I'm kinda late and I'm sorry for that ;A;! This note's going to be short but this is my longest chapter to date, 10k words for the win! Thanks for supporting it n__n! 

Note: This chapter is written in the present tense 

ღ________Chapter 11: Promises and Expectations

“Doojoon, what’s the jewelry for?” I gape at the necklace that shines under the kitchen lights. Despite the kitchen known for its inaccurate lighting, the necklace sparkle, shine, dazzle me. Pair with it is the equally enticing earrings. Tucked underneath the red jewelry case are two invitations to the party held in three weeks.

“It’s easier for your life. Now you don’t have to worry about jewelry for the party,” Doojoon puts down his mug. I see the bags under his eyes lessening these days and my questions are finally answered.

“No Doojoon.”

I close the box and slid it towards Doojoon on the dinner table. Doojoon slides it back to me. “Airiss, you have to come! If you don’t then I can’t make the speech at the party. I’ll embarrass myself, ruining the company image and this project will plunge to the ground all because you didn’t go,” he says in a long winded sentence. I roll my eyes.

“Support,” I scoff. “Doojoon, you’ve been giving speeches since fifth grade when you were class president to becoming president of the whole school in your senior year in high school. I don’t think you need support.”

“It’s always good to have it. If I mess up, in front of hundreds of people, can you take responsibility for it?”

“You won’t mess up, and I’m not meant for these social gatherings.” While my brother was president of the school, I was the treasurer – only because no one wanted the job. It wasn’t hard, but it seems so inferior to his job. I worked in the shadows, while he worked in the light where hundreds of eyes were looking up to him for guidance and support. He was a role model. I was apart of the crowd.

“You never know, you might like it.” I bit my bottom lip. He sighs, held my hand and gave it a light shake. “Give it a try, just for me?”

“You think I wouldn’t know?” I cross my arms, arching my brow at him.

“What am I trying to do?” He counter-attacks, his elbow on the table with his knuckles under his chin.

“At the ball, or party, there’s going to be men present, and half of them are probably single.”

“Okay.” He frowns a bit. “In my defense, I’m doing it for you.”

“Thanks, but—” I pause as Doojoon pouts a little, and I roll my eyes. “Okay, I’ll go.”

I notice that there are two tickets, “You’re not going with me?”

“I am, not as your date for the night.” I frown. Not only was I going to this ball – which is somewhat against my will – I was going to have to find a date.

“Don’t frown. I’ll look like I have some sister complex if I go with you.”

“You do though, somewhat.” Doojoon gives me a little punch but bursts into laughter a second later.

“Anyway, if I go as your date, then no one will approach you because I’m too much for them.”

“Either way, no one will approach me. They’ll be scared just hearing, ‘I’m Doojoon’s younger sister. You know the scary, over-protective Doojoon? Yeah, I’m related to him.’” I mock, and he laughs.

“Who are you going with anyway?” I watch as he retreats to his seat. “Jihyun?”

He shakes his head, “Gina.”

“Gina? The Gina who’s a psychologist, the one who has an office near my university? The Gina who’s your old high school friend?”

I really like Gina. She’s an out-going girl with a really bright personality – almost a big contrast to mine. She’s my mentor in the psychology field. 

“You know, you’re worst than me. Your eyes literally grew this big—” he brings his fingers to form two big circles over his eyes. 

“Don’t change the topic, tell me.”

“Yes, the Gina who’s a psychologist that owns an office near your university, the one that’s my high school friend, the one I still talk to.”

“Wow, you switch from Jihyun to Gina just like that,” I snap my fingers.

“Airiss, your brother is not a player. They’re both my friends.”

“And that’s how relationships all start, from friends to lovers.”

“Aiigo,” he punctuates with a sigh. “Gina owes me; I went as her date to these parties last month.”

“So you went to these parties with her before?” I rub my chin in a scorning pretense, “Interesting…”

“Oh my gosh, someone save me.”

“I’m only joking.” I ruffle his hair.

“If you need help with the dress, just give Gina a call.” He straightens up his papers, “Do I need to drive you there?”

“It’s okay; I’ll find a way to get there.”

*~*

When I’m with the gang – Nia, Yoseob, Kerin, Junhyung and Kikwang – we always walk in three groups of two. One: the sidewalk can’t squeeze all six of us; two: I felt like the awkward third wheel but at times like this, I could tolerate their baby talks, their aegyo, but trying to find a decent conversation with Kikwang is almost impossible. It’s impossible because it’s awkward. After the rejection, the weird soccer hug, it felt so weird to be around him. He notices my sudden but expected aloofness and it hurts him. It cuts a deeper hole in his heart and soon, his heart will disappear and the remnants of it will remain.

The other two couples notice as they sometimes ask for our opinions about the seamless things, things that didn’t need to be questioned. It was annoying at first, but they were trying and even if it didn’t work, their efforts shined.

“Let’s go in there,” I pointed to a store with plushies decorating the windows, and pastel colors thrown everywhere. Junhyung sighed, and Kerin shows some interest at the anime related ones. I didn’t have to glance at Yoseob and Nia because they were already inside, gawking at every bit of cuteness.

Kikwang nods and we make our way inside, trailing behind Yoseob and Nia.

“Kikwang,” I pick up a plushie, staring at it. “Don’t be too sad, okay?”

I hear him laugh. I wasn’t sure if it’s going to work, but like Junhyung, Kerin, Yoseob and Nia, I was trying, and hopefully my efforts will shine.

“Airi, I’m not sad.” he says. I hear a timid smile lace his voice. 

“You’re an awful liar,” I laugh. 

He sighed, “And I thought I was a good liar.”

“You shouldn’t be proud of that.”

He laughed, “It takes time for these things to heal.” He looks away, at anywhere but me.

I bit my bottom lip, in frustration. The plushie continue to stare at me, it kept smiling at my frustration. Time, time, time. Three weeks’ time is all I have. It felt cruel to ask him this, but if I wasn’t at my limits, then I wouldn’t resort to this torture – or rather, his torture.

“I know it’s extremely detrimental to say this,” I sigh, flustered. I sometimes think I’m adopted or something, or an out-lire. I was never gifted with words; they didn’t just throw themselves at me like they did to Doojoon. I struggle to find them as they hide.

