I feel the coarse skin of the belt come in contact with my arms, leaving beautiful scarlet marks behind. My cries seem to do nothing to lessen the pain but it seems to please the person. Why won’t he stop? Why won’t it end? These questions run through my brain as my mind tries to distract myself from the pain. It works for a second before he notices the lack of whimpers and shrieks from me and puts a little more strength when whipping the belt. Satisfy by the response he gets, an ugly laugh escapes his laugh. Why doesn’t anyone just kill me now? 

Again, like every other night, I find myself jolting up from my bed, heavily breathing, tears prickling my eyes and beads of sweat on my forehead. After a while of staring into space, my hold on my blanket loosens up and I feel myself breathing almost normally again. Honestly…when will these nightmares stop? They’ve been haunting me for two weeks now, and Doojoon’s thinking of getting me a therapist…AGAIN. It’s ironic how someone who’s studying to become a therapist needs a therapy. Of course I tell Doojoon that who knows how many times but does he listen? No. 

Suddenly the pillow seems so warm and welcoming…As soon as my head hits the pillow, I feel the warmth from the blanket slowly envelope me and my eyes start to feel hazy…But I knew tonight was not going to be an exception from the other nights. What makes you think I’ll be able to sleep again after that nightmare? Why would tonight be different? 

As to confirm my paranoid suspicious, a sound came surging through my senses. It was loud, frightening and menacing. I feel a wave of shivers crawl up my spine and my mind blanks out as my hands start shaking and my breathing becomes uneven…again. My body suddenly grows so cold that the blanket feels like magma to my skin. Then…I heard the sound again. Only one sound could give me a panic attack. A dog’s barking. Ever since I was in little, I have developed an immense fear for dogs. Just the sight of any dog, a small one…a big one could stop me in my track and make me tremble with so much fear. 

It all happened one day when we were little and we were walking on the streets. Doojoon being the energetic kid he was was running around the park just fooling around while I tried my hardest to catch up with him. In an blink of an eye, he was mocking this dog with a stick…I nudge him a few times, telling him not too and that the dog looks scary but he ignores me. Suddenly, the dogs got really angry at him and use its strength to lunge at him. The impact of it makes the sloppy knots around the gate come undone and before I know it, the dog was on the loose. Doojoon who was scared for his life runs away from the dog with the most strength he could gather up and I was the victim that the dog had chosen. I could still feel the dog sink its teeth onto my leg and the cries still threaten to break out. That incident might have made Doojoon guilty or something because he started to care for me a lot more and would hold my hand when I receive the needle shots. So after that day, I develop cynophobia [fear of dogs] and receive Doojoon’s utmost love. 

I sit up from my bed and wrap my arms around my knees to pull them closer to me. Now the pillow doesn’t seem as inviting anymore…if I fall asleep while the dog’s barking, the nightmare will be worst…I might dream about being attacked by a dog again and trust me…that is ten times…no a hundred times worst than the previous dreams I’ve been having. My hands go to cover my ears and my eyes shut tight, trying to drown out the dog’s hungry barks. 

“Hey, you’re here later than usual,” Hyunseung greets me while my legs give in and I find myself lying on the rock in no time. “And you seem more tired than usual,” he remarks while he looms over me and blocks the view of the night sky with his worried face. 

“Yeah, I started working at the bookstore nearby. Standing at the cash register for a full 5 hours is tiring,” I reply as I can’t feel my toes anymore. But it can’t be helped, I need that job. 

“Why don’t you work somewhere more…pleasant then?” He says in the most innocent voice. 

“If the opportunity comes then I’ll gladly accept it,” I answer while rolling to my side, feeling sleep right around the corner. Hyunseung sleeps on this rock all the time, and he seems healthy still, so nothing should happen to me, right? 

“Hey, don’t fall asleep here,” he nudges my arm to bring me back to my senses while I respond with a grunt in disagreement. 

“You always sleep here, it shouldn’t make a difference,” I hazily respond to him. 

“If you want to sleep, sleep at home,” he advises while he nudges me again. I don’t want to go back home though…then that means that I can’t talk to him. Call it weird but I somehow find comfort in talking to Hyunseung, just pouring my thoughts, feelings about the day to him. I don’t know why, is it because he’s naive? He doesn’t know everything about him so he can’t judge me? Or is it because his eyes are so welcoming that I find myself confessing everything to him? Whatever it is, I’m happy for it. 

Seeing as I don’t respond, he suggests something else, “Why don’t we go dip our feet in the water? It’ll keep you awake.” 

