As time passed, I finally calmed down. I'd lie if I said that I completely forgot about everything but I stopped having breakdowns, moodswings and sudden desires for affection. The members finally stopped asking if I was okay, Jonghyun still seemed suspicious and he kept trying to ask me something but always seemed to go against it. In that way nothing changed.

I even talked to Dongwoon. He called me and I picked it up. We talked for 5 minutes and after that I said that Taemin needed my help even though he didn't really. Yes, I was scared but nobody could really blame me.

All in all I got better even though I wasn't really perfectly fine. I didn't need to be. As long as I had people like Onew, Minho, Taemin and Jonghyun, I didn't need to be perfect.

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It happened too fast for me to acknowledge. Onew invited B2st to our dorm. He liked Junhyung because the latter never complained when our leader talked without stopping. Taemin was happy to see Hyunseung - the two enjoyed dancing off together. Minho just liked listening to the different stories the group has prepared for us. Jonghyun couldn't wait to be taller than somebody and I knew that Kikwang hated Jonghyun measuring both of them - he was embarassed enough as it is.

I wasn't prepared. I was sitting in my room and I wasn't ready to see Dongwoon even though I knew he was dying to see me. I felt somewhat guilthy - Dongwoon never gave me a reason to doubt him and here I am  freaked out because he might have or might have not me.

I heard some voices outside indicatinng that B2st members have arrived. I heard Doojoongreat all of our members, heard Taemin eagerly question Hyunseung, heard Onew telling everyone to come in, heard Jonghyun squeal and Kikwang growl.

"Where's Key?" - I want to say that I didn't hear that but that would be a shameless lie. I fixed my hair in the mirror, signed and left the room...

..Only to be attacked by something tall. Ok, ok, Dongwoon is not a something but he is pretty tall, so please understand^^

"Key.... Key..." - Dongwoon kept hugging me and nuzzling into my neck. That is his usual action - he does it everytime we meet - but now I couldn't help but feel vulnerable like I wasn't protected. I also couldn't ignore the constant looks Jonghyun send us - they were full of confusion and hurt.

"D-dongwoon.... You are tickling me." - Dongwoon let go off me and stared for a while at my face, studying my every feature. I tried to smile but Taemin's giggle gave me the impression that I hadn't succeeded.

Dongwoon didn't seem to mind though - he was still trying to find something out by looking into my eyes. Jonghyun was now completely ignoring us by talkinh to Kikwang

"Well....." - I broke the awkward silence - "I guess I better go and find something for you to munch down on." - Doojoon politely said 'thank you' while the other were too busy catching up to actually say anything. I signed and retreated to the kitchen with Dongwoon following me.

I looked through the different closets and peeked into the refridgerator. During my "depression" none of the members bothered to buy any food so we were left with two packs of chips. one pack of popcorn and 3 packs of jolly ranchers. I looked at the snacks with bitterness and Dongwoon chuckled.

"Key, it's not like we are some presidents or anything - you don't have to feed us caviar and fuagra." - I smiled. It's funny that no matter how terrible the situation gets my friends are able to cheer me up by saying the weirdest phrase.

"I know..... but c'mon I don't want you to think that .... I.....you know" - I desperately tried to find the right words by dramatically waving my hands around but that didn't help. Dongwoon let out a chuckle.

"That you are a bad umma?" - He cockily raised his eyebrow and I lightly slapped his arm. My woorries seemed to fade away and I found myself thinking that I was way to paranoid.

"No.... that I don't take care of the other members"

"I think that even a blind man can see that you care for your members..." - I smiled thakfully to him - "And people outside your group like me." - My smile faltered for a second but I quickly smiled bigger.

Suddenly it hit me like a brick. If Dongwoon was the one that almost me he wanted me. If he wanted me, he still does. He will show his true nature if I seduce him...

Bingo!!!

I was wearing a rather big and seethrough shirt so I used it to my advantage. I made sure to make my collarbone and part of my shoulder visible to him. I didn't go to far as I was pretty much sure that with my "knowledge" of seduction it would be pretty much awkward as it is.

I carefully put down the snacks on the counter and slowly approached him. He seemed a bit confused at first but then I wrapped my arms around his neck , Dongwoon hugged me back and I was starting to panick a bit.

"Key...?"

"M-Mm?"

"I know something happened." - I don't know whether Dongwoon felt my heart stop or whether he felt my grip tighten for a second there but I tried to remain calm. - "You missed my calls and don't you even date to make some lame excuse. Something happened and as your friend I am supposed to make you feel better"

Guilt washed over me once again but I tried to fight it back reasoning with myself that it was fair for me to feel paranoid. The result of this action was the same as when you play "rock-paper-scissors" with yourself. Which means that it doesn't lead to anything. Unless of course you have split personality but even if that's the case I don't think it will help you with anything.

"Dongwoon, Key! We are watching a movie!" - I quickly let go of Dongwoon - a bit too quickly - only to find Jonghyun staring at us. He smiled and motioned us to come into the living room. Dongwoon and I followed him but not before grabbing the pathetic excuse for a snack. Stupidely enough we even took the popcorn which wasn't even cooked yet.

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You don't have to read this but..... who knows? It might be fun to see what's on my mind..... or maybe not

So I was planning on writing it a bit longer but my plans changed when I forgot about time watching the videos from SM Town Paris and my sister came home. Although she is perfectly fine with me writing fanfics - and I might add that it is not something an average teenager would do - she does want the computer so I am forced to cut it off here.

Another important piece of news!!!!! I think I will be ending this fic in.... about 2 or 3 chapters - depends on how much my sister will be out. So that will make this my first finished fanfic ( except the 2min oneshot I wrote for xXHachiXx )  and despite me having so much fun writing this for all of you I can't wait to see the word "completed" appear next to the completely random name of this fic. Oh yeah, about that I am truly soory - I am terrible at naming stuff. You can probably note that by looking through my other fanfics like "Second heart" or "Imperfect people". I do hope that I am a bit better at writing that at naming but even if I I promise to get better as time passes.

Also I am not sure I will be able to update during the summer. I will be going to USA in.... about a week and .... I'd love to say that I will have nothing to do there but that will be a complete lie. Exciting news!!! I am going to try myself at soccer and you can already start making bets on how much I will . I am probably gonna be hit with soccer balls by my own teammates for being so bad. IF I manage t survive through it I will be sure to come back and continue writing my other stories. You don't have to worry about this one though cause I PLANNING to finish it before I leave.

Another thing. I have been wanting to dye my hair. My parents are.... kinda okay with it but I am not sure which color to die my hair into. So..... What I am asking for is advice. I have brown hair. Here's a picture of a color. Please note that it's not me in the picture........ Obvious much?

I have no clue why this pic is called "Hottest brown haircolor" cause honestly on me I don't find it that hot.

So I'd love to post a picture of me but I honestly don't have any good ones so just use your imagination. I don't want my hair to be blond, black or any weird color like green, red, blue or purple. So any thoughts?

To sum up, I want to awkwardly end it all.