June’s Perspective

It was hard for me to think about walking onto stage, let alone singing and dancing on it. During sound check the lights had been at the perfect level to blind me, and the earpiece volume practically deafened me. Every little thing that could go wrong ran through my mind as I stood nervously in my dressing room. In about twenty minutes, I’d be performing in our company’s concert for the first time.

“Need anything?” Jaejoong let himself into the room, closing the door behind him, “I know you’re going to do great”

I smiled weakly, making it a smirk,

“ How about a box to crawl into and cry”

He laughed at my “American humour” as he’d named it,

“There aren’t any boxes around, but I could grab a shovel and dig a hole for you”

For three years I had trained under Cassiopeia Ent. Originally I was suppose to be the leader of a new girl group called Fiore, but after a few months I was switched into training as a solo artist. It was quite lonely not having any group mates, Jaejoong was a very good teacher though. At first it was really awkward but eventually we really started to bond and form a good relationship.

“If you ever feel super sweaty and nervous out there, just think of me and how hard you’ve worked” he put a supporting hand on my shoulder, as I continued to attempt my one person huddle, “June, you’ll be fine”

Truth is that I was nervous because my dad wasn’t there. It wasn’t his fault that he had to go overseas, but it still that he couldn’t be here nonetheless. He said he’d watch me on television at least. As for my mother, Jaejoong didn’t even think I had one. I sat on a small table while shuffling my feet on the bare floor. Secretly I really wanted mom to be here too though, to watch me perform and tell others proudly that I’m her daughter. It couldn’t happen, but it wouldn’t ever stop being my dream. Jaejoong noticed how I’d fallen silent, staring at me in hopes I’d open up. He knew me well by now, and could tell that this social behavior wasn’t because of stage fright.

He leaned forward as he squatted across from me, forcing me to acknowledge him,

“I’m sorry that your father couldn’t be here”

“It’s ok” I bit my lower lip, holding back all the voice cracks and whimpers, “You’re my teacher. So if you’re here at least, that’s ok”

Out of nowhere tears began to zigzag down my cheeks. I stood up to grab a tissue and avoid looking at my sunbae, but he got up also. One look at his expression was all it took for me to launch my body at Jaejoong’s.

I gripped onto the back of his blazer, my face buried in his shirt like a child. With ragged breath I continued to hold on for dear life, feeling lonelier than I ever have.

“Your father would be here if he could” he gently pushed my hair back while letting me hide my face, “I know I’d come here no matt-”

“It’s not just him” I interrupted

My silent emotional breakdown faded as I forced myself to focus. He had to know now. If I didn’t tell someone the truth, I’d never be able to perform today

“My mom; she can’t watch me sing”

He winced, knowing that I didn’t have a mother like figure. This was true, but he thought she had just walked out on our family.

“I understand”, he wiped the moisture  away under my eyes with his thumb, “But you have to be strong, especially when it gets tough”

I began to whisper, as if anyone could be listening in. My heart felt like it’d jump right out of my chest and onto the floor. I’d never told anyone this, and rarely talked to my dad about it.

“It’s complicated. My mom... She... Well; she doesn’t know I’m her-”

Suddenly, the door swung open. I flicked my eyes up to see the stage director, beckoning for me to follow. Jaejoong nodded, and handed me off to go wait in the left wing. He smiled,

“Lee Hye Sun; I know you’ll put on an unforgettable show”

My stomach did a few backflips as I gulped hard, nodding to him I’d be ok. After my set, he’d join me on stage for a duet. Collaborations between the sunabes and hoobaes was one of our company’s signature things, so this performance was highly anticipated. Apparently Jaejoong never had shown this much interest in singing one of these duets. Maybe it was because I was shy or because I wrote music unlike the other trainees who just performed, that’s why he was kind to me. Either way, he made me feel like I wasn’t alone.

The reflective stage bounced all the light from cameras and flashing sticks on to me. I waved and smiled as I took my place in the middle of a catwalk, throwing a flower I’d brought with me to a lucky fan like in all my performances. I sang a medley of three songs, ending with my most well known Jaejoong had arranged for me.

