It's about time I update. Dayum -_- Dis .

   P.O. POV

   She became like a zombie. Senseless and numb- you could say she wasn't even there. Just a husk of a once bright, witty, talkative girl. The girl I fell for. But that was her, for the moment anyway. She was there, I just think she wishes she wasn't.

   It's been a week and a half since Andy's death. It's been eight days since the funeral. It's been nine days since Sam's spoken to anyone. I didn't think it was possible for someone to go that long without communication, but she proved all of us wrong.

   We were all worried about her. She just locks herself in her room all day. Even when we do get her out to eat something, she'd just look down at her food with a blank stare. U-Kwon tried feeding her once, but she shoved him away, so hard he landed on the floor, then she'd run back to her room.

   I tried comforting her all the time. Putting my arm around her, hugging her, trying to talk  to her.But she didn't do...anything at all. She just sat there, looking down. She didn't cry, either. Out of all this time, I didn't see or hear her cry once. I think that's what's got us worried the most.

   I sat up in my bed. Subtle light shone through the window blinds and cast horizontal rays across the room. I rubbed my face and looked down at the covers surrounding me. I suddenly jerked my attention to the digital clock sitting on the nightstand beside my bed. It shone seven forty-five. I groaned softly, throwing myself back onto the pillows, covering my eyes with my arms.

   Suddenly, a far off clink noise came from outside the room. I lied still for a moment, listening again for the noise. I didn't breathe for a good thirty seconds. When I didn't hear it again, I let out a sigh. 

   More clinking noises.

   This time I jumped out of bed and crept out, slithering into the hallway and making my way to the origin of said noise- the kitchen. I stopped when I heard rustling, like a plastic bag. Leaning over to peek around the corner into the kitchen, I saw a small figure pouring cereal into a bowl and cautiously pouring milk. 

   I took a step out from hiding and watched. She wore pink pajama pants, a black and white baseball style shirt, and wool socks. Her hair was tied up in a bun looking a little damp. I watched her movements. They were slow and lethargic, like she lacked every motive to even stand.

   She held the milk carton in her hand as she turned around. My heart skipped a beat when we met eye contact for the first time in a long time. Her eyes were clear and green. I was hoping she'd been crying. Not to be mean or make her feel any worse, but to get all of her grief out.

   Sam's mouth opened to say something, but then closed into a thin line and clutched the milk carton tighter.

   "Sam," I started to say. She ignored me and went back to putting the milk into the refrigerator. "How are you feeling."

   "I'm fine." Her response was sharp and abrupt, but her voice wavered. She closed the refrigerator forcefully and went back to retrieve the bowl full of cereal. 

   When Sam tried to make her way around me, I stepped in her path and blocked her. She didn't look up at me, but she did try to go around the other way. I blocked her again. "Sam." I said again.

   Sam still didn't look up at me. Instead, she shoved me with enough force to move a brick wall. 

   My shoulder slams into the wall and Sam walks into the living room. So this is how she eats. Sneaks into the kitchen without us knowing. I held my shoulder, cringing, and followed her. "Can we talk?"

   Sam sat on the couch and watched the TV while taking a bite of the cereal, not paying me any attention.

   I sighed and sat down next to her. Our shoulders touched as we sat, but she still acted as though I wasn't there.We sat like this until she finished her cereal. She set the bowl down on the coffee table and looked down at the floor. I turned to her, placing my hand on her back. She flinched at my touch. "Sam?"

   "Please stop." Sam whispered.

   I was surprised she actually said something. "You haven't spoken in days. We're worried-"

   "Why can't I just be left alone forever?" She said into her hands. 

   I rubbed her back. "Because you're never alone. You have us. You have me. Lets talk."

   Sam sat still for a moment. I was starting to wonder just how stubborn she can be. Suddenly, her arms wrapped around my waist and she buries her face into my side. "Talk." She mumbled into my shirt. 