“I – never mind.” Kikwang purses his lip, confused and baffled. “Sorry, I – people hate this, only knowing half the stories but – never mind, I don’t know, just let it go.” I grab the bear plushie and bury my face in it. Save me from this embarrassment.

“To let go, you should let me know what it is first. Then I’ll decide.” Kikwang comments, arms cross, sliding from an uptight façade to a blithe one.

“I think you just like seeing me like this,” I talk into the bear. His laugh responds and it’s like him saying yes.

“I’m waiting Airi.”

“Okay, three weeks from now, are you free?” I ask, and I hear him gasp a bit.

*~*

I fall onto Nia’s bed with a thump, much to her contempt. “You know, it’s not that bad.” Nia remarks as she looks at the tickets with an amorous look. 

“Yeah, why don’t you go for him then?” Kerin says, munching on some cookies.

“I wish I could,” she hugs the ticket closer to her.

“Maybe you could come as my date or something,” I joke as I dodge Nia’s pillow.

“Seriously, who are you thinking of taking?” Nia asks, jumping on the bed as well while I roll away.

I shrug. “I don’t know that many people, there’s Junhyung, Yoseob, Kikwang and Dongwoon,” I count with one hand, I didn’t need two hands. I mentally cross Junhyung and Yoseob out. It’ll be strange. It’s not like an affair; we’ve been friends for years. Kerin or Nia wouldn’t mind but I don’t know, it’s strange.

“Feel free to take Junhyung,” Kerin says, laughing at the anime on the television.

“Or Yoseob,” Nia adds. “We won’t mind.”

“It’s okay, Junhyung will probably complain that there’s no coke and Yoseob will probably be camping at the food table.” I laugh, and they laugh as well, in agreement.

“That leaves Kikwang or Dongwoon.”

I already asked Dongwoon, and he replied with a sad smile saying he was busy that day. 

“No Dongwoon,” I say, “He’s busy that day.”

“That leaves Kikwang,” Kerin comments, and I weigh out the pros and cons.

“No Kikwang. I rejected him and now, I’m asking him to be my date for the night, that seems a bit – cruel, don’t you think?” It felt like I was continuously hurting him, taking advantage of his kindness. Its not right.

“It’s either that, or your brother’s going to find you a date,” Kerin remarks and I shrug.

“Plus, your brother’s going with Gina and they’re friends. You’re going with him as a friend. That’s not weird.” Nia says.

“It’s your choice though, and like I said, give him the chance to decide.” Kerin says.

*~*

“You don’t have to go, umm –” I felt myself splitting in two, or rather my mind. I wanted to go with someone I knew rather than a stranger, but at the same time, I felt like I was teasing Kikwang, or more so, mocking him. A part of me knew that Kikwang’s kind – too kind for his own good – he won’t get mad, I know that, but sometimes I wish he would. I was taking advantage of his kind heart, I was vindictive.

“Airi,” I look up to a male counter-part of my female bear plushie. “Don’t be too upset by it.” He continues to talk through the bear, and I can’t suppress the smile that’s slowly growing.

I wonder if I look that silly a few minutes ago. “Don’t blame yourself either, I’ll go with you, okay?” the bear throws a fist in the air.

I hold up the bear and make it bow to his bear, “Thank you. Don’t feel pressured to go, only if you really want to.”

“It’s like you don’t want me to go,” Kikwang says.

“No, I mean, I don’t know anymore.”

“I’m joking, I’m going with you because I want to, and I’m helping out a friend, so all the more reason to go.”

“Thank you Kikwang.”

“I expect something in return though, like that restaurant that just opened up, at the mall your brother’s in charge of.”

“I’ll treat you to that restaurant.”

“Let’s go,” Junhyung says, and I flinch. We both laugh; Junhyung in a pink, frilly, over-decorated plushie store was an effigy definitely worth remembering.

“Wait outside, I want to get something,” Kikwang says. Junhyung was already heading for the door, while Kerin, Nia and Yoseob were already outside. I could count the bags, it required two hands.

“Don’t tell me you’re –”

He takes the bear plushie from my hand and grabs his. He heads over to the counter and I see him pull out a wallet while the cashier puts the two bear plushies in a bag. He comes back, with his signature smile, and gives me the bag. “As thanks for inviting me to the party.”

“No, I really can’t – I should be thanking you for going, not the other way around. You’re really –” I hand the bag back but he refuses.

“I bought it for you, so just keep it.”

“At least take this then,” I hand over the ticket, and that was the only thing he accepted.

*~*

Usually, the plushie shop’s on our way home but I don’t know why, we never realize it until today. Everyone’s spirit seems to be lifted after we left with the handful of bags. In a short amount of time, we’ll see the park and walk through it. The park has many entrances or exits, whichever you decide to call it. I like calling them exits. We disperse at the core of the park because we all leave at the different exits, we all live in different sides.

“KWANG-AH!” a voice calls out, and all of us – yes, all of us – turn our heads in the direction of the voice.

Much to our surprise – a surprise no doubt – an elderly woman comes running towards us, particularly Kikwang, and attacks him with a hug. He welcomes her with open arms and smiles, the brightest one I’ve seen yet – this means a lot because he’s always smiling. “Grandma, it’s nice to see you too,” he chuckles.

“Why haven’t you visited me yet? It’s been a long time,” she responds, while pinching his cheeks.

“I’m busy, with school and work. You have to understand,” he says, “Plus, you have all your friends at the retirement home to cheer you up.”

“Does that make it okay for you to visit less?” She accuses, and with a sigh of defeat, he promises to visit her more often. 

I couldn’t help but feel nostalgic at the scene. She reminds me of my grandma, the care and love she has for Kikwang is like Grandma’s. I miss her, so much. I tighten the hold on the bag.

“Don’t think you can get away,” Kikwang's grandma says, as he tries to leave. “You’re staying for the second half.”

“But, Grandma, my friends—” he gestures towards us.

“Your friends can join as well, the seniors will really like you guys,” she says, and grabs my hand as well.

Kikwang smiles apologetically and mouths, “Sorry.” I look back at them, and they all smiled back reassuringly. Even Junhyung didn’t look grumpy; instead he gives a nod of comfort.

