Chapter 21

Happiness

Suzy’s eyes were fixed at her brother as he was singing upstage, eyes closed, voice echoing with melancholy. The sad tone of his song seemed to penetrate in her hearts of the listeners. Everyone was just listening, enabling Hong Ki to take them with him in a sad journey of the melody. But Suzy knew, no matter how moved people seemed to be with her brother’s voice, no one would understand the real story behind that heartsick music he was conveying. Even she herself wouldn’t understand the amount of pain he was going through. And that was what making her more burdened. She was frustrated with the fact that she couldn’t do anything to take away all the pain from her one and only brother.

            “What are you thinking?” Suzy’s balloon of thoughts popped out when she heard Jae Jin talked to her. She stared at the impeccably handsome man beside her, her eyes meeting his curious gaze. For a moment, she seemed lost and overwhelmed with Jae Jin’s presence. She didn’t know when she exactly felt this way toward him. She knew he was gorgeous and all. Aside from his talent with the bass and that heart melting voice, she knew one of the reasons why girls were screaming for him was because of his undeniable beauty. But to be mesmerized by that beauty, she didn’t know he had that capacity to do that to her. With all the depressing things occurring on her surroundings, Jae Jin seemed to be her only escape—the source of her unexpected yet undeniable happiness.

            Jae Jin smiled at her as if he knew what she was thinking, and he suddenly seemed to dazzle in her eyes. She felt her heart beat erratically. She shut her eyes closed and turned away from him, feeling the flow of different sensations in her veins. This seemed not right, she told herself.

            “You’re still that kind of little sister,” Jae Jin spoke again, making her turn to him once more. She looked at him with knotted forehead, demanding explanation. Jae Jin smiled knowingly, then held her hand and squeezed it gently. She didn’t budge. The feeling of his hand on hers was awesome.

            “I’ve known you as Hong Ki’s little sister that demands attention from him,” he stated. Her eyebrows automatically arched. That made Jae Jin smile huger. He was making fun of her expressions again. “Relax,” he said. “I mean, you really are that little sister who wants recognition from her grumpy older brother. But amid that desire, you are thinking too well of his feeling than yours that you weren’t pushing yourself too much at him that time.”

            Her face lit up, seeing Jae Jin’s point. But her face was again clouded with confusion with what he was really pointing out. “And? I know there’s more to that.”

            Jae Jin squeezed her hand more. “I know you’re thinking too hard about his feelings right now. I know you’re having a hard time too, because he is facing so much sadness.”

            She sighed. Her eyes once again lingered on Hong Ki, who was singing solo at the stage. Solo. All his life, he was alone—solo. If only she could only get even just a grip of that pain so he would feel a little better, she would…

            “He’s been in too much pain. I don’t want to see him struggling in his life again,” she said, her eyes not leaving Hong Ki.

            Jae Jin squeezed her hand again, giving her comfort. “Pain teaches us to be strong. And Hong Ki is strong. He wouldn’t be standing in that stage if he isn't. So don’t worry, he can go through the pain.”

            She knew Jae Jin was right. She knew he was trying to make her feel at ease. But she also knew no amount of comforting words can ease her worry for Hong Ki.

            “I’m just afraid. He’s only starting his life anew. And it’s just devastating to know that the person who tried to put you back on the right track will be… will be… gone soon.”

            Jae Jin just stared at her for a moment, unable to voice the right words. And his silence only confirmed that Suzy was right.

            Suzy looked down, smiling at herself bitterly. “A series of unfortunate events. A miserable and directionless guy met an angelic girl. She helped her collecting the broken pieces of his life. He got back on track. They fell in love. But just when things are starting to be hopeful, he learned that she’s dying. He felt afraid. She felt afraid too—more because of hurting him. But he pursued her. While she, she’s turning her back away from him…”

            “Suzy…”

            She slowly raised her head, meeting Jae Jin’s concerned, worried, and understanding gaze. “No fair, right?” she asked, her voice tainted with pain. Tears were trying to elope from her eyes but she was also trying hard to contain them. “Why did he have to meet her if she will also vanish from his life?”