   I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. "I...I found myself crying just a few days ago..." I waited for a response from Sam, but she didn't cut in. That was my cue to go on. "And I just kept thinking about Andy, and the good moments we've all had with her." 

   Sam squeezed my shirt tighter. I paused for a moment, because I thought maybe she'd say something after that. But she didn't. So I continued. "You might not have known this, but Andy noona meant a lot to us too. She would always come into the practice room or the studio and watch us and give us encouraging words. We didn't tell you that we got to hang out with your mom while at work, because we thought you'd get upset. It was wrong of us to do that, we know that now. But we all never get to see our parents often, and Andy noona was...like a mother figure almost. Saying this now just makes me feel so selfish." I paused again as I gained the courage to confess. "Sam...the hyungs and I got to see your mom that morning of the car crash."

   I could feel Sam's fingers tremble as she clutched my shirt tighter and tighter. Should I say something more? Will she say something now?

Sam POV

   I felt like I couldn't breathe. When I tried to, my mouth opened, and It's like my body forgot how to inhale. A very large lump formed right in the middle of my throat; I couldn't swallow. My whole body started to tremble. What was wrong with me?

   I let go of Jihoon's shirt and stood shakily. He looked up at me with a worried look. An anger started to boil inside of me. A furious jealousy and grief that felt so overwhelming that I couldn't hold it in much longer. My armor was starting to crack. 

   "You-" My voice cracked, but I went on. "You got to see her before she-" I couldn't say the word. I clamped my hand over my mouth so that the word would be trapped inside. Instead, a sob came prying itself out of my throat. My eyes burned with unwanted tears bottled up for what seemed like forever. 

   "My MOTHER!" I screamed at him, now crying uncontrollably. I had been able to hold back my emotions before, but now tears ran down hot like a burning stream of lava. I pointed my finger at Jihoon with such disdain. "How dare you! You sit there and tell me that you got to spend more time with her than me, her only daughter, before she..." Another sob broke out and I felt myself ripping apart. "You have the audacity to say this to me!" 

   My fists tightened up into two balls of rage. I loathed every single one of these boys under this roof. I wish it were them instead of her. My emotions must've gotten the better of me, because before I knew it my fist lunged towards P.O.'s face and slammed itself into his jaw. His head snapped back as my hand reeled back in to cover my mouth in shock. I've never punched anyone with so much force, so much animosity, before. But god damn did it feel good.

   P.O. let out a whimper of pain as he clutched his jaw. I don't think he's ever been punched like that before. He looked up at me with a new found fear for what I would do next. His dark eyes were wide with such awe, and his mouth hung open as he rubbed the part of his jaw where my fist rammed itself into. 

   "P.O...." I whispered. I turned around quickly when I heard a couple of footsteps coming into the room. 

   Zico and Kyung stood there and took in the scene. Both in their pajamas still, both wearing the same expression of confusion. Zico cocked his head to the side. "So Sam...you came out of your room."

   We all stood there in this awkwardness, a trickle of blood starting to make its way down P.O.'s chin.

   "So..." Kyung decided to finally speak up. "You punch Jihoon?"

   I held my fist up to my chest, my eyes started to well up with tears again. Zico's and Kyung's eyes grew wide as they realized that I was about to cry. They'd never seen me show this much emotion, and frankly I think it scared them, because they didn't know what to expect. P.O. bleeding from the mouth in front of me didn't help my case.

   I pushed them out of the way as I ran straight to my room before they could see a single tear flow down my cheek. Once I was in the private sanctuary of my own room, I threw myself face down onto the pillows on my bed and cried, and cried, and cried. I cried until it hurt. I cried until there were no more tears, and I just sat there in a fetal position hiccuping and hyperventilating with each sob. I was sure everyone in the dorm could hear me, but I couldn't give a damn. I wish they'd all leave.

