It was actually a quick, light kiss on Joonmyun’s lips by Minseok that night after their self-imposed movie date every Thursday that made Luhan think not only twice but a million times that evening before coming into one solution----Minseok’s happiness, Minseok’s freedom.

He wouldn’t kiss the guy casually on his lips for nothing. It was obviously Minseok’s way of telling Joonmyun that the feeling is mutual and that they should be together and not the other way around.

It was Luhan who was complicating everything. He was the hindrance in Minseok and Joonmyun’s love. He was the villain in the story.

To give the best ending in the story, he should learn to give up. No, he should learn to let go. Giving up and letting go are two different phrases with two different meanings and two different stories. Giving up is quitting something when they find some hindrances; it is when someone doesn’t have much of a willpower. Letting go is setting someone free for the better because that is what love is all about. Sacrificing, giving more unconditionally without asking for anything in return.

He didn’t know why he has to go back. Every step he takes is so damn hard. He has already decided. If he’s going to see him again he might change his mind, he might think twice, he might get selfish again. He might reconsider. He’s afraid. Really afraid. So he took his step back. He walked backwards; he was on his way back to the gate when he heard the sound of the main door opening. It’s too late to go back now.

“Luhan! Oh god, you’re finally back!”Minseok muttured, relief evident on his face. “I’ve been calling you.”

Luhan froze. How is he going to say his good bye like this? How can this be so freaking hard?

“Are you okay?” he asked noticing the saddened and troubled face of Luhan

“I—I’m just here...” he paused to stop himself from stammering. “I’m just here...” he repeated. How he cannot say it simply. How it is so hard to say just one sentence. Because that one sentence could mean the end of everything; the end to the love they one shared the other did not even remember.

“Let’s get inside; I think the rain is coming down.” Minseok tried to distract the man and started walking back inside the house but was stopped when Luhan hold his hand. Tight. So tight, it hurt.

“Luhan, it hurts...” he informed him. Luhan loosen his grip but didn’t let go.

“Minseok,” he started “why is it you always say you love the rain and tries to avoid getting wet?”

“Silly Luhan, we will get sick if we get wet.” He replied obliviously.

“Why is it you always say you love the sun but always hide in an umbrella or under the tree when the sun started to shine?”

“Because we wouldn’t want to get tanned.” Minseok didn’t have any idea where all these questions are coming from.

“Why is it that you always say you love the wind but never tried opening the window to let it come inside?”

“Luhan, I cannot read your mind, tell me straight. What is this is all about?”

“Minseok,” he paused debating if he should say it but did it anyway while tightening his grip on the other’s hand, “Why is it you always say you love me before but now we are like this?”

It was Minseok’s turn to freeze. He didn’t know how to respond. Luhan was expecting something. Anything. He just want Minseok to speak, to say anything, to counter it? To deny it? Anything. But Minseok remained frozen for a minute and Luhan cannot take it. He will explode if he waits for another minute. He finally let go of Minseok’s hand.

“Actually, I am only here to get my stuff.” He smiled bitterly.

Minseok regained his composure but was taken aback yet again. “Y---you’re leaving?”

Luhan just nodded.

“Why?”

 Why do you have to ask why? “You know why.”

“I don’t. Explain it to me.” He demanded

Why is he making it hard for him? He just looked at him, pleading. Letting his eyes speak for him, silently praying the other would get the message without him saying it because it is already suffocating. If he tried telling him the reason he would end up breaking down again. He’s tired; too tired of it like it has always been a routine for him. He hate himself for being that weak but anyone, even if you are the strongest person alive, you’ll get weak, soft-hearted when it comes to love.

“Are you tired of me?” Minseok asked trying to decipher what the other has in mind.

Yes, he’s tired not of him but of the pain, he’s not tired of loving, but of hurting. “You know I would never ever get tired of you, Minseok.”

“Then you’re mad at me?”

The other just shook his head in disapproval. “I can never get mad of you.” Only at myself.

Minseok sighed. “Is this really what you want?”

“This is for the better.” He replied tiredly.

“Why are you deciding without even asking for my opinion?”

“What would you say then? What would you say to make me stay?” Luhan challenged

Minseok replied with a question, “You said you wouldn’t leave me. You said you will never get tired of me.”

“I already said that I’m not tired of you” he whispered. “I will never.”

“Then why are you leaving? Tell me because I do not understand” he asked, confused of what the other has in mind.

 “Do you love me, Minseok?” he finally asked; regret now starting to flood his mind as he saw the change in the expression of the other. He knew the answer to the question; he should have not asked it.

But Minseok did not reply so Luhan smiled bitterly, “I knew. That’s why I’m leaving to give you your well-deserved freedom. I can’t stay selfish of you especially when I know that I am not the one who can make you happy.” He paused “I just want to let you know that I am not giving up on you. I would never. I’m just letting you go so you can be happy because your happiness is everything to me; your happiness is my happiness too. Just please remember that you will always be the one person I loved, love, will love for the rest of my life.” He walked straight to the gate going outside the house. “I’ll just have to ask Yixing to get my stuff. Goodbye my baozi.”  He informed before finally leaving.

And with that, for the first time after the accident, Minseok cried of pain and desperation, he cried because of Luhan. He didn’t know why, he cannot understand his own feelings, but something inside his heart is tugging him, hurting him, suffocating him. For some reasons, he felt like a very important piece of his heart got broken.

-------------------

a/n: ok. i lied. not the ending yet. hurr. but i swear the ending's really near. or not? i cannot say. T___T

@GugGig0307: well, that's love for luhan. if he can sleep in the couch for a year i think he would do that. XD
@smileyJ04: really? hurrr. T^T i'm hoping it's a happy ending too. i'm such a bipolar.. it would depend on my mood. XD
lastlaughlane: i get so many negative reactions w/ the genderbender theme.. i think i'll just make the other theme hihihihi :D
@pasywasy: yeees, wedding fic. definitely. hihihihi
@starkey: well, we can have that on my next fic? hihihihihihi
@bambino: whaaa you did that? i am so touched. T^T yes, he would. i think he's planning on going to some deserted island so no one would know if he died or sth. :)) idek. i received so many nega reactions w/ the genderbender theme so i don't think i'll make it. T^T hurrr.
@dibsfortwo: hoping for a happy ending they deserve and here's the update. hihihihi