I think about it for a while and he does have a point…At this time, the water must be freezing cold and that would knock the weariness out of me…but it sounds kind of crazy but knowing Hyunseung, this might be something normal to him. 

“Sure,” I say as I let him drag guide me to the ocean. Soon the massive body of water was before us and my insides were telling me to just go run to it. I bend down and touch the water with my fingertips and pull back immediately. 

“It’s freezing!” I exclaim, and stare at him in horror. Maybe going into the water wasn’t such a good idea after all… 

“It’s perfect then! You won’t feel sleepy and I’ll have fun doing this,” he says, his eyes sparkling with excitement and ecstasy. I continue to give him the same, “are you crazy look,” and he sighs. “If you don’t come in, I’ll grow you in the water,” he threatens while the sheer look of seriousness crosses his face. He has to be kidding right? To prove how serious he was, he grabs my arm and effortlessly pulls me closer to the water despite my restraint. He’s stronger than he looks. 

“Alright alright, just let me take off my shoes,” I bellow as the water inches closer to him and a smirk plays on his face at his victory. I grumble as I slip out of my flats and feel the warmth of the sand as my feet sinks into them. That feeling quickly disappears as I dip my feet in the water and it instinctly redraws. I stare at Hyunseung as he steps deeper and deeper into the water, totally fascinated by the moonlight dancing on the water. How could he NOT feel the cold? 

He turns around to face me and smiles so beautifully that I feel myself forget the chilliness of the water.

“How can you still go deeper?!” I yell as he splashes some water my way and I flinch as some lands on my hand. It sends chills down my spine.

“It’s really refreshing once you get use to it!” He responds as he makes small ripples and smiles again.Sometimes I forget that he’s older than me…

“I’ll bring you here if I have too,” he threatens again while I stare at him in horror. Base on how easily it took him to drag before; I knew he could do it if he wanted too…So I took a deep breath and put them of my feet in the water. I later found myself jumping a little at the utter iciness that welcomes me and I hear him laugh at me. 

Suddenly a cold sensation runs through my vein and I immediately flinch at this strange feeling. I look up to see Hyunseung in front of me, smiling so dotingly. He holds my hands, gently pulling me deeper into the waters. I stare the ocean more closely and really did have to agree with him. It was breathtakingly beautiful, and the moon glossing over it made it look so alive. 

“See, it isn’t that cold right?” he asks as he lets go of my hand and I immediately notice the lost of his warmth. 

“You’re right, it isn’t that cold afterward,” I say while looking down at the water. It wasn’t that cold after all. Suddenly I hear a distant sound, it was quiet and so muffled but I could hear it loud and clear. A dog was nearby and judging by the splashing sound, it was in the water… I feel the air knock out of my lungs and I start shivering with fright again. My arms immediately latch onto Hyunseung’s, grabbing him for my dear life. My eyes instantly become glue to the water and I just want to run out of the water back to my safe house, away from all of this. 

“Risu?” He asks, I could feel his questioning eyes peering at me, prying for an answer. I shook my head, unable to answer him. I could feel the barking sounds getting louder and louder. When I looked up, I could see the dog, the very sight of it made me stumble a few steps behind, trying to hide from it’s hungry eyes and sharp teeth. I stand a few steps behind Hyunseung, completely hiding behind him, leaving him utterly confuse. 

Suddenly I heard a splash and saw it jump on Hyunseung, devouring  his face. I stepped away from the scene in front of me as Hyunseung’s laughter filled the air. I held my breath when the dog suddenly got up and was eyeing me, thinking whether or not it should come to me. My heart was beating so fast and loud that I thought it was going to jump out of my body. My heartbeat got louder and louder when it got off Hyunseung and started coming closer to me. I know better than to run away but that time, it seem so right and I was already taking small steps backwards when I heard a whistle in the air. That’s when the dog stops in its track and ran towards a male, probably its owner. 

“Sorry, she tends to get really excited when she’s in the water,” the owner apologize while scratching the back ears of the dog. Hyunseung was standing up now, smiling and laughing at his remark. I was just beside him, eyes still fascinated by the water, still standing somewhat behind him and pretending not to hear their remarks. 

“Oh no, it’s okay. She’s a precious thing. It was nice getting to know her,” he replies while motioning for the dog to come to her as he crouch down and started petting the dog. I feel myself unconsciously take a few unnoticeable steps away from them when his hand suddenly grabs mine, stopping me. I stare at him curiously while he doesn’t show any reaction to it at all. 

