No Air
Living On the Block
I woke up to the sound of the alarm clock beside my bed blasting the radio to a song that was too upbeat for the morning. I cringed at the bright sunlight streaming in through my window. Above the noise of the radio beside me, a clattering sound made outside my room and arguing voices could be heard. Everything about this morning told me to get my up, stop moping, and to resume my life.
", how could they even function before me?" I murmur as I slide the covers off of me and swing my legs over the side of my bed.
As I sit there and rub my eyes, the peppy song ends and the radio host comes on way too loud and excited.
"I've said this once but I'll say it again, good morning Seoul! It's a beautiful morning, temperature up to four degrees Celsius out today, so bundle up! Next up, I wanted to wait until later on in the afternoon to show this, but I just can't wait! Cho PD has release a single out to the media, except it's not by him nor is it by any of the other artists that are in his label. The girl singing in the track has yet to be identified, but we do know that she's either a foreigner or she just speaks very good English! No one knows where she came from or if Cho is going to manage her in Brandnew Stardom, but all I know is that I want more of her! So here it is, the leaked track from Cho PD..."
As soon as the song came on, I gasped loudly and held my hands over my mouth, eyes growing wider. I couldn't believe my ears! What I was listening to...what was playing on the radio right that instant for all of the Seoul area to hear...my voice, my song! What?!
I lunged for the clock radio and scrambled to turn it off. After my failed attempt to lower the volume, I unplugged the damn thing altogether. I sat there, cord in my hand and my other hand holding my hair out of my face, wondering how on earth my song could've gotten back to Cho-nim, and onto the freaking radio! Unless...
That rat bastard.
I swipe my phone from under my pillow and dial the number to the recording manager that was there to help me with my demo, Junhyung. I tap my foot on the hardwood floor as it rings.
"Talk to me." Junhyung answers.
"Why did you do it?!" I almost scream at him. But then I remember I'm not the only person in the dorm so I quickly change my tone and volume.
"Do what?"
"My song is on the radio right as we speak! I never gave you permission to send this out!"
"It's on the radio? What?! What station?"
I sigh and rub my temple. "102.7, I think. The radio host guy said Cho-nim leaked the song out and won't say who it's by. Did you give my demo to him?"
There was a pause on the other line, only the sound of flipping through radio stations. "Ah! Found it. Hey, that sounds great! What are you freaking about? You should be excited! Your music is out there."
I stomped my foot. "That is not the point! Now answer my question. Did you give my demo to Cho-nim?"
"Of course I did, he's my boss. Anything I record, I show the head honcho. So don't hate the player."
I tug on my hair. "Fine. I'll have to talk to Cho PD-nim about this. Thanks for the information."
"Yep! And hey, if you want to record any more music, just talk to me and I can make it happen." We hang up and I'm left to sit there in distress.
Stupid Cho. How could he do this to me? I was starting to build up anxiety in me just sitting here thinking about it, so I made myself walk over to the bathroom and wash myself up to start my day. I turned the faucet on and splashed my face with cold water. As I rubbed my eyes, trying to get the sleep out of them, I felt arms snake around my waist. I smiled and immediately thought it was P.O. giving me a loving good morning hug. Boy was I wrong.
"Hello sleeping beauty! Out of the way, please." Kyung lifted me off the floor and placed me outside the door.
"Kyung!" I tried lunging to block the door for closing, but he slammed it in my face. I pounded my fists on the locked door. But I realized that my efforts were futile. "Why does this always happen to me?"
I ran my fingers thought my hair when P.O. walked past me from his room. He didn't look at me. Things between us have been tense. His jaw was healing, but it was still a little bruised. We barely have said a word to each other. Part of me wishes we'd make up already. The other part of me said it wasn't meant to last.
As I stood there staring at my feet, Kyung was finishing up inside. "There you go, kiddo." He walked out, mussing up my hair on his way.
I walked back in and put my minty toothbrush to my mouth. As I brushed, I felt another pair of arms link around my waist. I rolled my eyes. "Kyung, I thought you were done-" When I looked up in the mirror, I didn't see Kyung's face this time. Instead I saw Taeil's face in the nook of my neck, taking a big inhale of my coconut lotion I always put on every night before bed.
"You always smell so good. What do you use?" Taeil asked, his lips moving against my skin.
I shrugged. "The same thing I've always used." I said after rinsing my mouth of toothpaste. As I dried my mouth with a towel, I could feel Taeil's light kisses on my neck. I rolled my shoulder back, trying to give him the hint that I didn't want it. But he didn't get it; or maybe he could tell that I secretly really liked it.
"You have a freckle right here," he nosed the spot where a pretty big freckle decided to just live on the side of my neck, away from the many on my shoulder. "It's so cute." He kissed it, making me shiver at the contact.
"Okay," I threw the towel down onto the counter top and leaned against it, away from Taeil. "This needs to stop, Taeil."
He looked confused. "What? I thought this was what you wanted."
I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair. "No...yes...I don't know what the hell I want these days. The point is I'm still P.O.'s girlfriend." I looked down at my stubby, bitten nails. Partly because of playing guitar, the other half because I bite them out of anxiety.
"I thought you guys broke up. You've been fighting a lot." He took a step back, as if I was some untouchable, poisonous plant. "We kissed..."
I took a deep breath in. "I know. I know, and it was wrong, and we can't continue like this." I felt like crying. "Not while I'm still with him. I can't play with him like this."
Taeil's hands clutched his hair. "But Sam, you're playing with me too!" His voice started to raise. Realizing this, he stopped, and looked down.
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "Let's discuss this in my room."We walked out and locked ourselves in the privacy of my room. "Ok, let's-"
"All you care about is Jihoon's feelings." Taeil interrupted. "If he gets hurt, you couldn't live with yourself. But you've been hurting me since the day you said you'd be his girlfriend. You've never taken my feelings into consideration! You're so selfish in that aspect."
I felt my heart completely drop. He was totally right. I've been so preoccupied about hitting P.O. and making it up to him, to try to be better to him. But I never even took the time to consider how Taeil felt about all of this. "I know, and I'm sorry for doing that to you. So here I am. What do you want?"
Taeil looked down for a long time. Finally he looked up, looked me straight in my eyes and said, "All I want to do is love you without that hesitation."
I broke down. Ever since my armor broke with my mother's death I've been more emotional, I hated it. I crumbled to the floor, clutching my sore chest from holding in tears.
Suddenly I was hyperventilating, hot tears spilling over. Oh God... I really couldn't breathe! I tried reeling for air, but my chest felt like it was about to burst from pressure. I started crying more because of the pain, but more from fright. I had never hyperventilated before!
Taeil didn't realize what was happening until I started to claw at my throat. "Sam!" He fell to his knees gripping my upper arms. "Sam breathe!"
I could barely hear him. He felt so distant. But most of all air felt so distant. Why couldn't I breathe?!
"Help! Sam!" Taeil booked it out of my room, leaving me alone to drown. At least that's what it felt like- drowning.
I fell over on my side, clutching my chest. Blackness was starting to creep around my vision. I was passing out from hyperventilation.
I wanted my mommy.
This is so short! Forgive me! OTL
But I hope you enjoyed it and was worth the very long wait.
I've never used my story feed. Hoheuijiojd. That is all. Oh, and new chapter is up too :D
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