My darling hero

The feelings I have

They're all for you

The memories I hold

They're all of you

So come save me while I wander

Lost in my childish mind

Please be my hero

Save me from myself

I didn’t even have time to bow before Jaejoong came bounding out. While he his mic and said a little spiel about what’s next, I tried to calm down. My usual performance wasn’t what freaked me out in the dressing room, but this duet. Even though we were on a personal level, it was no pretending Jaejoong and I were equally talented. He was an international music star before I was even born. I wanted to make him proud, so all I could do was my best.

“June and I actually worked on this together. It’s brand new, never been heard. Please enjoy”

Jaejoong did a final wink and grin, the crowd’s roar dying as the accompaniment began. This had been rehearsed countless times, I should have nothing to worry about. Of course I was worrying though. My voice was amplified by my microphone, as I dove into the verse, pretending that I wasn’t extremely nervous

A woman, a man

A choice, a fate

They have a story that is fantasy

The type that others dream of

But perfection isn’t real

They fought and lost

This is still a dream though

Of the man who’d do anything

Singing always made me feel like I could be whoever I wanted, like I was unstoppable. This was the song my mother had left me, so it made my performance even more real. A day or two straight of editing and scrapping ideas eventually amounted to this. I was barely an adult, still a teenager, but thinking of mom gave me the will to push through and give it all. The heels of my shoes clicked as I turned to face Jaejoong. He gave me an assuring nod as the small instrumental interlude began to end, cuing us for the chorus together.

She says

Go, go, go away.

It hurts too much

He says,

No, no, no, I’ll stay

We’re classic.

She begs

Please, please forget who I am.

Please forget me

Be happy

But he doesn’t say a word

Doesn’t do anything

Because he’ll remember her

Because they’re classic

I panted, my hand joined with Jae’s as we bowed. Tonight was the first I’d ever felt so proud to be not June but Lee Hye Sun, daughter of Mae Hye Su. Music is what kept me together all my life, it’s the one thing we shared now too. She never truly knew me, believing I was some arts student from the university, but for some crazy reason I felt like at that moment she really did. That she was watching me, pointing at me and saying,

“That’s my daughter”

My name is Lee Hye Su. I’m 18 years old, and come from a dysfunctional family. My mother is sick with Alzhiemer’s, my father is barely home since he works so hard to support us, and my uncle has a family of his own to care for.

Lastly though, my biological father is Kim Jaejoong.

I figured it out long before I confronted mom’s full time nurse Devoney recently. How else would I have come up with those lyrics? A classic tale of tragic true love, two destined to be lovers but forced to walk their separate ways. Those were my parents.

Dad would always be my dad though, he was the one who raised me to be the person I am now. By himself he somehow didn’t do that bad of a job either, considering I was living my dream. Jaejoong didn’t need to know the truth. Telling him that I really was his daughter, that the woman he wanted to marry was still alive, it was pointless. Why open old wounds with no way to heal them again? We’ve all moved forward with life.

So we shouldn’t go backwards.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jaejoong’s Perspective
 
Tonight I sang with June. Tonight I finally felt closure.

You made a wonderful little girl Hye. She is sweet, kind, funny, talented... She’s just like you. Now she’s grown up, and is becoming her own person. Only you could be the reason for a person like that. Singing with her, I was suddenly 25 again with you right there beside me.

I’m letting her go, Hye Su. No more will I feel guilt or sorrow over her leaving, or will I wonder what happened. It didn’t matter anymore, because I had unknowingly found a happy life.

But I’ll always keep the memories.

Thank you for everything Mae Hye Su. You’ve granted every one of my wishes.

-

A/N: Thank you so much for waiting. It's been an intense month with work and school, so when I got to this epilogue it was jsut ready to roll. I had a whole other six pages for this ending, but I scrapped it because I wanted it to be minimalistic and to the point. There is some interesting twists that I wanted to include that still apply (in my mind lol), so that ending is much ASDASDKAL.

Love you all! 

-Charlotte