“Your girlfriend looks rather pale,” the owner remarks while I stare at him and weakly smile back. I was going to open my mouth to correct him when Hyunseung beat me to it. 

“She’s just a little sick,” Hyunseung says and the dog retreats back to its owner much to my relief. 

“Well, get well soon,” he comments as he turns around with his dog as they make their way back. When they were finally out of our sight, Hyunseung turns to me. 

“You’re shaking so much,” he says while holding on to my hands tighter than before. 

“Well…” I start to speak but was interrupted. 

“You’re scared of dogs?” He remarks while I look away, it was pretty obvious, wasn’t it?

“A dog attack?” He asks and I nod my head. 9/10 people who are afraid of dogs usually suffer from a dog attack from childhood. I was no different. 

“Awww, you’re so cute,” he says while pulling me into a warm embrace. My shakings seem to have stop and my breathing started becoming normal again. I could finally relax again and it felt as if a huge burden was hoisted off my shoulder. 

“I thought I was going to die back there,” I said but my voice barely came out as a whisper. I guess the effect hasn’t worn off yet. That’s when I notice the coldness that seep past my clothing and was grazing over my skin. 

“Hey! You’re soaking well and you’re making me wet,” I exclaim as I childishly push him away. He laughs at my loud response and scratches the back of his head.

“Whose fault is it that I’m wet then?” He jokingly retorts back while I look off into the distance, pretending not to hear anything. 

“Well, to make up for it, you could come to my house, I have something you could change into,” I respond while I could see his eyes turning big into astonishment at some crazy thought that process through his brain. 

“I don’t think I can fit into girl’s clothes,” he jokingly says while I slight him a friendly push. 

“I have guy’s clothes, silly.”

“Why do you have guy’s clothes?!” He exclaims with shocked eyes. 

“It’s my brother’s,” I say as I look at him more closely. Doojoon’s clothing would fit him, it’ll be a little loose but it’ll still fit. 

“Won’t your brother get the wrong idea if you bring a guy home?” He asks. This guy and his questions…

“He doesn’t live with me, he visits occasionally but never at night,” I say while he nods. “Let’s go now,” I say as I head towards the sand, leaving the water. 

“Definitely a house that belongs to an artist,” he says while stepping inside my house as I scan my place, looking for anything embarrassing that needs to be clean up.

“Yeah…make yourself at home while I go find the shirt,” I tell him as I retreat to my room. As I open the closet door, I curse myself for leaving it so messy. As I rummage through the clothing, I finally find some shirts and enter a mental debate as to which one to give to him. I finally decide on this particular white t-shirt with a considerably low V-neck. 

This shirt is label, “seducing girls shirt when going to the gym,” because Doojoon always wears this shirt when going to the gym and all of the girls always turn their attention to him because it shows off his chest which he knows is worth showing off. I’m not saying I’m a ert and that I want to see Hyunseung’s chest but I was genuinely surprise when he hugged me, he was pretty strong and had a good build so I just want to little a more. 

As I walk downstairs, I could see Hyunseung particular interested in my kitchen cupboard because he was opening them and examining them as if he was some housing inspector. When I said, “make yourself at home,” I didn’t mean for him to do it literally.

When he notices me, he doesn’t hesitate to comment about my kitchen. “Do you survive on coffee and cup noodles?” he asks, looking mortified. 

“Well…I need coffee to survive the exam periods and noodles because I discover my friends and I can’t cook thanks to past experience,” I reply. I remember the time Kerin tried to cook something and nearly destroy my pans if it wasn’t for Nia who took charge of the kitchen while I just watch them bicker in the kitchen. “And sometimes I don’t have enough time to cook so noodles are the fastest way,” I add on while he shakes in his head in disapproval. 

“I should cook something for you sometimes,” he proposes and I stare at him as if he was crazy. Can he really cook? Despite him being so…clumsy? 

“I think I’ll pass,” I reply. 

“Don’t underestimate me!” he remarks and I shake at my head at his defensiveness. 

“Alright, here’s your clothing,” I say while I hand him the t-shirt and a random sweatpants that I grab as I was heading out. Hopefully Doojoon doesn’t come back to find them missing any time soon. 
“Washroom is second door on the left,” I tell him as he heads upstairs and I could some strange sounds.

“Are you okay?” I yell, not really sure if he could hear me or not. 

“It’s okay, I just tripped,” he yelled back while I roll my eyes. Only Hyunseung could trip going upstairs. If he can’t walk up a few flights of stairs, how can he handle a kitchen? 

