19 ∞ when truths hurt and heal

CHANGMIN - - -

“You’re working too hard.” My mother walked into my office carefully, watching me from behind the desk. My father set up this office for me to work, as he wished I would work someday… and, well—I looked at her without saying a word and she shook her head at me. “Honestly, you’re starting to look like your father. Always with his head between mounds of paperwork. It’s not all that attractive.”

“Says the woman who married my father,” I replied dryly. I took another folder out of the pile on my desk and began sifting through it. She sighed, taking a seat in front of me. I waited for her to say something – anything – but she said nothing and just looked at me. I shook my head at her, putting down my pen. “Are you really going to stare at me the whole time I’m working here?”

“Only if you say so,” she replied, smiling. I couldn’t help but smile back. My mother is not the most openly affectionate mother in the world, but she’s had her moments – and I’ve always loved them regardless of how few they were.

I folded my arms in front of me on the desk and raised an eyebrow. “What is it that you want to tell me? I know there must be a reason why you’re here. Did something happen at home?”

“Nothing’s happened at home, dear. I only wanted to check on you to see how you’re doing. You’ve been working yourself ragged ever since you came back from that trip with your friends.” My mother looked at me expectantly. “Did something happen while you were there?”

I shook my head, turning back to my papers and scribbling. “No. Nothing happened.” I said, more to myself than to her. “Why do you ask?”

She shrugged, pulling out a paper from her purse and setting it down on my desk. “I gave this to Yuri yesterday and asked her to ask you to check the guest list if we left anybody out. She gave it back to me later in the afternoon,” she pointed down at the list.

I looked at where my mother pointed, my eyes widening when I saw Yoona’s name crossed off.

Noting my expression, she continued with a perplexed tone, “I was surprised to see that Miss Yoona’s name was off the list. I didn’t think you didn’t want her in the wedding, Changmin.”

“But I didn’t know you gave Yuri this list. She never told me about it.” I replied, staring down at the list again. “What time did you give this to her?”

“In the morning, just before she bounded into your apartment with bags of breakfast,” she replied, “Should I assume that you did not want to take Yoona off your wedding?”

“Of course not. I want her there.” I said. My expression softened as I traced her name with a finger. I sighed; the next words I muttered, tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them: “Next to me if that were possible.”

I glanced at my mother, half expecting a glare and a lecture but was relieved (albeit, a bit confused) to see her return my words with a small, understanding smile on her face. She put a hand on my own and squeezed it gently. “You’ve always known, haven’t you? About my feelings for Yoona.” I said, looking down at our hands. She chuckled, nodding her head slowly.

“Of course I have. What mother would I be if I didn’t notice my son falling in love. I may be cold, Changmin – but I was never heartless.” She replied, giving me a look.

“I’ve known since she came climbing through your window on your birthday all those years ago…” Mother replied, cracking a smile on her face. I felt the curves of my own lips rising as the memory flashed through my mind. She continued, “I’ve known since you asked me to consider letting her father work for your company under my supervision. And he’s actually doing very well, considering what a mess he made of his company before. He was even able to bring up such a bright woman.”

I shrugged, pulling my hands up into a prayer and let my forehead rest on them. “Then if you’ve always known, why can’t you stop Dad from controlling my life? He only listens to you; you could’ve stopped him and let me go free.”

“What good would that have done if everything was given to you on a silver platter?” she replied, shaking her head. “I know it’s cruel, Changmin but you were idealistic back then. Too young to make such a huge decision for your future. You weren’t ready.”

“If I had done something, you would not have learned how to truly love and sacrifice. You wouldn’t have grown up to be who you are now.”

I thought about this silently, weighing her words. There was some truth in them – I was young, and I was idealistic. I didn’t know where I was headed; I only knew who I wanted to be there to join me.

“I grew up, didn’t I? I’m able to run a business by myself now and handle a firm as an associate but for some reason, I’m still stuck following his orders like a dog. It’s infuriating.”

“It’s because you’re loyal. Believe it or not, you do look up to your father more than you would like to admit. And you’re a lot like him if you really think about it.” She replied, chuckling. “You’re both driven, determined to finish whatever you set out to accomplish. Although your goals and means are different – the two of you share a trait the women who love you admire most.”

“And what would that be?”

“Bravery. Valor. Guts.” She noted words off like a list. “Bordering martyrdom, if you will. Both of you are so willing to sacrifice anything for the people you love; even if it means putting your own feelings aside and crushing them,”

“Somehow I can’t picture him doing that last bit,” I said, furrowing my brow.

Mother laughed, shaking her head. “That’s where you’re wrong, Changmin. Your father loves you more than you think he does. He just doesn’t necessarily know how to show it. The same way you don’t know how to show your love for Yoona without beating around a bush.”

“I’m not that bad, am I?”

She shook her head again. “No. But if anything is infuriating, it’s the way you Shim men are unable to say ‘I love you’ face to face.”

“Well, then she’s better off with someone who could.” I said, my jaw clenching.

“You don’t mean that.”

I scoffed. “Of course not.”

“Then you should tell her. Face to face, with no distractions or thoughts about the wedding.”

“Right – as if I’d be able to, with Dad’s men watching my every move and hers. There would be no chance for me to do that. I’m getting married… in two days.”

My mother stood up, putting a hand on my shoulder (squeezing softly) then flashed a mysterious smile. “You’d be surprised when an opportunity might present itself.”

She turned and left, walking out my door with a swish of her coat, leaving me questioning her last words.

YOONA - - -

“Mom? Dad? I’m home.” I called, setting down my things on the floor while I removed my shoes.

It had been a long day, settling everything with Kibum to take charge in Yuri and Changmin’s reception preparations. Kibum was more or less shocked when I told him I wouldn’t be in the wedding for an ‘urgent family matter I had to attend to’ but luckily he didn’t ask any more questions. And frankly, I didn’t want to answer anymore.

Receiving a call from Yuri to not attend her wedding the day before didn’t shock me as much as I expected it would. Somehow, I knew she would do it (take me off her list and put Sooyoung as her maid of honor in the last minute). She had told me she loved him after all. She loved him.

“Honey? Is that you?” My dad’s voice rang out, interrupting my trance and bringing me back to reality. I put on a smile on my face and bounded towards him, giving him a hug. “How are you? How’s work?”

I shrugged, pulling off my coat and sitting down on the couch next to him. “It’s fine. I thought I would take a few days off to visit you and mom. Where is she by the way?”

“She went out to buy some groceries for dinner. She should be back in a few minutes.” He said, brushing my hair away and giving me another hug. “I’ve missed you, my Yoona. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that you live on your own