I didn’t have the heart to reject her. I would have, I should have, but I simply couldn’t. I couldn’t spend time with my grandma like this, so I felt like I owe it to her – my grandma – to do something and even if it was ridiculous – me agreeing to Kikwang’s grandma has nothing to do with mine, it can’t just transfer Kikwang’s grandma’s happiness to mine, they had no effect – I just felt like I had to agree. If I couldn’t make mine happy, the least I could do is make someone else’s happy.

Though, in the midst of this moment, I didn’t ask what we were literally getting dragged into.

*~*

Junhyung tries to muffle his surprise laugh with his hand, and I never saw him look so perplexed before. Kerin sighs, Nia claps excitedly and Yoseob’s face is blank. I stare at the core of the park, a spacious circle meant for anything – from running, yoga, bike riding and even dancing, yes, dancing.

There was a radio or a CD player at the side, 15-20 seniors in the center in their casual clothes, and two young people – probably in their early to mid-twenties – in sportswear.

“Alright everyone, we’re going to start the second half of ballroom dancing right now,” the male claps his hands to get everyone’s attention, “So please, bring your partner to the center.”

I feel myself shrinking back, to the edge of the circle as some of the seniors come over and ask Nia, Yoseob, Kerin, and Junhyung to dance. Some of us dance, like Kerin, but they don’t dance ballroom, it's a totally different story. I sigh in relief as Kikwang’s grandma goes to the center with another male senior, ready to dance.

I laugh as I feel myself under the comforts of the shadows. This is where I belong, not under the spot light.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

I jump a bit, surprise that someone actually found me. “Kikwang, I haven’t been ballroom dancing in years, I don’t remember anything.”

With a shake of his head, he raises his hand, “Would you like to be my partner?”

My hand goes up in rejection, “No, it’s okay. I’ll watch.”

“This is too much, two rejections within —” he jokes, but I see the hurt in his eyes.

“I—”

“I was joking. Anyway, you kind of owe me, and if we’re going to the ball, we have to dance, so let’s just think of it as practice.”

“Okay, just this once.” I say, and I accept his hand.

*~*

After a while, I find myself enjoying it, dancing with everyone. Even when I didn’t know the dance steps, everyone – including the seniors and Kikwang – helped me. Through the unfamiliar names, the unfamiliar music, I find myself dancing along, melting into the music.

Kikwang turns out to be a regular participant, so he knows most of the dance. “You’re doing good,” he remarks after our fourth song.

“You’re being too kind,” I say. It’s vexing really, and when I say that I accidently step on his feet. He winches, and I laugh while muttering an apology. It felt nice, knowing that you made a mistake but you could still laugh at it. 

“Left, left, left,” he mutters. I follow but I end up going the opposite direction, causing the people around us to give some pointers and guidance.

“Kikwang, your left is my right,” I laugh as realization hits him.

“I’m so sorry, so sorry.” His face turns red.

“It’s okay, really.” I give his hand a little squeeze. 

“This dance is when the female switches her partner,” he says, “Don’t freak out though, they’re all really nice.”

“I know,” with that, he gives me a little twirl and we switch partners. Surprisingly, my next partner is Junhyung. He’s been trying to dance, to adapt, to memorize the moves. He looks concentrated.

“Junhyung, you’re pretty good at this,” I comment as he smiles, bashfully. Different from his arrogant smiles or his laid-back ones.

“It isn’t that hard,” he says, proudly and I roll my eyes. For a second, I thought he changed but I was wrong.

“Airhead, stop looking at the ground. Even if you don’t know it, fake it with confidence, no one will ever know.”

I looked up into Junhyung’s serious eyes, “Thanks Junhyung, I’ll try.”

“You’re doing pretty well, don’t worry.”

He offers a smile, “We’re switching right now.” I soon became acquainted with the other seniors, and we maintain little chat every time. They were easy-going, nice, and open-minded, like my grandpa. I wonder if I went to Singapore, would I be spending times with him like this?

I saw Yoseob somewhere in between. “You seem to be enjoying this,” I remark, and he smiles, brightly.

“It’s fun. They’re all so welcoming. I really like it,” he says. I could tell he does, and even with all his mistakes, he laughs it off humbly and a precious eye smile.

“Airi, you seem to be having fun as well.”

“I am.”

The song soon reaches its ending and I find my partner, Kikwang. “I hope you’re not too tired by this.”

“I’m not; I have to thank you for this experience.”

*~*

The second half of the dancing segment comes to end. Even if I like it, my legs don’t. We took a memorable picture together, bid our good-byes and this is the part when everyone begins to part ways. 

“Aiggo, Airiss, where are you going?” Kikwang’s grandma asks

“I’m going home Grandma,” I notice how I change Mrs. Lee to Grandma. She insisted on it, and like before, I didn’t have the heart to say no. 

“This late, all alone?” I nod as she is clearly unhappy.

“Kikwang,” she hits his arm, “Take her home.”

“Oh no, it’s really okay. I live really close by, my area’s really safe.”

She shakes her head, “Airiss, just listen to me one more time for today.” She pats my hand amorously. She was taking advantage of this, my heart can’t say no. It could be consider revenge of some sort for her grandson. Karma, I guess.

“Alright Grandma,” I gave our hands a little squeeze.

*~*

“Sorry, my grandma can be demanding and difficult at times,” Kikwang whistles.

“It’s okay, she’s cute. Making her happy makes me happy,” I say, swinging the bag of plushies in delight. “To be honest, I was going to skip the second dance, and the third and the fourth and so forth. I’m glad I didn’t though, it was really fun. Everyone was so generous and friendly. If there’s another one, I wouldn’t mind joining.”

“The retirement home does this every week, and if you want, we could come every week,” Kikwang plays it off with a casual shrug. “Plus, it could help with the ball.”

After a while of pensive stares into the sky, I shrug. “I’ll go. There’s no harm done in trying something new.”

*~*

After that, I saw a lot more of Kikwang’s blinding smile, too much. I didn’t mind. “You still remember last night’s dance steps?” He ask, appearing at the usual table for lunch. Not surprisingly though, the others have yet to come.

“I think so,” I put the coffee down.

“Let’s see,” he lifts up a bag full of buns, and hands me two forks. He spreads out the tissues, and takes out four buns – two buns in front of me, and two in front of him. He stabs each of them with a fork, “You do the same too.”

I stare at him in question, but comply. “Now let’s start, we move to the right first, your right, my left.” He quickly adds, and I piece it all together.