As I heard footsteps slowly descend down, I turn to anxiously see him. I was immediately stunned by him. He wasn’t as muscular as Doojoon though I had mentally prepared for that but he definitely has a body worth admiring. I didn’t know he was so…built; well it was probably but I never got to see it because we always met at night when we’re cover with our jackets and etc. His arms were strong and ripped and he looked somewhat uncomfortable wearing it. 

“You look nice in that shirt,” I comment while standing up and walk towards him. 

“Thanks, I hope your brother doesn’t mind,” he awkwardly says while looking at the shirt. 

“Don’t worry, he won’t notice. Stop looking so nervous in that, honestly, you look nice!” 

“No…I’m worried about your brother. I feel as if he’ll come walking in right now and murder me when he sees me,” Hyunseung mutters while staring at the door. I roll my eyes at him; he seems so paranoid with Doojoon when he doesn’t even know the guy. But then again, he was half right. If Doojoon were to suddenly waltz in, I’ll be worried about saving Hyunseung’s life rather than question Doojoon as to why he’s here. 

“Relax, he’s not,” I tell him while I eye the door nervously myself. What if he actually jumps through the door right now with his surprises? Surely Hyunseung would not live long but I try to let the pessimistic thoughts slide by. 

Before my memories could pull me further into this odd spell, I felt something warm and lavishly comforting on my hands. I didn’t open my eyes yet because I could still hear the barking, it was so loud and on such a quiet night like this, it was as if it’s barking was being broadcasted for the whole country to hear. 

“Air…Airiss,” a velvety voice called out to me while trying to pry my hands away from my ears. I continuously shook my head in refusal and force my eyes shut even tighter. Stop. Stop. Stop. 

Before I knew it, I was wrapped in a warm embrace, much warmer than the blanket ever serve to be. Strong arms were around my shoulder, pressing me against the person’s chest but my physiological self refuse to open up. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” the voice continues to whisper to me and my head, pulling me in closer. 

After a while of this, I feel myself relaxing against the person, and I finally found the courage to draw my hands away from my ear and open my eyes after a while. 

“Thank goodness,” Doojoon whispers and I found my arms wrapping around him as well. 

“Your anxiety attacks are getting easier to handle Airiss.”

“It still happens though,” I remark, disappointed that I could let such phobias still have so much control of my life despite the endless years of therapy. 

“It’s my fault, I’m sor—“ 

“Stop saying sorry, it already happened. You’ve done all that you can.” 

Doojoon heavily signs, knowing that he can’t possibly win this argument because we’ve been through this talk so many talks; I can possibly recall what our choices of words are. 

“Should we go back to the usual?” he asks and I nod. It’s been a while since we’ve done that but before, this anxiety attack happens so frequently, it was almost expected that this habit of ours became a continuous thing as well. His heavy footsteps were heard as they made their way out of my room, to storage room downstairs as I reluctantly got up, rubbing my temples. 

He quickly returns with two sleeping bags and set them on the floor, setting it up. I smile at Doojoon. Whenever I had my anxiety attacks, I would always remember to be quiet in fear that he’ll hear me and cause him so much unnecessary problems but somehow he always knew when I had them and would always be my side in an instant, trying to soothe me, to calm me down. 

“It’s done,” he said while I go to cocoon myself in the sleeping bag. The comfort level of the sleeping bag is nothing compared to my cozy bed but one thing always made it better. Soon, I found Doojoon’s hand and I held onto it. My anxiety attacks were always bound to come back but through the years, I found out that any sort of warmth could clear my nights of them. I don’t know why that happens but I could safely assume that it comforted my mind, assuring it that this time, if anything happens, someone will be there to save me. 

Suddenly I heard Doojoon whisper something while tightly yet gently holding my hand in both of his hands. I assume he doesn’t know I’m awake or else he wouldn’t be doing any of this. 

“I’m sorry Airiss, so sorry. I couldn’t protect you back when we were kids and one year ago. I promise…I’ll be here from now on.” 

I stayed still upon hearing this from him. Doojoon, always blaming himself for all of the pain I suffer from. Its pain but I don’t regret it because in the end, the experience I get from it are priceless, the happiness, the love, everything. 

I dimly whisper something but so quiet that I even wonder if any sort of sound came out of my mouth. 

“Don’t blame yourself; it’s not your fault. I don’t regret any of this.” 

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Yeminhae: Thanks for your comment, it really means a lot ^^ I'm glad you like the story so far and I'll try to update much more in the future <3