"Good morning" I felt up the firm chest for his face, kissing him with closed eyes, "I hope you slept well" 

He stirred slightly, pressing his groin against me while groaning. I giggled, curling into his embrace again,

"Guess you're right; some extra sleep would be nice. Work can wait" 

Peacefully I layed still, admiring his physique. Lightly I traced his chest and shoulder, thinking about what to do for breakfast. Broad shoulder, toned muscles, tcreamy skin; all mine. Suddenly I froze. 

This wasn't Changsun. This tattoed body definitely didn't belong to my fiance. 

Immediately I rolled off the bed, ripping the sheet off with me to cover up. My body slammed against the wall while I scrambled to get off the floor and out of here. The man groggily turned over and sat up, stretching his arms while yawning. 

"Hye; why are you up?" he tossed his legs over the bed's edge about to stand up, "We agreed, no work today 

Since when did I work with this man? I wrote and produced music for CJES, but I had no clue who he was. Last time I checked Chang and I lived together in our dream apartment -with the glass wall that faced east Seoul- while he toured with his ballet company and I stayed here writing. I turned my head and shielded my eyes from his ness. Going by the fact that between my legs was throbbing, we definitely had last night. Oh god Hye Su; what have you done now! Oteoke...

"Who are you" I shuffled towards the door, tossing a pillow at him to cover his , "Tell me the truth, and I won't go to the police" 

"Hey... Yoochun? Could you lock the door? Code 3"  he yelled, dropping the pillow right back on to the bed

Another voice shouted back from a room over, 

"Neh hyung; good luck" 

What was this; a code 3? Was I in some twisted psychopath's make shift hospital, where he likes to play doctor? Tempting, and then doing whatever else he pleases to women? I backed out of the room and into a larger one, with a kitchenette and couches. I saw the door behind me, close enough that I could make a run for it. 

"Hye Su; stop it" He slumped out of the bedroom, holding me back easily from behind, "Here; read this. Take a seat" 

He had a notebook into my hands, while forcing me to sit on the piano bench. I ran my fingers down the brown cover and spine, confused what was going on. I pulled the thin sheet tighter around me, wishing I knew where my clothes were. Then I saw my favourite shirt on the ground just meters away. We had been going at it last night, but how come I didn't remember it? Hopefully it was good at least... Cooperating with my captor was the best option at the moment, so I read the journal, starting with a note taped inside the cover. 

Dear Hye, I'm Jaejoong and I sing for CJES. I am apart of the group JYJ, and you've been writing for us for approximately a year

I mumbled to myself this one sentence. If this was all true, only parts of it I knew. Jaejoong though, he was no where in my mind. 

...You suffer from Alzhiemer's. That's why you have no idea who I am. What you're reading now, is something you've read at least a hundred times whenever you forget us. The rest of this notebook is you journal which has kept your own memories. I don't know them all, but you should...

Jaejoong leaned against the counter, casually sipping on some fresh coffee. The pages wrinkled with my tight grip as I read the first few entries, 

Today the doctor's said I can stay in Korea to work for JYJ. I'm so happy, because Jaejoong sunbae is so talented. I'm honoured and nervous to work with him, he is so handsome and kind. Maybe we can become friends, that'd be nice..."

After the first few lines of text, I threw the book to the floor. I gathered the sheets in a sloppy dress, while inching along the wall where the exit was,

"You bastard!" my voice went up into a shrill siren sound, "How dare you try to trick me with these lies!" 

I jiggled and bashed the door knob, but it was locked. There was a security system panel, which meant I needed a code to get out. Dammit. 

"I'm definitely calling the police, sicko!" I yelled continuing to abuse to door in hopes it'd wondrously open

"What's in there is all true" Jaejoong -if that was his real name- put down his mug, slowly approaching me, "Read all the entries if you like; you wrote them. I'm not lying" 

"I-I want to call my fiance" I demanded

He winced, rubbing the back of his neck

"Lee Changsun. Thw two of you broke off your engagement over a year ago. You wrote about it on page 37"

My lip quivered as I considered the idea. I didn't have Alzheimer's -impossible- I was only 25! I definitely wouldn't break up with Chang either, I love him.  

"L-liar! Geojitmal! Lies!" I screeched moving towards the counter as he circled closer

Jaejoong had cornered me, only inches away. I pushed against him, hoping I could make enough racket that someone would notice and get help. If he was a singer at the company, then I knew this dorm was only a floor below the studios where people would be.  Unfortunately my foot caught on the sheet, causing me to topple over and the fabric to slip away. He tried to pull me back, grabbing for my sprawled out body. I kicked as his hands grazed my s as he got hold of my arms. Calmly he spoke in my ear, 

"Last night we made love, because that's exactly how I feel about you. It's ok Hye" 

I searched for anything I could use to defend myself with. My hand flopped all over the counter, trying to grab on to any object. Quickly I found a bottle, firmly grabbing the neck. As hard as I could I smashed it against Jaejoong's body, causing the contents to splash on to him along with glass. 

