11 ∞  when he says “i love you”

1:30pm, MAY 30th. YOONA.

“Hey. I got your call… what’s up?”

Donghae looked so nervous in front of me. I wasn’t surprised; I would be too if I had confessed to the person I loved like he did to me before. The corners of mouth went up slightly, and I took his hands into mine.

“It won’t matter in the morning…”

“You make me happy, Donghae.” I whispered, leaning close to him. He smiled, cupping my cheek. His hand was warm… I gave him a soft peck on the cheek.

“I’ll do my best, okay?” I’ll fall in love with you.

He nodded.

“Okay. Happy birthday.”

11:30pm, MAY 29th. YOONA.

“What are you doing here?”

His hands continued to warm me as I shivered. The air was cold inside the room, but the space between us didn’t cause the shivers I felt. Changmin’s eyes were calm, like it always is. And suddenly, I resented that trait of his -  I felt a burst of anger rush through me, and pulled away from him.

“What are you doing here?” I said, emphasizing every word with a steely breath. I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t bear to.

“That guy, Donghae,” he started coolly, making me look at him in surprise. “He’s not a way out.”

I scoffed. “Yes, I already knew that.”

“Of course,” he replied, those calm eyes looking into mine once again. “And he’ll make you happy.” He said this with a smile on his face that burned my insides. At that moment, I hated him.

“Don’t toy with me, Shim Changmin.” I shouted, no longer holding myself back. I raked my hand through my hair, frustrated and hurt, and wanting to hurt him back. My hand rested on the chain around my neck, and I felt the familiar coolness of the ring the chain kept. I looked down to it, and tore it off, throwing it at him.

The anger was too much.

“I’ve had enough.” My voice held the tears I refused to shed. I won’t shed tears for you anymore.

“I have someone who loves me, Changmin.” He nodded, picking up the ring I threw and looking at it. For a moment I saw something change in his expression – but it quickly disappeared. I continued:

“He is someone who doesn’t hurt me intentionally. He doesn’t frustrate me, or make me wait for him. He doesn’t lie or hide away from me. He makes me feel so much better with myself. He’s everything you’re not.”

Changmin seemed unfazed with what I was saying. That only fueled my anger even more. I laughed bitterly. “You’re an , you know that? Even when we were in University, you were also such a jerk. I can’t believe I wasted my time on you.”

He smirked. God, I hate him. “They why did you?” he asked, his eyes piercing through mine. I knew he was keeping his temper in check and to see him in that way made me want to destroy his cool demeanor.

“Because I was a stupid little girl, waiting for her prince.” I laughed again, moving away from him. “Or maybe it’s because I read too many romantic novels as a child, who knows? You’re the person I want my heart stay away from–”

“That’s good. You should give it to someone else. That guy you’re seeing right now, the one that can make you happy… he is a good pick.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

He shook his head. “I’m not.”

The expression on his face softened, and he looked defeated. A familiar throb rose to my heart when I realized that he was sad. Why would he be? I wondered, taking a step closer to him. Why–

“You already have your heart back, Yoona – you had it when you decided that Donghae is not a way out.” Changmin said, looking at me with another one of those sad smiles. “You made that decision, and that’s enough for me.”

“What is enough?” I asked, “What are you talking about? Why can’t you just tell me straight?”

He shook his head and turned to leave. “Good bye.”

“I hate you.” I cried, the words tasting like copper in my mouth. But it made him stop in his place and I rallied up to him. He turned back to me and nodded.

“That’s for the best.” His voice was so calm. My hands balled into fists.

The next step closer I took made him breathe me in and he sighed. I looked up at him and him down at me. Time stopped. I still felt anger but it’s dissipated just a bit as our eyes stayed on each other.

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