07.

It’s too easy to pick out each and every one of his flaws. The list would be never ending, he thinks.

He’s expected to be perfect. To act, look and even laugh perfectly. His every move is studied under watchful eyes and he’s been doing this for so long, he’s forgotten what it means to not be perfect. It’s so ingrained in his mind that he sometimes forgets that he does in fact have flaws. And on some lonely nights, the reality comes crashing down on him harder than he can bear. He wants to scratch at his face that screams, you’re fake. You’re ugly. You’re dirt. He can’t look at the mirror for too long before his mind begins to fill with insecurities, overflowing into fears that he’s farther from being perfect than he ever was.

Maybe he will never be that, perfect.

He’s worked too hard to bury all the wrong things about himself. Buried them deep underneath the tired smile lines of his face, beneath the flawless skin and perfectly styled hair. Buried them so far down he forgot they existed. And now they’re tearing him apart to escape.

He can’t compare to the rest of his bandmates. He can’t sing. His dancing doesn’t have as much ‘emotion’ as Jongin’s, no matter how hard he tries. His rapping is only two lines that could easily be covered by Chanyeol. He’s not needed. He’s ugly when he laughs. His eyes are tiny, his teeth protrude too much. He’s too skinny. He’s boring, too shy compared to Baekhyun and Jongdae.

He’s too much this, too little that. Can’t compare to him, forgotten by them.

The thoughts threaten to drown him until he gets a call from her, pushing away everything until his mind becomes blank.

“Sehun?” her airy voice filters from the speaker.

“Hmm.”

“You…sound like you’re crying. Is everything alright?”

It takes him a minute before he can answer, surprised at her ability to notice so quickly. He hesitates to tell her. He’ll look weak and maybe she’ll be disgusted by him and his defective self. But she. She was the opposite of him; so full of flaws but so accepting of them all.

He wanted to be like that.

The words come barrelling out before he can stop himself, “I’m not perfect. I’m talentless, ugly, boring, unsociable, awkward. I hate myself. I’m so flawed,” he spits the word out, “What kind of idol am I, I can’t do anything, I have ing insecurity and I can’t even ing do anythi -”

“Sehun. Sehun stop,” she mutters, cutting him off but he’s too far gone to stop. The emotions that he’s concealed for so long are only reaching the surface now.

“Maybe I can’t do this anymore, Hayoung-ah. Someone as imperfect as me doesn’t deserve to be looked up to -”

“Oh Sehun,” she sounds angry and firm and he finally stops for a second to listen to her, “Listen to me. You are flawed, yes. You are imperfect, yes. You aren’t and will never be perfect. But that’s what makes you who you are and I don’t care if I’m being cheesy as , you need to understand this. You constantly do this to yourself, picking out your so called horrible flaws which are mostly your imagination anyway. You’re perfectly imperfect.”

“Did you just take that from John Legend?” He can already feel his mood getting lifted. He’s starting to think, maybe it really is okay.

“Shut up, I’m trying to say that everyone has flaws and we have to live with them or else we’ll be stupidly miserable like you. So it up and embrace the fact that you sound dumb when you rap and that your face looks like a contorted hyena when you laugh,” she teased.

He shakes his head at the insults but they don’t sound too bad anymore. He’s still uncomfortable with himself right now, but he’s starting to feel like his skin is fitting his body again, just a bit. He’s not okay with his flaws and he knows he can still make a never ending list of them. But maybe there will come a time wherein he’ll be as accepting of them as Hayoung. It won’t be soon but he knows he has to and can try with Hayoung by his side.

All of your flaws and all of my flaws
Are laid out one by one
Look at the wonderful mess that we made
We pick ourselves undone

This was originally baekmi, I don’t know what happened halfway through. Based off the song Flaws by Bastille.