            “Suzy,” Jae Jin cupped her face and eased the tears she didn’t know were already falling from her eyes. “You must remember that there’s a reason to all this. There were good things that happened when Hong Ki met Shin Hye.”

            “I know. But why those good things have to end soon? Can't his happiness last?” She looked at Hong Ki’s eyes. Those eyes that had always been gloomy and distant. She eyed his lips, and pictures of his rare smiles flashed through her mind. She wished to see more of that.

            “Happiness is immeasurable. Happiness is undefined. Happiness varies. Happiness comes and goes. But happiness last in imprint of memories,” Jae Jin said, pulling her in a warm hug.

            She let herself be dragged by the warmth Jae Jin’s embrace was giving her. He was the only source of fire and light in this gloomy and cold phase of her life. He was like a guide to her. His voice, his arguments, his thinking were bringing her senses back to her.

            “Suzy…”

            “Hmm?” she answered, feeling lazy to even lift her head from leaning on Jae Jin’s broad shoulder.

            “If you have the power to rewrite your brother’s destiny,” Jae Jin said slowly, hanging his words. She felt him holding her chin and lifting her face so they were face to face. Once their eyes were locked, she heard loud throbbing attacking her chest. They were so close.

            “If you were given the chance to rewrite Hong Ki’s destiny, would you erase the part where he and Shin Hye met?” he asked. “Or would you still let their paths cross?”

            She squinted her eyes; feeling too confused with what Jae Jin had asked her. If I have the power to rewrite Hong Ki’s destiny? Her orbs became more narrowed with thinking. That was a good question, but it obviously had only one answer. “I absolutely don’t have any power to change his destiny so I couldn’t possibly erase her part in his life.”

            Jae Jin’s lips curved into a bright smile with her answer. Her eyebrows became more furrowed.

            “Truly, you don’t have any power to change his destiny and erase her part in his life,” Jae Jin said with a huge smile. She frowned.

            “Excuse me, but you just repeated what I said.”

            “Because that’s it. We can't change what has happened. But we can still convince them to do something for their future to change.”

            Sadness started to creep unto her face. “We can't change their future. Shin Hye unnie will… will still be…”

            Jae Jin sighed. Loneliness could also be read in his eyes. “But we can convince them to change their decision for their future. As you said, a miserable and directionless guy met an angelic girl. She helped her collecting the broken pieces of his life. He got back on track. They fell in love. But just when things are starting to be hopeful, he learned that she’s dying. He felt afraid. She felt afraid to hurt him. Still, he pursued her. But she’s turning her back from him. Yet, she can still come back to him and accept him. They still have time ahead of them.”

            “But…”

            Jae Jin turned his head to another direction, and unconsciously, she followed him. Her eyes met what he wanted her to see—Hong Ki, now walking down the stage, looking gloomy and pained. Even the magic of music couldn’t do something to make him okay just a bit.

            “Happiness comes and goes. But happiness last in imprint of memories,” she said, repeating Jae Jin’s words with a smile plastered on her lips. She got it, thanks to this impeccably handsome guy she was starting to adore more. “Thanks, Jin. You’re an angel.”