“This is silly,” I say but move the two buns to the right.

He ignores me and adds, “I’ll be chanting out the steps, just follow them, okay?”

*~*

Junhyung can’t help but accept that sometimes he’s a tardy person, just sometimes. Sometimes he’s tardy when it can’t be helped, like today. He was heading out of his classroom, and took a detour to Kerin’s class. He was supposed to be on time, but Kerin stayed behind to ask about her test, which leads to an argument or a negotiation, thus resulting in coming late for lunch. They weren’t very late to be honest, only about five minutes.

Then he sees their usual table, with Kikwang and Airhead. Airhead wasn’t sipping on her coffee; she was smiling happily at something. He looks up, and sees Kikwang and Airhead playing with buns and forks. It was immature, but it was rare to see Airhead laughing so freely, especially in a public place.

Once, he was close enough, his lips parted but were stopped by Kerin. She sends a wistful gesture to them, “Let’s stay back for a while. It’s rare to see Air so happy.”

With a nod, he agrees. It was rare.

*~*

“Left, left, up, up, right, right,” his eyes are on the buns, concentrated. I can’t help but stifle a laugh as how absurd it is, but we were laughing and smiling and I guess that makes up for it.

“Jump and do a pirouette,” he says, and my brows furrow.

I drop the forks, “Wait, when did we learn the jump and pirouette?”

His hand covers his laugh, and I see his eyes turn into pretty crescents. “Glad to see that you’re paying attention.”

“Do you think this—”

“Honestly guys? Playing with your food?” Junhyung’s voice cuts through.

I smile sheepishly at him, “It’s called practicing.”

“You’ll do fine, you’re overreacting,” Kerin interjects.

“It’s better to be safe than sorry, right?”

“It’s not good to over-study; you of all people should know that.”

I roll my eyes. The couple’s known for a lot of things, being laid-back, their blunt and sometimes, crude advice but most notably, their lectures. 

“Like I said before, if you have confidence but make a mistake, people won’t notice.”

“Ohh, did you go dress shopping yet?” Nia drops in, literally. Yoseob trails behind, tired.

“Not yet, I was going to go–”

“After school today, shopping.” Kerin crosses her arms. Nia and I both nod, vigorously. It’s been a while since we’ve been out shopping. I couldn’t remember the last remnant memory of it. Shopping for us wasn’t just an hour or two passive strolls around the mall, it meant three to five hours sweeping the stores, trying on anything even remotely attractive.

Yoseob, Junhyung and Kikwang quickly back out, with feeble excuses. All of them were either forced or tricked into shopping with us in the past, and they all greatly regret it.

*~*

“Do a little spin for me,” I sigh, heavily on purpose, but Doojoon ignores it. He motions with his finger to do a little spin. I twirl and feel the wind at my legs, the hem of the dress dancing with it. It felt refreshing.

“Aw~ my baby’s all grown up,” he marvels by himself, and I feel like I went back in time, 4 years ago, at my high school graduation. My grandparents were there, my brother was there, my mom wasn’t there – I tried to not let it get to me. They made up for it with awe and gestures. It was annoying at first, but I never realized how much I missed it, or how much I wanted to experience it. At that time, I found myself biting back the tears. But when I went on stage, I couldn’t hold them back any longer. Doojoon still has pictures as a form of blackmail but I know he’s secretly proud of them – which is why he takes it out every month or so to ‘mock’ me. 

“Smile,” he whips out a camera, and adjusts the lenses.

“What!? — Doojoon, put that down,” I shriek, turning around and covering my face. Pictures are crossing the line.

“For Grandma and Grandpa,” he coos.

For Grandma and Grandpa, I repeat. I recognize the pull of muscles and knew that I was smiling. I just didn’t know how bright it was.

Doojoon puts the camera down slightly, noticing something. "Airiss, you still have that bracelet?"

I stare at the bracelet, guilty for some reason. "Yeah, even though I don't talk to her anymore, the bracelet should still be used, right?" 

He stares at me, quiet for a second. "I guess so."

The bracelet glimmered just like Doojoon's necklace and earring. It's been a whole year since I've talked to her but I still consider her one of my friends. Friendship like these don't die easily. 

He raises the camera up again, “Now strike some more poses.”

With a look of bewilderment, I told him. “Doojoon, don’t push the limit.”

“I can’t help it; my sister’s so pretty—” I give him a shabby punch.

“Look,” he gives me the camera and I almost drop it because of the unexpected weightiness. I stare at myself or the person the camera capture. There’s me, in a ponytail, with my bangs cleanly brush to the side. I’m in a beige cocktail dress with a black ribbon waistline hugging me – not too tightly, but not too loosely but just right – with my black gloves, black purse, black heels and black shawl covering my bare shoulders. As I fully take in the picture, I feel the elastic around my hair tightening and my dress suffocating me. I wasn’t used to all of this affluence, being indulge with branded names. I stared at myself, I wasn’t used to this.

“Your date is late,” he rolls up his sleeves and he points at his watch.

“For goodness sakes Joonie, we have an hour before it begins.” I resist the urge to flail my arms. 

“You have to be there early since you’re related to the star of the night.”

“It pressuring to be your sister, you know that?” I point out and he chuckles.

“You should be honored.” I am.

I open my mouth to speak but the doorbell interrupts us. I race to the doors – to my full capability without tripping on the heels — in fear that Doojoon will interrogate and take advantage of Kikwang’s benevolent heart.

“Hello Kikwang,” I smile at him in his suit and tie.

“You look beautiful,” he says, smiling so hard his eyes sink in.

“Hello Kikwang,” Doojoon opens the door fully, revealing himself as well.

“Hello Doojoon,” he punctuates with a little bow.

“I trust that you’ll my sister safely to the party in a timely manner.”

“Ah yes, Doojoon. Of course I’ll make sure she’s safe and gets to the party right on time,” he answers a bit abruptly. He seems coerced by Doojoon’s straightened and poised posture.

I hold onto Doojoon’s arm. “I’m going to go with Kikwang now. Don’t make Gina wait, okay?” I give his arm an encouraging pat. I look back to Kikwang and link my arm with his. 

“Let’s go,” Kikwang says and I nod.

When I was sure that we were out of Doojoon’s hearing distance, I breathe out a small: I’m sorry.

