''Minho...I've run every test in my power. The only thing wrong with her is malnutrition and....''
''And what hyung? And what?!'' I could hear every word. They thought I was passed out again, but I was just resting. My eyes remained closed.
''She's pregnant Minho.'' No words could describe how much I considered ending my life then, and there. Me being living truth of how disgusting I was didn't surfice. Now I had a human being inside of me. A human being that was produced from my kidnapper. I found the strength in me to crawl off the couch. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but just laying there wasn't an option.
''Minho! I'm not too sure how many times you have violated this poor girl, but you were even more of an idiot for not using protection! Things could be a lot worse!!''
''Like what?!'' They were still shouting in the kitchen.
Need to get this out of me.
Can't have this in me.
''You could've passed a fatal disease!'' This being inside of me was a disease! I don't want it.
''Hyung...I'm going to fix this-'' I heard a loud slap.
''Get your head on straight Choi Minho! You can't fix this!''
''Hyung, let me at least try!''
''Do whatever you want! As your brother I don't think I can turn you in but...I can't allow you in my house any longer.''
''Jaemi, what's wrong?'' A hand placed itself on my back snapping me back to reality. I was still on all floors on the living room floor.
''Onew...kill me. Please?'' I was begging to be taken out of my misery.
''What are you talking about?'' His face wrinkled in concern.
''Hyung!'' Minho called Onew. ''We have to get out now. Go get Seohyun, and Taemin.'' I couldn't look at Minho. Even less than I was able to before. What if the child looked like him? I couldn't fathom the possibility.
''Onew! Don't leave me with him! Please!'' I clasped onto his shirt. He seemed utterly confused as to what caused my sudden panic attack.
''Hyung!'' Minho barked.
__________________________________
''Jinyoung-ah, have something to eat.'' It was my mom's second attempt at getting me to eat, but I couldn't stomach anything. I didn't leave my room much, I didn't talk much, I didn't do much.
''Not now.'' My voice was barely audible from lack of use. Like I said, I didn't talk much. I felt like I was torchuring myself by excluding everyone out of my life. Even when I tried to enjoy myself it just made me feel worse. How can I laugh not knowing whether or not Jaemi is still alive....
''Jinyoung! You've been in your room for three days now. Please go out, and get some fresh air. I'm begging you.'' My mom was at her witt's end. She couldn't stand seeing me depressed.
''Ne eomma'' I pulled myself out of bed, and threw a hoodie on. There was no use brushing my hair. I didn't need to look nice for anyone. The sunlight blinded me as I stepped outside. I could barely open my eyes. The sun did feel nice, I think I needed it. Something to make me feel nice. Somehow my walk around the block turned into a sprint to the daycare Jaemi used to work at. I was so used to walking over there at the end of the day to walk her home after a nice coffee.
''Hyung! It's been a while.'' Gongchan smiled.
''I guess it has...'' I was embarassed that I ended up here in such a sloppy state. If anything it showed how much of a mess I've been since Jaemi's absence. Everyone could see it.
''What are you doing here?'' It was Sunday, the daycare was closed.
''I don't know...'' I didn't want to end up here, but I did. I didn't think there would be anyone here on Sunday, but Gongchan was. The silence that filled the room was suffocating me. I kept my hands in my pockets to hide my cringing.
''...Hyung, if anyone can defend themself I think noona can. Where ever she is...I'm sure she's fighting to get back to you.''
That's the problem! I know she's fighting! She's fighting alone, I can't be there to protect her! That's what's eating me alive!
''I know Gongchan...'' It took all of my will power to form a sentence without my voice breaking, and tears spilling onto my cheeks.
''I'm about to meet up with Dongwoo hyung. Do you want to come with?'' He felt pitty for me. I could hear it in his tone that he felt bad leaving me alone.
''Sure'' Why did I agree?
I followed behind him not close enough for him to want to start a conversation. We ended up at a cafe we usually hang out at. I haven't been out to hang out for a while though.
''Jinyoung! Wasseo?'' Dongwoo grinned as I took a seat. I tried my best to smile, but it was too fake.
''Ne, I'm sorry I haven't been keeping in touch.'' I examined my fingers as I spoke.
''Gwaenchanha, I'm sorry too.'' He was referring to Jaemi of course.
''Hyung!! I didn't know you were coming!'' Junghwan made a loud entrance as usual. He got looks from Gonchan, and Dongwoo that they didn't do such a good job of hiding, and Junghwan quietly took a seat.