            And before she could stop herself, she pressed her lips unto his.

~~~

A soft smiled curved Shin Hye’s lips when she saw Suzy. The younger girl was walking fast, her hair swaying with every move she was making as she approached her hospital bed.

            “Hey,” Shin Hye greeted when Suzy’s feet were settled next to her. She was expecting Suzy’s vibrant greeting, but there was none. All Shin Hye could see was emptiness as Suzy was looking at her, too. Shin Hye couldn’t read the younger girl. She wasn’t used to this kind of Bae Suzy.

            “Is there something wrong, Suz—“ A loud slap cut Shin Hye’s sentence. She felt a stinging pain on her left cheek. Her eyes grew wide in horror and shock, and her face was left facing the right direction for she couldn’t even move. She was stupefied by the sudden action of the sweetest girl she had ever known. Did Suzy just hit her face?

            “Was that painful?” she heard Suzy asked, her voice stained with coldness. And Shin Hye couldn’t decipher what was happening. Why would Suzy come to the hospital all of a sudden, hitting her face without precautions? What did she do to be able to deserve something like this to the closest girl friend she had ever had?

            “That hurts right?” Suzy asked again. Shin Hye just stayed at her position; too petrified to even move a muscle. “Oh, c’mon, Shin Hye, face me and answer me!”

            A tear escaped her eyes. Hearing Suzy’s sweet and soft voice now laced with irritation and sarcasm didn’t feel right. She just couldn’t believe how Suzy was yelling at her now.

            Suzy forced Shin Hye to look at her when the latter didn’t move. Their eyes met. Shin Hye’s eyes were wet with tears while Suzy’s orbs were bleak.

“That’s where you’re good at. You’re only good at turning your back to the people who only want you to face them. You’re only good at crying. Isn't it ironic that the very person who taught Hong Ki to be brave, who taught me how to be brave, who taught all of us how to face our problems head on, is in fact the most coward person ever?”

“Suzy…”

“Why, you’re tongue tied now Shin Hye? Where are those comforting words that were always coming out of your mouth? Where are those words of wisdom that always enlightened us? Why can't you speak your heart and mind now?” Suzy yelled, clutching Shin Hye’s shoulders hard. Her eyes were laced with disappointment, with pain.

Shin Hye knew they might now understand her decisions. She knew that everyone might be mad at her. She thought she could take that. That was what she wanted, right? She wanted to drive them away from her. But why did it have to hurt so much?

“Your words don’t just apply to us. It also applies to you. You have to hear yourself. You have to hear your heart! You have to be brave and tough. You’ve taught us how. Why can't you also teach yourself that? Why can't you face your problems? Why are you leaving us all behind? Why are you trying to fight the battle alone, when you’ve already included us all in that fight? Why are you so selfless? Why are you willing to hurt yourself more just to take the pain away from us? Can't you see that we are hurting more because of what you’re trying to do? Can't you see that you’re hurting Hong Ki more because you’re taking away his happiness from him?”

Suzy began to tremble as her tears invaded her cheeks. All the obscurity her eyes were hiding now became traces of pain and crushed hope. And Shin Hye couldn’t help but to feel more hurt. Was Suzy right? Was she really paining everyone because of trying to take the pain away?

“You know how much I want to, Suzy. But you also know that I can't. I will cause more damage if I involve all of you deeper into this. I’m like a bomb of destruction. I don’t want to destroy the people I love. I don’t want to destroy him.”

“You’re already destroying him with what you’re doing! Can't you see? My brother has become braver because of you. He wanted to have you, and spend the rest of your forever until the last drop, because the thought of not having you when he had the chance to have you is a lot more pain to bear. You may not be able to stay with him until forever, but you can stay with him until your last breath. And that’s enough for him. That’s enough for you. That’s enough for him not to have any regrets and what ifs.”

Suzy’s voice had become softer as she continued to talk. She was still crying, as if she was pleading Shin Hye. “Someone had told me that happiness comes and goes. But happiness last in imprint of memories. You are his happiness, unnie. You might go, he might leave. We don’t know what’s in store for the both of you, but there will always be your memories. You still have time to make happy memories together.”

Shin Hye bit her lips, trying to contain her tears. She wanted to cry mutely, but she couldn’t help her own sobs. She felt like drowning with her heart’s own pleas. Was Suzy right?

“D-do you think… we can still make happy memories? Can I really make him happy?”

Suzy held her hand and squeezed it gently. Now, there were no traces of anger in her eyes, only concern and encouragement. “I’ve never seen my brother smile the way he does when he’s with you.”

A small smile slowly crept Shin Hye’s lips with the reminiscent of Hong Ki’s warm wide smile. And from that moment, she knew that smile was something she wanted to see until her last breath.

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