Defensively I held out the jagged broken bottle neck, threatening him if he tried to come closer. He flicked off the wine that had been in the bottle along with some blood, dripping on to the floor. The top right of his chest had small pieces of glass stuck in it which caused him to wince in pain. Calmly he continued to speak while I tried to figure out an escape,

"Don't run away. You aren't well enough, so I need to take care of you" 

"J-just leave me alone!" I yelled, waving the weak weapon in front of me

In mid stride, Jaejoong froze. I did too, curious what had made him. Then I heard an alarm dinging with music from a cellphone, which was sitting on the table

Good morning Korea! This is GURUPOP Radio, spinning the freshest Kpop and newest K-news. Today is all about the ballads you love, so starting us off is In Heaven. JYJ; up next

A soft piano imitating a harp pinged for the first few bars, before a male vocal came in. It sounded so familiar, it sounded like this guy Ja- 

It was Jaejoong. He was a singer here, in JYJ. He was telling the truth. So did that mean?...

"Am I really sick?" I croacked, noticing how worried and upset he legitimately seemed, 

He didn't respond, just breathing deeply while slowly approaching. I didn't try to move, thinking of the possibility that this was all my fault.  Suddenly his voice began to ring through the empty space, hypnotizing me with it's sound

Don’t leave, don’t leave- can’t you stay?
Lies, lies, I don’t hear anything
I love you, I love you- can’t you show me?
Can’t you love me, love me, love me?

My body threw itself on Jae the minute he finished. I remembered everything again. 

"H-how are we suppose to do this?" I stuttered, standing face to face with him 

Even though he was bleeding and covered in alcohol still, he held me as tightly as possible. I felt hopeless, nestling my head between his shoulder blades as if it'd make this all go away. Gently he my still bare body, whispering in a hushed tone, 

"Together. That's how" 

"I'm scared" I muttered

"Don't be; I'll be here for you every moment" he kissed me on the forehead, rubbing my shoulders also, "I love you" 

Could I trust his words? Better question would be if I even had a choice. Of course I did -I could walkaway- but I wouldn't. 

I breathed into his mouth, "I love you too", before pecking him on the lips.

With care Jaejoong picked the discarded sheet off the ground and tied it securely around my body like a toga. I batted back tears, suddenly feeling an overflow of emotions for him. As lightly as possible I patted the injured part of his chest, staining the cloth red. He winced as I began to remove the small shards, but I did it quickly. It was frightening to think that I had done this minutes ago, acting as an alternate version of myself.  

"How badly did I hurt you?" I fretted, rushing to the bathroom for a wet towel 

"Not that badly; just a scratch" Jaejoong sat on the couch's arm while I cleaned up his chest further, "You should be talking to Junsu about the wine though. It was his" 

My hands stopped with the towel in them, dropping it to push back his hair like a worried parent. I clicked my rongue and disapprovingly shook my head, 

"Don't lie for me Jaejoong. I don't want you pretending this is nothing" 

"But it really it is nothing. You've been worse Hye Su" he reasoned, moving to sit down with me in tow

I sighed, 

"And I will continue to get worse. Have you seen how many bottles of water are in the fridge? I keep buying them because I forget that I already have!" 

"Well, lucky for you that I really like that kind" he cutely smiled, putting his arm around me

"So you're willing to still look after me?" I asked, pulling a blanket off the floor to cover him.

He wrapped it around me, but it forced it around him instead. Carefully he layed me on his chest -not on the cut up portion- before kissing me on the forehead, 

"Always"

We snuggled on the couch for easily an hour, both of us not finding the will to move after this morning's ordeal. I was perfectly happy with just flicking on the television to watch whatever was on. 

I am perfectly happy being with Jaejoong. 

"What are you wanting to do today?" he nudged me fully awake while I layed across him, "No work today"

"Really? Or are you just ditching?" I mused, hopping off the couch to make some food

He laughed, following me over to the kitchen area

"You know I can't get away with anything. I only have to fly out tonight for Japan" 

The sheet snagged on the cabinent as reached for two plates, so I just got rid of it all together. I kicked it across the floor and into Jae's bedroom doorway. While we continued to small talk over his business out of country, I couldn't help but worry. I'd stayed alone many a time, but with how aggressive my condition was becoming, I don't know how it would play out.

I joked,

"Maybe I'll clean this place while you're go-"

The door flew open as Junsu rushed in wearing his performing get up. Both Jae and I were still stark , so we just stared hoping one of us would disappear. Well, at least I was. 

"Junsu... Ugh... " Jaejoong darted over to me, covering me with himself, "I said it was a code 3" 

"Excuse me?" I muttered, dropping to the ground for a sweater 

Junsu blinked back confusion, smiling in doubt of the situation

"So I come here, and she's fine? And ? What kind of stuff is this..." 