   But it was one of their days off. They'd stay here all day, resting and doing practically nothing. While I on the other hand discovered my feelings and hated the world.

   The moment there was a knock on my door was the moment my sobs had calmed down. "Come in." I say, my voice warped from the crying and emotionless from how tired I felt.

   The door opened, but I didn't see who walked in. I sat in the middle of my bed against the pillows, knees pressed against my chest, my arms wrapped around them, and my chin resting on my knee, staring at the blank wall in front of me.

   Taeil sat down in front of me, sitting criss-cross, with a sympathetic look on his face behind those thick framed glasses. He reached out and rubbed my shoulder in attempts to comfort me. But I just sat there. "Sam...?" He said in a consoling voice.

   "Hmm," I breathed out raggedly. My eyes fluttered closed, they were so tired and red and puffy. I just wanted to crawl into a ball under the blankets and sleep forever.

   Taeil looked down at the bed, his fingers mindlessly smoothing over the tiny creases in the comforter. "I saw what you did to Jihoon. You left a good bruise on the side of his jaw. Good job." 

   "Hm," I let out a small laugh, but it was really nothing. 

   Taeil pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat, making me look up at him. He looked into my red, puffy eyes with a sympathetic look. I would usually be angry by this look of pity, but I could tell how sincere it was. Taeil didn't want me to feel bad about any of this. 

   "It's not your fault."

   And with that statement, with that small statement, some of the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. What I did to P.O. was not my fault. My uncontrollable breakdown was not my fault. My mother's death was not my fault. And suddenly I believed it. 

   "I couldn't do anything." I whispered.

   Taeil didn't say anything, he simply just shook his head.

   "I couldn't do anything..." I felt the lump in my throat again. "I couldn't do anything." I said it that time with more assertion, like the more I said it the more real it became- the more tangible the idea was. Suddenly more of my armor cracked open again and I became a soft pile of emotion once again, totally leaving myself vulnerable.

   I fell into Taeil's open arms and cried into his shirt as he gently rubbed circles on my back and ran his other hand through my hair. His actions were soothing and repetitive, making me quiet down soon and calm my breathing. 

   "Thank you, Taeil." I muttered into his shirt, clutching it in two fistfuls. I looked up at his face. He had a small comforting smile tugging on his lips. He wiped away a tear rolling down my cheek with his thumb. 

   And then, all of a sudden, we're kissing.

   It's like my mind was a blank page. Nothing was going through it. My head felt numb, I wasn't thinking. And apparently, neither was he, because this time he didn't push me away. Instead he leaned closer and gently put his hand on my lower back to steady me while I slowly leaned back on the pillows.

   His lips were too soft to be real. His kisses were gentle and lingering. His fingers made small circles on my skin that was exposed on my side. This moment would've been pure bliss...if I didn't already have a boyfriend. A boyfriend who trusts me and trusts Taeil. If P.O. found out about this, he would never forgive Taeil, and that would make me never forgive myself. 

   Taeil withdrew and looked down at me. I blinked at him and bit my bottom lip. He pushed away a strand of hair that had made its way onto my face.

   I felt like I was maybe supposed to say something, but I didn't. So I just lied there with my mouth open like I was going to say something, but my mind was still blank. 

   Taeil sat up, and a moment after that I did too. My mouth was still agape, waiting for words to come out but they never did. 

   Taeil touched his fingertips to my lips. I immediately pressed them together and swallowed hard.  "I'll bring you some chocolate to make you feel better." He stood and walked out of the room. 

   I sat there mindlessly once again. Taeil came back in a minute later with a chocolate bar they had gotten me awhile back to make me feel better that, at that time, didn't help. But now it felt like it was the only thing that could make all of this make sense. So I peeled back the wrapper and broke off a square, nibbling on it as I watched Taeil walk out of the room again.

   He comforts me in a way like no one else, brings me chocolate, and leaves me alone when I need it? Taeil seemed like the perfect remedy.