14(2) ∞ what he has hidden in memories

“Where should I begin?” I asked, swiftly standing up to get myself a glass of water from the kitchen. Kibum followed suit (he was obviously keeping an eye on me, making sure I wasn’t going to go anywhere) and shrugged.

“How about just telling me what happened that day?” he said, looking me in the eye.

I nodded, gulping down my water. I stared at the glass for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts and finding that it was difficult. Of course I remembered that day well: I had acted worse that day than any day of my life and I’d always regretted it. I almost lost my nerve halfway but then I had to face reality… I didn’t do it for myself – I did it for her.

Not that she’ll ever find out. I’m getting married after all… in a week and three days.

“You know, I hate it when you stare off into space like that. It makes you look like an idiot.”

I laughed despite myself, and turned back to Kibum’s anxious face. I clapped him on the shoulder and pushed him back to the living room. “I was just thinking of where to begin, Kibum.”

“And have you thought of it yet?"

“Maybe.”

He hit me over the head with his right hand, glaring at me. “I’m not kidding, you jerk.”

“I know you’re not. But you have to understand – some things aren’t easy to talk about.” I sighed, sitting down on one end of the couch and slouching. “And more than that, there are some things that I regret, but can’t take back… even if I wanted to.”

“But I will tell you. Not just because you’ll kill me if I don’t,” I said, looking at Kibum with a pointed look, “but also because maybe if I did, it might lessen the grief I’ve felt over the years.”

“I don’t know about that, Changmin. But… go ahead.” Kibum replied, his expression curious and patient.

I my lips.

“It took me awhile before I could get used to her. Yoona, I mean. You know how she is – sweet, bright and… loving. At first she annoyed the heck out of me, being so perky and all – but gradually, I started to tolerate it. I started to like her… maybe a little too much.” I saw Kibum grinning out of the corner of my eye and I felt my cheeks start to warm. I cleared my throat.

“Anyway, it was a few days before graduation. You guys were completing a final project and I had a whole week off because I finished early. Around that time, those feelings I had for Yoona grew – quite substantially – and being the way I am; I’ve never ever felt the need to confess to a girl in my life, much less propose to one so–” I took a deep breath. “– it was all very new to me and I didn’t know what to do. Then one day, I made up my mind–”

FOUR YEARS AGO…

“What in the world came over me and drove me to go all the way here?” I asked myself, staring down at my steering wheel as I stopped in front of a small jewelry boutique. I glanced at my side, checking if there was anyone I knew around and then mentally kicked myself in the head for being so paranoid. I took a deep breath and looked out to my right, taking in the boutique’s display and groaned into the steering wheel after a moment.

I’ve never felt so cowardly in my entire life.

Get a hold of yourself, Changmin, I thought, releasing the air inside my lungs. It’s just a shop. You’ve gone into plenty of these while carrying your mother’s shopping bags before.

That makes you sound so lame, my conscience countered and I (begrudgingly) agreed. However, I began to still myself and got out of the car. Taking another deep breath, I trudge on towards the shop.

“Good day, Mister– Changmin?!” Lee Yeonhee, a friend and classmate, stood shocked to see me enter the boutique. I had completely forgotten that she always took the day shift on Thursdays and today was (coincidentally) a Thursday. I almost slapped myself and ran but something inside of me made me stay rooted in my spot.

“Hey, Yeonhee.” I greeted, nonchalantly, going over the selections inside the glass cabinets. I could see her raise her eyebrow at me out of the corner of my eye.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, crossing her arms in front of her and peering at me suspiciously. I shrugged.

“No reason. Just looking around.” I replied.

She shook her head. “Right. You regularly check into a jewelry boutique shops in your free time, Shim?”

“… Yeah.”

“That sounded really convincing.” Yeonhee grinned at me, her expression changing into a knowing one. I blinked slowly and turned around, hiding my already burning face when I realized what her look meant.

“Oh my goodness, you’re so cute when you realize that I know the reason why you’re here.” She exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear as she clasped her hands together. “You do realize Yoona doesn’t really wear jewelry right? She tends to lose them.”

I scratched the back of neck and sighed. “I know.”

“Well of course you know! But it’s so sweet that you’re buying her something for graduation! Hey, you should give Kibum pointers for these types of things.” Yeonhee said, smirking at me. She tapped the glass. “So what will it be?”

“Yeonhee, slow down will you? You’re giving me a headache. And this isn’t for graduation.”

“Come on Shim! If it’s not for graduation, then what are you giving Yoona for?”

I didn’t answer but instead busied myself into peering at the selection of rings in front of me. “Could I look at these?” I said, pointing at a particular box. Yeonhee looked surprised but took out the selection I had pointed out anyway. And as I studied them… she seemed to finally catch on, and for a moment I didn’t dare look up.

It took a minute or so but eventually she gasped and grabbed my arm from across the counter.

“YAH! Shim Changmin! Are you going to – I mean, you can’t be, right? You haven’t even – wait, are you?” she spoke in a low volume but her grip on my arm was painful. I winced, but managed to smile at her and she let go, backing up in shock.

“… OH. MY. GOSH.”

I ignored her and went back to the rings in front of me. I picked one up and immediately saw her in my mind. I grinned. “This is the one.” I said, showing it to Yeonhee (she had finally started to calm down).

She looked down at it and smiled. The ring was simple, with its platinum band and an almost star-shaped cut diamond. Her eyes had always made me think of stars – and so it seemed to fit. Yeonhee nodded her head approvingly.

“You’re going for it, huh?” she said, as she rung up my purchase and wrapped the ring into its little box.

I grinned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said simply, taking the small bag from her hand. She wrinkled her nose at me.

“Don’t tell a soul!” I muttered and waved at her before leaving.

I finally let out a relieved breath once I got inside my car. Leaning back, I pulled out the little box and stared down at it – my heart pounding against my chest as I thought about the next (huge) step I was planning to do.

“Let’s hope she says yes,” I muttered under my breath as I enveloped my hand around the box.

Then a knock came upon my car window: I looked… and froze.

I recognized who it was. How could I not? They were practically around my father’s side at all times. That is, except for today. I pulled down the window and met the man’s gaze with a level stare.

“Mr. Changmin. You have to come with us.”

/ / / / / / /

“You’ve been quite busy.” My father spoke, scribbling down on his paperwork as I deftly entered the room (his office) with his bodyguards. It was a long drive from downtown Seoul towards my home and I dreaded it. Seeing my father now only meant one thing: trouble.

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