17 ∞ where things fall to pieces

YOONA - - -

“It’s something about Changmin? Yah, Lee Yeonhee. Tell me.”

Yeonhee shook her head. “It’s not my place, Yoona. Even if I wanted to tell you – and I do, I really do – I’d feel guilty about betraying Changmin because he doesn’t even know that I know."

“We’ve known each other since middle school. Why can’t you tell me?” I pleaded, pulling her hands in mine and staring at my troubled friend. “Don’t I deserve to know, whatever it is your hiding from me?”

She frowned, shaking her head and squeezing my hands. “Of course you do, Yoona.  But it’s just like I said – I shouldn’t be the one telling you. It wouldn’t be right and quite frankly, I don’t know where I should stand with this.” She let out a sigh, lowering her head.

“That’s not fair.”

“It isn’t. Look, you are one of my best people I know, Yoona. And so is Changmin – but this… arrangement is just killing me, because I can’t choose sides and I want both of you to be happy.”

I stared at her, confused. “Choose sides?”

“You’re my friend, Yoong. And so is he. Regardless of how long I’ve known the two of you is irrelevant if you ask me. I care about both of you the same way.”

“I would never ask you to choose sides, Yeonhee.” I was beginning to feel betrayed. How could she think I would ask her to do such a thing?

Yeonhee nodded solemnly. “I know. But sometimes, your actions speak differently.” She stood up, setting my hands down to my lap and looked up at the stars outside our bedroom window. “I’m sure you don’t intend to, of course… and I don’t blame you.”

“Do I really do that?” I whispered, mostly to myself. “I hadn’t noticed. I’ve just been moving on, you know…”

“No one said loving a person was easy. It’s hard work to keep feeling the way you do every moment of every day. But it’s worth it – even when it hurts.”

I scoffed, managing a little (bitter) smile on my lips. “Kibum’s never hurt you though.”

She laughed, shaking her head and looking over her shoulder to stare at me. “Come on. We both know he’s not perfect. I know about that girl he dated aside from me after our 100th day together. I would have killed myself if I wasn’t so smart.”

“You knew about that?” I asked surprised. That was the only time I had ever been so angry at Kibum in the course of our friendship. I had caught him with another girl, while walking to class with Changmin, and had fought with him right after the girl fled the scene. If it hadn’t been for Changmin, being the voice of reason at the time (He had pulled Kibum away to talk before I could punch him), I would have killed Kibum myself for cheating on my childhood friend.

“Yeah. Kibum came clean the day you and Changmin assaulted him. He said something about what Changmin had told him and he realized his mistake. We’ve been even more honest and trusting with each other ever since.” Yeonhee answered softly, the smile on her face widening. “Changmin always has to have the last say in things, ne?”

“He always used to say that it was the lawyer in him to want to say the last word.” I muttered, pursing my lips. Mentally, I pictured him grinning down at me the way he did when he said those words. My heart gave a heavy thump inside my chest.

Yeonhee giggled, shaking her head at me before taking a seat next to me on my bed. She put her head on my shoulder, giving me a side hug. “Have you noticed how much you mention random anecdotes about Changmin when we talk? It happens a lot, and not just when you’re talking to me.”

“Do I really do that?” I asked, more to myself than to anyone, gazing out to the window – a soft sigh crossing my lips, “I don’t notice it. I mean, I know when we were in school I used to say things like this a lot, but now – I didn’t know I was doing it again.” Yeonhee nodded, squeezing my shoulder comfortingly.

“I don’t think you do it on purpose, Yoong. It’s probably just some left over impulses. We’ve been friends for so long and you don’t just forget things overnight,” she said pointedly. I shrugged. “I’m not supposed to do this when Donghae’s around though – much less when Yuri is around too. I feel like I’m hurting them both with sharing tidbits of my past with Changmin with them.”

“No way,” Sooyoung’s voice startled both of us when it boomed from across the room. I strained to look behind me and saw her leaning against the (now opened) door frame, smirking at us and holding up a peace sign in greeting. “What’s ‘no way’, Sooyoung?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her as she flung herself towards my bed and crushing us under her weight. “Get off you monster!”

“Yah, I am not a monster!” she exclaimed, smacking me playfully with her right hand, before folding her arms around my neck and shaking me. “You – you need to make up your mind, kid!”

“Huh? What? Me?” I asked, in between gasps of air as I wrestled out of her grip. Fortunately Yeonhee was able to get out of the chaos before she could get in. She laughed at us as we rolled over.

“Hey! Where’s HimYoona? I don’t remember fighting a weakling from University?” Sooyoung bellowed, teasing me. I rolled my eyes before pinning her with a leg over her stomach and forcing her to lay flat on the bed. She laughed, shaking her head and relaxing into my pillow. “Okay, I’ve found HimYoona.”

“What did you mean, Sooyoung?” I asked again, settling my head on her shoulder. Yeonhee went to sit on the edge of the bed. It felt just like old times – when the both of them would come to my small apartment after class to talk about whatever. The thought of it made my eyes turn a little misty but I smiled, snuggling closer to Sooyoung and reaching for Yeonhee to lie next to me.

“Hey, I’m talking to you, missy.”

Sooyoung giggled. “I know. I was just waiting for you to use that tone. It’s been a while.”

“Whatever, Sooyoung! Just tell me what you meant~” I whined, pouting as cutely as I could until she rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh. Sooyoung sat up, bringing her knees towards her face, shrugging as she did so.

“You’re not hurting Changmin by sharing the memories you both had all those years ago. If anything, I think you’re remembering those times made him feel a whole lot better today than he had been feeling these past weeks.” She pursed her lips, “As