"Jjang!" Jaejoong opened the door to one of the many rooms I'd passed, "This is where the music happens"

I had to laugh. Their dorm looked like the homeless had been living in it. 

"So all the genius happens here? While you sit between dirty dishes and laundry?" I mused

"Most of the time honestly" he tossed his jacket on the kitchenette's counter, before closing the door shut again, "But you'll be working in 5A. It has the best piano anyways in my opinion"

About two weeks after the dinner with Jaejoong, his manager contacted me saying he'd like to interview me. I showed up, played a few songs I'd written, then I was hired as a writer. Just like that. 

"Where's Kang Seuk? I thought he'd be the one showing me around the first day" I asked, feeling suddenly self conscious 

He shook his head, 

"If it's JYJ's own song, it's our responsibility for the writing. Sure, if your stuff was meant to be sold to another company and idol. he'd be doing this"

"I don't want to be wasting your time. I'm sure being a singer is harder than one can imagine" I grimaced,  not wanting him to be a babysitter to me. 

"Course not. The composition of this song is the real work" he replied, unlocking the door in front of us. 

My breath was taken away at the studio. It probably was nothing to most, but it seemed like a lot to me. The glossiest of grands stood open in the centre, with stainless steel tables encircling it. 

"This is wonderful" I glided over to the bench and the keys lightly, "I can't wait to work if it means playing this piano"

Jaejoong chuckled softly, 

"You ready to start then?"

Shyly I brought out my binder of sheet music. I put it in his hands, letting him choose which one he'd like to work on. Quickly he found the piece I had originally performed, playing it himself. 

"Do you sing at all?" he took out a pencil and set the paper on one of the tables, "I think working on the Junsu's top vocal is where we should start"

Truth was, I did sing, or at least tried to. For my interview I had to prove that I could carry a song, and be considerate of the vocalists. Instrumental was my forte, not singing. It wasn't an ear bleeding sound, but it wasn't desirable either. 

So I lied, 

"No. Just piano" 

"Then have you ever written vocal music?" he asked with a skeptic look

"Yes. I just don't like to sing. I know all the musical theory behind it though" I answered

"Could I please see an example?" he slid over the collection of papers, "I'd like to see you're lyrical capability" 

The only person I'd ever let read my personal vocal scores was Changsun. It was all too personal, so having someone see the work made me feel vulnerable. I had written a piece as a present for our anniversary, in hopes he'd learn the male part and we'd have a duet. That night I stayed up with him learning it, and by morning we had it down pat, even though we were both asleep at the piano. 

"S-sure…" The knot in my throat tightened as I opened up to the most in personable thing I could, "I wrote the lyrics about a year ago, but the composition isn't mine" 

"Lee Changsun…." Jaejoong kept skimming through the score past the composers names,  "Friend of yours? Coworker? Boyfriend?" 

I myself couldn't come to grips with this yet, that we weren't together anymore. I gulped, 

"Fiance" 

His lips pursed as he flipped over the page, his fingers rubbing the edge repeatedly

"Well congratulatio-"

"Ex-fiance. We broke off the engagement" I muttered, wanting to start denying it even happened

- 

1 year ago

"Shiemi, when are you arriving at Incheon Airport?"

"Please stop calling me that Chang. Shiemi makes me sound like a little girl" I sighed

"Anyways; where are you" said Chang, completely ignoring my request

"Just exiting baggage claim. And shouldn't you be performing right n-"

The phone was a piece of useless plastic in my hand as I simultaneously dropped my coat and carry on. Changsun was waiting eagerly for me, arms open wide. 

"C-cha….." I leapt on to him, forgetting about the crowd surrounding me, "You blockhead!"

He kissed me softly, 

"Want to stop calling me that"

I hugged him tightly, shaking my head 'no' against his body

"If I'm stuck with blockhead, you're Shiemi" Changsun grabbed my suitcase and sat me on top of it, smiling, "So then why don't we call each other those names forever. Will you marry me?"

-

"I sat down in the crowd, unsure what you'd do. Then you called me by that voice that I loved, and asked for my life. Together, Together, Together. That's how we'll be forever" 

Jaejoong nodded satisfactorily, 

"Very good balance of English and Korean. I like the message too. You're a good lyricist" 

Even though it was my most generic piece, it still had great meaning to me. The proposal ran through my mind, a silent movie on loop for just myself. 

"Thank you" I absentmindedly replied, hiding my eyes behind my hair. 

"How long are you able to work, will there be enough time to finish the piece before you go back to America?" he asked, studying the first sheet of music again, 

I shrugged, 

"The hospital said I can stay here as long as I look after my health, going to appointments regularly and such. They said it's fine, since I have my parents here just in case anything happens" 

He repeated himself, 

"So will you be able to finish the piece?" 

