09 ∞  when your heart desires to speak

/No. Absolutely not./

/Geez, oppa! Come on, it’s just one night!/

/Yuri-shii. I will not humiliate myself with an idea like this. Much less in front of her. So, no. My answer for the final time is no./

/Suit yourself. I wouldn’t mind getting married to you anyway. I’d get a kick out of teasing you everyday about the ‘one you let slip away’./

/Don’t start./

/Who knows? Maybe when the wedding is over, she’ll actually start thinking seriously about her relationship with Donghae./

/…/

/They make a really cute couple too. I bumped into them the other day, and boy was he hot./

/…/

/I would rather you date unni, of course. But he seems to treat her well and isn’t afraid to show her he loves her so, maybe  this’ll be a win-win situation. Although, obviously not for you–/

/Alright./

/Eh?/

/Alright. I’ll go with your idea./

/Yey!/

YOONA - - -

Maybe I should ask Donghae out? I frowned, shaking my head at my own thoughts. Oh no, that would look too forward and serious. And I’m not quite there yet.

I was lazing around in bed on the afternoon of my day off. I had slept in, did my nails and rearranged the furniture when I realized that I had nothing to do and was lonely. I considered calling Kibum, or Sooyoung out but remembered that they were at work and that Yeonhee would be in school. I thought of Donghae as well, but with the things I found out from Kibum that day I introduced him… well, let’s just say I wouldn’t be entirely focused on him if we went out.

Maybe… Changmin…

No, I stopped myself, breathing deeply, not Changmin. Definitely not.

But…I sighed, turning and grabbing a photograph from my desk and studying it, “I miss him”. I traced the outline of Changmin’s face with my finger, feeling a sense of loneliness edge its’ way into my heart. I miss talking to him, and laughing. I miss…

I put my hand on my chest, closing my eyes slowly as the tears started to form. I held them back and put the frame onto its original place.

It was no use anyway. He was getting married in a month – and whatever feelings I had left will account to nothing. Kibum may have (said) hinted that he had loved me too, but he never said it out loud… so what would be the use of (waiting) holding on?

Holding on. I shook my head, laughing at myself solemnly. Kibum was right though. When he said that I had to be willing to get my heart back… I couldn’t be. Changmin – he is the one person I’ve ever given it too… and I cannot imagine having done it differently now.

I was not willing. Even though I knew better.

I smiled. I still love–

My phone rang, snapping me out of my reverie. I jumped to it, half-expecting Donghae to be on the other end, when a deep voice spoke. My heart started beating faster.

“Yoona… hey.”

“Chang… Changmin,” I smile into the receiver without intending to, “Hello.”

“Are you free today?” His voice was tentative. Almost unsure. I was surprised – Changmin never sounded unsure of himself.

“Why?”

“I wanted to go out with you. Today.” My breath got caught in my throat. “We could go somewhere… maybe visit the places in Seoul we always talked about seeing but never got to because of exams in University? That is – if your boyfriend will allow you.”

I ignored his mentioning Donghae, although I didn’t mean to.

“B-but… aren’t you busy? Yuri mentioned something the other day about you working on something for your firm?” I asked, keeping my voice from sounding squeaky with surprise.

But I was surprised to hear voice when I answered my phone, but for him to ask me out… in a way that (almost) made me hope that it really could be a date, went beyond my imagination. I tried to pace myself, waiting for his reply.

“I’m all done, Yoona.” His voice was lighter now. I could almost see him shaking his head at me from the other side. “You should know me well enough to know that I would never do another thing without finishing the first thing I started.”

I laughed. He was right. Shim Changmin never left anything for tomorrow.

“And besides… I don’t want to be like this forever. I don’t think I can bear it anymore.”

The not talking. The not being able to smile and laugh the way we used to.That was what he meant, and I knew it well and wanted it