13 ∞ when the past might catch up with us

YOONA - - -

“—unni?”

Somehow the air in the room was gone and I couldn’t breathe. My heart started to clench as I blinked several times to try and focus. But I couldn’t – not when the lights in front of me began to blur and Yuri’s voice had begun to sound distorted.

Yuri’s tone sounded so distraught. “Oh, Yoona – I’m so sorry. You have to believe me. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I never thought I would ever- I’m so sorry.”

I waved her off with my free hand and closed my eyes, keeping whatever it was that I wanted to say from coming out of my mouth. Words that went along the lines of: It’s not your fault; he and I were never together anyway. How could you? I still love him—

No. Those words wouldn’t work anyway. Not anymore. I finally regain my composure, and I look at Yuri.

“Yoona…” Her face looked so guilty that I felt for her. I smiled (if it came out forced I wouldn’t know) and patted her hand. She turned to me with those apologetic eyes.

“I’m not… angry at you, Yuri.”

“But you should! I had initially planned on helping the both of you in fixing your relationship but I ended up–” She stopped, sighing loudly and shaking her head. “I’m so sorry. I’m useless.”

I shook my head. “No, you’re not. There just wasn’t anything you could do to fix it.”

“That’s not true. I just didn’t try hard enough!”

“No, Yuri. I think… I think I gave up a long time ago. He was gone for so long, and I knew how he felt about me. And even when he came back… he never said anything to make me think otherwise…”

“Why?”

“Because I love you…”
 

“…so you see, there really wasn’t anything you could do to change things between Changmin and me.” The words he spoke from before echoed in my thoughts and I tried to block them out – but I couldn’t. “Our story is finished, Yuri. It’s time for me to start a new one without him, and likewise for him, a new one with you.”

“Unni…”

A knock from outside the window startled us and I smiled when I saw Donghae on the other side. He waved at me, grinning and I waved back. When I turned back to Yuri, she was watching me, her face still sad. I nudged her, sighing.

“Did you really mean what you said? That you…” I held my breath as I spoke the rest of the way, “… love him?”

A part of me knew she did and was happy. Elated even. But another part, a secret part, felt hollow and empty when she turned to me and nodded earnestly. I let out my breath and nodded back, looking away quickly just as tears came to my eyes. I stopped before they fell and hastily brushed them away.

“Good.” I said, standing up. “I have to go now. Donghae’s here.”

Yuri stood up as well, bowing to me slightly. “I’m sorry again. And – I hope you really are okay with this. Please?”

I don’t say anything, but instead I turn and walk away.

Donghae is waiting for me.

And Changmin… well…

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