“It’s okay Airi, your brother should be worried—” he places his free hand on his chest, “It was scary though. Your brother sure knows how to intimidate people.”

“You’re being kind again.” I laugh at his confused face. “Terrorize is more like it.” Kikwang burst out laughing.

He opens the car door for me, and I shouldn’t be, but I was very surprise. I don’t doubt Kikwang being gentle and well mannered but I wasn’t use to these gestures.

I peer out the window and see Doojoon nod in approval. I make gestures to shoo him away but Doojoon returns them. I chuckle at my seemingly “mature” brother.

I hear the sound of the car door slamming on Kikwang’s side, “Remember to breathe, okay?” he notes with a smile.

“I will, thanks.” I sigh, and I never realize that I was holding my breath until now.

*~*

“You made it pass the reporters,” Kikwang chuckles as we walk through the crowd.

“Barely.” I could still see the flashing lights at the corner of my eyes. Despite the magazine articles releasing a statement about its false information (about me being in a relationship with Doojoon) the reporters were adamant to know our true connection - I could only smile and ignore them.

“You’ll survive.” He gives my hand a little pat, and I try to believe him. I survive the media, the questions; I can live for another three hours. I’ve been living all along, what difference would it make?

“Now, what do we do now?” I ask, as the spacious room gawks at me. Daring me, mocking me almost. There were people dancing, people at the food table and some at the little pieces of furniture in the uttermost corner.

“We can either eat, dance, talk or sit on the couches.”

“Let’s go –”

He pulls my hand back. “We’re not going to the couches; you can’t sit down when you’re all dressed up like this.”

“Then why did you put it as a choice?” I frown.

I stop frowning when I realize that I was slowly getting used to Kikwang, his presence, his smiles, him as a friend. I don’t know if it was something I would get use to, but I think it’s something that’s maybe, just maybe worth having.

“It is a choice but it doesn’t mean it’s your choice.”

I fidget at the choices. I'm not used to any of them. I'm not used to dancing, I don’t know how to ‘act’ in social gatherings; I don’t know what I'm supposed to say to these people if they ever talk to me. I don’t belong here, except for the little couches, where the lights are the dimmest.

“Let’s go eat,” he suggests. Eating, the only thing I could do. I don’t know if I could eat ‘correctly’ though.

“Sure,” we head to the food table and even choosing what to eat is overwhelming.

“I’m going to let go, okay?” Kikwang asks, motioning our link arms. It feels strange for him to ask permission, but it feels nice to have a forewarning.

“Okay.” I reach towards the miniature cake and take a little bite from it. It tastes bland.

There's a couple ahead of us. I didn’t see their faces, but I could hear them. “I wonder who’s Doojoon’s special guest.” the girl says, peering around.

“Isn’t it his date for tonight?” the boy responded.

“I heard from his secretary that he asked for three tickets, one for his date and the other two is for his special guest and their date.”

“Who knows but it’s definitely someone important.”

They soon leave the table and proceed to the dance floor. I try to bite back the smile from tugging at my lips. It isn’t me they’re talking about.

“You’re popular.”

“It’s not me, it’s my title.”

It’s funny how suffocating I would sometimes feel. Yoon Doojoon’s sister. She must be something if she’s related to him. I hate how people know my title before they know me. Even now, people are talking about me, my title, and I could hear their expectations. In high school, I didn’t know how to feel when the teachers learned that I didn’t want to be school president; I just wanted to stay treasurer or grade 12 representatives at the very most. Not school president. 

“You’re already feeling the pressure?” I feel a warm hand on my shoulder along with his words.

“I can handle it,” I smirk.

I turn back to Doojoon and Gina. I smile at Gina, “Hello Gina.” Doojoon clears his throat, loudly. “And Doojoon.” I hear Kikwang step beside me and he nods at Doojoon and Gina.

“Gina, this is Kikwang, Airiss’s date. Kikwang, this is Gina, my date.” Doojoon introduces and they both nod and shake hands. From the corner of my eyes, I could feel everyone staring. I pretend it doesn’t bother me. 

“So Airiss, are you enjoying yourself?” Gina ask. I note that her voice’s still sweet and her smile’s still the same. It’s nice knowing that some people don’t change.

“I like the food.”

Doojoon chuckles, “I better not see you loitering around the furniture.”

“Don’t worry, she won’t,” Kikwang assures.

Our little talk dies as some people grab Doojoon’s attention – with much difficulty. I watch as he’ll sometimes look my way to give me a soothing smile.

“Would you like to dance?” Kikwang raises his hand and I accept with a jovial smile.

“Breathe Airiss, breathe.” He coos.

“I am.”

“Even though you’re wearing gloves, I can feel the sweat.”

“I’m fine.”

“Then stop giving me two worded answers.”

I roll my eyes, I'm not nervous and I'm breathing – perfectly fine.

*~*

“It feels kind of—” I look around the room at the people spilling in, “Lonely.” It’s strange how there’s at least a hundred people here but the only people I find comfort in are Doojoon, Kikwang and Gina. Doojoon and Gina aren't always here, they're in the light. Sometimes, I think Kikwang wants to go there, in the light, but he stayed with me, in the dark. 

“Airiss?” A voice called out, it was an unfamiliar voice, yet it rang a distant bell. 

I looked up and smiled politely at the lady in front of me. Jihyun. She’s pretty with her fitted black dress that swept the floor. Her hair was in a fancy and complicated up do. 

“Jihyun! It’s been a while.” I envelope her in a small hug and she responds with the same love. I miss her.

“Same goes for me, how are you doing?”

“You’re bothering my sister already?” Doojoon steps in, with a sardonic smile.

Jihyun smiles back derisively, “She’s also my friend, Doojoon.”

“Blood is thicker than water, my friend.”

I shake my head at them, arguing about feeble things. It was strange how relax I felt. A tap on my shoulder made me look up to a tall figure. I couldn’t hide the surprise on my face. “Dongwoon!?”

He nodded. I never notice how tall he is until today, when I’m force to look up to talk to him. “So, this is why you ask me if I was busy?” He ask.

“Yeah, who’s your date for tonight?” I ask, looking at the empty space beside him.

“My dad introduce me to a girl, she’s talking with her friends at the food table. Who’s your date? Your boyfriend?”

