told me last night that Himchan wouldn’t stop cryin but persuaded me not to come home right then. He said everything was fine, but that he just needed to tell me… Comin here was a big mistake… I need to get back to him… to my Himchan…”

I didn’t know what to think. I could hear the pain in Yongguk’s voice as he began to calm down.

“I’m flying home tonight… It’ll be quicker than the train…”

“Yes hyung”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can”

“yes hyung”

“please… take care of him till I get there…”

“y-yes hyung”

…

The phone went dead…

I walked over to Himchan to see his small chest move up and down through his shirt, “Don’t worry Himmie… he’s coming home… Yongguk is coming home”