When I finally woke up, I found that I was not in my own bed in my own bedroom. I wasn't even in the dorm. I searched my surroundings for something familiar. When I turned my head to search to my side, I saw probably the most precious thing ever.

   Jaehyo and U-kwon shared a pleather plush chair, practically on top of each other, their heads slung back, sleeping. It made my neck sore by just looking at them. On the other side, B-bomb sat in a black rolling chair, arms folded across his chest, his shoulders slouched forward and his head hung, sleeping as well.

   Why were these three spending the night in this room with me? I didn't realize where I was until I felt a stinging on the inside of my elbow when I tried to move my arm. An IV was stuck into my skin, a hanging bag of clear liquid off to the side still dripping. Tearing the blankets off my body, I found that my clothes were replaced with a hospital gown. I was in a hospital bed...in a hospital. I would've face palmed but a nasal cannula would be in my way. 

   All of a sudden I sneezed. This simple little sound made all three boys jump three inches off their seats. They snapped their attention towards me, eyebrows knit in worry.

   "Are you okay?" Jaehyo asked, trying to get U-kwon off of him.

   "How are you feeling?" B-bomb travelled from his chair to sit on the edge of my bed, reaching to peel away a sweaty/drooled-on piece of hair from my cheek. 

   I blinked sleepily. "What the  happened?" I looked around again, catching how the environment was outside the window. It was dark, the light from the lampposts outside in the parking lot was the only light that streamed in. "Did I die?"

   U-kwon shook his head. "You hyperventilated. Your doctor said it was from an anxiety attack. She said it was probably post traumatic stress- from your mother's death."

   I ruffled my hair that was already a hot mess. "Anxiety, huh?" I mumbled under my breath. "What time is it?" I inquired. I didn't feel that tired anymore. I suppose I had been sleeping all day. 

   B-bomb checked his phone, rubbing his eye and squinting at the bright light that illuminated his face. "A little after one."

   I cringed. "Jeez, I really did pass the hell out. I'm guessing you guys lost a game of kai-bai-bo?" I asked, referring to their oh-so-comfy sleeping arrangements.

   Jaehyo just kind of chuckled. "No, Jiho, Kyung, and Jihoon were here during the day so we took the night shift. We just kinda...volunteered."

   I was touched, I really was. "Aw, you guys! That's so sweet." I placed my hand over my heart and wiped an imaginary tear away from the corner of my eye.

   "We all really care about you, Sam." U-kwon said, taking a seat at the foot of the bed.

   "Yeah," B-bomb chimed in. "You're like our adopted little sister."

   I criss-crossed my legs and grinned. "Thanks guys." I was really curious about the one person they didn't mention. "What about Taeil? You didn't mention him in your list of hospital visitors."

   They all gave each other a look, like they were hesitant on whether they should tell me the truth.

   "Well..." Jaehyo began.

   "He thinks it was his fault that you started hyperventilating." B-bomb finished.

   I gasped. "But it wasn't! Didn't he hear the doctor? It was from stress."

   U-kwon shrugged. "He didn't listen. The little guy can be stubborn. He just said you two got into  a fight because of him."

   There was a long pause, mainly because I just didn't know what to say. Finally B-bomb had the nerve to say something. "So...what happened?"

   I shook my head, curling back into the covers and pillow. "Something stupid."

   "C'mon," Jaehyo was now sitting on the other side of the bed, his hand gently resting on my head. "Maybe we can help you."

   I scoffed. "Yeah, like I'd get expert advice from Derphyo, Kitty-Kwon, and...B-bomb." I smiled up at Jaehyo, clearing joking. But he just stared back seriously.

   "Sam, seriously, we're here for you." Jaehyo said in his most responsible, grown up voice.

   I sighed and sat up. "Alright, alright- Taeil and I...might've kissed a couple of days ago..."

   They all wiggled and squirmed, squealing and flapping their wrists like a bunch of high school girls. "How was it?" U-kwon begged with a grin.

   "Was he all shy like he alwas is?" Jaehyo was practically in my face.

   "Wait..." B-bomb chimed in a more sensible tone. "But aren't you still with Jihoon?"

   Ooooooh's and gasps all around. 

   "This isn't even any of you guys' business!" I exclaimed, but soon realized that it was the middle of the night and figured I needed to keep my voice down.

   "So does that mean you don't want to be with him?" B-bomb pursued me with questions.

   I pulled the blankets up to my chin. "This is quite an embarrassing conversation that I would rather not have with any of you."

   "So would you rather be with Taeil hyung?" asked Jaehyo.

   "I don't KNOW!" I whisper yelled. I had to calm myself and slow down my breathing for a moment. "I wanted to make P.O. happy so I chose him, but then Taeil was unhappy so I kissed him. But now both of them are unhappy and I am too so I don't know what to do! I just want everyone to be happy, but I can't do that!" I put my face in my hands and sat there for awhile.

   We all sat there for a silent moment, all of us looking down at our laps in this awkward fest. But then suddenly Jaehyo piped up, never the one to stay silent for a long time. "Then...what is it that you truly want?"

   I looked up at him, at all of them. That was a good question. I was eighteen already and I still didn't know what I wanted. What did normal eighteen year old girls that didn't live with k-pop idols want? "I really just want to play my guitar and sing." I finally said.

   "Then do that." U-kwon said, smiling softly at me.

   I smiled then, too. "Alright," I said, feeling a little bit better. It's like a weight has been lifted off of me. "I'm kinda tired now. I think I'll go back to sleep now. You guys should too." 

   They nodded and went back to their sleeping positions. I snuggled back up into the covers and rested my head on the fluffy hospital pillows. Right then I promised myself that I would stop trying to make everyone else happy and focus on making myself happy.