At first I was about to say yes, and start hammering out notes along with him. Then I kicked myself in the head to face reality; I had Alzheimers. Dr. Maiddon said the rate I was deteriorating at wasn't steady, and therefore no estimate could be made. I could be dead by next week hypothetically. 

Shakily I gathered some confidence and gave Jaejoong a fake smile and hopeful answer, 

"Yes. Yes I'll finish it for you"

The hours ticked by and the music droned on. Eventually the day came to an end, and I left for the hospital. It had been a productive day, we had written the first draft of for Junsu's part. We jumped around to other pieces whenever we had another idea, but other than that we were pretty focused. 

I just nodded to the usual rambling about my condition, and the 'progress' I've made. Then things got interesting, 

"You've lived in the States mostly?" the new doctor -Dr. Jung- propped up the clipboard, "Have you looked into any other countries and what their hospitals offer?"

"No; I never considered anything else. This is an incurable disease after all" I replied

"Well since Dr. Maiddon has allowed you to stay here in Korea, I think that you may as well take advantage of what we can give you" he informed

I blinked back my confusion and smiled unknowingly. 

"What are you trying to get at? A new type of medication?" 

"No; a surgery. We can ensure your life"

Attentively I listened to all the details of what this surgery was, and what it could do for me. In short, it does just as he said originally, it let's me stay alive. 

"So are you interested? It can be performed within the next month, and you'll be back to work in just a week after" 

My eyes refused to leave the speckled tiles as I muttered back,

"I-I need to think about it"

He nodded, 

"Take the time you need to think it over. Let me know by the end of the week" 

I walked automatically to my car, not thinking much about my movements. So many feelings were going through me; regret, curiosity, fear. What had I done, letting Chang go. We could've gotten married, lived in our two bedroom apartment like we'd dreamt. Then again; without the breakup I wouldn't be in Korea being offered this chance to live. It was bittersweet; I was gaining a life yet losing one. 

"Umma; where's appa?" I sat myself down at their small dining room table, throwing my keys and purse on it, "I have news"

"Is it about work? Did it go well with that boy Jaejoong?" she asked, giving me some kimbap

It always warmed my heart how positive my parents stayed about this whole situation. Then again, it sometimes got irritating how oblivious they acted too.

"No. But it did go well" I beckoned my father over to sit down also as he entered the room, "I went to Dr. Jung's today, and got offered an operation. It can make my condition not fatal"

The look on their faces; it was indescribable. I continued to speak anyways, 

"There are a few risks. Potentially since it's relatively new, I could become brain dead, or have paralysis of my lower body. I am willing to have the procedure though, and just wanted to let you know that there are options" 

"W-well…" my mother's hands shook as she rested them on the table, "If it's what you want… You're my daughter, but you're 25…"

"Michoso? Chigulae?" my father slapped his hand across the table, repeating himself "Are you crazy? Do you want to die?"

"Appa; that's exactly what I'm trying to prevent" I argued

My mother started speaking raptly to my father in dialect, 

"She's a woman now, and has her own life. Think about what Chang would want also; he is just as important"

Oh yea; they didn't know I had broken off the engagement. Guess I have to drop this bomb sooner or later. I took a few deep breaths, admitting

"Changsun and I…. Well. We broke off the engagement" 

I watched as they froze mid yell at each other and turned to me. My mother was on the verge of tears, while my father  was on the verge of exploding. 

"Arasso; that settles it. You're not getting that operation. Without having a spouse look after and live with you, it isn't happening" he barked

We fought for the next two hours, about everything that had happened while I was in America. The engagement, the diagnosis, and now this operation; it was just one problem after another. It was boiling down slightly, after going around in circles. I did need Chang right now; he'd back me up. 

"If you get operation; you aren't my daughter anymore" 

I scoffed,

"Well if I don't get it and I die, then it'll be the same result"

"P-please. Stop it" sniffled my mom

"Shouldn't it be quality over quantity? If this thing goes wrong; you may as well be dead!" he yelled

"You don't get it; you don't know how it feels to be alive but dead inside. Knowing that I could lapse, and die at any moment" I wailed

"Mae Hye Su; walk out that door and you've signed those release forms for the operation" he warned, as my foot was halfway out the doorway 

For a moment I hesitated. Was this really what I wanted, did I really know what I was doing? It's inevitable that I will die, but the preamble before that is up to me. That's right; me. Not my parents, not my job, or Changsun's looming opinion. 

"Send the appropriate things to my apartment"

And with that; I shut the door on my parents. 

Then again, another opened to a new future at the same moment.