“I already said I don’t have a boyfriend, and he’s a friend,” My eyes found Kikwang lingering at the food table. I couldn’t help but feel guilty. He stared at me with a smile. “A good friend.” I add.

“Why are you here anyway?”

“He’s my brother–” I gesture towards Doojoon – who was still having some rivalry with Jihyun, “So he dragged me here. How about you?”

“My dad owns a café in the new mall, but he couldn’t make it so he sent me here instead.” I nodded.

A new song started, and Dongwoon extended his hand. “Would you like to dance?”

Puzzled, I look towards Kikwang for his permission. I didn’t have to, I really didn’t need his approval but it only felt right. After a nod and thumbs up from Kikwang, I accepted. “Sure,” I place my hand in his and notice how big his hand is compared to mine; how brittle mine seem and I think he notices it because he tightens our hold.

It was awkward. We weren’t used to each other yet, our strides didn’t match. I realize how Kikwang gave in to my pace, how he slowed himself down. I never notice how I naturally adapted to him as well.

“You’re a good dancer,” I say, but it comes out as a faint whisper.

Dongwoon gives me a little twirl and the song ends. “It was a pleasure dancing with you,” he places a light kiss on the back of my hand. I feel a blush dancing on my cheek as the feelings swivel. 

I hear Doojoon clearing his throat again, this time though, he was much closer, as if he’s beside me. I look to the side and there he is. Dongwoon straightens up, and I sigh because rolling my eyes is rude.

“Doojoon, this is my friend from my university, Dongwoon. Dongwoon, this is my brother, Doojoon.” They shake hands, Dongwoon rather nervously while Doojoon nonchalantly.

“Dongwoon, what association do you have with the mall?” Doojoon ask, and I nudge him in the side.

“My dad owns a café.”

“The name?”

“Le Crépuscule.” Doojoon nods, acknowledging it. After a little interrogation, Dongwoon quickly retreated.

“I’m going to go first, okay?” Dongwoon says and I smile with a small wave.

“Bye Woon.”

Doojoon turns back to me, “Air, watch this,” and gives my hand a little squeeze. After that, the lights turn off, and for a second, I panic. Doojoon’s words came back. He wanted me to watch him, so I knew that everything’s going to be okay. For now anyways.

Then the lights turn on, but it doesn’t overcast the entire room, just a little spotlight on stage, where Doojoon’s standing. He looks urbane, like he did the entire night, not like the dork at home. His stare’s intimating but at the same time, he’s compassionate.

I hear shuffling sounds and turn to see Kikwang beside me.

“Hello. First off, I want to thank everyone for attending CUBE’s party for our grand opening, Horizon.” Doojoon speaks into the microphone. “It’s an honor to work with these amazing people and watch Horizon grow into what it is today. It also gave me this opportunity to set foot in my home country. I won’t say too much because President Hong and my partner, Nam Jihyun, will speak later on.”

I catch Doojoon gesturing towards Jihyun to come on stage. “I want to thank everyone, President Hong, who’s like my father, and Nam Jihyun: my partner, and the workers who are my friends for giving me such a wonderful opportunity. This project wouldn’t have been successful without you all. Thanks to Gina for coming with me tonight—” He looks around the crowd, and finally lands his eyes on me. I smile and give him a thumb's up.

“I want to give a thanks to someone in particular. Someone who everyone dubs as my special guest for the night–” He chuckles in between and I see everyone turning their heads, looking for that special person. “She’s been there for me, supporting me, reliving my stress.”

Suddenly, I hear some sounds, and in a flash – literally – I find myself squinting as a new spotlight casts itself on me. I freeze, and watch as everyone stares at me in question. I don’t know where to look, but I feel Kikwang’s hand wrapping mine in his. It feels warm – from the light, not Kikwang’s hand – perilous even. I could grow use to this but I can’t get use to the eyes.

I stare back at the stage and I see Doojoon looking right at me with a suppressing smile. “Thank you Airiss, my precious sister, my alter-ego, I love you.”

"I love you,” I mouth back, fighting back the tears.

“Now, I’m going to give the microphone to Jihyun.” With a big round of applause, he walks back to the chair in the back.

“Your brother totally changed,” Kikwang whispers.

I nod, “I’m already use to it.”

I try to listen to Jihyun’s speech, President Hong’s speech but the content’s mainly the same. It was hard to remember, and I found myself struggling to string the words together. It went on like this throughout the entire speech, and the lights soon came back on. The music started playing and everything was almost back to normal. Almost.

“So shall we dance again?”

This time, I didn’t hesitate to take his hand. “Let’s go.” Kikwang seem surprise at first but overall happy.

I don’t know when it happened but it did. My legs grew tired from standing for the night, dancing, and answering countless questions. After Doojoon gave his speech, everyone became interested in me. It wasn’t sudden and was expected, but I wasn’t use to the attention. Some of the questions were pointless, but I tried to answer them with a smile. Sometimes Kikwang would cut in with drinks, biscuits, and some answers. He stayed by my side the whole night, but sometimes girls would ask him to dance and he would politely accept.

“So Airiss, what do you do in your spare time?” a male whose name I can’t pinpoint ask.

“I like to draw, particularly landscapes.”

“Oh really?” He shows sudden interest and I nod. “There’s this art gallery and it has a special exhibit for landscapes, I can take you there if you don’t mind.”

“It’s okay, I’m—” He’s direct, too direct for my liking. It was hard to reject him. The last time, if it didn’t come down to it, I wouldn’t have told Kikwang ‘no.’ The rejection took days for me to formulate. I didn’t want to be too straight-forward but if I wasn’t then he wouldn’t understand. It was confusing, and I brought it upon myself.

“Airiss.”

I heave a sigh of relief. At least Doojoon’s here. His workers all bow their heads at the mere sight of him.

“I see you’re all getting along with my sister–” he says, putting a protective arm around my shoulder, “She's going to dance with me right now.” With that said, he guides me to the center of the dance floor.

“Your friends are rather pushy,” I remark as we get ready.

“They could be friendly, they’re good people, take your pick — Ow!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to step on your foot,” I smile at him.

“Or do you like that guy, Kikwang? –” He quickly moves his foot back, “You barely miss me.”

“I figure this is revenge for 3 weeks ago,” Doojoon rolls his eyes.

“It could be,” I smile.

