Your POV

Sungjong visits me a lot since the day I spoke about feeling weak.

We sit down and talk about nothing.

Sometimes he tells me how great Infinite is becoming and that they had signed a deal a while ago after Myungsoo and I had dated.

He talks about how busy they are but even then; he’ll fit time in because I’m the first girl to treat him like a man instead of someone to dress up in pretty clothes.

Today he doesn’t come alone today he brought a red haired guy with slants for eyes.

“Oh do you remember my name?” he asks me in a gentle caring voice.

I nod my head as I look at him, “I believe so. Isn’t it Sunggyu?”

“Yes, that’s me,” the guy smiles and his eyes become even smaller.

I chuckle and smiles at them, “Thank you for visiting me with Sungjong.”

“No, problem at all Chin Sun. What do you 2 do usually when he visits?”

“Well he brings me food and I eat it. He also talks to me about things that have happened well I was asleep or what I should know well I knew Myungsoo. Everything he tells me about that subject is confusing to me though. My brother’s stop by daily to along with my sister and they go over what I should remember what they tell me sparks more memories I believe I remember up until I was 12. Still everything is blank from then. I wish I remembered farther. I remember looking over and seeing someone and thinking how cool they looked, but I can’t remember much else after that.”

They give each other’s looks and ask me, “What middle school did you go to?”

“Oh I went back and forth between 2 of them. There’s one in a good part of Seoul I think it was called… I can't remember the name of the schools. I do remember a lovely water fountain in the entrance, which made no sense to me, but I’d just sit there for hours reading or writing little nothings. That was where I met the kid. He was walking around with an old-fashioned camera taking pictures with his friends. I laughed at how it seemed childish but it was a good idea to keep memories up like that is a wonderful thing to do. I even told him that. I know I don’t look the way that I use to. I got rid of my glasses, let my face show more after that, and a little after that I think I even lost a bit of weight. Still after that day, I didn’t see that boy for a very long time. I keep trying to figure out when I saw him again but it keeps becoming a complete jumble of memories making my head hurt.”

I see Sunggyu sit down on one side of my bed and Sungjong on the other.

We sit there and talk about nothing really.

We mostly talk about how I should be getting out of the hospital soon.

They ask me what I plan to do and I told them that Mai said she got me my job at the coffee shop back until I recover fully and had my doctor call my work place that I’m in now and told them about what had happened to me. They gave me 2 months off with pay.

Not that I really need that but they said that it’s a good thing to have to fall back on but in truth I know that I only have about 2 months until the life I had will slip from my fingers.

I hear the door open and Mai walks in with Nana who looks nervous more than ever.

“Oh Nana what are you doing here?”

“Ahh omma wanted me to give this to you,” she holds up a small bag. “Its just a few things like a photo album and everything but I told her that your memory is coming back to you. Still she would rather be safe than sorry. In addition, we got you a few of your old journals out of your box also a few new journals so that you can write in it. You always said you enjoyed writing on paper than a computer.”

I smile as I take the bag from her. She looks over at Sungjong and smiles at him. He simply smiles back and starts moving things around in the bag.

“Nana would I be a bad sister if I asked how old are you?”

She shakes her head, “No, also I’m sorry about the way I acted when I first came in here after you woke up. Its just you hardly had time for us anymore. It was always was ‘I have work,’ ‘I have school work/classes,’ or ‘I already made plans.’ I felt abandoned, but I know you were right. You still came to see us just most days I was mad that you would only come to see us almost only once a month. I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

I start laughing, “There’s nothing to forgive. I bet I would have acted the same way.”

She shakes her head, “No, you would have gone straight up to me if I was you and said that you felt abandoned that I hardly see you anymore. You would have asked me to be your sister when you needed me.”

I want to laugh but I know that’s not the right thing to do, “You think to highly of me. Sure I have control over my emotions on most days but I’m still human. I have weaknesses and I lose control of them. Look at me I’m sitting in the hospital after pushing away the guy that everyone tells me I was completely happy with because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that it’s all a lie. That somehow this is a dream and I’ll wake up in worse condition than I was here and now. I know what happened to me. I read the reports. I know how I pushed my family away and even my friends for him. I can’t forgive myself for that. I know that these two want me back with him, but I’m afraid of so many things that I told him that I never wanted him to visit me, but for some reason every time my door opens I expect him to walk in and say something romantic but stupid. Why do I keep thinking at way? I don’t’ want to hurt him for not remembering him, but I know pushing him away like this is hurting him far more. I know this because it’s hurting me a great deal so it must be worse for him since he remembers everything and probably has pictures and videos of what our life was like when we were together. I’m a terrible person who’s only thinking about themselves.”

Nana seems to understand what I’m saying she looks up at me and says, “I’m turning 15 next week. Then I’ll be a true teenager.”

I smile at her, “I’ll have to stop by then. I’m getting out in a few days at least that’s what they’re telling me.”

She nods her head as she hands me a card.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a present from me. I hope it’ll help you a lot.”

“What is it? Just a little something we put together from when you were 13 up until you turned 18.” I nod my head as she turns to go she looks back at me, “Unni I’m sorry for hurting you the way I did. I’m sorry for what I had said to you. You really are a great sister and I hope that we’ll get to spend more time with each other. I’ll stop by later with the boys… Is that alright?”

I look at her and chuckle, “Of course that’s alright. Feel free to come by anytime.”

“I love you, unni,” she runs back to give me a hug.

It takes me back off guard but this moment really touches my heart, “I love you as well, Nana. I always will because you’ll always be in my heart even if I would lose my memories again. I’ll still love you because you are my little sister and that’s all I’ll ever need to know.”

She gives me a teary eye look where I simply wipe the tears away and smile at her, “I want to see you smile more. As your sister, I hope to be able to do this. I’m sorry I had hurt you and our family. I love each and everyone one of you.”

She giggles, “You’re not making a speech again for some reason are you?”

I give her a look and shrug, “I don’t’ know I’m just saying what I know I should.”

She smiles at me going to leave again, “You never change do you.”