I stood up from behind the counter, now clothed from the waist up. I sighed, unamused 

"Can someone just tell me what this code thing is?" 

"Sorry Hye" Jaejoong looked once more at Junsu, holding back a laugh, "Code 3 means that you've lapsed, but that it's not severe enough to call in Junsu. He's the secret weapon I guess for when we have a code 4, which is a full out one where you don't even remember who you are" 

"So there has been a code 4?" I muttered, eyeing Junsu who was lying on the couch. 

"Only twice, and I only had to get two stitches before Junsu arrived  second time around" confidently said Jaejoong, putting our dishes in the sink

"Junsu; what exactly do you do?" I called, curious what made him the 'secret weapon'

He wandered over towards Jaejoong, not even phased by the weird situation. With a smirk, he let out a chuckle

"The first time when I rolled you up in a blanket as a restraint, you began screaming about how you were a huge Xia fan. The next time I accidentlally came in while Jaejoong was chasing you around, and you froze when you saw me. I never thought you'd be bias for me when Jaejoong's your boyfriend" 

Even if I was wearing a full set of clothes, my embarassment would still be obvious. When I had been midway through university and DBSK had just debuted, I was crazy for Junsu. I got over my obssessive fangirl stage long ago, bur apparenttly my past self loved to talk about it. While I was dying from my burning hot face, the two guys were laughing at me. 

"Basically you override my Alzheimer's with my past fangirl?" I stated 

"Yea. Wearing stage clothing makes you calm down even quicker. It's cute when you start asking for my autograph though"  he grinned

"Well I'm Jaejoong bias now, just for your information" I mused, putting my arm around his waist proudly

"Thanks" Jaejoong pecked me on the cheek while holding back his smile, "If you ever debut, I'll be your first fan" 

I rolled my eyes at his sappy romantic side, 

"You do know I'm pushing 25. Nice try though"

Junsu left after the false alarm. I was mortified thinking of what I do when in my Xia fangirl state of mind, so I'm glad he did. `

"On a scale of 1 to sasaeng, how crazy and embarssing am I when you have to call in Junsu" I mumbled, lying again on Jaejoong's bed. 

His arms wrapped around me from behind, his body keeping mine warm. He laughed, 

"You honestly aren't that crazy. You just cover your mouth to muffle your own screams, then pass out" 

"Really? That is embarssing!" I groaned 

"If you want to talk about crazy and embarassing, that's Junsu. I  switched with him for a breather, and I come back to him practically doing a for you" he rest his head so that his lips buzzed against my neck, "But you came to your sense moment's later, and came running out of the dorm" 

"If you makes you feel better, I definitely don't remember ever seeing him even shirtless" I chuckled

We cuddled on the bed for another hour or so, drifting in and out of sleep. Both of us were still pretty shaken from the scene I caused this morning, so a rest was greatly appreciated. I felt Jaejoong's member becoming stiffer each time I stirred to change positions. Softly I spoke in his ear, 

"I'm kind of have been ually deprieved for the past year, so can we do it again?" 

"I've never been asked that before" he played with my hands while tickling my legs with his feet, "But I'm definitely all for it" 

I smiled, kissing him passionately. Even though I did want him all over again, there was a sad motivation behind it. This morning made me see that when I wasn't overly forgetful, that I needed to take advantage of it. It was undpredictable when my next lapse would occur, or when I'd be this "normal". I tried my best to stay light hearted during these moments with him, but the thought loomed like a rain cloud. 

"Jaejoong; do you like me?" I asked quietly

Taken abck by my sudden question, it took a while for him to answer

"We just made love twice in one day, and I've been pursuing you for a year. That's a big yes" 

"No, no. I mean the person I'm usually like, the 'in between two times' Hye Su" I clarified 

"When you are in love, you love every part of the person" Jaejoong pressed his forehead to mine, breathing out the rest, "I completely accept who you are, whatever version. It doesn't take away from the women I fell for, the one in my arms right now" 

A small tear splashed on to my skin, feeling like we were the epitome of poor timing. If we had met back when I was a teenager, or even a year ago, we could've had another year together. Maybe that would mean coming to Korea earlier, and getting a diagnosis sooner.

Maybe I could've been cured. 

"Then let me ask you; do you like me? Compared to being DBSK member Hero?" he inquired, wiping my cheek with his thumb

"You're just what I thought you'd be -someone incredible who writes and sings- but then this happened" I drew the covers around us more, caushing Jaejoong to tighten his arm around me, "So yes. Yes, I like you, but more now. Like when the popular jock finally notices the outsider girl to put it in juvenlle terms how I feel"

"So I'm the outsider then?" he mused, kissing me on the mouth

I smiled while my lips covered his, causing my teeth to graze the skin. I sighed, 

"Guess we're outsiders together" 

Saying that though, I felt belonging when I was with Jaejoong. I felt like we belonged to each other now. That means we have more the lose with this relationship. You can't experience love without loss though. 

Does that make this real love then?