“Immature.”

“Resentful.”

He finishes the conservation and dance with a smirk. “I’m glad you’re not embarrassing me.”

“You were cool on stage.”

“I know,” he absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair. “By the way, the party ends in about an hour, but for the staffs specially, we’re going to be going out so don’t wait for me.”

“I wasn’t going to. I was planning on staying out all night,” he gives a glare in disapproval at my feeble joke.

“Not funny.”

*~*

“It’s been a tiring night, thanks for staying.” I breathe out. My hands fiddle with the loose strings of the shawl.

“Are you shaking because you’re tired or because you’re nervous?” Kikwang asks, taking my hand in his. After all of our dancing, he knows which angle, which position my hand has to be in so it perfectly fits his. I would have pulled back, but it doesn’t make a difference now that I’ve held onto his hand so many times tonight. Through the glove, I could feel his warmth. I try to deny that I like this feeling.

“Both,” I fall back and my head hits the couch. “It’s tiring, the eyes that are always watching, and saying the “right” or “suitable” answers. Also because of standing and dancing all night. But I guess the mental strain is worse than the physical.”

“Well, at least you’re being honest.” He chuckles.

“I try to be honest.”

“But you always decide to hide that honestly.”

I sigh, “That’s true.”

“Last dance for the night?” He hears the music start to fade out, signaling the end.

“Sure,” I start to stand up, only to fall back onto the couch, stunned. The music starts to play, and I recognize it. Our song.

*~*

“Hyunseung, you forgot the umbrella, what are we going to do now?” I mutter as the sky drops buckets of water.

“Who said I was going to bring it?”

“I don’t know, since you’re the one that knocked on my door, dragged me outside without an explanation, I’d assume that you would be prepared.” I cross my arms. The rhythm of the rain pattering against the windows didn’t stop or slow down; it got heavier, more upbeat.

“I wanted to show you this café since it has really good latte art—” He shrugs, “I don’t think we’ll make it in the rain.”

I stare at the trees, and watch as the water trickle down through the gaps of the leaves. “The rain isn’t so bad though. The air’s more…fresh and alive afterwards.” 

His hand looms over my head. “You’re going to get wet.”

I notice his damp bangs messily swept to the side. I hear the music from the café ahead; it was loud compared to the rain. It was upbeat, in a complete discord with the rain.

“We’re partially wet, so it doesn’t really matter,” I pull his hand down to mine, “But your hand’s going to get cold.” I hold his hand in mine, gently warming it.

“My grandma use to do this when I was cold,” my voice came out as a frail whisper. In this context, a whisper was a scream.

“Let’s go,” Hyunseung uttered the same words exactly 14 minutes ago. Like 14 minutes ago, he dragged me away. It was easy for him because I willingly let him.

“Hyunseung, now we’re fully wet, not just partially.” I feel the raindrops drumming my head, my arms, and I feel the cold nibbling away at my fingertips.

He raises his hand, palm up, “Would you like to dance, my princess Risu?” He looks at me, to my crazy, baffled expression. I don’t know what was worst, calling me a princess or asking me to dance in such a cliché manner.

“I don’t know how to dance.” I purse my lips. 

“I’ll teach you—” Watching me fluster, he adds, “There’s always freestyle.”

“How about I watch you dance? I’ll give you moral support.”

He frowns. “It’s better to start this memory together.”

“We are together.”

He frowns and crosses his arms. We stare at each other for a while. “Okay, but you have to dance to this song first then I’ll dance with you when the next song starts.”

“Deal.”

I watch as he closes his eyes, and his body starts moving to the music. Despite his clothes growing heavy from the rain, he moves with grace and ease. I don’t know why, but he looks more alive. He looks like he'shaving fun. Like the breath of fresh air, he's mine. As the days cast by, the word 'business' grows more distant. I wonder why he didn’t pursue photography or dance, why he didn’t pursue what he likes.

“Other than photography, I like to dance as well," he said.

The music shifted to a safe, gentle music, in harmony with the rain. “Now, it’s your turn,” he grabs my hand and drags me to the center of the pavement.

“The song’s perfect for dancing.” He pulls me close, his arms tightly around me, forehead press against mine. I stared into his eyes, the deep orbs, the abyss.

“You’re really crazy but—” I gave him a little peck on the cheek, “I like this craziness.”

We were dancing, I don’t remember for how long. It lasted for about 3 outbursts of laughter and endless smiles. We continued until my legs gave in and Hyunseung had to piggy back me back home. Until I felt soaked to the skin, sending chills everywhere. Until our steps became a soggy mess, but we smiled, and continued. Despite all of this, it left a vague memory of us laughing and the song in the background became our song.

*~*

My lips quiver a bit but the fog clouding my vision disperses to reveal a worried Kikwang. I quickly gather myself together.

“I’m kind of tired; I’ll dance with you on the next song.” He could tell I was lying but he chose not to say anything and let me have my way. I was being spoiled by him.

“Okay, it’s a promise.”

“I promise you.” The next song, I’ll dance to the next song for sure.

*~*

“Remember to bring her home on time,” Doojoon instructs one last time to Kikwang while I roll my eyes.

“I’ll get home before midnight, okay?”

“It’s only 11. Where are you going to go in the next hour?”

“I’m going to repay Kikwang for taking me out today.” Doojoon narrows his eyes, and I hear Kikwang take a subtle step back. It wasn’t blatant but we both notice it.

“Treat Gina well too.” I say and Doojoon has this confound look on his face. I tiptoed and whispered in his ear, “Mind out of the gutter, Brother.”

With a little smirk, he gives me a modest smack on the arm. “Don’t be so suggestive then, Sister.”

I smile and turn back to Kikwang, “Let’s get going then.” He nods, and I link arms with him.

“Wait–” Doojoon catches up and I turn back. He pulls the shawl over my shoulders, “Remember to stay warm.”

“I will. You do well on your ending speech.” I straighten up his collar, “Look cool, okay?”

“I always do—” He gestures me away, “Now go back to your Kikwang.” I frown at him. Not my Kikwang, just Kikwang.

*~*

“Sorry Airi, I think we’re lost.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry.” I stare at Kikwang’s troubled face as he makes another right turn. It started in the parking lot when he forgot which exit we entered from. It turns out that we took the wrong exit. Now we’re stuck making turns.