   And I felt like that's what my mother would want, too.

   When I walked through the door entering the dorm, I was suddenly stricken with loneliness. Nobody was there, all at the studio practicing. I walked over to the plush couch and threw myself on it, grabbing the remote and turning the television on. The channel was set on MTV like it usually was. 

   A performance by Infinite was just ending and a slender, bright young woman replaced them. She was smiling and all cheery. "A mysterious artist has been spreading throughout the world, gaining global popularity as she goes viral. No one knows yet who she is, but the song is catchy, and we can't help but wonder...why is Cho PD keeping her identity a secret? Several different sources have been trying to pry the information from Cho PD, but he's not talking."

   It suddenly cut to Cho PD being interviewed by someone behind the camera. "No, I cannot say who it is. She hasn't given me the permission to say, so I'm keeping my lips sealed. But I do hope she gives permission soon because I think she could really make it big. If not here, then in America."

   "Is she Korean? Her English pronunciation is very good." The interviewer asked.

   Cho shook his head. "I'm not saying." He smiled slyly and the interview was over.

   The woman was back on screen. "So, there you have it. Cho PD isn't spilling anything until he gets the word from his artist. So if you want to hear more from her, you're just going to have to wait for her call."

   I turned the TV off and put my face in my hands. "Ugh," I groaned, rubbing my face. My song was getting more popularity and people were starting to demand my identity. Poor Cho PD-nim couldn't do anything without my permission. I knew I would have to come out some day, so why not go into this with a bang?

   I gathered my resolve and marched myself into my room where I saw my guitar sitting there in the corner, waiting for me. I had so much to write about-- my mother's death, my inability to make myself happy, the ending of two relationships all because of my stupid selfishness. Where to start? 

   I peeled off my jacket and went to work. I grabbed my lyric journal and a pencil and started to jot down lyrics that just popped into my mind and flowed out of my throat as I matched them fluidly with chords and strum patterns. My feelings and emotion just poured out through my music and it was like I was an open diary.

   I suddenly had the urge to add piano to it, and I ran into Zico's room and snatched up the small keyboard he hid under his bed-- little to his knowledge I found it a long time ago-- and started playing with chords and trying to put it all together.

   By the time I dragged myself out of my room, it was close to ten o'clock at night and five songs finished. I was starving, so I dragged myself into the kitchen and dug up ingredients for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I plopped myself down on the floor in front of the TV, delighted with my sandwich and my accomplishments, and turned it to a late night showing of Running Man.

   P.O. POV

   We got home pretty late at night. It was already after midnight when we all barged in through the door, dragging our feet to dive into our beds. We had been dancing practically all day, now all we wanted to do was sleep until the next afternoon. 

   I would've just fell into my bed right then and there, but what I saw in the living room made me stop. Sam was curled up in the fetal position on the floor, a pillow under her head, a paper towel with bread crust piled on top of it sitting next to her, and the TV on some infomercial. While everyone else ignored this scene and slinked off to bed, I kneeled beside her.

   My hand fell softly on her cheek, slightly damp from the heat inside the dorm. I took her in my arms and carried her off to her room. Her floor was littered with her journal, guitar, keyboard, and pencil, but I tip toed over the mess and gently laid her down into her bed. As I looked down at her sleeping form, it was hard to imagine that that peaceful looking girl could pack a powerful punch. I rubbed the spot on my jaw where she punched me the last time we fought. 

   I have to make up with her, I resolved. I slipped in beside her and looped my arm around her waist, slipping my thumb underneath her t-shirt and the soft flesh. I was suddenly wide awake, enjoying the peacefulness instead of the usual fighting with her.

   I didn't really understand it. I thought we really liked each other, but then she suddenly snapped on me. I certainly still loved her, but I feared how she felt about me, and for the first time since becoming an idol I felt insecure. She was the only one that could make me feel this way, and it was a scary feeling. 

   She stirred suddenly, curling into me, latching onto my shirt with her fist. "Mmh..." she moaned in her sleep. 

   I cupped the side of her face and smoothed her cheek with my thumb. "Shh," I whispered to her.

   She her lips, her eyelids fluttering slightly. "Mmm, oppa..." she mumbled. She must've been delirious with sleep. She never called me oppa.

   "I'm right here," I reassured her.

   "I can't...I'm sorry..." she muttered, clutching my shirt in her fist tighter. "Love you..."

   I smiled. "I love you too."

   She cringed, a dimple forming on her cheek as she did. "No..." she sighed.

   "Yes, I love you." I kissed her lips gently, trying to get her to go back to sleep.

   Her eyes fluttered open all the way and she looked at me sadly. I propped myself up with my elbow and looked down at her with concern. "What's the matter?"

   She frowned. Suddenly she grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me down to her, pressing our lips together. The kiss started out slow, she testing the waters, making sure I was okay with it. Oh, I was more than okay with it. We had never made out before, only little kisses here and there. But this was more than we'd ever done. 

   It got heated. She pressed her body against mine as our lips made quick work at each other. We were both so new to this, neither one of us having much experience with anything ual. Her lips were like heaven, like two soft pillows against my mouth. I used to always wonder why she put chapstick on all the time, but I wasn't complaining.

   Our legs intertwined and we fit together so perfectly it was almost unreal. Sam let out a sigh against my mouth and I could barely contain myself.

   I was now very awake, in more ways than one, and so was Sam. Before I could process my actions, I was on top of her, still kissing her like mad.

   She wrapped her arms around my neck, keeping a tight grip on me, making sure there were no gaps between our bodies. When she moaned, my heart rate quickened.

   This night was starting to make a sharp turn....

Guise...I think we all know where this is headed... ;D

Ooooooooo! Yeah, next chapter will be rated M.