''Guys, you don't have to be like this around me, please don't.'' I hated the looks I got from everyone. They stared like they were waiting for me to explode.
''Anniya, we're just...'' Dongwoo couldn't think of anything to finish his sentence.
''Where's Sunwoo hyung?'' Gongchan asked.
''He should be here soon. He was finishing things with Min.'' Junghwan answered.
''Hyung, what have you been up to?'' Junghwan asked.
Crying.hating myself.waiting.thinking.crying.
''I'm just trying to get back into music.''
''Oh, that's great. Maybe we can start doing sessions in the studio again. I miss singing with you.'' Dongwoo grinned. It made me feel better to have my friends around. Smiling like old times.
''Maybe...''
''Is that Jinyoung hyung?!'' I felt a slap on my shoulder, and saw Sunwoo. ''How've you been?''
''I'm okay.'' I couldn't even begin to explain the sleepless nights, the head aches, the memories that flood my brain every minute of everyday. I was not okay.
''That's great.'' He took a seat next to Gongchan. ''What are we talking about?''
''Nothing, just catching up with Jinyoung.'' Dongwoo sat layed back in his chair.
''We're probably going to get back in the studio.'' Junghwan smiled.
''Chincha? I'm sure there's a lot you can write about, mm?'' I know he meant that in the best way possible, but that didn't mask my hurt. Yes I have a lot to write about. My girlfriend is probably somewhere scared, alone, hurt. That's something to write about!
''I'm sorry guys...I don't think I can do this.'' I stormed out of the cafe not really sure of what I was doing. I tried to be happy for my friends, I tried to enjoy all the smiles, and comfort I was getting, but I felt terrible for enjoying it.
''Where can I go?'' Suddenly I saw a picture of Jaemi in the window of the cafe we used to go to every night. Two guys were staring at it! My feet carried me across the street to the picture.
''Isn't that Minho's girlfriend? Jaerim?''
''Aigoo! Jonghyun don't you watch the news at all?!'' The blonde boy smacked his friend, Jonghyun's head. ''That's Hwang Jaemi. She's been missing for months now.''
''Ani! I'm possitive that's Jaerim. Look.'' He pulled out his phone, and I saw the picture. It was my Jaemi wrapped around a guy with dark black hair, and big black eyes.
''Exuse me! Can I see that?!''
''Sure...'' Jonghyun handed over his phone. It was Jaemi. That smile only belonged to one person in this world. Or so I thought.
''This girl's body was found in an alley about three months ago. She wasn't in our records at all so we could never solve the case, or identify her. This is that girl.''
Those police officers didn't even bother solving the case because they were possitive she was found dead three months ago.
''Hey, I saw you on the news a while ago. You're Jaemi's boyfriend right?'' The blonde guy beamed. ''Hi, I'm Kibum.'' He extended his hand. Reluctantly I shook it. ''See I told you this isn't Jaerim.'' He said to Jonghyun.
''Oh, sorry...she just looks so much like her doesn't she?'' Jonghyun held up his phone next to the missing photo of Jaemi. They were identical.
''Where is this Jaerim girl, and Minho? Do they live around here?''
''No.'' Kibum chuckled like I had said something stupid. ''We haven't seen Minho in ages. Him, and his girlfriend dissapeared to some vacation home. He doesn't keep in touch.''
''Yah! Why are you telling him all our business?'' Jonghyun scolded.
''Why not!?'' Kibum snapped back. These two seem to argue over the smallest things.
''Guys! Focus please! Have you seen Jaerim in the last three months?''
''I can't remember...'' Kibum answered after a few seconds of thought. ''Look, we're sorry, but we have nothing to do with this...good luck.'' He patted my shoulder before walking away. So far, I was doing a good job with keeping the tears in, but I got so excited for a second at the thought of finding Jaemi that reality came crashing down on me, and I started crying in front of the cafe.
''Why does it feel like no one else cares about finding her?'' I'm sure the people walking past saw me as pathetic.
''Look...'' Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jonghyun. ''It's not that we don't care. We wish you the best of luck we just...''
''We'll help you.'' Kibum smiled at me. ''We'll tell you everything we can about Minho, and Jaerim if you'd like, but trust me. It's not much.'' He pulled out a pen and scribbled numbers on my hand. ''Give us a call sometime.''
''Good luck.'' Jonghyun patted my back one last time, and walked away with Kibum. I stared at the numbers on my hand, and quickly saved the numbers into my phone. Hopefully, with their help I could find Jaemi.
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