Then the streets started to look familiar –familiar to me, not to Kikwang. Kikwang’s never been here. If we keep going straight, then we’ll go down more familiar roads, unwanted roads.

“Take a left!” I cry out. Too late. We headed straight, straight to the beach.

“You can get home this way, can’t you?” He asks.

“Yeah, but I rather not.” I look outside. Everything’s the same, the houses, the little stores, and the silence. It’s still the same. At this time, no one would be outside; everyone would be nestled inside their protection. There was me though. At this time, I would be out at the beach. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Hyunseung. It was usually the latter.

“Can we go outside?”

Kikwang doesn’t ask why, he just stops the car. When I step outside, I feel it; I feel the sheer wind piercing me. It hits me, too abruptly and takes all the air from my chest. I found it hard to breathe.

“Here, it’s cold.” Kikwang takes off his coat and puts it around my shoulder.

I’ve rejected Kikwang too many times. I can’t accept his feelings but I can accept his kindness. “Thanks Kikwang.” 

“You know, I use to live here. From the grain of sand, to the biggest stores, I remember it all.” I look around and recognize the bakery store. The lady — Mrs. Choi use to greet me every morning when I went to school. This was the closest thing I had to ‘home.'

Kikwang nods. I feel like I'm not talking to him. I'm talking to myself. Letting the gratitude I feel for this place finally out. It gave me a family – the neighbors, the residents, a home to return to, the protection I needed and the comfort I never had. I see my house, now fill with more flowers, and it seems more – lively. A family probably lives there.

“It seems peaceful here,” he comments and I nod.

“It’s really quiet. The people are nice, and aren’t too probing. I guess that’s why I chose to live here.”

“The offer’s still open.”

“You don’t have to go with me, but the stars on the beach are really breathtaking as well. The offer’s always open though.” Kikwang’s words at the planetarium came back to me.

I stare at the beach. The rocks look the same, the water’s still inviting and the cries of the ocean’s still tender. I put my hand on the stone ledge. The icy feeling bites back, clearing my mind. It overlooks the beach, and serves as a gate. It’s a reminder, telling the people who happen to come – whether they stumble upon it or planned it – they have a choice to continue or turn back. 

“Can we walk along the stone ledge?” Kikwang’s face falls a bit, “It’s kind of cold to be here at this time.” I add.

“Sure.” 

“Sorry, it looks like this is the best treat you can get tonight.”

“Well, I don’t think any restaurant’s open at this time, and I don’t think you were going to take me to a bar, so I guess this is the best I can get from your ‘treat.’”

“I was thinking of taking you to the restaurant on the hill—”

“I like this idea better.”

Silence engulfs us. Unlike the other times, it's not an awkward silence but a silence of understanding. The silence we’ve been missing out on the whole night, and I find myself needing it.

"Airiss, if you don't mind, can I ask about your bracelet?" Kikwang ask, peeking at me from the corner of his eyes.

I smile sadly, "Was it obvious that I was looking at it?"

"Well, I'm your partner tonight, so I would be a failure for not noticing, right?"

I nod," You're right."

I sigh heavily, "It was given to me by a close friend at the time. It mark the beginning of our friendship. Her name's Mae, she's really nice."

"Mae, isn't that —" 

"Yeah, she is. But because of a promise I made her, we can't be friends any more. Well, we could but it wouldn't work out."

Kikwang nods, understandingly. "I bet she misses you like how you miss her."

I stare at my bracelet again, "I hope she doesn't though. It's better if she doesn't think about me."

A perplex expression crosses Kikwang's face. He doesn't understand these bitter-sweet feelings; no one should, it's a horrible thing. It was quiet for a while as we both looked at the sky. 

I smile, “You know, even if I did accept your offer, we wouldn’t be able to see anything.” I look up at the sky, “The stars are covered by the clouds.”

“Even if they are covered, they’re still there. They’re still shining behind the clouds.” 

“That’s true.”

I feel like a star. Not the brightest one, but not a dead. Just one that’s barely giving off light and I think I’m slowly dying. Even if people, or specifically, Doojoon, gives me a veneer with his influence – the brands, part of his life – it's not going to work. It's not going to change anything. If Doojoon tries to bring dozens and dozens of water or ice crystals, hoping to form a cloud that's big enough to cover me, it won’t work. I can’t get used to all of this – the dances, the parties, the greetings, the ‘right’ ways to do things. The cloud isn’t big enough, isn’t dense enough. It'll never be. I’m still the star buried underneath all of these layers. I’m still Airiss under Kikwang’s coat, this shawl and this unfamiliar dress.

I guess that’s why Hyunseung and I never worked out. Even if clouds cover us, to the point when we question our identity, deep down, we’re still Jang Hyunseung and Chae Airiss. Hyunseung and Airiss aren’t meant to be together. 

ღ________Comments

Personally, I really like this chapter as it did happen to me in real life with the dancing thing where I got pulled into it randomly and actually loved dancing XDD It shows more Doojoon, a lot of Kikwang and mentions of Hyunseung which was good and could be considered the best of all worlds! :) Again, Happy New Years and I hope you all stay healthy and safe :D AND OMG, CONGRATS TO BEAST FOR WINNING SONG OF THE YEAR :D!!

@janale6: I hope you liked the feeling of Hyunseung taking care of you then! ^^ Thanks for your comment about the amazing writer ;A;! It touch a big part of my heart like Hyunseung’s note did to yours ^^ I hope you liked this double update! <3 

@Halimalikesrice: First of all, thanks so much for commenting about the blank chapter 9 ^^ I’m mad as to why it didn’t update D: < I’m glad you the chapter and Hyunseung ^__^! LOL, poor Yoseob...maybe I should add more Junhyung/Yoseob moments now that the Kikwang moment is done XD

OMG, HOW WAS THE CUBE CONCERT? DID YOU GET TO TOUCH ANYONE? LOL. YOU KOW WHAT? BEAST’S HAVING A WORLD TOUR AND MY CITY IS LISTED!! /prances around.

Did you see the Troublemaker Adam Couple style? I personally really liked that style more as it felt more..classy? Or I’m just really Gain bias and Kwon obsessed XDD

I hope you enjoy the double update ^^ 

@KuroNeko:Thank you for your kind comment and I hope you enjoy the updates! ^^